tagHumor & SatireIt's Only Me

It's Only Me

byjade butterfly©

People say they don’t like me, but they really do. I know they do. They hide me when nice company is around, but the minute they leave, I come out.

I want to say, Hey, it’s only me. What harm can I do? I’m only there by choice. Hey, I don’t have a say to where I’d go.

I’ve seen a lot of things that I could tell you about. I’ve seen all kinds of cocks, pussies and assholes – all real close-up and personal. In your face, you could say. I’ve seen it all and I can tell you all about it if you want to hear about it.

I can tell you the story about the horny college girls who wanted to see what it would be like to have sex with each other.

Now picture - scissors in your head. Open it. Now picture another one. Open that one. Now cross their blades, forming an ‘x’ – betcha never saw that.

Pussy to pussy, ain’t that whack? Well I’ve seen it, I was right there.

Have you ever seen two chicks connected by a double-headed dildo? Hot stuff, lemme tell you.

Or you want to hear the story about the traveling salesman and the farmer’s daughter.

How he tricked her into sucking his big fat cock and then shooting his cum in her face. He told her it was great for the face. How he then laid her out on the straw, licked her pussy and then fucked her ass until she screamed for the cows to come home. How her daddy came and forked him in the ass for going down on his daughter?

Sex sandwich. Daddy in his ass, while the daughter is being skewered by the other guy’s meat. How’s that for a sandwich?

Or how about the one about the woman and two guys? Y’know the one – she’s got these really big tits, the kind she can pick up to her lips and suck on her own nipples. Milk can really do a body good.

There’s a guy in her pussy and another in her ass. And they’re sawing in and out of her, filling her up like a tank of gas when they come. You seen the cost of gas lately? Better make it last honey.

How about the one with one man and two women? What’s good for the goose is good for the gander in my world. There ain’t nothin’ I ain’t seen yet.

Yeah, people say I’m obscene, I’m nasty, and I’m cold. But I’m like that, that’s how they want me to be. I’m just fulfilling fantasies, fueling dreams. I just give them to whack off with. I keep ‘em company. But even more horrifying, I mirror what is going on in their minds.

See I show them what goes on in their minds, what they think about, what they dream about, what it is that turns them on that they don’t say nothing about to nobody.

Hell, who wants to be a perv? I show ‘em what makes them wet, what makes them hard during the night, what they think of as they jack or jill off.

Sometimes, I get to watch them fucking each other. Lips smacking cock sucking going ons like you wouldn’t believe. Fingers in the pussy, fingers in the ass. Just plain finger lickin’ good. All because of little ol’ me.

Yes sir, I’ve seen it all.

Me and all my sisters and brothers and cousins. You name it, we’ve all seen it.

People say they don’t like us too much. We’re too nasty. We take sex out of the bedroom. We have no feeling. We all about just fucking and sucking and licking. Sometimes we whip, flog, tie up and, even rape.

But no matter what, we know what we do to people. That’s why they don’t like us. We tap the nastiness inside them. They get mad because something as nasty as us make them want to do the nasty things themselves. They can get nasty with someone else, or they can get nasty all by themselves.

Hey, I can tell you some stories about that too.

Have you ever seen the one about the lady with a diamond necklace in her pussy that she pulls out one rock at a time. Then she slides those nice slicked up rocks over her belly, her breasts, and to finally end in her mouth.

I gotta admit that there’s not much left to lick off - got it all over that sexy body of hers, those big boobs. Diamonds are girl's best friend, that’s for sure.

Yup, I can sure tell you stories you probably never even thought of.

Hey, I can even tell you about what guys do to guys.

How they like to suck the big old hard cocks and take it right in. Better than most women do actually. After all, who knows a body better than one of their own? Ain’t that right? See their balls that they like to stick up their bumhole. And it ain’t just their buttballs that fit up there let me tell you.

I can tell you about the other things too if you want.

Or you want to hear about the bend-over boyfriends and back door betty’s. Maybe I could give you a new idea or two? That’s what I’m here for anyway, what we’re all here for.

So, the next time you’re out looking for a movie for a hot night, look for me. I guarantee you, I’ll make you hot. I’ll make you wet your underwear. That is…if you’re even wearing any .

But I will make you wet, make you hot. I guarantee to make your heart skip a beat or two. And maybe add a little more spark to your own fucking repertoire. ‘Cuz that’s what we’re here for.

I come in two ways – tape or DVD. Pick your poison. I’ll be here. We all will. Face it, if people didn’t like us so much, how come there‘s so many of us here?

We got so many stories that’ll just blow your mind. So why don’t y’all just come down and check us out?

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