Ivy

"Ivy, in all or the time that we've known each other, have I ever broken my word to you or been dishonest with you in any way?" she shook her head, and a few tears fell.

"Then I deserve the benefit of the doubt now," I said. She sat down in her chair with her head down and stared at me the rest of the class. Her eyes never left me. She gave me the impression that if I at any time even looked at the door she'd tackle me to prevent me from leaving.

Finally the last student turned in his paper and started talking to me as he got ready to leave. He'd liked the test and wanted to talk about the parts that had challenged him.

"Look Poindexter, as thrilling as your observations on the test are, wouldn't it be better for you to e-mail them to him so he can save them and share them with all of his future students?" said Ivy, her voice dripped sarcasm.

"And you," she said to me after he left. "We have a night ahead of us." She nodded her head as she said it.

"No Ivy," we don't, I said seriously. "I promised you we'd talk, but that's it. So talk."

"Just like that, just start talking?" she asked. "It seems like you've already heard what I'm going to say and dismissed it already. Why can't we go somewhere comfortable like our swing and just talk our problems out?"

"Ivy," I said exasperatedly.

"Oh that's right. You and your new girlfriend already moved our swing into your garage," she said.

"She's not my girlfriend, Ivy," I said. "She's my new Boss."

"No Tim, you're her Boss," snapped Ivy. "I could tell from halfway down your fucking driveway that bitch wants to fuck you. She kept bending over and flashing her big titties at you, like it was an accident. She had 8 accidents in the 2 minutes that I watched you."

"I really didn't expect this from you Tim. Do you know how I feel about you? I have never felt this way about any man, ever? Doesn't that mean anything to you?"

"You have a really funny way of showing it," I said. "If this is what you call love, I'd rather be hated. We have nothing tying us together. We're not married. We're not engaged. And we never asked each other to be exclusive, Ivy. So you didn't do anything wrong, and neither did I. We're only friends."

"Bullshit you fucking liar," she snapped. "You told me you loved me. I felt it and I believed it. And I love you too. I almost died when I looked up and saw you though that window. But, shit Tim, it didn't mean anything. It meant less than nothing to me. Everyone I know is telling me how stupid I am. My mother and several other people even think you wanted to marry me." She looked at me to see my reaction.

"Oh my God, you were going to ask me, weren't you?" I nodded my head and a fresh set of tears fell down her cheeks.

"Please Tim," she wailed. "I'm so sorry. Please give me one more chance, I swear to God, I'll find a way to stop."

"No Ivy," I said quietly. "It's just the way you are. It's as natural for you as breathing. If you did stop. You'd only start up again and I'd find out, and we'd go through this all over again. Or you'd start to hate me somewhere down the line because I stood in your way. It's better this way."

"But Tim, everyone else just fucks me. It's only sex. I've got three kids and not even one of their fathers ever loved me the way you do. You make me feel so special. When I look at you I can see love. I won't get over that, ever."

"Goodbye Ivy," I said. I kissed her on her forehead and left her sitting there in the classroom crying.

Over the next six years my life changed a lot. I married Colleen and finished school. I finished my Masters and started working towards my PHD.

My marriage to Colleen was very good. We were best friends, until she died of complications from a sudden stroke. The doctors did all they could to repair the damage but didn't hold out much hope. She lingered in the hospital for 2 days clinging to life. I never left her side. Finally when she couldn't hold on any more, she thanked me for a great life together and told me she loved me, and she was only sorry that she hadn't given me any babies. Maybe I could have had my own daughter instead of borrowing someone else's.

I was shocked. She told me that she knew all about Jasmine and the way I still called her and went to everyone of her school functions like she was my own daughter. I also never missed her birthday or Christmas.

Finally Colleen told me that she'd always known that I had never loved her the way I loved Ivy, but that what I gave her was more than enough and had made her a very happy woman. I looked at her to see what she was going to say next and realized that she was gone.

Despite what Colleen thought, I had loved her. Maybe I didn't let myself go as much with her as I had with Ivy because I feared being hurt that badly again.

It took another six months for fate to intervene in my life again. My former boss retired and I accepted the position as dean of the math program at the community college.

I moved back into my house and took my time doing it. In the four days that I'd been back the only person who knew I was back and visited me was Jasmine. At seventeen she had all of her mother's best features and then some. She was just slightly taller at 5' 2". Her ass wasn't nearly as big as Ivy's but it had the same wonderful shape and she had much larger breasts. She did have her mother's beautiful hair and that way of looking at a man and making him forget not only what he was saying, but what he was thinking as well.

She was going to make some man very happy some day.

That Saturday night I was almost to the point where the house was livable again. I heard my porch swing squeak as if someone was swinging in it. At first I figured it was probably just the wind, but I heard it again so I decided to see what was going on.

"Jasmine, young lady I told you that I didn't want you walking around at night. There are too many nutcases out there. You may not be my real daughter but..." I stopped in mid sentence as I noticed that it wasn't Jazz sitting on my porch swing. She was a little bit bigger in the waist, and had a few more lines on her face, but it was Ivy.

"She could've been, you know. She could've been your real daughter. And we could've made a couple more. I wanted you so badly, Tim," she said.

"Sometimes there's a difference between what we want, and what we need Ivy," I said sitting down next to her.

"I heard about your wife from Jazz," she said. "I hated her for taking you away from me, but I'm sorry for your pain."

"Colleen didn't take me from you Ivy, you pushed me away. Sorry but I'm just not cut out to be a part of a crowd. I play very well with others but I just never got the hang of sharing my playthings. We never would have lasted," I said.

"Bullshit," she said. "I would do anything for you. Anything. It would not have been easy for me back then but I'm older and smarter now." She patted the seat next to her on the swing.

"Tim, I'm only 32 years old and you're only thirty. We have most of our lives ahead of us. The past six years have not been good for me. Letting you go was the biggest mistake I ever made."

"I look at a lot of my friends. They're all married now, with husbands who drink too much beer and do stupid things and love them so much it hurts me to look at them."

"Do you know that I get jealous when some fat woman tells me, "Oh, I can't go in there. My husband would never allow that."

Ivy had tears running down her cheeks. "As if that wasn't bad enough, do you know how it feels to go to a party where there are a few drunk guys, who get grabby? Even drunk they know not to feel on Terri's ass because Bart will fuck them up. Or not to look at Linda's tits because Steve will clean their clock. But all of the drunk guys and even the sober ones, or the crazy ones can practically rape me and no one gives a fuck."

"I phrased that completely wrong didn't I? Everyone gives me a fuck, but no one gives a damn about me. I have six kids, I've slept with so many men, I can't even remember most of them, and no one will take me out on a date, or to a party," she said. A lot of my married friends' husbands fuck me more than they do their wives, but I don't have a husband of my own." Her voice was getting louder and use was openly crying.

"My mother was right. I had one fucking chance. One man who loved me so much that he would have done anything for me. One man who wanted to marry me even though I had three kids. And I fucking blew it."

"Tim do you know that you're the only man who ever took me out on more than one date? You're the only man who ever actually took me out just to be with me. You're the only man who spent more than 10 minutes with me without fucking me. I'm more of a joke than anything else," she said.

"Maybe the people around here just don't realize how special you are Ivy," I said. She just tilted her head back and there it was again, despite the ravages the past six years had wrought on her body and face, her voice and that laugh were still as magical as ever.

"How the fuck am I special?" she asked. "The only person who ever thought I was special is you." She got up and started pacing across my porch. "How many days have you been back?" she asked.

"Today makes four," I said.

"When did Jasmine find out you were coming back?" she asked slowly.

"She knew last week," I said. "She was waiting for me when I pulled in."

"She didn't tell me," said Ivy. "I don't think she wanted me to know you were back. She doesn't like me anymore. My own daughter thinks of you as her father and not only blames me for driving you away from us, but is ashamed of me."

"What about you?" she asked.

"What do you mean, Ivy?" I asked.

"Don't fuck with me Tim, and don't play any fucking mind games with me. I can't take it," she screamed. "For six fucking years you've gone to every fucking play that girl has been in. You've watched every volleyball game, and art show she had. You've never once missed her fucking birthday. Any time she needs a quarter you send her a check. You've also been to four of Michael's baseball games this year. I love my son, but Tim he's not a good baseball player. Even Rose knows you're never going to miss her birthday."

"I guess you don't really know my youngest kids, but you'd probably be more involved I their lives than I am too. What I want to know is have you ever once asked about me, Tim? Is there even a ghost of a chance for us to be friends again? Do you still love me?"

"Honestly Ivy, I don't actually know how I feel about you," I said. As I watched her face fell and despite myself, my heart went out to her. "Please Ivy, let me explain this to you."

She'd begun to get up, but I took her hand and pulled her back on the swing.

"It seems like a lifetime ago, but it was only six years ago that you and I met, Ivy. Whether you know this or not, I almost instantly fell for you. You probably also don't remember this but when I left, I was ready to propose to you. You could have been one of those married women you talked about already." I sighed and looked at her.

"I loved you so much it was crazy," I said.

She muzzled herself into my arms and looked up at me. "I never stopped loving you," she said softly. I just laughed.

"What the fuck is so funny," she snapped. "I'm not the one who ran out and left you after a mistake that you never had the chance to talk about or explain. I'm just the one who had someone tell her he loved her, but he wasn't ready to let her even try to save things between them. I'm also not the one who ran off to another city and married someone else. I never gave up on us. I never stopped loving you. I never wanted to marry anyone else."

"Ivy over the past six years, yes I got married. I tried to make a life for myself. It was a disaster. Colleen and I should never have been more than friends. Part of the reason for that was that I never really gave myself the chance to get over you. I should have let myself be miserable for awhile. Then I should have gone through that period of time where I hated all women. Then finally instead of hating all women, I'd have reached a point where I only hated you. But I didn't, I jumped straight from loving you, to trying to love Colleen, and in the end she realized that she couldn't compete with you in my mind."

"She was God damned straight about that," said Ivy.

"No Ivy," I said icily. "She was wrong. As wrong as she could possibly be. Colleen was beautiful. She was prettier than you are. She was more loving than you are. She was a hell of a lot more caring, and I could trust her. In the real world, she was a far better person than you are Ivy. But she was competing with my fantasy version of you. No real woman has a chance against a fantasy."

"Ivy you and I were together for three fucking months. We barely knew each other. It's really easy to keep the intensity going in a relationship when it's fresh and new. It's a lot harder after five or six years or more. You and I never even had sex."

"That was your fault, Tim. I was ready to fuck you the first time we went out. But you built me up to be some untouchable angel in your mind," said Ivy.

"I'd rather have a woman I can put on a pedestal, than one I have to keep on a leash, Ivy. So let's do the math here. Math after all is what brought us together. I moved away, we'll leave the reason I left out of this. I moved away and got married to someone else. That means that for the last six years I've slept with one woman. Over the same time period Ivy, while you were so in love with me, how many men have you slept with?"

Ivy didn't say anything, so I continued. "You have three more kids. Darren is five isn't he? That means that less than three months after I left, you were already fucking some guy and pregnant. None of the three kids have the same father, so we can prove that you been with at least three guys since I left. And we know that there have been more than that. Probably a lot more," I said.

"You seemed to be upset because I got married. You've been with more than enough men to have gotten married Ivy. I can't believe that you were just sitting there, on all of that ass waiting for me. You never knew whether or not I'd have ever come back here."

"Why didn't you just go ahead and get married Ivy? You obviously have reached the point in your life where you want to be."

She mumbled something so low I couldn't hear it. I did hear the bushes moving beside the house, but I figured it was the wind.

"I'm sorry Ivy, I couldn't hear you," I said.

"Nobody fucking asked me, okay," she snapped. "You always saw me as being something special. To everyone else I was just the town slut. Everybody wants a piece of my ass, but you were the only one who wanted the whole thing. We all know I'm a slut. I have never ever told any man "no." In my entire life only one man has ever told me that the loved me, and unfortunately he's the only one I never fucked."

She started to leave again, and again I pulled her down. "Where are you going? I thought you wanted to talk," I said. "You don't get to just leave, because you don't like the way the conversation is going."

"Why did you come over here if you don't want to talk Ivy?" I asked.

"I wanted to see you, and I guess I was hoping..." she paused. "Why did you come back here Tim? You could have gone anywhere, why come back here?"

"You're right Ivy, I could get a job anywhere. But to be truthful, I never quite got you out of my mind. I'm only a bit less angry at you than I was when I left, but we're going to have to get over that because we don't have a choice. Our daughter deserves to have a life Ivy. And I intend to make sure it's a good one. In order for that to happen you and I are going to need to get along. There are a lot of marriages where the husband and wife stay together for the kids."

"You want to marry me?" she asked, in shock.

"Ivy I didn't say that," I said. "When I left here, Jazz had become kind of attached to me. I thought that it would be wrong for me to be just another man in your life who befriended her and then moved on. I gave her and your mother my phone number before I left. Jazz started calling me almost immediately. I thought it would last for maybe a week or two then she'd move on."

"We've never been out of touch. I know that she isn't my biological daughter, but I don't think I could love her any more if she was. Jazz is seventeen Ivy. I want her to go to college, and learn to drive and all of those other things teen aged girls do. I want her to turn up her iPod and ignore me when she gets mad. I want her to come and ask me about what I think of the boy who wants to take her to her prom and I really want her to come to me, so I can kick his ass if he tries anything with her. I want to be the one to walk her down the aisle when she finally says yes to the guy lucky enough to get her."

"So you only came back for Jasmine?" she asked.

"Well there is something else that someone has to do," I said.

"What's that?" she asked.

"Someone has to teach Michael how to catch, and how to swing a fucking baseball bat," I smirked.

"Tim be serious, please," she said. "You and I had something really special going. I know that I fucked it up. But I'm older now, and I know what I want. I'd give anything for one more chance. I promise that you'd never regret it."

"Ivy, it won't work," I said. "We just don't want the same things in a relationship. It's better if we just stay friends and know our limitations."

"Tim I'm ready to change, and I'm more than willing to change for you. How do you know what I can or can't do unless you give me a chance. If you really loved me. And were willing to help me, I swear to you that I could be faithful to you. Just please give me a chance." She got off the swing and got down on her knees in front of me. "Please Tim."

"We'll start out as friends," I grumbled. "Until then you can do whatever you want to do. But if we move up to the dating stage, then you know what I'll be expecting."

"I want us to start at the dating stage," she said. "And there'll be a few things that I'll be expecting."

"Like what?" I asked.

"Tim I have a very high sex drive. I'm not some nymph, but I kind of need to be fucked a lot. At least once a day. If I miss a day, it gets bad. If we're together you won't ever have to worry about me fucking anybody else as long as you keep up your end. But if you miss a couple of days or so, I become very vulnerable."

"Ivy, how do you even know whether or not I'm any good in bed?" I asked.

"Oh you will be," she smirked. "Practice makes perfect, and you're going to get a lot of practice."

Over the next few weeks Ivy and I saw a lot of each other. I just dropped by to visit her and the kids, and we did things together. Having six kids is really rough. Ivy's mother was a saint to have worked so hard to help her make it. Ivy's house was simply too small for the brood. I hoped eventually that we could move Ivy and the kids into my larger home. My house was larger and had 5 bedrooms and an apartment over the garage.

Ivy and I had talked about how we'd handle it if we did ever move in together. My idea was that Ivy and I would have the master bedroom. Michael as the oldest boy would have a room to himself. The other four would each go two in each room. Jasmine would have the garage apartment to herself.

Ivy of course disagreed. She said that she and I would take the garage so we could have all of the alone time we wanted away from the kids. Jasmine could have the master bedroom. The rest would be the way I said. She didn't want Jasmine to be able to sneak her boyfriends in and out of the house without us seeing them.

I laughed at that for a long time. "When she gets pregnant we need to at least know who it was damn it," said Ivy. I laughed again.