Jasper

Feigning ignorance, he picked me up easily and locked me in his arms. Our eyes met. I began to panic. I kicked my legs as hard as I could as I tried to make him dislodge me. What was he trying to do?

We arrived at the fire and, without a word, he placed me next to him, put his arms above him so that I couldn't move, and dozed off. I was more than stunned by his rudeness. More, when he smiled in his sleep. After many tries, which were pointless to say, I was breathless and fuming.

"LET ME GO, RAT-HEAD!" I screamed.

He snored louder.

"JASPER!"

He laughed. But his eyes were closed. What the heck?

I lifted up the only free arm, and was about the pinch his ear when he opened his eyes. I was immobilized by the watchful pair of green eyes. They didn't seem asleep at all. Was he pretending to be asleep all the while?

I couldn't breathe. His intense gaze made me aware of the heavy weight of his arms around me, the closeness of our bodies, and the vulnerability in me. Although Stephan was my best friend, I never shared this closeness as I was doing with Jasper. Or more like what Jasper was doing with me.

"I'm sorry," Jasper broke the tense atmosphere. "I am sorry for shaking you until you fell asleep. I am sorry for slapping. Does it still hurt?"

Thunderstruck, I nodded my head. My eyes widened when he tilted up my chin and kissed the throbbing side. When he met my gaze, he smiled slightly.

"Jasper," I breathed his name.

The precious moment was interrupted by a blinding light. I pushed him and scrambled on my feet. A loud yelp of joy escaped from my throat as I ran my way to the second bonfire and used a torch to light it up.

Finally, helped had arrived.

And yet I felt regretted that the exquisite moment wasn't allowed to unfold itself.

CHAPTER FIVE

"STEPHAN, YOU owe me pizza!" I reminded my best friend before I made my way to English.

How time flies. The two weeks I was stranded in an island with Jasper was now a memory. After the bonfire lit, we were rescued by a ship belonging to a sailor. It occurred that the island we were in was used for storing and we were on the other side, the side they never used. We were lucky that one of the crew saw our fire the previous night.

I ignored Jasper throughout the day. Truth be told, the only thing I had wanted to do was to weep. I couldn't explain why I was so angry at the light that interrupted us, and why I felt so empty inside. To even look at Jasper was unbearable. That's why I buried everything.

Being Jasper, he did not agree.

The week after the rescue, school reopened. The usual crowd gathered around him, cheering him, asking him to recall, to retell the story of his life. What did it feel like to be stuck with a 'stinking hippo' like me? Did 'big buffalo' stink? With whom did he prefer if he were to choose?

Starting from there, I changed my clothes. No more trying to fit in. No more trying to be in the crowd. I returned to being the Gothic girl, the person people never notice. Stephan found it weird but he was attuned to my mood. He tried to cajole me to confide in him, to speak out the burden I was feeling. I just couldn't.

As soon as English ended, I made my way to the car lot. Stephan would be waiting in his new Chevy, his glasses on. Despite of his connection with Jasper, he loved to see me in comfort zone. Sometimes, we played with our clothes and he would be Gothic like me.

My imagination was cut short when the guy I had been trying to forget appeared in front of me thus blocking my way. I angled right and stepped forward, but he curled his hand around my arm and pulled me back gently.

"Release me," I demanded.

"Why are you avoiding me?" He asked.

"When did I avoid you?" I snapped.

"You've been ignoring me when I tried to get your

attention. You've been changing course, not using the usual ways to classes. That's avoiding, Adina."

"Wrong."

"Wrong?"

"Yes, wrong. The last time I remember, we don't know each other. Am I supposed to notice now just because I used to be stranded in an island with you?"

Snatching my arm back, I shoved him away, not looking at anyone else. I didn't care whether he was calling my name or that I was seeing red. The only thing important was to be cool in front of Stephan.

"I am so hungry!" I exclaimed as I hopped into the car.

"I can see pizza above you head!" Stephan remarked.

"Ha. HA. Come on, let's see what this baby can do," I urged him as I tried his stereo excitedly.

"You can tell me that there's nobody else... But I feel it..."

"I'm glad you're okay," Stephan shouted over the blaring song.

"You can tell me that you're home by yourself... But I see it..."

"Why?" I shouted back.

"You can look into my eyes and pretend all you wanted..."

"I was worried that I would lose you, my bubbly buddy," he teased.

"But I know... I know... Your love is just a lie..."

"LIAR!"

We laughed right until we stopped at Yankee's Pizza. Rima, the Asian waitress, smiled warmly at us as we requested a table for two. We were famous here among the college students because Stephan had a membership and Rima happened to be my neighbor.

We ordered our usual-Pepperoni and Beef Craze, meatballs, gingerbreads, a cola, and an iced tea.

"I have a new song," I told him.

"Hm?"

"It's called, ironically, 'Stranded'," I said. "I'll send it to you tonight. It's in my pc."

The food arrived and our talk changed to nonsensical stuff. But the gist of it, we enjoyed ourselves, worrying about the coming Semester, planning about our next moves and confirming it, joking about his crush on Jasper's ex, Jema.

"Can I ask something, Din?"

"Sure."

"Did...did something strange happened between you and, you know, Jasper. I'm not being nosy and all, but you're my best friend and he's my best friend. I don't want any of you..."

Damned. Sometimes Stephan could be acutely intuitive.

I forced a smile and said, "There's nothing at all. Besides seeing his temper and whiny person, there's nothing strange. I just don't understand why he is forcing me to acknowledge him openly, like we have been friends for some time, when it's not true."

Stephan stared at me intently before he spoke, "Maybe I should ask him."

"Do whatever you want. I just don't care."

Even I sounded less than true. If Stephan asked Jasper that would be something I feared. I didn't know Jasper that well so I didn't know what he would say to Stephan.

*

"IN A field of darkened love

Dare you believe that I am alone?

The sparkling cyanide I'm holding

Isn't that enough to show you?

The silence thundering

The pit less hollow growing

Still you run from me

Fallen Angels flying back to heaven

The blinding truth ceasing all corruption

Maybe I will know

Maybe I will realize

Beneath the cold facade

You still love me

If I say that I love you

Would you spare me some kindness?

My blood that's flowing again

How did you ignore it?

I cried for the lost soul

I wept for the broken peace

Still you hide from me

Fallen Angels flying back to heaven

The blinding truth ceasing all corruption

Maybe I will know

Maybe I will realize

Beneath the cold facade

You still love me

The Son of Adam has promised me

'Thy wilt be mine'"

Forsaken me you die"

*

WWW.adinaunderworld_thesayer.com had been my official website since I first had the second part of my eczema. I asked a witch to ward it against hackers or copycats in exchange for twenty percent commission.

Inside, there were rooms for Gothic Blogging, Gothic Chat Room, Gothic Gallery, Gothic Meetings, Gothic Music, Gothic Poetry, and Gothic Shops. This website, however, was not for Gothic. It was for anyone who was feeling sad, angry, lonely, or just anyone who celebrated contemporary poetry and the dark side of life.

I was still disbelieving that my website was quite famous. No one knew who I was so it mattered not. The number of people joining in as members were shooting up really quickly that I was overjoyed. Thanks to Kendrick the witch and Stephan the computer whiz, my business was booming.

Tonight I added two new rooms- Gothic Fanfiction and Gothic New Talent. I also added a space on the right-side of all the pages for comments.

Because I owned it, I had access to everyone and everything. This was to check that nobody goes against the rules. Seeing that nobody tried to disrespect the terms and conditions, I entered the chat room and opt for a private one.

Raven45>Hello, Bloodlust

Bloodlust13>Hey 2 u 2

Raven45>So, ur intro?

Bloodlust13>M, 19, 6'1". U?

Raven45>F, 18, 5'4". Wts ur fetish?

Bloodlust13>Antediluvian poetry & dark songs. U?

Raven45>Cool... any of urs in ds rm? I'm in2 cont. poetry & Goth music.

Bloodlust13>Cool urself. M Fallen Angel.

Raven45>O. Luv ur 'Mississippi' & 'Tainted Tragedy.

Bloodlust13>Tx

Raven45>So, any topic?

Bloodlust13>Wt about LOVE?

Raven45>Hm... Wt about LOVE?

Bloodlust13>Wts ur definition of it?

Raven45>Nvr been in 1. Bt I guess it's something complic8ed. Complex. Love's NT EZ

Bloodlust13>Cn I confess?

Raven45>We dn noe each other. Go ahead.

Bloodlust13>I fell in luv w a girl I nvr tot I would.

Raven45>Truth? Wt kinda girl is she?

Bloodlust13>Nt ur avrg type. U noe, the size 1, 2 kinda girl.

Raven45>In other wrd, she's fat?

Bloodlust13>No, she's mor 2 curves

Raven45>So wts the probs?

Bloodlust13>She h8s me.

Raven45>Oh jz wt did u do 2 make her h8s u?

Bloodlust13>I gt stuck in a place w her 4 sm x. Then we returned 2 reality n I guess it's nt the same.

Raven45>Wt r u gonna do nw?

Bloodlust13>I wn 2 tell her my feelings. Is dt possible?

Raven45>Anything possible, dude. MayB she's confused. Or mayB she regards u less of hw u regard her.

Bloodlust13>I'll try. Tx, pal.

Raven45>Hey, no deal. Cn contact me anytime here. Best of luck! ;)

CHAPTER SIX

THE NIGHT of Halloween came. As one of the free-lance babysitters in the neighborhood, my charges were Amy and Rubella Williams. Today, the Latin twins wore identical pirate costumes. It could be confusing if you do not know them but I had been their babysitters since they were infants that I could tell them apart easily.

What I hadn't foreseen was that their brother, who was no one else but Jasper, wanted to be included in their trick-or-treating. Of course, I was infuriated because nobody informed me of this change of plan. Nonetheless, I had to abide because I needed the money.

"Adina, can I have one candy?" Amy asked me.

I raised one eyebrow when I saw one of her hands already digging into her pumpkin basket. When she saw that I knew, she grinned, showing two missing front teeth.

"Oh, look, you already have missing teeth," I teased. "Can I have one, too?"

Amy giggled and shook her head.

"Why?" I pretended to be sad.

"Amy doesn't want you to have missing teeth," Rubella spoke.

"Amy, Rubella, what are you doing to Adina?"

Both twins looked back at their big brother. The twins giggled to each other, their eyes shooting back and forth at Jasper and me.

Then, Amy took my hand and pulled me down. I bent to hear her as she whispered, "My brother always talks in his sleep. When he came back, he always shouts your name. I think my brother likes you. A lot. Do you like him?"

I pulled back and tried very hard not to blush. Wow, that was revealing too much secret. Was Amy making up stories about Jasper? I hadn't realized that he talks in his sleep. Maybe, when we were stranded, he wasn't asleep actually. Possible.

"Of course I like him as a friend. We go to the same school," I whispered back. "You must love all your friends, Amy, because they will love you if you do."

Amy smiled brightly. I thought she was faking it but she continued to do so at the next house and the houses after.

I walked beside Jasper without acknowledging him. I wanted to see if he would force me or he would say something that would surprise me. He did neither. What did were his sisters. Mischievous brats.

We had the twins walking between us for safety precautions. While we were strolling in the park, a few blocks from the farmhouse of the Williams, the girls suddenly ran forward, dragging us along. Instincts made us pulled back, and the moment we did, they released their hold and flee home, whilst I accidentally knocked into him and we fell.

My breath caught when I found myself squashing him, our faces very near, just a few inches away. Immediately, I jolted up and walked away.

"Wait!" He called.

I began to run. My legs just did. They carried me away from the Acorn Boulevard, over the Yellow Hibiscus Bridge, and into Pokeberries Lane.

"Adina! You haven't taken your pay!"

Shit. How did he run so fast? I turned left and ran up the stairs. I was panicking. I know, I shouldn't feel afraid or nervous but the thought of him gaining on me was frightening me.

So overcame by my fear and distress, I didn't see that he was already walking, not running, towards me. I shouted when he caught my hand, and I fought when he tried to still me.

"Adina, damned it, don't panic! I'm not doing anything! I just want to give your pay!"

"No, no, get away from me! Release me! Let me go, now!"

Jasper grabbed me hard and I found myself in his arms. A hand slid into my hair to cup my neck and he massaged my nape slowly and gently. All fight seemed to disappear. I dug my nails into his shirt and let the pent-up tears flow.

"Why are you doing this to me?" I said between sobs. "Why are you forcing me to know you? Why can't you pretend that we don't know each other? That what happened in the island was just another episode in our lives? Things mustn't change although I have seen you in the other side. Things mustn't change because you must think of Stephan!"

"Adina, what are you saying?" He asked slowly.

"I want to go home," I said.

"Then I'll take you there," he said.

"No, I want to go home alone. I don't need you."

"Don't be stubborn, Adina. You're not well. Let me help-"

"NO! I don't need you!" I yelled. "Stop forcing!"

I was surprised when he relented, although he hesitated. His release came slow and unsure, but also so wary that my whole nerves tingled. The moment I was free I turned my back to him and forced myself to walk. In the end, I ignored him and ran home.

MY HEART jumped with excitement when I opened my website and clicked the Gothic New Talent page to find exactly one hundred profiles. As it was a new page, the first term to anyone was his or her profile. Then, if I accepted, then he or she could display the talents via video.

A few caught my eyes. The first on my list was a Roberto Madero, aged fifteen. His profile was among the top because he was not white, the oldest of six in a family of ten, and quoted Shakespeare. Interesting. A Mexican quoting a White.

The next person was Ileana Harris, sixteen. She did not state her background, simply saying that 'The darkness in nothing reveals everything'. Very deep. She was also beautiful, probably Caucasian judging from her blonde hair and green eyes but very Asian face. Exotic.

Barrie Jacobs, a guy of eighteen, attracted me with his beautifully decorated page. It was black with gold and red from the designs. I thought they were Celtic, and since I was a fan of ancient beauty, that really hit me.

The last was someone I never ever expected. He was the biggest surprise tonight.

Naming himself Damyin Kovalevsky-Damyin Russian for Damien-to tame, to subdue or to kill-he claimed that he was twenty and the eldest of five siblings. His profile was blank other than these short details and a saying, 'When the Darkness seems to smother, pursue the Light'. If you asked me, it was just too cheesy to me. The only reason I comprised him was to watch him closer. I wanted to really know why he was driving me senile.

I accepted the four profiles, sent the form to fill with the terms and conditions, and made my usual round. I paid close attention to the chat rooms and galleries to prevent any fishy business. I didn't mind sex-that was necessary, mostly because the people who frequented were horny teenagers-but I hated drugs. That's really no-no. If I found such things inside, I would not vacillate to kick the person out of the site permanently. You could say that he or she could use another disguise but I had Kendrick. It was important that I kept this baby of mine as clean as possible.

I downloaded a few pictures I had captured from willing girls who posed as models. They came from the slums and alleys, the ones that I shouldn't help for fear that they'd misuse the money. I chose them because I wanted them to know that if they had gathered enough girls, maybe we could open a club just for them. I wanted them to have at least a place to go for refuge or just to have fun.

So far, I had had three permanent models, who hadn't used the money they received for dirty stuff, yet. I just hoped that they weren't lying about their money shortage.

After that, I entered the Auction Hall in the Gothic Shops and observed happily. Instead of the dull bidding usually shown in normal sites, I made this like a game. Anyone who wanted to participate must give the password of the day, create his or her cartoon feature, and sat. Then, my helpers-Stephan or Kendrick's cousin Dale-or myself would be the auctioneer. The auction ended after five items were sold.

Sometimes, there would be two auctions happening at the same time. These happened a lot nowadays, maybe due to the coming Twilight and Blooming Obsession movies.

In a distant, the grandfather clocked struck one. I was surprised to find myself so sleepy. I logged out, and then checked my email.

Even after the weary Halloween night, and the nights and days before, Damyin Kovalevsky a.k.a. Jasper Maddox still wanted to harass me. I didn't even know where he got my email. It could be anybody because he was just too popular.

What rattled me was the thing that he sent me.

A video.

Of himself.

Despite of how much I wanted to delete the provocative video, I was transfixed. I just was. I knew why when the video ended. Yet, it was not an excuse.

CHAPTER SEVEN

"HOW DARE YOU!"

Every head turned to us. I didn't care. I was supposed to be calm and cool but my rage exploded the minute I saw his face.

"Are you happy now?" I whispered angrily. "Are you happy that you have embarrassed me with your stupid revelation? Are you laughing inside at how you can now taunt me? Are you satisfied that I am afraid of you?"

"Adina-"

"Why are you haunting me like this? What did I do

to deserve your kind of hell? I am sorry if I offended you, okay? I am sorry that I refuse to make you happy! Just, just leave me the hell

ALONE!"

Dramatic. I had to slap his face and stomped away. People snickered, booed, and cursed my daring but I couldn't care. I was too baffled and confused. So tormented and restless by him. Why? Why?

"Adina! Come back!"

"Go away!" I yelled at whoever it was.

"Adina!"

I was snatched back roughly. Stephan's blue eyes were very pale. I knew I had crossed the line by humiliating his other best friend.

"Why did you do that?" He asked as gently as he could in spite of his disbelief, anger, and worry.

"He deserves it."

"But why do you hate him so much?" Stephan wanted to know.

"I don't."

"WHAT?"

"I don't hate him. Hate is too mild a word."

Then, I pulled back my arm, cupped Stephan's face, and slowly whispered, "I am sorry that I hurt you by hurting him." My tears flowed down profusely but I ignored them. "I am sorry that I even hurt you. But, just so you know, I didn't ask for any of this. At all."

Walking away from my only friend was the hardest thing ever. My cracked heart smashed into pieces when he let me. After all these years, I was still alone. Perhaps, it was better this way.