Jed Finally Drops AnchorbyEgmont Grigor©
Angrily clenching her fingers to a neck-size shape, Jessica Smart was on the brink of strangling her uncouth brother-in-law from the city who was staying with her and Mike for three weeks, and this was only day four. He'd already told her she had lovely tits -- tits mind you, not breasts or in a good mood she'd accept boobs -- not that he should be referring to them, and he'd cuffed her ass twice.
Jessica's friend Susie had just left, snapping that it was amazing gentlemanly Mike had a tosser for a brother. Eyes firing she'd said, "He asked me straight out do I fuck on the first date. I ask you!"
Biting back on the temptation to ask did she, Jessica hugged Susie and said she was sorry to have landed Susie with an unsuccessful introduction for a date. "You're my fourth failure. I give up -- he can go and try one of the heifers on the McCain's Ranch.
Jessica and Susie clasped each other and fell about laughing, only to have Jed enter the room and ask, "Are you two having a lesbian thing?" Susie stormed off and clipped the gatepost in her pickup but then about half the women drivers who visited did that. Jessica had scrapped with Mike over making the gateway wider. He said it was wide enough to drive a bulldozer through and when Jessica said icily her girlfriends and mother didn't drive bulldozers; a row had erupted about Mike making snide remark about women drivers.
Jessica came in behind Jed -- his name was actually Colin but only his mom called him that -- and took up the strangling mode. He was reading a comic taken from the box of stuff she kept for visiting children. That was about his level; the fact he had a PhD in computer science was the family's best-kept secret. It would be too difficult for the family to explain how an apparent moron could distinguish himself.
"A coffee would be great Jess."
Such a moron. Where was the please and why was he using that foul name Jess and why wasn't he waiting hand and foot on his hostess?
Making coffee, feeling like one herself, Jessica winced and remained closed-lipped when he said, "That Susie would be a great fuck wouldn't she -- what's she like when you two get down dirty?"
Jessica looked at the carving knife but thought no, she'd be no use to Mike being in prison for ten or more years thought if she was lucky enough to land an understanding woman judge she might be out in eighteen months. Actually the audacious Jed was growing on her. She thought she could give him access and he might follow her around and do all her housework on the promise of being allowed to bend her over the kitchen chopping block again for a routing or whatever he called it half an hour before Mike was due home. She marveled that she could harbor such idiotic thoughts at times. This was the guy four of her girlfriends had independently dubbed 'foul', 'an asshole', 'insane' and 'Jed the Ripper' and none had spent more than a few minutes talking with him about a possible date.
Handing Jed his hot coffee instead of pouring it into his lap, Jessica took hers outside and stood on the porch. He followed her out and draping an arm down over her waist to grab flesh at the panty line the asshole said, "You're a great kid Jess."
She sighed and admired her martyrdom.
They looked at the new rip in the right hand gatepost.
Jessica said quietly, "That gateway needs to be widened."
"Why, a guy could drive an 18-wheeler through that gap?"
Jessica counted five and promised she'd not row with him. "Not all drivers are men."
To her astonishment Jed laughed and said that was a very delicate way of making the point. "It's one of the most intelligent comments I've heard from you."
She saw red. "When driving instructions were given, men were sitting on their fat asses drinking beer while the females were bent over the oven or cleaning floors."
"Brilliant, you're on the button babe," he said, giving her ass a rousing squeeze.
Because of the craziness of that conversation Jessica suffered a brain misfire. She said recklessly, "You widen that gateway and I'll bend over the chopping block for you."
"And then what?" Jed asked suspiciously.
Jessica gasped, aware she'd blown a cog.
The house and 4-acre paddock behind it was on the edge of town. They watched a black wreck of patched-up pick-up park in the driveway of the decrepit cottage opposite. A young woman got out of the misfiring vehicle, leaving it running, and waved, closing the driver's door. Jessica waved back and shouted welcome home and said that was Douglas McCain's baby daughter Kitty bringing home her six-day-old baby. Jessica touched Jed's arm and whispered, "Illegitimate, she'd been thrown off the ranch. I must go to her."
At that moment there was a violent explosion and the hood of the vehicle went flying into the air and landed on the side of the cottage, setting grass alight. Kitty screamed and ran towards the vehicle with the cab now covered with flaming petrol and was driven back. "My baby, my baby."
"Ohmigod, the baby," cried Jessica, only then aware Jed had jumped the veranda rail and was sprinting across the street. She dashed inside to phone emergency services and then rushed outside to find Kitty holding the baby and holding out her skirt she'd ripped out for Jed to used to douse flames: his trousers were on fire on both thighs. Kitty was screaming at him to put out the flames and Jed, howling in pain collapsed as Jessica reached him and began rolling him on the ground yelling at him incomprehensibly. She was vaguely aware the side of the cottage was alight.
Jessica left in the ambulance with Jed. The doctor attending Kitty and her baby yelled to her they appeared okay.
Mike, a vet, brought the still-shocked Jessica home from the hospital after rushing to see his brother. He had just poured whiskies when three lots of neighbors came in to advise a demolition order had been placed on the cottage but before that the McCain's had arrived to take Kitty and the baby home and Mrs McCain took one look at the baby and said, "It's a McCain" and clasped it to her chest and said well done Kitty.
The women round Jessica whispered it was bullshit to determine family characteristics in a baby that young.
"She was protecting the wee darling from that brute husband of hers. We all know what Douglas McCain is like," Jessica said. "I'm much better, let's party. Mike picked up his phone and called for takeouts to be delivered. This is a day I shall always remember. Fancy my rotten sod of a brother-in-law having the courage to do that."
"The burns are relatively superficial and won't require skin grafts, according to Doc Morris and I would agree. It was lucky Jed was wearing heavy cotton jeans and not artificial fiber material that would have seared to his skin."
"Oh really," said Jessica. "Jed was incredibly brave.
"Perhaps, but who thinks rationally when reacting to a sudden emergency like that," said Tony Browne.
"But it's rate for any guy to react unless it to reach out for a beer or watch an ass walk by," laughed his wife.
Half an hour later a TV news crew arrived and interviewed the Smarts and friends who'd been witnesses.
"My brother-in-law was so brave, absolutely fearless -- I thought he was going to be burnt alive," Jessica said, clasping an arm to her rather attractive chest and the cameraman moved in for a head and shoulders shot. "Our hero doesn't handle women well because he's shy and rather over-reacts. But oh man, did he dig in and reach in to snatch Kitty's wee baby from what to us appeared certain death. Kitty is rather cute and without a husband. I figure something will happen between those two."
Two hours later as soon as the dramatic rescue was featured on TV news, Jessica began taking calls, including from all four friends who'd rejected Jed as a jerk. They were all willing to reconsider. Then came a really big call -- "Shhhh," she said to her fellow revelers. It's Douglas McCain, Mike's biggest client."
"Hello Mr McCain. I'm sorry, you can't speak to Mike, he's staying at his brother's side until he's declared out of danger. Although the burns are confined to his thighs there was smoke inhalation and the possibility of seared lungs and possible blood infection."
Everyone in the room looked at Mike who pulled a finger over his throat and then made an obscene gesture at his wife.
"Yes Mr McCain, a true hero. Oh, you saw the report on TV? My beauty? Well my mother was and still is beautiful. Oh how lovely of you to say that. You are a gentleman of good taste. What -- are you sure? Jed will regard that as a great honor. And good evening to you Mr McCain."
Everyone laughed when Jessica put down the phone. "I became a bit inventive about Jed's condition. Douglas McCain thinks I'm beautiful and have a wonderful stature."
"He means great boobs," Mike said sourly.
Jessica used her fingers at him improperly. "He also said Kitty wants Jed to choose the name for her baby and the family were in complete agreement with that."
Even Mike looked at Jessica in surprise. "Are you sure you were talking to Douglas McCain?"
"Yes, and I heard Kitty call to him to tell me about inviting us all to the ranch but he didn't pass the message on."
"Well that figures," Mike said. "I'm just a vet and you're not a Judge or a Senator."
"But Mike is a hero -- we'll be invited. Here's the press arriving. I'll dramatize my account more and when Douglas McCain reads about that in the morning he'll have second thoughts about spurning us. Call the hospital Mike for an update on darling Jed's condition. Then get drinks for the press."
Next morning Jessica visited Jed and was all over him, kissing down both sides of his face and then gave him a long kiss on the lips. "Oh my hero," she said, adding, "Put your hand down my dress and play with my boobies."
"Jess, I can't do that -- your are my brother's wife."
"Oh sorry. I completely forgot whose woman I am."
"Look Jess, may I suggest you calm down. All this crap in this morning's newspaper about women calling in offering to help me out of my shyness. I'm not shy."
"It's a coded message Jed and only women knows what it means. It's telling them you've been too shy to touch a woman and the closest you've come to sex is via masturbation."
The mouth of the 30-year-old with more sexual conquests than he liked to talk about opened in disbelief. "This article says that?"
"In code that women will understand, yes."
"Oh Jess," Jed said, pulling his blanket over his head.
They were startled by the noise of two nurses wheeling in a trolley and said they were required to give Jed a bed bath.
"Oh girls, there's a nursing shortage on morning shift. I'm our hero's wife so let me attend to him."
"You are my vet's wife and are afflicted with the hero worship syndrome," said the older nurse. "Shame on you Mrs Smart. You could easily give Mr Smart a cross infection by playing with his penis."
"Oh, I'm sorry. I seem to have been overcome by a rash moment."
"A bucket of cold water thrown over you would cure that kind of rash, Mrs Smart. The hospital would be a safer place if you were to leave right now."
"Are you throwing me out?"
"I could call security to do that."
Jessica smiled sweetly and kissed Jed passionately and left. As she was leaving the room she heard that same bossy nurse say, "What's this we read about that you've never had sex Mr Smart? It seems an unlikely tale but we are prepared to give you the benefit of the doubt and attend to your needs. I can fix you up with anything from fat ass to skinny ass, boobs like pimples through to amazingly bodacious, pussy shaped like..."
Smiling, Jessica walked on happy to know Jed would now be very well looked after in hospital. He'd be released home under her care in a couple of days and she'd arrange a roster of her friends to apply fellatio until Jed was cleared to resume active sex. To keep pressure off his thighs it was likely Missionary would be the last position to be sanctioned. Most women would do anything for a genuine hero.
Jed yawned and felt depleted. He'd never realized that night nurses were first and foremost nymphomaniacs and most of them, even the married ones, were pestering him for dates after his discharge from hospital. Females visiting other patients were calling into his room and saying, "Wink, wink. Is there anything I can do for you Mr Smart?" An hour ago he'd awoken from a nap to fine a quite beautiful older woman looking at him. She smiled and thanked him for saving her grandchild. "I'm afraid I can't deliver sexual service myself but I am prepared to ship in as many women of as many nationalities as you can safely handle."
"Do you operate brothels?" Jed asked, still not quite on the planet.
"God you're funny," she laughed. "No, I'm Irma McCain, Kitty's mom."
"Oh yes, oh yes. Sorry, I was foggy in the head when you began speaking to me. I don't get any sleep at nights."
"Oh, the pain -- oh you poor man, and the injections and changing your bed because of the sweat?"
"Yeah, and the wall-to-wall ejaculations."
"I beg your pardon young man!"
Red-eyed, body running low on fluids, Jed took Irma's hand without realizing she held it as if holding a rat.
"Irma, please get me out of here, preferable to a monastery."
"Are you hallucinating?"
"No, don't be such a fool. Shut you mouth and listen."
The woman whose wrath was of household fame over six counties was so shocked her mouth wouldn't work, so she listened. She heard about the night shift and the terror Jed had received over two nights. From 11 pm to 6 am, on the hour for thirty-minutes, a nurse would lower her pussy over his face while another would suck or jerk him off.
"Are you sure this is happening? Do you have collaborating evidence?"
"No. I am a bed-ridden patience. Confessions are unlikely. I know, look at my penis -- but I really need to get it up and this will be difficult."
Irma knew what got her husband going when he began lagging. She'd soaked her fingers in her pussy and fed them into the hero's mouth. She did this, knowing it was completely out of character because of the debt she and her husband owed this man -- he'd saved the life of their infant grandson, heir-apparent to their 244,200-acre ranch; their other eight grandchildren were all girls. Being traditional ranchers, the McCain's handed down property through the McCain male line.
Wearily Jed made the announcement: "It's worked Irma, switch the inspection lamp above the bed on and take a look."
"God, what a big one," but then Irma saw the red-rubbed wand with patches of outer skin worn off through over-use. Her hard dark eyes soften and she said, "Oh you poor darling. Here give me a kiss and let me pat your back. Give me less than an hour and I'll have you out of here. I'm having you taken to my home. Your brother can visit every day and dress your burns."
"My brother is a vet."
"Your brother attends to our livestock including our top stallion valued at more than four million dollars. Two years ago he also saved four of our five in-foal mares caught in a stable fire before being hauled out, working on them day and night. Alternatively you could stay here and continue to enjoy sexual abuse."
"When can I leave? Look, the staff really have been good to me and even the chicks performing the sex under orders put their heart into it. Just pull me out of here by demanding my release -- you look to be a bully than can achieve that result. And no recriminations, right?"
"I'm sorry, criminal charges will be laid. Against those nurses who abused you sexually."
"Do that and I'll tell your husband I have, in effect, sucked your pussy."
"Oh God, like all men you are a rat."
"Yeah, but we do know how to fill pussy."
Irma laughed and ruffed his hair before marching off to make a request to medical administration.
* * *
Jessica was devastated to learn from her husband that Jed was now out at McCain Ranch recuperating.
"That's not fair," she yelped.
"What's not fair about Bro living in luxury out there?"
Jessica was upset because she had the sex administration roster in place and she'd gloated because she kept her name off the list but was first call to substitute for anyone being unable to come, er, arrive and there were bound to be sick children and other household and family emergencies to force benefactors from their voluntary work and thus allow Jessica to make a real pig of herself.
Noting Jessica's distressed look, Mike said he was to go to the ranch each morning and evening for several days to change Jed's dressings. "You can accompany me darling."
"I don't know about that. That foul Douglas McCain will want to fuck me."
"You're not going to the ranch and that's final," Mike roared.
Jessica gnashed her teeth and wondered if her beloved brother-in-law would ever get into her pussy.
The ambulance drew up to the guest wing of the ranch house virtually unnoticed. Douglas McCain was in the sous chef's bedroom playing poker, Kitty was redecorating the nursery, kitchen hands and domestic hands were having a pre-lunch nap and ranch hands were attending a union meeting.
Irma, a dirty blonde standing 6ft 3in with powerful-looking shoulders due to rampant cellulite development, cut an imposing figure as she led the puny ambulance men with Jed strapped to a gurney into the top VIP room called the Blue Room for obvious reasons. She lifted one end of the gurney upstairs while the two medics struggled with the other end. She signed the statutory patient release form and the form terminating the hospital's responsibility and insurance cover.
As the ambulance crew left Irma's personal maid, a haughty woman with bad teeth entered with an evil-smelling mixture that Irma had called from the hospital and asked it to prepare. It was made from dried reeds and dried corncobs, bonded together with clotted cream. The two women worked for ten minutes putting the poultice around the hapless Jed's battered penis.
An hour later, satisfied the poultice had firmed enough to remain in place, Irma removed her hand and was at the dresser doing her hair when she witnessed perhaps the most profound greeting between two men to possible have occurred in the 187-year-old homestead, not that any of the original log-framed mud structure remained.
Jed had no doubt the guy entering the room was Douglas McCain, grandfather of the yet unnamed boy. Lanky, he had to stoop to negotiate the almost seven foot high doorway but he was wearing his black Stetson under which flowered shoulder-length white hair held dramatically in a pony tail. Jed counted fifteen paces as Douglas strode to the bed and during that time Douglas hitched up his jeans five times.
"Braces are made for guys like you who virtually have no protruding hips," Jed said nonchalantly.
Douglas stopped as if he'd been shot, clutching the McCain family crest on his belt buckle and gruffed, "Fuck me, that is the perfect solution."
Jed had no intention to accept the invitation, especially with a woman being present and instead said, "Thanks in anticipation for this hospitality Mr McCain but I suppose I deserve it."
"Yes, you certainly do. Irma called to tell me what the problem was and how your recovery was being impeded by all the sex. I'll be joining you and Irma in here for chow son and in the meantime you could write down the names of five nurses who were best at fellatio; I'm likely to find such a list handy when I go to town I sometimes finish my paperwork rather early and a good mouth pump could finish off my day very satisfactorily."
"Certainly Mr McCain, right away Mr McCain."
"Listen son, you saved my only grandson and that makes you as good as family although you look pretty useless to have on a ranch but that also goes for the rest of the family including my sons-in-law. Call me Douglas. I'm off to wash up for chow."