Jenny

Copyright 2013 by madengineer3

There is no explicit sex in this story. If you want detailed sex, this story will not please you.

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My name is Isaac and I've been a "loner" most of my life. My interests, to a large extent, have never been those of the average "Joe" on the street. I can partially blame, if blame is the right word, my parents. My dad was the professor of physics at a well known university and my mom was the professor of mathematics. The result was that I was, at the verbal level, conversant with relativistic quantum mechanics before I reached puberty. Once you begin to understand, and accept, the fundamentals of modern physics as the best picture of the "real world" you never again see the world like the non-scientific community.

Because of my parents I was home schooled. I had my B.Sc. in physics before I was twenty and was well on my way to my Ph.D. by twenty four. Because I was so intensely focused on my studies (they were essentially all consuming) I had not made the time to become "socialized". My free time was taken up with reading, listening to music and long distance running. It is amazing how people with an appreciation for mathematics seem to be drawn to music.

It was at the beginning of my doctoral work when two things occurred that would change my life forever. Firstly, my parents were killed when a drunk local politician ran his car into theirs. He had been doing over ninety miles per hour when he hit them. Their deaths left me relatively rich but very much alone. Secondly, I met Jenny. She was also starting her doctoral program. It didn't take long to decide to work and study together. After all, we had independently decided to study the same phenomena for our thesis work.

At first I saw her only as a colleague. As time progressed she became a friend and then a very good friend. We spent a fair amount of time together but physically restricted ourselves to very light petting. (For our own reasons we had avoided "south of the border" play.)

We liked the same food, the same music, the same art, and each other. It was Jenny that introduced me to the belief in a higher being (God). She had found a way to integrate a strong faith with her intellectual pursuits. She, like Sir Isaac Newton (my namesake), saw true science as "discovering how God made the universe".

We received our Ph.d.s at the same graduation exercises. We already had accepted positions at a high energy physics facility as "junior staff" members. After all you almost needed a degree in physics to become a janitor at that facility.

Our first bind came when we realized that the facility was located in a somewhat remote area and housing was hard obtain. We talked over our predicament and finally decided to rent a place together. Jenny was more apprehensive than I was, but I didn't understand that at the time.

We moved into a two bedroom apartment and proceeded to become immersed in our work. Our efforts, and time, at work left us little time or energy to do much else. We still enjoyed music, good conversation, and running, but were essentially mostly Platonic in our relationship to each other.

Over the next half year things continued as they had. Then we approached our first Christmas together. Our facility was shut down for the holidays because so many of the ancillary people, at work, expected to be home with their families during that season. After Jenny had gone to bed one night the loneliness finally hit me hard! I was quietly crying while sitting on the couch when she came in and sat down beside me.

"What's wrong Isaac?"

"I'm not sure, Jenny. Even though you are here I feel so alone it is almost more than I can bear. I've never previously felt quite like this. There is a restlessness and deep sadness that I just can't seem to name. I feel so very alone!"

Jenny sat down next to me and held me in her arms. It wasn't long before I noticed that she, also, was crying.

"What's wrong, Jenny?"

"I understand feeling alone, Isaac. I also know, or think I know, two of the reasons that you feel so alone. But, I am afraid to discuss either of them for fear of loosing you. You see, I also feel very much alone."

"I don't understand."

"I know, it is that lack of understanding that prevents us from helping each other in times like this."

We sat there holding each other for what seemed like hours. I broke the silence.

"I value you too much to let anything keep us from helping each other. What do I need to know to help resolve our problems?"

"I can help you with the first problem right away, but the second problem must be addressed after the first is taken care of."

"I don't understand, but please help me to understand."

"Blaise Pascal said something to the effect that 'there is a God shaped vacuum in our hearts and we will be restless until He fills that hole'. That is your first problem. Until you find a personal relation with the creator of the universe you can never be at peace with yourself."

"But, how can I believe in something I can't see or measure?"

"Let me ask you a few questions and see if I can show you the answer to that question. Before the big bang itself, the physical laws of the universe that we know didn't exist. The fundamental forces were all assumed to be united at that point; right?"

"Yes, but ..."

"Hold on, Isaac, you know the truth of what I have said because you know the physics that resulted from that event. You cannot measure or understand the laws that governed those first moments of the creation of the universe but you know that they are there because you can see the evidence of them in what they have produced, right?"

"Yes."

"Consider case number two. Do you question the love you had for your parents?"

"No."

"Can you measure or quantify that love?"

"No, I guess I can't."

"Let's take a look at another mental construct that we think may well be imbedded in our reality. Can you picture the 'extra' dimensions that are needed for some forms of string theory to work?"

"You know I can't. I just know that they must be there if the mathmatics is to work out correctly."

"Right! Now go back to your earlier statement. You said, 'But, how can I believe in something I can't see or measure?'. But, you can't see or measure love and yet it is real. You can't see, understand, or measure the physics that existed before the big bang and yet you know that it had to exist. You can't see or understand the extra dimensions in the same way you see the four dimensions that we know of as 'space-time'. Do you see what I am saying?"

I had to mull these thoughts over for a few moments. Jenny was wise enough to keep from breaking my train of thought.

"I see what you are saying. It's a little like Goedel's theorem. There are truths about a system that cannot be proved from within the system itself."

"Yes!"

"Tell me about this God of yours."

"First of all, you don't have to leave your brains at the door to believe in my God. His nature is creation and love. But, when I say love don't go all sentimental on me. His love cannot stand anything that is false or hurtful. For a human example, consider a person who had a completely cancerous elbow. The hand is fine but, left unattended, the cancer at the elbow will eventually kill the person. The surest fix is to remove the arm well above the elbow. Yes, some good will die but the overall person will live; right?"

"Yes, but I'm not sure that I'm comfortable with that analogy."

"Neither am I, but we're talking reality here. Let's take the analogy one step further. Suppose you were the creator of the human race, and let them have the ability to choose what they want to do. Now; assume that someone, or some group, decides to destroy what you have created. Your love for the good creation will require the removal of the evil that is threatening your creation. If that evil cannot be changed to good; destruction of the evil is the most loving path for the good that you have created. You see, love can demand justice; to protect the innocent."

"Okay, but where is this headed?"

"Hold on a bit longer. Suppose that all of your creation is infected with a mutation that produces an inherited contamination that will, left to itself, destroy what you have created. You would now be faced with destroying all your work or finding a cure for that infection. Assume, for the moment that justice is an integral part of the universe. If so, those who are infected must be removed no matter who they are. But, according to love some other way must be found to balance the scales of justice. Each created being has value. The only way to reasonably balance the scales of justice would be to find something of infinite value and purity to balance the evil that is inherent in the people. However, in the balancing it is necessary to remove the chance that those who are redeemed will not go bad again. Are you with me so far?"

"Yes, but I'm very uneasy with the direction in which you seem to be headed."

"Do you remember Charles Dickens book 'A Tale Of Two Cities'? If you do you will remember that one man (man A) trades places with another man (man B) who is to be executed. Man A wants to save man B's life. Man A trades places with man B and goes to his death to save his friend. Well, God's solution to our problem was to inhabit one of His creations, live a flawless life, and have that perfect person die to balance the scales of justice. The man He inhabited was called Jesus. To become forgiven all we need to do is accept that He died that we might live."

"But, aren't there all sorts of rules you need to follow?"

"Not really. Most of the rules people think about are actually doctrines put forward by organized churches. The three most basic rules we have to follow are: one, to try to live in a way that will be pleasing to God; Love people and the world as God loves them; and avoid judging other people because we ourselves are imperfect. In a nutshell that is the God that I worship. One of the most important things to remember is that God is a personal God. He knows you, warts and all. He wants you to ask for His guidance. You see, the original sin is that we put ourselves in the driver's seat and the driver's seat belongs to God. Taking control is a part of us and we have to fight that tendency so that we can please Him. We try to please Him, not to escape punishment, but to please Him. He already paid the price for any and all sin you have, or will, commit. He wants your fellowship."

"I need to think about all of that or a while. What you are describing sounds good to me. I know that I am not even the person I want to be. What is the other reason you said that stood between us?"

"If you remember I said 'I can help you with the first problem right away, but the second problem must be addressed after the first is taken care of.'" When we have resolved the first problem it will be time to discuss the second problem. Okay?"

"Yes, I've got a lot to think about. Could you suggest some books that might help me sort this out?"

"Yes, C. S. Lewis' book 'Mere Christianity' and the fictional story 'The Lion, The Witch, And The Wardrobe", also by C. S. Lewis. When you have read them I would suggest reading the Gospel of John and the Letter to the Colossians."

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It was the better part of a week, of holiday time, before I finished reading Jenny's suggested books. When I had finished Jenny and I sat together and talked to God together. I know that something very powerful happened at that time. For the first time in my life I felt totally at peace with who I am and what my place in the universe is.

The following day I sat down with Jenny and asked her to explain the second problem that stood between us. She looked very nervous. I had seldom seen her cry, yet she was crying now.

"I'm afraid to tell you what the problem is. You are so very important and so very special to me that I can't even think about loosing you. You may become so upset that we will no longer even be able to talk together, much less live under the same roof."

"Jenny, I doubt that you could tell me anything that would drive me away. You are the single most important person in my life. I have been in love with you for years but I am not good at putting my feelings into words. Please trust me to be reasonable."

"Are you sure, Isaac?"

"Yes, please trust me enough to tell me what the problem is."

"Let me ask you a few questions first. What do you know about transsexuals?"

"As I understand it there are some people who's emotional and mental make-up are not congruent with the gender of the body they had at birth. It's not related to being gay, it's a real birth defect."

"That's a good way to look at it. Unfortunately most people don't understand it that way. My problem is that I am a transsexual. I'm a woman but I'm trapped in a male body. I've gone the hormone route and I decided to be castrated before puberty to remove most of the sources of testosterone that my body produces. The adrenal cortex also makes testosterone, but not like testes do. There, I've said it. Now, you will probably hate me."

I moved over to Jenny and took her in my arms. I hoped that the kiss I gave her showed her that this was not a problem for me. As I broke the kiss I stated what was obvious to me:

"It is you, the person, that I love. I also happen to love how you look, but the person you are is what has caused me to love you. What you have told me does not change my love for you one little bit. You are still the woman I love."

Jenny then gave me the most loving kiss I have ever received. I became lost in that kiss like a person gets lost in a beautiful piece of music. When the kiss broke I asked her:

"What say that we take a shower together and then use my bed tonight and get to know each other better?"

"I think that would be a wonderful idea, Isaac. With it being winter, we can help keep each other warm." She giggled as she said this.

As hard as it may be for some people to believe, we cuddled together under the covers but didn't do anything that would lead to an orgasm. We felt that we had to re-discover each other in light of Jenny's revelation. We both knew that what we had was special and that we didn't want to do anything to spoil it.

As we discussed our situation the thought of sex reassignment surgery came up. Jenny didn't want to have to suffer the pain that came with it, and I couldn't blame her. After all, who wants to have their genitals turned inside out and moved? What were we to do?

Since Jenny had been castrated and had been on female hormones for years the courts had been willing to change her paperwork to indicate that she was a woman.

Because of that she had been able to get the court to fix the paperwork so that she was legally a woman. We agreed together and got a marriage license two days after Christmas.

We took a week's vacation after we got the license. Jenny's pastor officiated at the very small, informal, wedding. Then we went home as husband and wife.

Then the fun began!

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The rest of that story will be in the next installment, if the reader is interested.