Jill and I Ch. 06-07

"Yeah, I guess that's true."

"Don't keep saying 'I guess so' or 'I think so'. I can tell you love her, so just admit it you macho shithead. Go there tomorrow and either it works out or not, but you have got to get through this so that you two can both get on with your lives, together or individually."

I pulled Denise into a hug. "You are such a good friend."

She hugged me back. "You'd better believe it! You're lucky she came by when she did."

I leaned back and looked down at her. "Why?"

"Because otherwise I was going to get drunk and attack you again."

I laughed."Yeah, right." I was sure she was teasing me.

She giggled. "Anyway -- I should go now. If I stay much longer, I'll be too drunk to drive home and you know we shouldn't sleep in the same apartment together."

I chuckled. "Yeah, that's for sure. I hate being awakened in the middle of the night by someone sucking my cock."

She looked up at me. "Don't talk dirty like that. You just made my panties wet and Mike will probably be too drunk for sex."

I smiled. "Need some batteries?"

She backed up and punched me in the arm good-naturedly. "Asshole!" She waited for a few seconds. "Yeah, probably."

We both laughed and she grabbed her coat. "See you tomorrow?"

"Sure."

She stopped at the door and turned around and gave me a hug. "You really are a good guy, and a pretty innocent one for today's times."

I thought about that for a second. "Really?"

She nodded. "Oh, yeah. See ya." She turned and left.

I sat there and watched TV until I fell asleep on the couch. I woke up at 2am and drug my ass to bed. I had some trouble getting back to sleep because of the thoughts running around in my brain about Jill seeing a therapist. First, I find out that she had been a stripper, now I find out that she goes to a therapist. I didn't think I could take many more surprises. The love I felt for her was strong, but would it be strong enough?

Chapter 8. The Complete Truth.

December 28th, 2011

The next day was fraught with tension as I got some work done, but I couldn't get this meeting out of my mind. When it got to 1:30, I left so that I could get to this doctor's office. When I got there Jill was waiting outside to be called. I sat down next to her. She looked up at me quickly and then back down at her hands.

"Hello." She was very subdued. This was so different from the woman I was used to seeing.

"Hi."

She looked up at me. "Thank you for coming." She looked back down at her hands and fidgeted with them.

The door opened just then and the doctor called us in. I entered the office and it was nicely appointed with the standard professional looking desk, chairs, and bookshelves that you'd expect for a psychologist. The desk, chairs, and everything in the office appeared to be a dark cherry. It was very nice.

Jill stopped in front of the doctor and introduced us. "Dr. Benson, this is Dennis." I held out my hand. "Dennis, this is Dr. Benson."

Dr. Benson took my hand. Her hand was cool and dry. "Hello, Dennis. Glad to meet you. I'm Dr. Benson." She was a woman of probably 50, who appeared to be soft and cuddly, not what I expected. I expected someone who might look a little severe and foreboding. She was about 5'6", dressed in a very nice business suit, and still an attractive woman. She looked at me and I could see her appraising me and watching me as I appraised her. We were both trying to get some reading on the other.

"Hello." I finally answered her.

She motioned for the couch that was there behind a small coffee table. Jill went over and sat on one end and I sat on the other, leaving about three feet between us. The doctor took the single chair there.

"Dennis, do you have any idea why you are here? Has Jill revealed anything about it?"

"No. I know something about her past, but I don't know why I am here."

"Jill has agreed to this at my recommendation. She has progressed well the last three years and I feel that this is a teachable moment, if you will, for her. She agreed to share this with you only because of the feelings she has for you and her belief that you are a good person. Please listen and think about this carefully. Okay Jill, I want you to tell Dennis about this and why he is here."

Jill turned toward me and swallowed hard. I could see her hands trembling. "Dennis, as you now know, I was a stripper for almost two years. I've told you some of my story, but not all. Here is what you don't know. I left home when I was 16 because my mother's boyfriend raped me. I told her about it and she accused me of trying to steal him from her." She didn't know that Gina had told me this. "This was the last of a long line of terrible men that my mother brought home. I went to live with Gina and as soon as we graduated from high school her mother moved in with her boyfriend and sold the house out from under us. The only way we could live on our own was to strip. We both did it and I saved up for college. I met mostly awful men and I didn't know if I would ever meet one I could really like. Once while in college, I started getting a little serious about a guy, but when I told him I had been a stripper he left me. He told his friends, who all came over just to see if they could get laid. It was terrible. I was also estranged from my mother until her last days and that was hard for me to get over." She took another deep breath. "I have not had sex or a relationship with another guy for 6 years until I met you. I was trying to convince myself that I didn't need a man." Her eyes filled with tears and I glanced at the doctor who just motioned me coolly to pay attention to Jill. "But I have been working with the doctor to get past my youth and then you -- you -- you did something that I couldn't prevent. You reminded me that I was a woman, flesh and blood, and that I had emotional and physical needs. You made me fall in love with you." She was having trouble talking now and about to break down. But she stopped, took several deep breaths and collected herself. "Doctor Benson made me bring you in to meet with her as part of my therapy to get over my past. When you didn't react well to my history as a stripper, I put up my old defenses and rejected you. I have been telling her about you for a couple of months and she felt that that was unfair to you and was bad for me because I was returning to my old ways. She wanted me to face you here, in her office. That's why you are here."

Now I felt badly for her. She was in therapy for all these problems and I rejected her without hearing her side of the story. I was angry that she hid it from me, but I understood it better and I knew that I might be able to give her a chance. "Jill." She looked up and I reached over to take her hand. She looked like a skittish cat as I took it. It was clammy and shaking. "I love you. I didn't handle it very well, but then I'm a pretty quiet, conservative guy. I've only been to one strip club in my life and I've never known anyone who stripped. When you went over the raw numbers, you freaked me out and pissed me off. I didn't understand why you were doing that until now." I took a deep breath and looked at the doctor, who motioned for me to continue. "I can't say that I will be able to deal with all of this." I waved my hand. "I know that I love you and really wish I could do it, but I can't be sure. I don't know if love is enough."

I had never seen a woman move that fast. One moment Jill was staring at me, making sure she understood what I was saying and the next -- bam -- she was wrapped around me, hugging me and crying on my shoulder. I looked over her shoulder at the doctor who was just thoughtfully watching us.

Finally, Jill pulled back and looked at the doctor, wiping her eyes and trying to pull herself together. "Thank you, Dennis. Thank you, Dr. Benson."

Dr. Benson nodded. "Jill, over the last three years you have overcome most of your past and your ability to verbalize a short summary of the problem to Dennis was very well done." She turned to me. "Dennis, do you understand all that Jill told you today?"

"I think so."

"You must be able to distinguish your love for her from what I see as your desire to protect her or feel pity for her. Love can produce those feelings, but those feelings by themselves are not love. Do you understand?"

"Yes, I believe so."

"After Jill's traumatic event at 16, she suffered a little post traumatic stress, but it did not develop into anything that caused major problems. The other thing is that she has always pushed men away and it almost developed into a hatred of them. Her early experiences made her at least wary of all men and caused her to put up a wall against them. Fortunately for Jill, I have been working with her on this for a while and you came along and proved that not all men are like those she was used to. She just needed a normal, everyday guy to trust and have feelings for. Understand?"

"I think so."

"I know that you two have a long way to go. There have been secrets that Jill kept from you that have been harmful to your relationship, but she has been in denial for a long time. It took this therapy and the relationship she has developed with you to get her to this point. I know that it's a lot for you to take in, but I have a suggestion."

We both looked at her and at each other. My heart went out to Jill in that moment, but I was too frozen to move and still scared about her past.

"I want you to date. I want you to date like you've just met. I want you to talk to each other about your past, your goals and desires, your secrets, what hurts you and has hurt you. I want you to be brutally honest with each other. This is the only way you'll survive this." She turned to Jill. "Jill, please answer all his questions with complete honesty. This relationship cannot stand another secret or lie. No matter how painful it is, answer it. It's okay to tell him that it's tough and hurts to answer the question, but you must eventually answer them all." She turned to me. "Dennis, you must do the same. She says that you do not appear to have any secrets and that you are an open book. However, everyone has something that they don't want to talk about or tell someone. But you must be as open as she is and tell her anything she wants. Understand?" We both were shaking our heads up and down, agreeing. "Good." She stood up. "That's all we are going to do today. I want you two to date at least twice a week until you know if you can work this out. It may not work out, but you cannot know until you do this." She put her hand out to me. "It was nice to meet you Dennis."

"Thanks, Dr. Benson. It was nice to meet you, too." What else do you say to that?

"See you in a month, Jill, okay?"

"Yes, doctor. I'll call and schedule the next appointment."

"Good. You two have a good day."

We left thru a different door. Jill told me that she had different doors for entering and exiting to keep people from seeing each other, which could make them uncomfortable.

When we got out to the parking lot, I turned to Jill. We had both been quiet after Jill told me about the separate door, both of us lost in our thoughts. I smiled. "Jill, will you go out to dinner with me on Friday?"

She grinned. "Yes, of course." She turned toward her car. "Saturday is New Year's Eve. We were invited to a party at Mike and Denise's place. Are we still going to that, too?" Her eyes were searching mine for an answer before I could verbalize it.

"Yes, of course. I would love to take you to Denise's New Year's Eve party."

She grinned. "Good. What time tomorrow?"

"Why don't we go to happy hour with the company folks and then to dinner at that Indian restaurant? I have a fond feeling for that restaurant."

She smiled and almost blushed. "Yeah, me, too. Okay. See you at work tomorrow."

We said good-bye and I got in my car. I felt much better now that things were in the open, but I was still thinking about what it meant to feel this way about a woman who had made strangers cum in their pants by dry-humping them in nothing but a g-string -- for money. Okay, I have to admit that it was a little bit of a turn on to think of her doing that to me, but to 500 other guys? Oh, well. We'd find out over the next couple of weeks.

to be continued, one more submission