Jimmy Palin You Asshole

CHAPTER 1

Jimmy Palin left the bus at the smallish city with the name that appealed to him. Jimmy was still smarting from being kicked out of home. His dad Paul, an attorney, had been grumpy ever since Jimmy decided not to return to college for his second year and now at twenty-two and having dabbled in the job market for two years he'd almost doubled his age in salary and commission selling pre-owned cars when disaster struck.

Reading in bed on Saturday morning, Jimmy had been disturbed by his sister Flo. She was twenty-eight and had just lost her live-in boyfriend who dropped her because he was fed-up with her diet regime that had left her skinny and lethargic. She'd taken her brother completely by surprise.

"Lick me Jimmy," she whined dripping something on the page of his book and holding her nightie hem up to her waist.

At first he thought he wouldn't because she really was not much more than skin and bone. But with her freshly shaven pussy almost touching his nose Jimmy's brain put the primeval call above commonsense and his tongue flicked out and caught another forming drop ready to drip.

It tasted premium quality, right up with that stuck-up bitch Roselyn, his boss's wife, who'd twice dragged Jimmy into unisex toilet and made him go down on her, not that Jimmy had offered any resistance. He wondered how his mom's pussy juice would compare with Roselyn and Flo's?

Jimmy was then wondering where he'd gotten to with his book and was half-listening to Flo saying what a darling boy he was when the slut creamed his face. Riled, he slung Flo on to the bed and pulled off his briefs. Her eyes bulged and she said, "Jeepers, when did that grow that big?" He guessed he could have said he pulled it through a training regime every night and morning so what did she expect? But why bother and risk opprobrious comment?

Five minutes later he was sweating, practically driving Flo through the headboard, when he heard his mom Lisa scream and that drove him into premature ejaculation.

"Oh god, what are you two doing?"

As if she didn't know.

The upshot was he was given two hours to leave home and his father, holding a baseball bat in a tight grip, choked, "Leave town you filthy little bastard." That was inappropriate use of the word 'little' because blond Jimmy was four inches taller than his dad.

Flo cried when Jimmy was told to leave home forever but smiled gratefully later when Jimmy whispered if she couldn't bed down with a permanent dick he'd come back to town once a month to service her.

Jimmy stayed with his best mate for a month because he was required to give a month's notice at the yard to receive his entitlements. But the bitch Roselyn, who was admin manager, refused to accept Jimmy's resignation unless he fucked her. He did that in her husband's office every Monday until he left town while the boss was at the weekly luncheon meeting of the Raffles Rotary Club. Roselyn had some reason for doing it on that particular sofa but wouldn't tell Jimmy why. He guessed it was the sofa used by the boss to fuck his PA.

Tired after traveling for eight hours on a bumpy bus, Jimmy didn't like the look of Lookout Hill City but then again the bumps had temporarily pulverized his brain and so he decided to make a more informed assessment in the morning. He looked at the notice board in the bus station, thinking he'd try private home full board. All seventeen cards offering such accommodation sought 'a quiet young woman'. He smiled thinking they'd be out of luck because in his experience quiet young women were as rare as quiet older women who ran their sons out of the family home. He took a card and called one of the women offering accommodation.

"Yeah, what do you want? We're not buying?"

"I'm inquiring about the room to rent."

"I'll get the wife."

Jimmy scratched his balls while waiting.

"Yes?"

"I'm inquiring about the room to rent."

There was a pause. "You're not a quiet young woman."

"That's true, but you haven't been able to rent your room have you because they interview as noisy young bitches?"

"You horrible man," she screamed, cutting the call.

Something told Jimmy he'd not handled that call very well.

A charming sounding women said, "Victoria Street speaking."

"May I call you Vicki?"

"If you must."

"Thank you. Although I'm not a quiet young girl I am a quiet young man who can pay the required rent by automatic transfer from my account into your account."

"Why are you calling?"

Jimmy knew one of the ways to fool a woman was to lie. "Because I'm in need of a room and sympathy. My mom has run me out of town because I caught her and her clergyman doing something unspeakable."

"Ohmigod, oh you poor darling. Here's our address. Come at once."

Jimmy found the house and just as the woman said it was a fashionable street, but a woman called Victoria would use such a description, wouldn't she?

The first thing Jimmy noticed about Victoria when she opened the door was her tits. They were pretty big.

"Oh Mr Palin, you poor young man. Here let me give you a big hug."

The tits were pretty soft too.

"You hug beautifully Vicki."

"Oh darling," she cooed, "Aren't you a gentleman?"

Her eyes drifted to his crotch.

Never having been called a gentleman, Jimmy was chuffed but knew he wouldn't consistently live up to that title. Still he knew women liked to be deluded in their dealings with men. He'd proved that to his satisfaction by selling a V8 turbo sedan to a little old lady and a twin turbo pickup to a female school principal. He'd said to both customers confidently that other people really didn't notice what kind of vehicle you drove and these days all vehicles were dead easy to drive. He made it clear his choice of vehicle for them was linked to their personalities and practical needs. That taught Jimmy that look any woman in the eye and talk confidently and they'll believe you because that what their mom had taught them to do.

A room? It was as grand as a hotel room with en suite. Victoria intoned out of habit: "Please leave your stockings, panties and bra to drip-dry over the bath by all means. I encourage good hygiene and cleanliness."

That left Jimmy being not quite sure about Vicki. Was she attempting to delude him into thinking he was something he wasn't?

"How old are you Jimmy?"

Thinking she was making sure he wasn't a minor before practicing her deviant sexual ways with him, Jimmy said cautiously, "My voice has dropped."

Vicki laughed as if he had world-class humor. And then, "No silly boy. I'm wondering which daughter I can match you up with. They are eighteen, twenty and twenty-four."

"I'm twenty-two. May I try all three?"

"No Jimmy. Although we are a liberal family we do stop short of groupies."

Jimmy winched his jaw back into place. "No Vicki. I mean as dates. Um may I also date you without your husband knowing? You do have a husband don't you?"

"I certainly do but he's rather lost interest in me."

"Oh you poor darling. That's so typical of men, isn't it? Is he rutting his PA?"

"Probably Jimmy but I think it's just pussy fatigue."

"What do you mean? Does he run a brothel?"

Victoria giggled, "Oh no you bozo, Harry is a gynecologist."

Jimmy scratched his left ear. "I don't understand this. Why do you need to let a room when your Harry is a gynecologist? They are near the top of the money-earning tree, just edging ahead of plumbers?"

"Harry has worked it out as a tax dodge. We donate the weekly rental to the mayor's charity fund and Harry can claim those contribution as a tax deduction and receives community kudos for being the biggest private contributor to that worthy cause."

"That's deviously brilliant Vicki. Oh, while I'm thinking about it, what's Harry's attitude to gynecologist jokes?"

"Stoic boredom I should think: he's heard every one a thousand times, particularly the one about the gynecologist and the dumb blonde and the gynecologist having the skill to paint an entire house simply by reaching though the front letter box of the locked house. I would appreciate it Jimmy if you would tell him jokes about what wives do who are not getting enough at home."

"I'll try but I don't think guys invent jokes on that particular topic because it's rather close to the bone... er boner."

Victoria laughed hysterically, pulling Jimmy's head between her heaving breasts.

Just at that moment the eighteen-year-old who Jimmy would later find was called Mia arrived home from high school.

"Mother, what are you doing... starting a lesbian affair with the new roomer?"

"Appearances are deceptive darling," Victoria said, unhanding the longhair Jimmy.

"Ohmigod mister, you look in great shape. May I inspect your abs?" Mia cried flirtatiously and didn't wait for Jimmy to refuse. She ripped up the bottom of his shirt with the experience of a high school whore and took in the six-pack. Eyes bulging she repeated herself, "Ohmigod mister," and ran off muttering that she had to change her panties. Her mother called, "Don't overdo it Mia – use Gentle Annie."

"Mother!" cried the twenty-year old, entering the room to find Victoria had pulled up Jimmy's shirt and was groping his Abs. "Go to your room!"

"Yes Charlotte," Victoria said, sloping off.

"Hi, I guess you are the new roomer?"

"Yes."

"But not female?"

"Absolutely not."

"Give me a look at them."

"What?"

"Your references man; are you stupid?"

"No but probably unlucky. I don't have references."

Charlotte sighed, "Oh god, mom is so irresponsible. Dad made the rules: the guest bedroom may only be rented to quiet young women with immaculate references and then only one at the time."

"So your mother's in breach. Does that mean I must go?"

"Heavens no. Dad will probably decree mom must go."

Instinctively using a spare piece of intellect, Jimmy said, "Is your father homosexual?"

"We have our suspicions he's becoming gay, being over-exposed to too much pussy. But how did you know?"

"You made it sound he was looking for an opening to toss your mother from her home."

"God mister, you're a genius. I'm Charlotte and you are...?"

"Jimmy."

"Oh what a gorgeously modern name. You'll have no idea how people remember my name do you?" asked 'Charlotte the Harlot'.

"Check back on the latest email received from you?"

"Oh you darling Jimmy," Charlotte said, kissing him and squeezing his testicles just as a grumpy looking guy with a sour mouth roughly pussy-shaped entered the room and said, "If you are thinking of fucking my daughter young man would you please wait until Charlotte has cooked our dinner."

"Yes sir. I'm Jimmy the new roomer."

"You don't quite fit the profile of a quiet young woman?"

"That makes you impressively astute sir and possessing some professional expertise that would allow you to complete that fifteen-second assessment with 100% accuracy."

"Ohmigod young man. With your gift of extraordinarily quick and accurate assessment you must be involved in selling automobiles."

Jimmy looked at gynecologist Harry Street in awe, unaware wife Victoria had called him when Harry was minutes away from arriving home, disclosing she'd taken in a bright young man as a roomer who'd been thrown out of town by his conniving, adulterous mother and lost his job as a car salesman in the process.

"I am indeed impressed Jimmy. May I offer you a position as my personal assistant, loosening up my patients so they are open for immediate inspection?"

Jimmy's mind reeled, filled by the images of a thousand pussies, most of them hairy. The head of his cock pulsated like a tom-tom drum heard from the depths of a jungle. He fainted, bashing his head on the brass-framed coffee table as he fell.

Harry looked in panic at Charlotte. "Ohmigod, he's in a position to sue me for a couple of million."

"If he finds out you're a gynecologist daddy he'll sue for two billion. But if we are clever enough it will not come to that."

"What do you mean?"

The young law student smiled and began working on her action plan of deception.

"What does a lawyer do to a female client that a gynecologist won't daddy?"

Harry groaned and said, "Screw her."

"Exactly daddy, and that's why I'm in charge of this deception. You may reward yourself with me in the basement if I pull this off, no limit on the number of orgasms you give me."

"God Charlotte," Harry said in awe. "You are such a bitch."

Third sister Veronica arrived home just in time to help Charlotte and Harry set up for Jimmy's awakening. Harry fetched the sexy nurse uniform from his collection in the basement.

* * *

Jimmy's eyes fluttered open. Charlotte and Veronica looked into the deep blue and still vacant eyes and both came close to orgasms at the rare opportunity at seeing a guy so vulnerable.

"Go," Veronica whispered, and Charlotte left the bedroom.

"Hello darling," Veronica said, leaning over her 'patient'.

There was a lack of comprehension in the eyes of Jimmy because he thought he'd died and was looking at a vision. The swell of her mostly exposed tits almost engulfed his senses.

"Jimmy, I'm Nurse Veronica."

He whispered something and Veronica leaned over him, her perfume intoxicating, and she heard the whisper, "Stand back so I can take a good look at you."

Veronica stood back, smiling.

Jimmy's vision had a straining uniform top holding in two rounded breasts that he'd be lucky to cup one of them fully even using both hands. The tummy appeared taut and the dress hem stopped just below the hips, the curve of the panty-covered pussy clearly in sight.

Jimmy's cock sprang to attention, not that Nurse Veronica was aware of his disgusting response.

The black fine denier hold-ups encased incredibly long legs, initiating an involuntary stroking action from Jimmy on a certain member of his frame.

Nurse Veronica was so utterly gorgeous that he could weep. So he wept.

"Oh Jimmy, oh Jimmy. My poor darling. What can I do for you?"

"N-n-nothing," he swallowed, uncertainly, which for Jimmy that was incredibly wimpy.

"Ah, here's something I can do, Nurse Veronica said, slipping her blood-red lips around an object to which she was irresistibly drawn.

Jimmy gurgled and Veronica pulled out a tit for him to fondle.

Later Veronica came up, dripping from the corners of her fat smile and she straddled Jimmy, facing him, and he watched her fat pussy lips close around his wet dick and pan-handled both sides of her ass to control both height and tempo.

Sweating, Veronica left.

To be replaced by Charlotte.

Sweating, Charlotte left.

To be replaced by Mia who was so tight she had Jimmy gasping.

Before Mia left, sweating but looking as if all her birthdays had come at once, she opened all the windows to freshen the room and told Jimmy to shower and then come to dinner.

Jimmy entered the dining room and Harry rolled his eyes and said "Jesus." He muttered to Nurse Veronica, now in home clothes, that Jimmy looked worse that when he'd been unconscious.

He's been practically unconscious several times since the fall daddy, but I assure you with sustenance he will rise... er... he'll bounce back to normal. He's really had a cunt of a time."

Harry nodded guiltily wondering if he should pay Jimmy ten thousand bucks, without prejudice, for the suffering he'd inflicted on his innocent young guest by offering him a pussy-related job when quite obviously the guy was gay. Meanwhile Victoria looked at her three daughters suspiciously because all three wore that 'cat's got the cream' look women invariably get after having robust sex and relaxing in the wake of multiple orgasms.

Jimmy took most of the next day to recover and having mid-afternoon coffee with Victoria she said, "Which of my daughters do you wish to date?"

"Is that a caring mother's code to say sleep with?"

"Yes. You handled that beautifully Jimmy."

"Um don't they all have boyfriends?"

"Yes, but I meant to sleep with you at nights when they are free."

"Would you like to go first Vicki?"

"No."

"Oh."

Victoria said she was pleased they were clear about that. "Just on the quiet, I'm having a long-running affair with the owner of Gold Star Motors. You told me you had lost your job as a pre-owned cars salesman. Would you like me to land you an auto sales position with Gold Star Motors?"

"Oh yes Vicki. I've seen its advertising and it appears to be a top business."

"Yes, it's held the top spot in auto sales for nine of the past ten years. I know Terry is scouring for top sales people because he wants to clinch that top spot for the 10th year in a row and is nervous that new car sales are taking such a big hit because of the state of the national economy that he may be clipped by outfits specializing totally in used autos."

"Please get me an interview with him Vicki."

"Okay. Now which daughter?"

"I think it should be Mia. I could get her ready for the demands of college."

"Oh yes, good thinking. If she's agreeable I'll let Harry know so he accepts the situation."

* * *

Before Terry King tested Jimmy's knowledge and discussed his techniques, he asked: "What do you know about my relationship with Mrs Street?"

"All she said was she was an old friend of yours."

"You lying prick; she told me she'd informed you confidentially we'd been having it off for a long time."

"I deny that."

Terry grinned and said approvingly, "You lying bastard. Well that's proved you have one quality that makes a good auto salesman. Are you interested in remaining with pre-owned or do you wish to try new vehicles?"

"Pre-owned."

"Why?"

"Because new vehicles have become more difficult to move. I figured I'd earn more selling more pre-owned units."

Terry laughed and called Jimmy a greedy cunt. Terry's expertise at establishing affinity so quickly had revealed to Jimmy why the adulterer was so successful in business.

At the end of the interview Terry pressed the tips of his fingers together and said, "I have decided to give you a month's trial. If you work out you'll move into a shared office and will have access to the pre-owned lot to take a vehicle home at nights and be on a salary off $20,000 plus a 1.28% commission on the dealer price of each vehicle you sell. How's that young man?"

"Perhaps I should ask you a question. What would be say to Victoria if she had said to you that you could lie beside her and could engage in as much foreplay as you wished but you could not enter her?"

The tired-eyed fifty-something said, "I'd say get fucked."

"Then I say get fucked Mr King. That's exactly what you are doing to me."

Terry scowled and cracked his knuckles and then he must have had a flashback, seeing himself in Jimmy's shoes thirty years ago. Jimmy's cool stare was beginning to waver, his confidence ebbing, as Terry's scowl turned into a smile and he said, "Right start negotiating asshole."

Jimmy ended up with a two-year old Lexus SUV as his personal vehicle, a salary of $32,500 and a payment of $200 on every pre-owned vehicle he sold.

They shook hands and over coffee Terry had second thoughts and was perhaps thinking of the need to rack up the number of new vehicles he wanted sold because he said, "Jimmy, what say you work only in the new vehicle division and I raise the $200 a unit sale to $1000?"

"I'd be out of my depth with new car sales."

"I'll coach you. You start Monday and I'll coach you."

"But your attention will be diverted from me. What say you work with me all Sunday afternoon from midday? That's the big time for 'lookers' who kick tires. I'll be able to observe your techniques with the hardcore of difficult potential clients."

"Right you're on. Britt will cut my throat because we have a family lunch."

"Get them to start at 11:30 and you come in here by 1.30 and we work late."