Joseph Ch. 01

After the shower, he got dressed and prepared to meet Louise. He could only hope that she was as in control of her gifts as everyone said she was. Realizing that it was too early to leave, Joseph sat at his laptop and opened a document that he had been working on for months. He began at the top of the thirty page document and began to read it, making changes and corrections as he went. The only issue was when it was finished; who would he take it to if he took it to anyone? The document had begun as a way for him to get things off his chest, but it had slowly turned into something else. He was as Nathan said a speed reader, but with this document, he always took his time. By the time he reached the last page, it was time to go. He gave the document one last perusal and closed it out. He sighed deeply and left, still trying to think of a way to get out of not going.

An hour later, he was sitting at Nathan and Louise's dining room table. It had been awkward at first. He was still concerned about Louise's ability to control her gifts. Louise was her usual quiet self, but was making a big effort not to accidentally feel whatever it was that had Joseph so nervous. Now that they were both more relaxed and Joseph found her soothing. For the first time for as long as he could remember, he felt calm.

Louise was, as Nathan had promised, a good cook and he had seconds, and then thirds, as well as dessert. He liked her and had a feeling that she could help him if he would allow her to do so. Nathan he decided was a lucky man but then all of the Sinclaire men with mates were. They had women that loved them in spite of what they were and had been.

Granted, Nathan hadn't raped, but he came from a family of rapist and yet this woman mated with him. It made him wonder why they could accept his family and he couldn't or wouldn't.

"Dinner was fantastic," Joseph complimented. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," Louise replied. "Do you like to cook?"

"I do ok, but I'm not anything like Nathan," Joseph replied. "Can I help with the cleanup?"

"No... you and Nathan visit," Louise replied with a smile. "And besides, you're company and you get a free pass - this time," she teased.

Nathan and Joseph helped clear the table and then went to Nathan's office. Nathan offered Joseph a drink and sat down.

"She really is beautiful and special," Joseph said after taking a sip of the brandy.

"Yes she is," Nathan agreed. "So what's been happening with you? I know from dad that your firm is doing well."

"It is," Joseph agreed. "You know - I really didn't want to come tonight."

"I know that and I'm glad that you did," Nathan replied. "It's been far too long since we've talked and being busy isn't an excuse.

"I know," Joseph agreed. "Nathan... I don't understand you, mom or any of the women that mate into this family. How were you able to let what they did go? Dad raped mom! That's the only reason that you're here! Doesn't that piss you off?"

Nathan let Joseph vent with a sigh of relief. Finally, he was getting it out and that was a start.

"I understand that it started a long time ago, but are you telling me that someone even before dad and the others were born didn't realize that it was wrong? I mean what the fuck is wrong with this picture?"

"I understand," Nathan said. "Let's start with the historical aspect of this thing. As you know no one knows who started it. If I had to guess it was someone in our family who was of the thought that vampires were superior over humans and that we had the right to do as we saw fit. I agree that there was probably someone who didn't agree but didn't speak up out of fear. You and I both know that it's easier to do what was done in the past than to try to change it."

"But rapists?" Joseph murmured.

"You also have to remember that we're talking about two different societies with vastly different morals and laws," Nathan explained. "Don't misunderstand me, it was, and is, wrong and nothing will ever change that. As far as dad goes - I can't even begin to tell you how angry I was. Even now there is a distance between us that is slowly narrowing but here's the rub. Who is ultimately responsible for how I act or what I say or do? Who teaches us these things?"

"So you're saying that dad and the others had no choice - I don't buy it." Joseph said. "There is always a choice."

"Let's take a hypothetical situation," Nathan said. "Let's say for a moment that nothing had changed. We're children and our father tells us from the time we could talk that it is acceptable to go out and hunt human women to use as we please. This is all that we hear as we grow to be men. Not once has anyone stepped forward to question the practice. So tell me, how do we know that what we are doing is wrong? We know that the humans consider it wrong, but we aren't human are we? We are vampire and thus entitled to do as we wish. I submit to you that that scenario is exactly what happened to dad and the others."

"Alright," Joseph said after a minute. "I'll buy that, but what about later? By his own admission uncle Ethan said that he knew it was wrong five fucking centuries before he raped Katrina! Dad knew it was wrong and instead of staying and stepping up, he ran like a coward and changed his name! Do you know what that means? It means that it could have ended a long time ago! Mom, Katrina and so many others wouldn't have been raped. Veronica's kidnapping and almost murder wouldn't have happened! Uncle Jesse and his mate would still be here! So tell me Nathan, how do you come to grips with that? How did you come to grips with the fact that you were conceived in violence? Explain to me how you could bring a woman into this fucked up family!"

Nathan took several minutes to reply. He wanted to give Joseph a chance to settle before he continued.

"I agree with you, in that once they realized that it was wrong, that it became their responsibility to begin to stop it. If they had, none of what you mentioned would have happened. I can't tell you what Uncle Ethan was thinking -- that's for him to say and the same goes for dad and Uncle Patrick. I would encourage you to talk to them. I can, however, talk about me.

I was angry as you can imagine. It wasn't until weeks after the revelation that I could even bring myself to speak to dad or any of the others for that matter. I slept outside of their bedroom door and refused to go to school. I had to be sure that he wouldn't hurt her again. Finally, he took me camping. It was just me and him, and he encouraged me to yell, scream, and even hit him, if it would help."

"Did you?" Joseph asked.

"I did and I called him every name in the book and got very creative with a few of them. I hit him until I couldn't stand on my feet any longer and did nothing to protect himself. He just stood there and took it. When I was done, he sat on the ground and pulled me into his arms. I fought him at first but he wouldn't let me go. He kept saying that he loved me, that they loved me and that I would have been born to them anyway because he and mom were mates. He apologized that he, in his selfishness, had made things so hard for me and mom."

"Did you believe him?" Joseph asked.

"I believed him," Nathan replied. "You weren't there, but Joseph; the pain, grief and regrets that poured from him couldn't be faked. Those emotions are always just under the surface and he doesn't ask that they be taken away from him."

"How did you forgive him?"

"I could because mom did," Nathan replied. "I figured that if she could forgive the male that hurt her - then so could I. It wasn't an overnight thing and even though I've forgiven him and I love him; we will never be as close as we were before I asked that question. Part of my anger toward him was that he didn't step forward once he realized that he had done wrong. He disappeared, changed his last name and hoped that one of the others would step forward. I'm sure that he mentioned that when you talked."

Joseph stood and poured them each another drink.

"He did say something about that," Joseph said. "When dad told me what he had done, I blamed mom. I asked her what was wrong with her that she was with the man that had raped her. I asked if I had been conceived through rape as well."

"Interesting," Nathan mused. "I asked if you were conceived the same way."

"Did you blame mom?" Joseph asked.

"No... why would I? It wasn't her fault," Nathan replied.

"So, Louise is alright with this?" Joseph asked.

"Are you talking about the rapes? Of course she isn't," Nathan replied. "And neither is her sister, Kevyn, but they see that we're trying to keep anything like that from happening again, whether it's by us or someone else."

"I know and appreciate that," Joseph said, "but that doesn't change what this family is."

"No, it doesn't," Nathan agreed, "but have you heard anyone saying otherwise? We know that just as an alcoholic will always be an alcoholic; we will always be a family of rapists. And just as an alcoholic must take steps to protect his sobriety, we must take steps to make sure that this never happens again. That is why we are very public about it and each child when they are ready to be told is told the truth."

"Why did you change your last name back to Sinclaire?" Joseph asked.

"Because that is what I am," Nathan replied. "As ashamed of our past as I am, I'm also proud that we stepped up and took responsibility for what our family did. What would have keeping the last name of Richardson had done? Nothing and anyone who knows our family would know that I'm a Sinclaire just by looking at me. Keeping the last name of Richardson would have been hiding who I was and I didn't and I don't want to do that."

"So you think that I'm hiding?" Joseph asked his tone a bit defensive.

"That's a question that only you can answer," Nathan replied. "I want to encourage you to talk to dad and the others. I also think that you should talk to either Mason or Eustace. It's time that you start dealing with this. It affects more than just you, but your future mate as well. I also want you to know that I'm here for you as a brother and as a friend any time that you need me."

Joseph left a short time later not sure of how he felt. Relieved was too strong of a word and he hadn't changed his opinion of his family. But he had kept his word. He had talked to someone and that would buy him a couple of weeks of peace. He knew that his parents would still be up and would call as soon as he got home.

When he got home, he called his parents and told them that he had gone to Nathan's house for dinner and that they had talked. He could hear and feel the relief in Rachel's voice at the news. That alone made it worth it. He hung up and called the courier to pick up the briefs that he had read and made notes on. One of the human first years would know what to do with it. He gave the briefs one last look and put them in a sealed folder.

While he waited for the courier, he changed his clothes and hoped that the courier wasn't one of the females. He wasn't in the mood to be flirted with, but then he never was. He just felt less like it now. Five minutes later, the intercom buzzed. Joseph looked to see who the courier was and was relieved to see that it was a male. He knew that some of the male couriers were attracted to him too, but they kept it in check. Joseph handed the man the package, along with a tip while taking note of his name. After the man was gone, Joseph logged the pick up into his laptop and waited for confirmation that the package had been received. The confirmation alert beeped once and went silent.

Having done all that he could do for work, Joseph let his mind wander to the conversation with Nathan. He had been right about many things, but he still hadn't explained how he dealt with what their family was. Finally, he went to bed deciding that he would talk to Nathan again in a few weeks. He wasn't ready to talk to his father or uncles about it.

The few weeks had turned into months. Another problem, in the form of hunters, had arisen and was taking up everyone's time, his included. It had been a nightmarish several months but some positives had come out of it. The Sinclaire line had grown, both literally and figuratively. The threat had pulled the Blackwell's and Sinclaires back together as friends, allies, and, now, family. He had known that there had to be something to the fact that two powerful women had mated into the Sinclaire family and was amazed but not entirely surprised about the history between the Sinclaires and Yancy's.

The threat had finally resolved and there were two new babies - Louise and Barb's. Two more innocents that would have to be told what monster family that they had been born into. Of the two babies, he considered Nathan's to be the more unfortunate one. That didn't mean that he didn't love or that he wouldn't die for her - he would, but she had Sinclaire blood in her veins. Sadly, he thought the same of his baby sister Stephanie, or Steffi, as he called her. He loved the little girl to a distraction, but like him she was tainted.

Now that the hunter threat was over, his mother began hinting that he should talk to someone. Reluctantly, he admitted that she was right. But he wasn't ready to go to Mason or Eustace. He would go back to Nathan first and then maybe talk to his father. The truth of it was that he was coming to certain conclusions himself while they were all under one roof. One was that the women in their family were awesome. Their capacity to love and forgive was almost overwhelming. He wanted to understand where that quality came from. The second thing was that as much as he swore that he didn't want to find his mate; he did. The third thing was that he couldn't go to her as he was. He had too much emotional baggage to unload. The fourth, and final thing, was that he realized that he had been and was as much of a coward, as he had accused his father of being. He wasn't about to run out and change his last name to Sinclaire - he wasn't ready for that, but he should have dealt with his issues long before now. It was time.

****

Lainie read the acceptance letter over again. She had done it! She had been accepted into law school at UCLA. She had to start making preparations financially, as she wouldn't be able to keep both jobs. She decided to keep the babysitting job because she could study while the kids napped and it fit better with her schedule.

She had already called her parents who made her read the acceptance letter three times.

"We are so proud of you," her father said. "We knew that you would be accepted. Now, we are going to help you and we will not accept no for an answer. We will assume responsibilities for your bills and rent..."

"Papa..."

"We want nothing to distract you from meeting your goals," he continued. "You will send us the information."

Lainie sighed. She knew that tone well. It meant that he had made up his mind and that there was nothing she could do to change it.

"I will expect an email from you this week," he said.

"Papa you don't have to do this..."

"I am aware of that," he replied. "It is something that we want to do. Your grandparents are pleased."

"Which ones?" Lainie asked, before she realized what she was saying. Her father's parent's limited acceptance of her was still a very sensitive issue for him. "I'm sorry papa..."

"No apologies are needed," he replied. "My parents are pleased for you, as are your mother's parents."

Lainie could believe that her maternal grandparents were happy and proud of her. She wasn't so sure of her paternal side. The last time she saw them was at the awards ceremony for her father. They spoke to her but made no moves to touch her. But she still tried to engage them in conversation.

"This is so great isn't it?" she asked her grandmother.

"Yes," she replied not looking at her. "Your father is a very smart man in many ways."

Lainie had to tamp down her anger at what her grandmother was implying.

"Well grandmother," she said quietly, "I happen to think that my father is brilliant in all ways."

She walked away before her grandmother could reply and took her seat next to her mother. Instead of sitting in the same row as her, her mother and maternal grandparents, her father's parents sat in the row in front of them. One of her cousins that attended the ceremony shook his head sadly and patted Lainie on the hand in sympathy.

"Lainie? Are you there?" Her father asked.

"Yes papa, I'm sorry I was distracted by something but I'll send the email later today."

"Good - your mother would like to speak with you, I love you Lainie and I am so very proud of you."

"I love you too papa," Lainie replied her throat tight.

She spoke to her mother, who reiterated what her father said about paying her expenses. Lainie mentioned that they were already covering what her grants didn't for her education.

"Lainie, you are our baby and this is what parents do. We are so proud of you and don't forget to send that email."

"I won't...mom? I love you guys and I'm sorry...."

"Lainie, it's over and it's in the past," her mother interrupted. "We got through it. We loved you, then, and we will always love you no matter what happens. You have a wonderful future ahead of you so concentrate on that."

Lainie wiped away tears and tried to smile. She had hit the jackpot as far as parents were concerned and she intended to keep them as proud of her as they were now.

"I also wanted to tell you that I'm going to be in L.A for two weeks. I was hoping that I could stay with you and we could do mother/daughter stuff like shopping, manicures and pedicures."

"That would be great!" Lainie exclaimed. "I baby sit on the weekends and I have classes during the week, but sure you can stay here!"

"Good, I have some seminar things to go to and as always papers to grade so I'll be busy too," Ellen replied. "I am so excited! You can take me on a tour of UCLA and your father says to make sure that we take plenty of pictures of us together. He would love to come, but he can't because of some meetings."

"That's too bad," Lainie replied. "Maybe he can come for a long weekend."

Lainie loved it when her father went shopping with them. Unlike most men, he loved shopping with her and her mother and was an active participant. He usually acted as runner exchanging clothing for the right size or a different color.

One day they were at a busy boutique and he was doing his usual running and giving opinions. There was another man sitting in front of the dressing rooms impatiently waiting for his wife. He watched Trong for several minutes before speaking to him.

"Excuse me, but you can't really be enjoying this."

"Of course I am," her father replied. "It pleases me because they are pleased."

The man shook his head and laughed. "In other words, you're pussy whipped."

Trong, who never used profanity or slang of any kind, looked at the man.

"I beg to differ," he said. "I am here because I love my wife and daughter and I choose to be. You are here because you have to be, so tell me, who is, as you call it, pussy whipped?"

The man sputtered, stood up, and walked away.

Lainie was listening to the conversation and about fainted. She had never heard her father use slang and it was startling to say the least. It was also when she realized just how much her father loved them. From that moment on she made a point of watching them. They were always touching each other and supported each other to the fullest. There were never harsh words even if there was a disagreement and they never, ever went to bed angry at each other or anyone else. They still held hands in public and her father treated her and her mother like the ladies they were. She wanted that. She wanted the kind of marriage that her parents had. She also watched other couples including both sets of grandparents. Her maternal grandparent's marriage was the most like her parents. Her father's parent's marriage seemed cold and distant to her, but then it had been an arranged marriage.