Junky Chronicles Ch. 04

Over the next few days they decided to take Natalie to Cape Town and help her heal from the wounds that had been inflicted on her. Ashley arranged for Bianca to go with and when Natalie agreed they all hoped that they would finally get a piece of their normal lives back.

Chapter Thirty Four February 2007

Natalie and Ashley pulled away from one another and started walking down the beach on the edge of the water. Both women quickly realized that they missed the close contact they had shared moments before. Ashley was suddenly aware of the feelings that Natalie provoked in her and she immediately shook her head to clear the thoughts. She hadn't let anyone touch her physically or emotionally since Jean and Natalie had too much baggage for her to even consider this a possibility.

Unbeknownst to Ashley, Natalie was having the same thoughts, but she simply chalked it off to Ashley having saved her life three times and technically speaking doing it for a forth time now. Suddenly Megan's words came back to her and she wondered if her beloved wife was referring to Ashley but she didn't think she could ever enter another relationship.

The women turned around and headed back to the house, Bianca noticed the contemplative looks on their faces and immediately realized that if anything was going to blossom between the two women they were going to need a few nudges. At that moment she decided that she had to work on Ashley because Ashley trusted her and that she could provide the first nudge. She also had to get into contact with Natalie's friends and get them to make Natalie acknowledge what was happening. This was not going to be easy but it could save two brilliant women's lives.

Each woman went about their days and Bianca was happy to see that Natalie had taken to drawing even though most of her drawings reflected Megan and Logan. In these drawings Logan was about three years old and Bianca hoped that this was a way for Natalie to let go of everything she kept bottled up. Ashley sat in the window seat and stared out across the beach, her eyes unfocussed and Bianca knew she was trying to figure something out.

"You okay?"

"Hmm, just thinking," Ashley said absent-mindedly.

"About?" Bianca sat next to her and looked at the conflicting emotions flashing over the blue eyesd doctor's face.

"I saved Natalie three times, what are the odds of that happening? And then today on the beach she opened up to me about this dream she had where Megan told her that her time on earth wasn't up and that she was meant for someone else. For the first time in my life I opened up to someone I hardly know and who wasn't paid to listen. She held me while I cried and surprised me with the tenderness she displayed. Then when we got up we were both quiet and walked but I immediately missed her touch," Ashley wiped a tear away before continuing, "I can't be feeling this way about her. You know I haven't let anyone touched me in any way since Jean and I can't be falling for the one woman who is more emotionally damaged than I am."

Bianca pulled her friend into a hug and held her for a while before speaking, "would it be so bad to finally trust someone again? She might be damaged, but look at life, who isn't? I believe that she is loyal and trustworthy. There is no way that she will ever do to you what Jean did because she now knows what the value of love is and that losing it is like dying. You have both experienced the same loss in different ways, Ash and I think that if there is anything that could develop between the two of you it could heal both of you."

"I can't take this risk. I can't let her or anyone else touch me and I certainly can't make myself emotionally vulnerable again."

"Sorry to be the one to break it to you, but you have already started letting her in and guess what, she hasn't run yet!"

Ashley tried to come up with more reasons as to why it wasn't a good idea but realized that Bianca had every counter argument and that she was right. Well, that was what Ashley's heart said but her head wasn't so keen on the idea. She came here to help Natalie heal and suddenly she found she was in desperate need of healing herself. With a shocking realization she concluded that she needed healing by Natalie.

"This can't be happening. She doesn't feel that way about me."

"She does, she just needs time to realize this and figure it out. This gives you time to figure your own feelings out. Just try Ash, you owe yourself that much."

"Yeah, whatever," she got up and stalked off to another room to clear her head.

Bianca took this time to get in touch with Devon and Kaz. She briefly explained what was happening and asked if they could come over for a weekend to visit. Both were over-protective but soon realized that Ashley could be good for Natalie and agreed to come. Ben and Dani were both excited by the prospect of adding the infamous Dr Simons to their dysfunctional circle.

**********

Natalie was sitting on the beach that Saturday, staring at the waves and trying to figure out why she couldn't get Ashley out of her mind. She wished Megan was there to give her the answers and tell her what she was supposed to do next but no answers came to her. Devon saw the contemplative figure of Natalie on the beach and held Dani's hand as they walked toward her with Ben and Kaz in tow.

"Is this all you do with your time?"

Natalie looked around and flew to her feet, jumping into Devon's arms and started to cry. The other three circled the large man and hugged the two intertwined figures.

"I missed you all so much," Natalie sobbed and clung to the group.

"We are here, Nat," Kaz said in a choked up voice.

Natalie stepped back and looked at the four familiar faces, "I am so sorry for everything. I didn't stop long enough to realize that we all lost Megan and Logan, I didn't think that you were experiencing a loss as big as mine and that you all shared my pain. I... I am sorry, I put you through so much."

"Hey, it's okay, we all learned something and the most important lesson was that nothing and no one can break us apart," Kaz said between sobs, clinging to her husband.

"We are all here, better and stronger than before. It might not be all of us anymore but the ones that matter are here and we will always be," Devon added and the three friends clung to each other and cried.

"So, how's the baby?" Natalie asked as she wiped her tears.

Everyone took turns to tell their stories and laughed at the antics they missed. Kaz and Ben were expecting a little girl and Devon and Dani got engaged. Natalie shared in the joy of their news and took a deep breath after telling them about the dream she had.

"I have a problem," Natalie said in whisper, staring ahead.

"You can't still be hesitant to tell us anything after everything that happened," Devon gently urged.

"I think I am starting to feel something for Ashley. But I'm not sure if it's because she saved me so many times or because of who she is. I'm not supposed to be feeling anything for anyone, I just lost my wife and here I am, almost a year later and I can't stop thinking about another women," Natalie said and didn't even try to wipe away the tears that were flowing.

"You just told us about this dream you had and you're questioning this. Megan would want you to be happy again, Nat. We all know and Megan knows that you will never forget her or your son but we all want you to be happy again," Kaz said before Devon joined in.

"We all love Ashley and honestly, she can handle you just as Megan could and you need that. She is amazing, Nat and she can offer you happiness, you just have to decide if you want it. Moving on doesn't mean forgetting, it simply means that you're taking control of your life."

"Face it, there's no doctor in this world who would do anything even remotely close to what Ashley is doing to help you," Ben added.

"We were sitting on the beach the other day and I told her about my dream. She opened up to me about something in her past and when she cried I held her. It felt right and that bothers me because Megan was supposed to be the only thing that ever felt right. I feel guilty and I feel like I'm letting them down when I spend time with Ashley."

"That's natural, we're not saying jump in now, just don't close the door without even considering the possibilities," Dani said quietly and smiled at Devon.

The group spent hours on the beach, talking and then fooling around in the sand and water. There was finally laughter again and this time when they saw the life back in Natalie's eyes they were relieved to know that this time it was because Natalie was truly healing.

**********

Ashley watched the interaction between the friends and wondered if she could ever possibly fit into their circle. Would she be able to trust anyone enough again to find something even similar to what the friends seemed to share?

"Come join us on the beach," Kaz said, breaking Ashley musings.

"No, that's a moment between you guys," Ashley responded with a smile, but Kaz heard the underlying sadness.

"It's a friends moment and we all consider you part of that, so technically speaking you are missing out on a moment that should have been yours as well," Kaz took her hand and led her outside.

Natalie looked at Kaz and Ashley approaching and smiled at the large belly that Kaz now had. Her eyes fell on the blonde following closely behind Kaz and she couldn't help but smile at the conflicting emotions that played across the beautiful face. Never could Natalie have imagined that the confident doctor could ever be so secluded and shy around other people.

"Did you finally get the reclusive Doctor to join us?" Devon asked and smiled at the blonde.

"It took some convincing, she doesn't believe that we see her as part of our group," Kaz shrugged and stood beside Ben.

"You are as much part of this group of unstable friends as everyone else is. Well, we won't force you..." before Natalie could finish, Kaz interrupted.

"Nat's lying, we will resort to violence and blackmail if we have to."

Ashley laughed and sat beside Dani on the sand, "then I better accept it."

"Trust me, you will save yourself a lot of energy if you just agree. Been there, done that and I've got a spare T-shirt if you're interested," Dani chimed in.

The banter continued well into the afternoon and Ashley finally relaxed in the group. Bianca joined them and Ashley realized with a start that she felt as though she belonged for the first time in a long time. Everyone started disappearing to the house and when Natalie looked around she realized it was only her and Ashley left on the beach.

"It's a beautiful night," Natalie whispered into the silence.

"Yeah it is," Ashley shivered and Natalie moved closer to provide her with some warmth.

"Thank you," Natalie said into the ear of the woman between her legs.

"For what?" Ashley looked into the blue eyes and couldn't look away.

"For saving me and for giving me the opportunity to experience some joy again."

"I didn't do anything other than my job," Ashley's voice also dropped and their face were mere inches apart.

Without hesitation or even giving it a thought, Natalie lowered her mouth to Ashley's and felt a gentle warmth spread through her when their lips touched. Ashley arms locked around Natalie's neck after she turned around and pulled the brunette closer to increase the contact. Natalie's tongue slipped between Ashley's lips into the silky warmth and their tongues glided together. Every second they spent kissing felt natural and easy, like a warm glow from the fire after the burning heat had died down. Both women knew that they had both had their burning heat relationships and that a comfortable glow with moments of blazing heat suited them just fine.

The kiss broke apart and they stared at each other, both waiting for the guilt and regret to get to them, but it didn't come. It was as though the universe was telling them that they had finally taken a step into the right direction. They knew that they still had much to learn about each other but suddenly looked forward to the journey.

Chapter Thirty Five May 2007

Natalie had just arrived back in Johannesburg and was happy to finally be regaining some of her normal life. She was going to start work again in the week and things between her and Ashley was going great. Looking around the large house that once held all the happiness and laughter that Natalie could ever need, she broke down. Natalie fell to her knees and sobbed, not only had she lost her entire family in this house, she had also managed to lose Alice under this roof. She knew Alice didn't die here but her destruction had started in this room on that couch.

Kaz and Devon watched as Natalie sobbed, this time they didn't try to comfort her because they knew that Natalie had to face her demons head on if she was going to survive. Suddenly the four walls that held so much happiness only held screaming silences and the dreams that had been lost.

"I never even dreamed that this place could feel so unbelievably empty," Natalie whispered in a choked up voice.

"We lost a lot, Nat and now we all need to pull together to pick up the pieces," Devon said and sat on the couch.

Kaz sat next to him, "just remember that we can do anything together," Kaz added.

"How can feel happy and empty at the same time? I mean, being with Ashley makes me happier than I ever thought I would be again. Way happier and yet I have this undeniable underlying emptiness and sadness," Natalie looked at the picture of her Megan, tears streaming down her face.

"You lost a part of yourself and you only just started to try and rebuild that. Just remember that it will never be the same and that you shouldn't question your current relationship based on what you had with Megan," Kaz said and disappeared into the kitchen to make coffee.

"I guess moving on, letting go and rebuilding everything seems like an impossible task to me."

"Think about it this way, Nat. If you were stuck in a cave, your leg was trapped under a boulder and there's no one for miles, what would you do? You have to survive and your only chance of surviving is cutting off the limb that is keeping you trapped. Isn't that the same as losing a part of yourself to survive? Then you get back to civilisation and you have a hard time adapting and getting used to only having a part of you left. Doctors start constructing and building a new limb for you and you know it will never be the same again but it heals that part of you that needed healing. That's what you're doing, Nat, you're rebuilding what you lost and it will never be the same but it could be better or just the same depending on how you choose to deal with it. You can make a new life for yourself and replace that deep hurt and sadness with happiness again, it depends on whether you want to be whole again," Devon said and stood next to Natalie as she looked at the sonar of their child.

"I want to be happy, Dev. In truth, I want to be happy with Ashley, she makes me feel again and there is something in her and about her that makes me want to be strong again and love her regardless. This is going to be so hard," she wrapped her arm around the large man and stared at the picture with him.

"Then you'll be happy, Nat. Just don't give up."

**********

Ashley walked through the door that night and hugged the gentle woman she had quickly come to love and trust. She wasn't worried about the physical aspect of their relationship because she knew Natalie wasn't ready to truly be touched that way again and Ashley was unsure if she could allow another to touch her way.

"Hi," Natalie whispered and kissed the soft lips.

"Hmm, hey," Ashley leaned against the strong body.

"I made dinner," Natalie announced and led the way to the kitchen.

They ate together and Ashley told Natalie about the surgeries she performed. Their bodies were close because they craved the contact and simply loved being close to each other. There was a comfort between them that neither could explain but didn't question either, instead they basked in the glow of what they shared. The women cuddled closely on the couch and watched a few sitcoms, during an ad break Ashley turned around and captured Natalie's lips.

Their lips moved together and their hands gently started to explore while soft moans escaped their lips. Natalie ran her tongue against the soft lips and asked for entrance, the request was quickly accepted and Ashley ran her tongue against Natalie's. A duel between their tongues started and their arms quickly started to pull the body against their own closer, moving against each other.

"Let's go to bed," Ashley whispered breathlessly.

Without a word Natalie took her hand and led her up the stairs to the guestroom she now occupied. She couldn't bear to sleep in the room where she had once loved Megan. Once inside the room Ashley took charge, she didn't know what came over her but she needed to feel and experience everything Natalie had to offer. Lips came together in a hungry exploration and trembling hands pulled Natalie's shirt over her head. Slowly they undressed each other, almost as if repeatedly asking the other if they're sure about what was about to happen.

They fell onto the bed, Ashley straddling Natalie as their lips and hands explored the new territory. Soft lips travelled down her neck and kissed across her chest, paying loving attention to the large scar that covered Natalie's heart. Ashley captured a nipple between her lips and was rewarded with a sigh and an arched back. Her lips suckled on the puckered flesh and her tongue lovingly ran across the tip while her hand caressed the other breast.

Ashley paid the same attention to both breasts, her mind still asking how she could trust someone with her body so easily after everything she had been through. She nibbled down the taut stomach and kissed over the naked mound, before her tongue touched the soft, wet flesh there the answer hit her. Natalie is just as broken as I am and somehow we're healing each other. That's stronger than any amount of trust.

Her tongue made contact and a loud gasp left the lips of her lover. She took Natalie's lips between her own and suckled gently, the body of the brunette thrashing on the bed at the sensations it created. While she suckled the pink lips her tongue searched for the clit that had peaked from beneath its hood and she fluttered her tongue over the hard nub. Natalie's hips started bucking against the beautiful face, her breathing loud, ragged and strangled while her hands tore at the sheets. Without warning her orgasm tore through her body and the scream caught in her throat as she stopped breathing and her body went rigid. When she relaxed Ashley crawled up her lover's body and kissed the panting woman.

Their roles were quickly reversed by Natalie who started worshipping the body beneath her. As Natalie kissed her body, Ashley simply marvelled in the feel of their bodies pressed together and her mind simply telling her how right this felt. There was not a moment of fear or hesitation in Ashley as Natalie lay claim to her body. Her body was in ecstasy after Natalie pushed her over the edge numerous times.

Ashley settled her head on Natalie's breast and basked in the afterglow of their love making, her finger idly tracing the scar of where she cracked open Natalie's chest to save her life the first time.

"It's ironic, you cut open my chest to reach my heart and get it to beat again, physically. Tonight you cracked it open again and made it beat emotionally," Natalie whispered against the blonde head.

Warm tears ran down Ashley's cheek and kissed the scar that Natalie was referring to, "it's healing nicely."

"Yeah, it is. In both ways and I only have you to thank for that."