tagHumor & SatireJust So Elephant

Just So Elephant

byoggbashan©

You asked me, O Best Beloved, to tell you an Earth Day story that is about Nature. You wanted a story that was not Intelligent Design but Evolution by natural selection.

So I've decided to tell you again how the elephant got its trunk.

When you were much younger, I told you of The Elephant's Child who was full of 'satiable curiosity. That means he asked every so many questions. I told you how the crocodile caught hold of his nose, and the Elephant's Child pulled and pulled and how the Bi-Coloured-Python-Rock-Snake anchored the Elephant's Child as the crocodile pulled, and the Elephant's Child's nose stretched longer and longer until the crocodile eventually decided to try for another meal. And that was how the elephant got its very useful trunk.

But now you are older, O Best Beloved, and over eighteen years of age, I must admit that the story I told you about the Elephant's Child was a fable, a fiction, perhaps even a lie, but a lie designed for your limited understanding at the time. Like Intelligent Design, it was a fable, a lie, for those who cannot understand or cannot face the real truth.

What is the real truth, you ask.

The elephant envied those animals who could scratch where it itched. It envied those who found that if they scratched in a certain place, or caressed, or fondled, or, if they were female, inserted -- that they had very pleasurable feelings indeed. They moaned, they sighed, they screamed, they shuddered, O Best Beloved, just as you do when you do what those fortunate animals do.

But the elephant couldn't. No matter how it turned its head, how much it stretched, how much it tried to bend its legs, it could not reach that delicious spot. If it did get a leg close, it was too clumsy and hurt itself.

For years and years successive generations of elephants tried to reach the pleasure spot. Each generation chose partners that had longer noses and more flexible noses. The laws of evolution worked gradually and each successive generation, O Best Beloved, had longer noses that could stretch closer and closer until after many thousands and tens of thousands of years an elephant was born that COULD reach the pleasure spot with HER nose.

When she was old enough, O Best Beloved, which means by the unalterable laws of Literotica that it was her eighteenth birthday, she could insert the tip of her flexible trunk inside her pleasure spot.

How she bellowed! How she screamed! And an elephant's scream is very, very loud, O Best Beloved.

All the other adult elephants gathered around to see what she was screaming about. When they saw what she was doing and how much she was enjoying it, they all tried to do what she was doing.

Because it had been so many thousands of years since the first elephant tried to reach its pleasure spot and failed, and because each generation had chosen longer nosed partners, and each successive generation had grown longer and longer noses, they hadn't realised that they ALL could, if they really wanted to, O Best Beloved, reach that hitherto inaccessible pleasure spot.

As they tried, some found that yes indeed, they could reach the pleasure spot. They could insert their flexible trunk inside that delicious place, and if they wiggled their trunks just so, in that special place just there, then they would be ecstatic with pleasure, moaning, sighing, screaming, shuddering and even trumpeting as loud as elephants can. And an elephant's trumpet is very, very loud, O Best Beloved.

But only some of the elephants could make themselves ecstatic with pleasure, moaning, sighing, screaming, shuddering and even trumpeting as loud as elephants can. Only the FEMALE elephants.

And the MALE elephants were very sad. They could touch their pleasure spot and the thing that hangs between their back legs might get longer and longer and thicker and thicker but they could not, no matter how they tried, O Best Beloved, hold the thing that hangs between their back legs with their trunks enough to produce the wonderful pleasure that the FEMALE elephants were experiencing.

Some of the female elephants were very kind and let the male elephants bury the thing that hangs between their back legs and gets longer and longer and thicker and thicker in the female's pleasure spot. If the male elephant was very good at burying the thing that hangs between their back legs and might get longer and longer and thicker and thicker, the females would let the male elephant do it more than once and it was almost as pleasurable to the female elephant as inserting their own trunk.

But some of the male elephants were not very good at burying in the female elephant the thing that hangs between the male's back legs and might get longer and longer and thicker and thicker and the females were disappointed and annoyed, O Best Beloved. And an annoyed female elephant can be VERY annoyed.

The male elephants found that if TWO male elephants, even the first male elephant and another male, both used their trunks on the thing that hangs between their back legs and might get longer and longer and thicker and thicker, then the first male elephant would indeed become ecstatic with pleasure, moaning, sighing, screaming, shuddering and even trumpeting as loud as elephants can. And an elephant's trumpet is very, very loud, O Best Beloved.

But the female elephants became disappointed and annoyed because the male elephants were pleasuring each other, and not pleasuring the females. And an annoyed female elephant can be VERY annoyed.

So the female elephants, and as you know, or should know, O Best Beloved, that the female elephants are the rulers and lawmakers of the elephants, decided that when elephants are out together, then each elephant shall hold the tail of the elephant in front so that no elephant, neither male nor female, is enjoying their pleasure spot while the tribe is on the move.

But the male elephants still weren't happy. When a male elephant wants to use the delicious pleasure spot, and no female elephant is near enough or willing enough to let the male elephant bury its thing that hangs between their back legs and might get longer and longer and thicker and thicker, and no male elephant, for fear of the female elephants, is willing to lend its trunk to the first male elephant then that male elephant gets very angry indeed. And an angry male elephant can be very angry indeed.

And no, O Best Beloved, no doughnut offered to an angry male elephant would appease its anger.

So if you see a male elephant who is screaming and trumpeting, do not, not, never, offer that elephant a doughnut. Would you accept a doughnut when you want to use your pleasure spot? I thought not.

And I must apologise to Rudyard Kipling. I don't think he'd accept a doughnut either as compensation for this caricature of his story.

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byoggbashan© 11 comments/ 11460 views/ 1 favorites

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by Anonymous

If the above comment contains any ads, links, or breaks Literotica rules, please report it.
by NaokoSmith06/01/14

Exceedingly Good

Ogg, you are hilarious and always a great treat to read. =D

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