Just Try It

Just Try It.

Man am I bored!

Here it is, a Friday night and I am stuck at home.

Alone.

I have no man – ditched him after I found him fucking his best friend. Didn't the shit hit the fan that night!

Hahahaha pun intended.

Hmm my glass is empty. I reach for another vodka and raspberry.

As I drink I brood. The kids are away they are at their Dad's for the next two days. So here it is, another weekend alone in what seems like forever. Maybe I should call a girlfriend.

Ring. Ring.

"Hello Carly? What you up to tonight? Oh, you are? Well, have a great night then, I want to hear all the details soon. Ok, bye."

Sigh.

Carly has a hot date. About time. The poor girl has been alone for way too long. Oh my God! Did I actually just say that? Me? Here I am, drinking alone, moaning and whinging because I am lonely and I call Carly a poor girl? Oh that is funny. I need to go out. I know. I will try April.

Half an hour later.

Now I'm bored and frustrated! You would think one of my friends had nothing to do, but I guess when most of your friends are married you should expect that.

There's nothing for it, I have to go out by myself. It's just, I don't know, its been so long since I have been "out there" as a single lady.

Getting up I go in my bedroom and stand in front of the mirror. I take off my t-shirt and track pants, but leave my bra and knickers on.

When you are going on an exploration of ones self, there is no need to analyse too much at once.

Hmmm I run my hands over my belly sucking it in trying to make it smaller. Who am I kidding here? I've had 3 kids. That tummy is never going to be flat like it was when I was 20. And those stretch marks, if they haven't disappeared by now, then I guess they never will.

Standing up straight I take a good look at myself.

I have long brown hair; it is mid-way down my back. It was always one of my best features but it has been a while since I had a haircut. I have fine lines around my green eyes. Not quite crows feet but one day I can see it happening.

My lips, let me see if they look kissable. (I feel stupid as I make kisses at my reflection in the mirror) Well I'm happy with them; bit of lipstick, stick them out a bit, and make them pout. That would be OK.

I'm laughing quite hard now. I can't see a vixen inside this woman. I'm trying intensely, but I guess my imagination isn't that good.

My arms look Ok. Not that flabby. I turn around so I can see the backs of my legs, twisting around at the waist. Tense the muscles. Oh wow cellulite! No man will want me now. He'd see that and run screaming naked from the bedroom!

I must have had too many drinks or I'm cracking up. Since when did going out mean I had to meet a man?

Ok be brave, here comes the hardest part.

I take off my bra and knickers. Standing nude in front of the mirror I look at my breasts. I have always been small breasted. They hang slightly. I never breast fed my kids so my nipples are still pale pink and small.

I can't remember the last time I saw them sitting up to attention during a wild night of lovemaking. Every time I made a move I was rejected or it was over before you could say, "kiss me". Looking back now I should have seen the signs. But I firmly believe we only see what we want to see in our partners, and in my own defence, I was married to this man for over 15 years. We had kids together, we had built a life, why would I look for reasons to destroy that?

Sigh.

I hold my slightly sagging tits in my hands, giving them a squeeze. I start fondling my nipples trying to get them larger and after adding saliva to my soft touches they are soon thrusting forward.

Ok. That looks better. I can live with that. Releasing my breasts I move back until I am sitting on the bottom rail of the bed. This position is high enough so that I can see my snatch. It's a bit hairy. It seems to have been a long time between shaves. Once upon a time that pussy would have been hairless always.

I go into the bathroom and start running the shower. I wash my hair, my body, enjoying the feel of the soap and my hands as they roam over me. I reach for the razor and do the parts I can see without the use of a mirror. I make sure my legs are shaved too, oh yes and don't forget under the arms.

Oh woman have you let yourself go, or what?

Soon I have dried off and returned to bedroom armed with a bowl, new razor, shaving cream and a towel. While I am shaving I give myself a few reminders.

"Light strokes, careful around the clit. Now in the cleft, careful, spread the lips a little wider."

Quickly I finish shaving, including the crack of my arse. I stood in front of the mirror freshly rinsed and shaved.

Wow! Who is that woman? She looks so different!

My hair is still wet and dripping. The drops fall over my tits and cascade down. I spread my slit open and really look at myself now. My fingers find my hole. I finger around the outside, running my hand back and forth between my clit and my pussy. That feels so good.

Sigh.

Have to stop. I will never go out if I keep that up. My hands move away from my core almost reluctantly.

Now. To find something sexy.

I move around the room. My naked pussy feels so different as I walk. I love the feeling of my lips rubbing together. This feeling has been missing from my life for an eternity, or so it seemed. Why the hell did I wait this long? What was wrong with me? Just because he didn't want me, doesn't mean I didn't have to care about me.

Come on girl keep it real here. You masturbated often during your marriage because you weren't getting any from him.

Opening the wardrobe door I spy it. The perfect dress. My husband – no sorry, make that – my EX-husband had always hated this dress.

"It's a whores dress." Was his only comment.

I couldn't see there was anything wrong with that. I had bought it because it had looked slutty. It had been one of my efforts in trying to stimulate my husbands – EX- desires. Well bother it! He doesn't care anymore and I want to wear it!

I put on the black leather dress. It reaches midway between my knees and my hips. I bend to put on my sexy black underwear and realise that I have a little problem. I had bought this dress a while ago, and I must've put on some weight because it's a bit tight. I can't bend very well. What should I do? I don't want to look ridiculous for heavens sake! Think Jaz.

I walk back to my wardrobe.

Frumpy. Flick.

Daggy. Flick.

Oh my God what was I thinking when I bought that? Flick.

Nice blouse. Black skirt. That could work.

But I really want to wear this dress. Does it look that bad?

I agonise over my decision, and finally think "Who cares anyway? It's not like they know me or anything."

I redress putting on the knickers and bra set I had been saving for a special occasion. Does that look ok? Oh I don't know! I look at the clock; I have been here for two hours!

Bugger it! I decide to go just like this. I put on my high heels and add an extra inch or two to my 5 foot 5 inch height. There that looks better.

Now for the hair and the make up. I blow dry my hair and wonder what to do with it. Put it up? Leave it down? I finally decide on leaving it down, blowing it around my face and cascading down my back. The make up is quick and easy. I have always been into subtle make up and tonight is no exception. I add the last touch of light pink lipstick. On impulse I blow myself a kiss. I pick up my purse and keys and walk out the door.

There is only one problem. I have no idea where to go. I decide to drive around until I find a place that appeals to me. The trouble was I had been out of the pub scene for a long time and don't know what as good or not. I keep driving. I end up at the point when I think, "ok I will just go to the next one I see".

So that is what I did, and ended up in this dimly lit nightclub. Women were dancing on poles, and men were hooting. I find a booth to sit in at the back and wait till a waiter comes around to order a drink.

I take stock of what I see. There are a lot of men of all shapes and sizes. I size them up but none of them appeal to me. Most of them seem far too young for me anyway. My drink comes. I sit and sip my vodka and raspberry.

Someone is standing in front of my booth I turn to look and see a woman standing there.

She asked, "Is anyone is sitting with you? I'm tired of standing around."

I said, "Sure help your self". I waved my hand to indicate she should sit.

She smiled her thanks and sat down next to me. We sat there just watching people around us not saying anything for a few minutes. I heard her laughing and looked in the direction she was looking in.

I saw nothing funny and turned to ask what she had been laughing at but she had her head ducked behind me. What the hell? Finally she moved and said that she had been hiding from a man her sister had tried to set her up with.

I stuck my hand out and said, "I'm Jaz".

She shook my hand and said, "I'm Mara, pleased to meet you"

We talked for a while after that, the usual things that strangers talk about, people around us who are having a good time and not afraid to show it, laughing at men as they got removed from the club because they couldn't stop trying to touch the dancing girls. I told Mara I was a divorcee, and how I came to be here tonight. In return she pointed out the man she was trying to ditch and I told her to duck if I saw him coming. We had a few more drinks, and it seemed we were old friends by the time we had our fourth drink.

By this time I was ready to leave the Club. It had been a good night. I might not have met any men, but I had enjoyed what had become a girl's night out. I told Mara I was ready to leave, she said she would too but was having so much fun she didn't want to go home.

"Umm would you like to come back to my place? We could have a few more drinks and listen to some music" I asked her.

"That sounds like fun." Mara smiled at me.

"Do you need a lift? Or would you like to follow me home? I asked her. "I was brought here by Vince. Lets go." She got up and together we walked from the bar. We drove back to my place, singing along to the radio.

Once inside I took off my shoes. My feet were killing me after hours in heels. Mara did the same. I excused myself and went to the bathroom. After, I served our drinks turned on the radio and sat down on the couch next to Mara. She asked where my toilet was and I gave her directions. When she came back we sat talking for a while longer. I asked why she had dumped that guy tonight? What was wrong with him?

"Oh nothing was wrong with him. He was a nice man, but I just wasn't attracted to him. I told my sister I didn't want her to meddle in my love life, but she wont have it. No one is happier than when they are married, is my sister's belief. I guess I will get it tomorrow when she finds out what happened."

I thought on that. Yes I knew what she meant. Married, together, never alone, always, yes I understood that. The tears started to well. Mara saw them and reached up to catch one of my tears. I watched as she brought her finger to her mouth and sucked my tear away.

"The reason I didn't want that man Jaz is my tastes are more defined." I was fascinated, hesitant in thinking what I thought she was saying.

"Mara, what are you saying?" I asked moving back on the couch and sitting forward.

"You know what I'm saying Jaz. But if you want I will say it out loud. I prefer ladies Jaz. Do you know you are very beautiful?"

I started laughing I couldn't help it. I didn't want to be rude; I didn't want this nice lady to be offended, but a lesbian! Mara rose from the couch with a hurt expression on her very pretty face. I also got up with my arms stretched out as I tried to make Mara stop so I could explain.

"Mara, please, listen, wait, I'm sorry that was rude of me. Call it shock. I told you I am a divorcee. My husband left me for another man. It's kind of a sore spot for me. I wasn't laughing at you I promise. I'm sorry."

Mara stood there looking at me. I tried to read her expression but all I could really see was the hurt. I felt twinges of guilt and put my head down a little.

I felt fingers touching my chin lifting my head so that I was looking eye to eye with this woman. She leaned forward and gently touched her lips to mine. I pulled back startled.

"Does it upset you that your husband left you, or that he left you for another man Jaz?"

"Both. I thought he would be with me forever. I thought he loved me. I thought I was good enough for him. But I'm not. Am I so terrible that no man can love me?" My eyes filled with tears, my arms were outstretched.

"There isn't only a love between man and woman, as you are finding out. But how can you really know until you do find out? Why not try it, see what you're husband saw in loving another of his sex?" Her voice was soft and quiet, coaxing.

"I can show you how to love again Jaz. I can take you to places that you haven't been to. I can do all this for you, if you are willing to try."

She leaned in again and kissed me lightly on the lips.

"Let me do this for you Jaz," she whispered. "Just try it".

Just try it. That phrase seemed to haunt me. But what was I supposed to do? I could recall all the horrible things I said to Tom as he left the house. Well screamed actually. And he didn't so much as leave as I threw him and his clothes out of the house. I called him every dirty name I could think of, while he red faced got in his car and drove away.

"I can't," I whispered. "I'm not a lesbian."

"You are so young, so innocent." Her voice was husky, almost deep as she breathed these words to me.

I laugh and say, "Thirty-eight is hardly young or innocent."

"You will learn Jaz. You will like what I teach. We can stop any time you say. No problems, no dramas. You say when to stop and I will."

I could feel Mara trembling next to me. I felt we were on some kind of ride because I was shaking as well.

I stood there in front of this woman and tried to think hard, to make the right decision. On one hand, I was curious. On the other hand I was appalled.

While I was deciding Mara helped me in making my decision. Her lips went to the side of my face as she traced gentle kisses. Her lips moved closer to mine. I stood immobile, paralysed with indecision. Her soft lips touched mine, and involuntarily my lips opened and Mara took the opportunity to explore my mouth further. Her lips became a little harder as she moved her lips over mine. Brushing them a little harder each time.

Mara put her arms around me and she moved so that we had full body contact. Breast to breast, thigh to thigh. Her hands were stroking my face as her lips closed completely over mine.

I still had not moved. I felt wooden. It was hard for me to take in. Finally Mara sensed this and released me. She looked at me for a very long time, and I stood immobile as I stared back into her eyes.

Her arms came back around me as a slow song started on the radio. Leisurely she started to rock me in time to the music, and as we made our slow dance she pulled my head so it rested on her shoulder. I kept my head there and just enjoyed the sensation of being held. It felt so good after so long.

I felt alive for the first time in a long time. I felt that I could be loved. It was only a start, but it was a better feeling than the emptiness I seemed to feel most of the time. I could smell her perfume, I could feel her heart beating, and I could feel her head as she rested it on mine.

Mara made no other moves on me through those few moments except that her hands were running softly along my back every now and then. When the song finished she moved her head away from me and allowed me to move back, letting her hands loosen their hold on me. I stepped back enough to look into Mara's blue eyes. It was like looking into an ocean on a stormy day. I felt myself being drawn into that sea. I felt myself being thrown around in the violence of those waves. I was drowning. I sucked my breath in and watched, this time ready and willing, as her head bent once again and she kissed me.

I kissed her back. My arms embracing around her neck as I my hands pulled her head down to kiss me deeper. She growled and acknowledged my silent request, her tongue running across my lips and my teeth as she explored the inside of my mouth. My tongue reached out to meet hers and our tongues danced in a manner similar to the one we had just had with our bodies. I must admit I was getting very turned on. We kept kissing, and her hands started to move over my body. They moved around my back, across my stomach, around my back again, up my arms, down my arms, stroking my face, my neck. And then Mara's hand brushed against my breast. I jumped back, startled.

"I'm sorry." I blubbered. "I think I need a drink."

"I think you have had enough Jaz." Mara said in a stern voice.

I looked at her. I could see the anger, the frustration written on this woman's face, but it just seemed like a lot for me to take on. Maybe I am a prude. I don't know, but I haven't even kissed a woman before tonight. I'm not really sure how I should feel.

My voice was shaky as I tried to apologize and I had to clear my throat twice before I could talk.

"You're right. I need to think. I'm sorry Mara. I should have expected that. I don't know what I'm thinking. I guess it's just a little too much for me. "

"Didn't you enjoy what we were doing Jaz? Didn't it feel good?" she countered.

I nodded my head. It did feel good to be held again. But what if that was all it was? What if, I didn't really want Mara, but just wanted to someone to hold? I feel really screwed up here. I don't know what to do.

Mara was silent for a while as she sat watching me in my indecision. Finally she spoke.

"Jaz, I want to give you something. I want to show you a little of what it could be like with me. You intrigue me. The way you kissed me, I know inside you there is a woman waiting to love, to give and receive. I want to be that person. If only to show you what can be. Let me show you one small thing and tonight I will leave. Before I go I will give you my phone number. You can call me when you have made a decision. I only ask that you do call me and tell me whether your answer is a yes or a no. Does that sound fair?"

"Yes, that sounds fair."

"Good." She said. "Jaz turn this way, turn towards me."

I did. Sitting on the edge of the couch with my legs together.

"Relax". She said, giving me a gentle shove.

I let myself fall back on the couch, but I was feeling a little uncomfortable. Mara got on her knees and knelt in front of me. She pried my legs apart so she was sitting between them. She leaned up and kissed me again. Gently running her lips over mine. I sighed and returned her feather light kisses. I felt my body relaxing as I enjoyed this attention. Her left hand was running a path across the edging of my bra, soft touches to my tits.

"Jaz, look at me." She said huskily almost demandingly. I lifted my head as I watched her slowly undo the buttons on my shirt.

"It's ok," she reassured me.

She leaned over looking me deeply in the eyes as her arms went around my neck and started to unzip my dress. My back arched to allow her better access and soon my clothing was lying around my waist.

Self-consciously I put my hands across my breasts, but she gently took them away with a smile. Her hands trailed across the line of my bra, touching my nipples as they went. I relaxed with a sigh and closed my eyes.

I felt a warm wetness, and opened my eyes to see Mara's tongue trailing the path her hand had just been. I cant express all the emotions I was feeling. My body was shaking, with fear as well as desire, but I was torn over which one was standing out. The knot in my stomach had not decreased. I was feeling guilty about wanting to do this, knowing that my friends and society frowned on this. Knowing that I, until tonight, had also felt this same feeling of wrongness.