Karen Ch. 04

(Dear Readers: Please bear with me. I'm really new at this and am flying by the seat of my pants. I'm really not sure where these characters are going to take me, but it's a hell of a ride. Also, my apologies for the long gaps between chapters. I was unfamiliar with the schedule in terms of how these stories are posted. It was really not my intention to string this out for so long. I would also like the thank The Troubador for his encouragement.)

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Karen found that she could not keep her mind on her work. The afternoon's tryst with Jim conflicted her tremendously. She made her excuses and left for the day, barely containing her emotions.

Finally, at home, she sat in the dimly lit den and gave vent to her guilt, sobbing quietly. She felt her mind and heart torn - torn between her love for her husband and her lust for Jim Belsen. She knew that she had betrayed Jack and she couldn't justify her adultery. She also knew that she would meet Jim again.

Intellectually, she knew what she must do. This "thing" with Jim must end now. It absolutely could not continue - to do so would be absolute insanity. It could very well destroy not only her marriage but Jim's as well. At the same time she knew in her heart that she could not end it. There has to be a way for her to straddle both worlds, her marriage and her lust for Jim, at least for awhile.

Her thoughts turned to Jack. Her heart ached for him. She was in such need of his calmness and compassion. She knew no one whose heart and mind tackled problems in a more rational and reasonable manner. His emotions never clouded issues. Problems were reasoned out in a sane and logical process. Yet, underlying the process, there was always kindness and sympathy for everyone involved. This was perhaps one reason why he has been so successful in his dealings with his clients. She knew that they were almost fanatically faithful to him and the respect they all had for him was boundless.

"Wait," she said to herself. "Perhaps it is those very admirable traits possessed by Jack that could be the answer to her terrible dilemma. Jack was the kind of person who would understand - he would, he would!!

" He loves me, he would understand and he would allow me this brief affair. I will promise him that I will be absolutely discreet. After all, this has nothing to do with my love for him, it's just sex and I'm sure that it won't take long for me to get over this 'thing' I have for Jim." she reasoned.

"I can't live my life lying and deceiving Jack, I know I can't. That would be worse than the affair itself. I won't be a deceiver. Jack will understand, he knows how much I love him," Karen thought.

It all seemed so reasonable to her. This could be the perfect answer to her problem. This way she would not have to lie or sneak around behind Jack's back. She could indulge her passion for Jim until it died a reasonable death. She was sure that this fire would burn itself out in short order. Yet, despite the confidence she had in her decision to be open and honest with Jack, she had misgivings. "What if he doesn't respond as I believe he will?" She shook off these doubts and convinced herself and this course of action was the most appropriate and reasonable. Jack WOULD understand.

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There was an underlying tension that evening; Jack was unusually quiet and Karen was obviously nervous and edgy. Her speech was a bit too fast and her conversation was brittle. She was trying too hard to be "normal" and it was obvious to Jack.

Karen was trying to find an opening so that she could have "the discussion with Jack, but seemed to lack the courage to do so. She finally decided that since the next day was Friday, they would then have the weekend to iron out any problems or misunderstandings arising from "the discussion She also decided to take tomorrow off from work so that she could prepare herself for the ordeal, for she recognized that it would be just that, an ordeal. That decided, she let out a silent breath of relief and tried to have a normal evening.

Jack, of course, sensed the tension in Karen, but without knowledge of the cause. He knew something was up and was fairly certain that it had to do with Jim Belsen. He mused, "Is Karen going to tell me that our marriage is over? Is that even within the realm of possibility, after all these years?"

He shook his head abruptly, "This is nuts. I know that we have a strong marriage, why am I assuming the worst? How can what I witnessed cause me to come to such draconian conclusions? What the hell is going on with my thought processes? Or do I unconsciously sense impending disaster? Ok, enough. Obviously something is bothering Karen and if she doesn't tell me what it is soon, I will then sit her down and get to the bottom of this."

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Fortunately, Jack Bell's morning was busy with John Benson, which, to his relief, went very well. It looked like the company has acquired a new client which would certainly benefit the bottom line. After all, he was in business to make a profit and Benson's account would help that goal.

"Mr. Bell" Pam interupted his thoughts. "Mr. Gould is here for your luncheon appointment."

"I'm coming out now, Pam" replied Jack as he strode through his door and greeted his old friend, Mike Gould.

"Mike, good to see you - I'm starving and I hope that you are also, " greeted Jack.

"Ready to go, Jack. Let's take my car. I'll drop you off here after lunch".

They drove to their local watering hole and were soon comfortably seated in a booth at the back end of the bistro. Jack was glad for the privacy, he wasn't in the mood for tumult.

"Ok, Mike, so talk - gosh, it's been how long since we were able to get together for a drink or lunch? What, about six months at least?"

"More like seven, Jack. The last few months have been somewhat traumatic for me. You may not have heard, but June and I have seperated. I'll probably be filing for divorce in a few weeks" Mike stated calmly.

Jack sat there stunned. While Mike Gould was not what may be considered an intimate friend, Jack had known him for years because of their business contacts and Karen and he had gotten together with Mike and his wife June periodically. This news, coming as it did, caught Jack by complete surprise.

"Mike, you two have been married for a long time, over 25 years?" queried Jack.

Mike nodded his head, "We celebrated our 25th anniversary almost a year ago and I discovered recently that June started an affair a few months after that 'celebration'. I immediately moved out and I have been in an apartment for the past few months."

Jack could see the pain in his friend's eyes and heard the tightness in the calm voice. Mike was trying to hold it together.

"Mike," Jack spoke softly "Do you want to talk about it? If so, I'm a good listener and it may do you a little good."

"Not much to say, Jack. It's like an old cliche. She felt she was getting old and unattractive. I wasn't paying enough attention to her, yadda, yadda. She is terribly sorry and remorseful about the affair - she still loves me. She wants me to forgive her. It's a script played out a thousand times a day somewhere in the world. I'm not even angry any longer - just tired and depressed

Jack looked down at his drink, suddenly very cold. How coincidental that Mike would present him with such a situation. This was hitting a bit too close to home. Is is possible that he would soon be in a similar postion? He refused to consider that - he shook those thoughts from him.

"Mike, is itt possible for you to forgive her? After all, you guys have a history together. There have been many good years, you know that."

"I've given that some thought, but I'm not sure how I can honestly do that. I have no trust in her, she destroyed that. The fact is that she knew what she was doing and she also must have known how her actions would affect our marriage makes forgiving her more than difficult.

"Look Jack, I love June, that hasn't changed, but I don't trust her any longer and I have lost the respect I had for her. How do I get over that? Every time I look at her I see her in bed with her lover. I visualize her spreading her legs for some guy that's not me. How do you get that picture out of your mind? I have to go forward with the divorce. Who knows, maybe somewhere along the line, sometime in the future we can get back together. But I suspect that too much time will have passed and we both will have gone down seperate and different paths."

Mike gazed at Jack with genuine sadness in his eyes. "It's a real bitch, Jack. You're lucky, cherish what you have. You never know what the future will bring. But enough of that - tell me what's going on with you. How you been doing, buddy?"

The conversation moved to more neutral subjects, but Jack found that it was difficult for him to concentrate on what else Mike was saying. His mind kept drifting back to his wife and the conversation he had planned for this evening. He had made up his mind. He would get to the root of whatever was going on with Karen tonight. No more vacilation.

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Jim Belsen looked at the clock for the second time in the last ten minutes. He couldn't keep his mind on what he should be doing. Karen had taken the day off and he was afraid to call her. He was filled with indecision and not a small bit of guilt. He again looked at the clock and the minute hand hadn't moved. He recognized that the afternoon was going to be a waste and decided that he would leave and head for home. He certainly wasn't getting anything done here.

But heading home, usually done without conscious thought, was no longer an easy task. It was difficult to meet Sara's gaze and difficult to engage in easy and comfortable conversation. He prayed that she hadn't noticed his tension, but was afraid that she knew something was afoot. He knew that she was too perceptive to miss his anxiety. He also knew that she loved him deeply and recognized that his weakness threatened that love.

"Honey, I'm home" Jim shouted as he entered his front door. The house felt empty to him and his heart lurched. Amazing what a guilty conscience can do. He rushed into the kiitchen and found Sara putting up a pot of coffee.

"Hi dear" she said. "You're home early today, getting a start on a long weekend?"

"Sara, you're leaving Monday and I want to spend time with you before you go. You know how I miss you when you're gone on these things," Jim replied.

Sara moved over to him and smiled, "You're sweet, Jim. I will miss you too, just make sure that you're a good boy when I'm away." and laughed as he reddened.

"Gee Sara," protested Jim as he took her into his arms. "I can't begin to tell you how much you mean to me, " and he leaned forward and kissed her gently. The kiss quickly turned to one of passion and he moved his hands to her face and found her tongue with his own.

Breathlessly, he ended the kiss and gazed into her eyes. Sara saw the need in his and murmured softly, "Let's go into the bedroom, honey" and she took him by the hand and led the way.

Jim stopped her by the bed and turned her to him. "Let me do that, Sara. Let me undress you, please" he said as he started to unbutton her blouse. He quickly had it off her arms and had her bra unclasped. He gazed lovingly at her still firm breasts with their light brown nipples. He saw that they had started to harden and he leaned forward to kiss each one gently.

Sara gasped and pulled his head more firmly to her breast. As Jim feasted she found the zipper on her skirt and let it fall to her feet. She pulled him up and whispered, "on the bed, Jim. Take your clothes off." He was soon naked and moved toward Sara who was now stretched out on the bed. He feasted his eyes on her almost nude body. "Damn," he thought to himself. "Despite being in her 40s she still looked damned good." He reached and slowly drew her panties down her legs and off her feet. He lovingly gazed at the soft fur on her pussy and slid his hand gently up her thigh to the juncture between her legs. Not being able to restrain himself any longer, he knelt between her legs and gently kissed her abdomen. Moving his lips lower he probed his tongue between her nether lips and quickly found her clitoris.

Sara gasped and jerked upward. "Shit," she blurted. "Don't stop, Jim. Keep doing that" Jim smiled at the profanity. Sara was always the perfect lady and would never have uttered a four letter word - except in bed while making love. She then became an almost wanton harlot. Sara the lady became Sara the courtesan.

Sara pulled at his head and pushed her hips into mouth. "Deeper Jim, oh shit. Push your tongue into that pussy." she moaned. Jim felt her juices begin to flow and he recognized that she was fully aroused. He pulled himself up and began to position himself to penetrate her.

"No, not that way" Sara breathed. "Let me this time, I want to be on top this time."

She quickly assumed the superior position and held him in her hand as she lowered herself onto his rigid and throbbing cock. She quickly impaled herself and allowed Jim to sink into her his entire length. She sat for a moment before starting to raise and lower herself on him. She placed her hands on his shoulder and staring into his eyes, said softly, "kiss my tits, Jim. Suck on my nipples." She then pushed her breast into his mouth and breathed deeply as his teeth clamped softly on her nipple.

Sara rode him slowly at first and then more rapidly as she felt her orgasm approach. She moved more quickly, almost slamming her groin into his as she felt the waves of pleasure overwhelm her. Dimly she heard Jim groan as he ejaculated into her. He clasped her closely to him and they held each other as they rested and caught their breath.

As she felt her climax ebb, she thought, "Damn. I guess I needed that more than I thought" and then she recognized that it had been over a week since Jim had approached her for sex. Sara moved and lay beside him while reaching for and holding his hand.

They lay there quietly with their own thoughts. Jim's mind was a whirlpool of conflict. He felt the overwhelming love for the woman beside him and tried to understand his almost fatal attraction for Karen. He recognized that if Sara ever left him, he would be devastated - unable to function. So why then was he engaged in such destructive behavior?

Sara, lying quietly beside him, was engaged in her own thoughts. She recognized the anxiety and tumult in Jim and, in all honesty, did not know how to even begin to broach her worry to him or her fear concerning his state of mind.

"I guess I'm just going to have to keep my eyes open and see what the next few days bring. I just wish that I didn't have to leave for Chicago, but," she thought," perhaps being away for a couple of days will be what the both of us need in order to come to some sort of resolution to whatever is bothering Jim." But, secretly, she knew what Jim's problem was. Deep in her heart she prayed that their future would not be the bleak one that may be coming.

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That evening was not a relaxed one in the Bell household. The tension was palpable and both Jack and Karen tread lightly. Jack in anxious anticipation and Karen in silent trepidation and fear, despite what she considered a reasonable solution to her "problem."

It was after a more or less silent dinner that Karen said, "Jack, let's adjourn to the living room. I really need to have a discussion with you."

Jack looked at her and just nodded. He was a bit relieved that he wouldn't have to force the issue, yet he felt the fear and worry gnaw at him. A sense of sorrow and desolation filled him and he lowered his head and followed her. Karen sat on the sofa and made room for him beside her, but Jack took the armchair to the side of her.

"Jack, I need you to just listen to me. Please, do not interupt me - just let me explain to you what is happening and how I feel. Also, please keep uppermost in your mind the certainty of my love for you. After I finish you will have the opportunity to say what you want. Is that ok?"

Karen looked searchingly at him, trying to determine his state of mind. Jack's face showed nothing, no emotion clouded his features. He gazed at her and said, "Say what you have to, Karen. I will listen and not interupt you."

Karen began: "This goes back to our college years. You may remember JimBelsen, he was in my class. Well, for a time we were an item. I was sure that I was in love with him and felt that we would marry after we graduated. I eventually found that it was not love that I felt, but there was a physical attraction that was intense. Jack, Jim and I were very intimate during the few weeks that we were together. "

Karen colored slightly and looked searchingly at Jack who remained impassive. She took a breath and continued: "While Jim and I were very intimate, we never truly consumated our relationship, for one reason or another. After a few weeks I was brought up short to discover that my intense attraction for Jim threatened my school work and I was in very real danger of being asked to leave. This certainly frightened me and I was able to step back and break it off with Jim. He understood my situation and agreed that we would remain just friends. "

Karen looked hesitantly at Jack and there was an intensity in her voice. "Jack, I met you soon after that and fell truly in love. The love that I had for you allowed me to ignore my attraction for Jim. My mind and heart were yours and I consider myself the luckiest woman in the world having you as my husband.

Karen hesitated again. The hard part was now coming. She prayed that she read Jack correctly and that his inate capacity for tolerance and understanding would be the reaction for which she yearned.

She moistened her lips which were suddenly very dry. Karen tried meeting Jack's gaze but found it difficult. She averted her eyes and cleared her throat.

"Jack, I didn't tell you this before, but Jim Belsen is now working at my company. He started not long ago. The day that you called to ask me to lunch, I already had lunch with Jim at that Marriott. I didn't know why I lied to you and I'm ashamed that I did and I want to apologize for that."

Jack released a pent-up sigh of relief. "Thank goodness," he thought. "Thank goodness Karen is coming clean. This is not nearly as bad as I thought it was going to be." He smiled to himself at the ridiculous thoughts he had entertained. "Shit," he thought. "Lunch is no big deal," he said to himself as the tension flowed from his body.

Karen noticed his change of demeanor and hurried to quiet any response from him. "Wait Jack, I'm not finished."

Jack tensed again and sat back. His mind was filled again with anxiety and worry. "What was coming now?" he asked himself.

Karen bit her lip slightly as she pleaded her case. "Jack, when I saw Jim I recognized that that intense physical attraction that I had for him was still there and if anything, even stronger. It was also apparent to me that Jim shared that intensity. It could be because we had never actually had intercourse while in college, but that's not the point.

Karen's eyes filled with tears. She knew that what she was about to tell Jack would be hurtful. "Please," she prayed. "Let him be understanding"

"Jack, I need to get this out of my system. I'm going to have a brief affair with Jim. I'm sure that after a few weeks, or at most a couple of months, I can get over this insane lust I have for him and get back to my normal life. Jack, please understand that this has nothing to do with my love for you. It's strictly physical, like an itch that demands scratching