Karma

"Knock it off, she's a good kid." Pat came to my defense.

"Yeah, they all are."

Ignoring the remarks, I grabbed Joe's food and when I placed it in front of him; I saw he had killed another cup of coffee. I didn't need to be asked and pouring him a third cup remarked, "Damn, Joe you must be up all night."

"Honey, its been a long time since I've been up all night."

"You mean you can sleep with all the coffee you..." I stopped and felt the blush returning, "Oh, um I get it."

"I don't." Joe smiled, "That's why it's been awhile."

I gave him an awkward nod and his smile widened, "I love it when you blush, you truly are a breath of fresh air."

"Thanks, I guess." I looked around and seeing no new customers coming in leaned against the counter, after now business was a trickle until lunch and I had to leave at one for class, today would be a lousy day for tips.

"So you never told me what's wrong?" Joe reminded me while spreading strawberry jam on his toast.

"I did, I said nothing."

"School's good?"

"You asked that already."

"Is it," he lowered his voice, "Your mom, you missing her?"

"Every day." I said softly, "But most days its good stuff and I'm okay."

"I know that feeling well." He frowned, an expression that seemed out of place on him. "All too well." He shook his head as if trying to dispel the upsetting thoughts entering his mind then continued, "Boy trouble."

"No, the only all nighters I have are from studying."

"Nice try, but I don't blush. Difference is I'm old and used up, you're way too cute to be spending every night alone." My face started to heat up again and he laughed, "You are way too easy."

"Nope, I'm a prude remember?"

"I prefer to think of you as a good girl, they're rare these days. So what's the problem? Billy treating you okay?"

"As okay as he treats anyone," I shrugged. "He rides me for being late, but I can't blame him."

"Well that will change now that you moved." Pat said walking behind me.

"How did you know I moved?"

"Heard you with Billy," she shrugged, "Remember all I have is gossip."

"You moved?" Joe asked, "When?"

"Um, yesterday, that's why I look kind of crappy."

"Then why didn't you say that?"

"I don't know."

"Where did you move to?" he picked up his cup and I resisted grabbing my locket while watching him chug the coffee.

"Closer."

"Closer where?"

"Near the Hilton."

"Are you getting something off the rent through the school like the other place?"

"No, not really."

Then why the move?" his eyes narrowed, "Everything okay?"

"I, well I had a problem with the landlord and decided to leave." At least that was pretty much the truth.

"Is it settled, you need any help?"

"I'm fine, Joe really."

"Okay, well just make sure if you need a little help you ask okay?"

"Okay."

I poured his fourth cup of coffee and wondered if Joe would lend me a month's rent and if he did would Hal take it? No, even if he did, I couldn't pay it back and would be right back at square one next month.

"So is your new place nice?" Joe asked, already bringing the mug to his lips.

"Yeah," I gave him what I hoped was a convincing smile; "It's a lot bigger than my old place and has a great view of the park."

*****

I looked up from my laptop and checked to see how much time was left on the dryer. I saw it was a half hour and leaning back in the chair thought about how much I used to hate the Laundromat. I'd always thought it was a long boring ordeal, but since I'd had nowhere to live I had come to appreciate it as a place I could stay for a couple of hours and not be bothered. I'd started doing laundry more often so I knew I had somewhere to go for a little while.

It had been three weeks since I'd decided not to whore myself to Hal and things hadn't been easy. Because I had a job I knew I wasn't as bad off as the other people I had seen sleeping on benches and in the parks. I could at least buy a cup of coffee and a meal if I had to. The first couple of days I'd been homeless I had lugged my bags everywhere with me until I remembered the gym I had a membership to offered lockers.

It was twenty dollars a month to rent one and although it hurt to part with the money it was worth it. The gym was a twenty minute walk from Kim's and each day I got there early, did a half hour work out to not look suspicious and after using one of their showers grabbed my clothes for the day out of the locker, along with my book bag and lap top and headed over to work.

The four days I worked were easier on me. The six hour shifts gave me a place to be as well as a way to try to save enough to get into a small apartment. I was also able to eat a meal there and make a couple of sandwiches for later. Two of those days I had class and that was another three hours I wasn't wandering around. The rest of the week I did what I could to try to hang out with friends from school, savoring every moment I could be in someone's house.

Here and there I got lucky and was able to sleep over, but didn't want to look bad and keep asking. After four nights of sleeping outside, I swallowed my pride and went down to Crossroads. I got lucky the first week, getting a bed each night, but more and more families were coming in and those with children received priority for the beds.

When they had no room I slept wherever I thought I could while still being somewhat visible. There were far too many stories of women being beaten and raped in the park at night to try that so I spent nights sleeping sitting up on the benches of bus stops and a couple of times at the train station until the security guards began to recognize me and started throwing me out. Speaking of being recognized I had been lucky so far that no one I knew had ever seen me camping out anywhere.

Tonight I was going to try the shelter again. It was only four and once my laundry was done I could get there by five. If they had no beds I could at least get a decent dinner then go wandering off in search of somewhere not the street. I was in a catch twenty two with the money I did make. On one hand if I put most of my money in the bank I could afford to get into the building near the diner that rented weekly apartments. The rent was literally my entire paycheck, but I would have a roof over my head and only have to worry about eating.

The semester was over in a couple of weeks and if I could squeak by for the summer I would be able to get into an apartment similar to where I had been with a roommate. But that was going to be a twelve weeks stretch of hoping my tips would give me enough to pay rent every week. The other problem was I had to spend some money. I needed clean clothes and bus fare to get to school. A few nights I had missed dinner at the shelter and bought something. I would only spend a couple of dollars, but they added up.

I jumped when the buzzer on the dryer went off and taking my time folding the clothes thought for the thousandth time that I was lucky it was decent weather, this would be hell in the winter. I packed my clean clothes in the smaller of my suitcases I had brought with me and unplugging the lap top and my phone from the wall left the Laundromat and headed for the shelter. I made good time walking and got there before there was too much of a line.

I walked up behind an old man who smelled like he'd rolled around in booze and as I always did put my head down, trying to avoid eye contact or conversation with anyone. It's not that I thought I was better than they were, but I didn't look like them and had gotten some unwanted attention from some of the guys. More than once their comments and lewd stares had caused me to leave the shelter and head off without eating as I didn't want them sitting with me or trying to follow me.

I glanced up when the guy in front of me began shuffling forward and saw they had opened the doors. Keeping my eyes lowered I followed the line into the large cafeteria. I picked up a tray and staring down at it tried not to think about unfair this was, that I tried to do the right things and had ended up like this. The fact I had gotten tossed for not wanting to give an asshole a blowjob added to my frustration. That pig had a place to live and here I was taking free food from a shelter.

I picked up a bottle of water from a large barrel and placing my tray on the metal counter looked down at what the options were. I had decided on what they passed off as lasagna when the person serving it walked away, heading down to the other end of the line to pass out pieces of fruit.

"Hey, can we get someone else out here?" A woman server called towards the kitchen, "I need another pair of hands."

I had just reached her and held my tray up for her to put a couple of tablespoons of corn onto it when I saw an all too familiar face come out of the back room, slipping on a pair of rubber gloves and picking up a spatula; it was Joe. I'd heard him mention he did some volunteer work, but he had never said where. My stomach lurched and I started to step out of the line, but it was too late; he was looking right at me. His blue eyes widened when he recognized me, "Karma? What are you doing here?"

"I...uh...." I could feel my face burning and dropping the tray on the counter turned and ran, tears off humiliation already flowing down my face as I shoved past the people filing though the door. I gained the street and with my suit case clutched against my chest, ran down the street. I had no idea where I was going, but at this point didn't care. I had never been so embarrassed in my life.

*****

"Karma!"

I jumped at the sound of Billy behind me, but didn't turn around. Instead I continued to load the dishwasher, hoping he would leave me alone, but knowing he wouldn't.

"What are you doing back here?"

"The dishes."

"No shit." Billy grunted, "Look at me."

With a sigh I turned to face him.

"Why aren't you out there?"

"Well the dishes were piling up and..."

"There's a good crowd out there, Maria just took your table again because you weren't around."

"That's okay."

"Hey, you feeling alright?"

"Yeah, why?"

Billy peered closely at me and shook his head, "You look like shit kid."

"Thanks." I said dryly, but knew he was right.

I'd ended up going where I always did when I was upset these days, the cemetery. I'd sat and cried by the side of mom's grave and wished I could talk to her. After awhile I'd calmed down and debated trying to stay in the cemetery for the night, but in the end the thought creeped me out and I ended up sitting in Barnes and Noble, nursing a coffee and trying to study.

When the store closed at nine I went and sat at the bus stop and tried to sleep. My mind kept picturing the mixed emotions of surprise and concern on Joe's face and I thought about not going to work the next day. There was no way he would not bring it up and I didn't want anyone's pity. I could take care of myself. In fact I had been taking care of myself since mom passed and even now I was getting by.

I dozed off at some point and was awoken by a man's voice. When I opened my eyes I found myself staring at a tall guy in a suit who was grinning down at me and asked me if I wouldn't rather sleep in a bed. As my hand strayed to my pocket, seeking the pepper spray, he went on to tell me how he could rent a room at the motel down the street and we could spend the night partying.

I'd told him no thanks and when he looked annoyed I'd brought out the spray. He rolled his eyes and backed off, telling me I was pretty fussy for a street slut and got in his car and took off. I was going to leave when an older woman who'd spent a couple of nights sharing the stop with me showed up. She said hello, gave me a smile that would drive a dentist to drink and placing the large garbage bag she lugged around all the time under the bench curled up and was immediately asleep.

Strangely I took some comfort from her presence and as I drifted off wondered who she was and if she had any family. The alarm in my phone went off at five am and I remained on the bench, once again contemplating calling out, but I needed the money. I rose and seeing the woman was awake watched as she rummaged around in her bag. She had brought out half of a bagel and looking over at me spoke, "You want a piece? They only threw them away yesterday."

I shook my head and started to walk away. I stopped and reached into my pocket. For fear of being robbed while on the street I kept most of my money in the bank, but had twelve dollars on me. It wasn't much, but it occurred to me it would seem a small fortune to a woman eating food she'd picked from the trash. As bad as things were I was heading off to work where I would eat for free and get some food for later tonight.

As bad as I had it, I was much better off than this poor soul. At least I knew worst case scenario I would spend a summer like this, she would most likely spend the rest of her life out here. Turning around I quickly approached her and put my hand out offering the money. Her eyes widened at the sight of a ten and started to reach out, then stopped.

"That's yours." She told me, "Go get some food, you're too young and pretty to end up looking like me."

"No, it's yours I have a place I can go eat and I'll have a place to live soon. I want you to have it."

This time she didn't hesitate and taking the money from my hand placed the other one over mine. Her skin was hot and clammy, but when she squeezed my hand she gave me a smile, that in spite of its lack of hygiene was genuine and touched her usually dull brown eyes.

"God bless you honey and your mother, she raised a good girl."

"How do you know I was only raised by my mom?" I asked.

"Women teach grace, men teach pain." Her eyes darkened and she released my hand. "You're better off with just your mom. I bet she's proud of you."

"She passed away." Even as I said it I wondered why I would bother telling this woman about my mother.

"Doesn't mean she can't be proud." She smiled again, "In fact she's even more proud because she can see everything you're doing." She tucked the money away into the shapeless black sweater she always wore no matter how hot it was. "What's your name honey?"

"Karma."

"That's an odd name, but a good one for you." She nodded, "That means something good should be coming your way soon."

"Hello? Kid you in there?"

"Huh?" I blinked my stinging eyes and realized I'd completely zoned out on Billy.

"I asked if you were sick?"

"No, I'm not sick," I spoke up quickly knowing if he thought I was sick he would send me home, well if I had one anyway, because I worked around food.

"You look it," he frowned, "It is, you know....that time?"

"No. I just figured I would do the dishes."

"Karma for the last three weeks you've begged for extra hours and done everything short of dressing like Maria to get tips, why are you back here?"

"I...I just have some things on my mind and want to be alone."

"Well you can be alone all you want after one, now get your ass out there." He pointed at the large round clock hanging over the doorway, "Your favorite regular is due any minute."

That's what I was afraid of. Nodding meekly to Billy I turned the dishwasher on and walked through the swinging door. I poured refills to a couple of people while working my way down the end of the long counter to where Maria was leaning on the counter flashing her cleavage to a table full of construction workers.

"Hey Maria."

"Why hello princess," she gave me a mock curtsey "What can I do for you?"

"Wanna switch ends of the counter?"

"No, I....wait, what?"

"I always have that end, I thought we could switch."

"Is this a joke?" she asked, crossing her arms and pushing her breasts out even more. "You know what time it is right?"

"I...I do and I know you're kind of interested in Joe so I thought you could wait on him."

"What's in it for you?"

"Doing a good deed I guess."

Maria stared suspiciously at me for a moment, and then smiled, "I don't know what you're up to, but I'll take you up on it." Giving her long dark hair a toss, she added, "Maybe I can show Joe its okay to try something different."

"Hey Karma," One of the construction workers called out. "You work this end you have to wear a shirt like Maria's."

"She wouldn't have anything to hold it up." Maria said over her shoulder as she sauntered down my end of the counter.

"Just can't be nice to some people." I muttered.

The bell rang and I looked over to see Joe walk in; this time sporting a pink shirt and a black and pink striped tie to go along with his plain black suit. I put my back to that end of the counter and turning my attention to Maria's table asked, "You guys need anything?"

"I do," one of them said patting his leg, "A cute little brunette to keep me company."

"Knock it off," The guy across from him said, "She's a nice girl, not the pigs you have to settle for."

"You date pigs?" I asked. "Wow, that's cruelty to animals."

I allowed myself a satisfied smile as the three guys began laughing at their friend and went back to leaning on the counter, careful to not look over my shoulder. I opened the cooler in front of me and began lining up the bottles of juice and milk to stay occupied.

"Hey Princess." Maria said from directly behind me.

"What?" I asked without turning around.

"Thanks anyway, but I guess Joe likes them young and cute."

"What do you mean?"

"What do you think? He's asking for you."

With a feeling of resignation I slowly made my way over to Joe already feeling my face flushing.

"So," I said with what was probably a pathetic attempt at a smile. "What'll it be today?"

"Hey," he pointed at me, "I thought we were friends?"

"We are." I hoped we still were anyway.

"Then why would you do that to me?" he spread his arms out dramatically "What did I do to you?"

"I...I'm sorry Joe." I stammered, "I...shouldn't have..."

"I mean trying to stick me with Maria? Man, I thought you were a nice girl!"

I stopped speaking and stood there staring at him. His blue eyes were as bright as ever and he burst out laughing, "Just messing with you! Now how about the special and a cup of me?"

Feeling relieved I widened my eyes and gave a mock gasp, "The special? Really? You're getting to be a rebel in your old age!" Joe winked at me and as I poured the first of the four cups he would drink I felt a wave of gratitude that he wasn't going to bring last night up. I was still embarrassed, but at least he wasn't going to make it worse on me. From there it was the typical morning visit; Joe drank a ton of coffee, asked about my classes and bitched about all the old stiffs he worked with.

"I'm way too young to be hanging around with these people." He said at one point, "And the women? All they care about is my portfolio and my life insurance policy. I should start hanging around with girls your age."

"Better bring your blue pills." I told him.

"I am proud to say I don't need those."

"Oh, no?"

"Nope." He thumped his chest "As soon as my hand gets close I'm as ready as ever."

"You know, it doesn't have to be your hand," I pointed down to Maria, "I think she would be happy to volunteer."

"I'll stick with my hand; I know where it's been."

I laughed and glancing at his watch Joe said, "Well I have to get going, maybe I'll come back tomorrow."

"Maybe?" I raised my eyebrows.

"Maybe."

"Sometime around nine maybe?"

"I'll try."

Joe picked up the check which was for seven dollars and put a twenty on the counter.

"I'll get you some change."

"It's all set," he slid off the stool.

"That's too big of a tip Joe." I shook my head, "I can't take that."

"You will." he said and giving Billy a wave turned and walked out of the diner.