Kinda-Sorta-Maybe Nerd-Boy Ch. 03

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My heart stopped. This couldn't be possible. Everything I had dreamed of for six years was becoming a reality. My goal in life had been to break out from my nerdiness, develop social skills, become popular, and find the perfect woman. And the angel of my dreams was holding me and telling me she loved me. And then Amanda was again kissing me forcefully and pulling me to her until she fell back against my bed, dragging me with her.

Familiarity with each other's body came instinctively, and then we were rubbing at each other's skin, gently starting to strip off various pieces of clothing as we collapsed onto my bed. My conscience rebelled at what we were doing. 'Stop It!' it screamed at me. But my body wouldn't listen. My conscience protested and whined, flashing the name 'KENDRA' in my eyes in big neon block-letters.

And then Amanda's pussy was wrapped around my dick, and my conscience was drowned away in a flood of sinful pleasure. I opened my eyes to see flames of lust in Amanda's eyes as she rode me forcefully, her hips slamming down into my lap. Sweat was dribbling down her naked back as I rubbed at her skin, my teeth making little nips at her turgid nipples in my face. Amanda came twice, a victorious roar of ecstasy and triumph as we thrashed on my bed like animals.

Amanda's body was one gigantic erogenous zone. Everywhere I touched her set off bells in her head and caused gasps of pleasure to emerge from her lips. When her cunt contracted for a third orgasm I let loose, filling her box with my hot white cum.

We were so sexually charged into one another that I was hard again within moments. I slammed Amanda face-down on my mattress, her limbs splayed out limply to the sides. I pried her asscheeks apart and Amanda merely reached out to hold onto the headboard rails, growling at me to FUCK HER ASS as my pole penetrated into her backdoor.

My heavy carcass was slumped on top of her, crushing Amanda's petite frame below me into the bed as all of my energy was directed downwards into ravaging the hole between those perky cheeks. Amanda just grunted with me, crying and whimpering and wailing for me to fuck her even harder with what little breath she had.

So fuck her I did. Harder and harder and harder until the sheets were wet both from Amanda's tears and drool, and from the sweet nectar pouring out from her cunt after Amanda's repeated orgasms due to our ass-fucking.

I had lifted my chest off of her and held her ass in my hands between my legs as I thrust and thrust and thrust into her tight ring, the dry heat making me feel like my dick was burning in hell, and I was loving every second of it. This was wrong, but my conscience had been locked away almost an hour ago.

Her whole body shuddered with her latest orgasm, coating my sheets with a new layer of girlcum and I responded, plugging her ass full of my jizz explosion before pulling out and jerking my shots to fall in ribbons along her ass, her back, and even in her hair.

Finally, after we'd recovered, Amanda half turned, an expression of complete and utter satisfaction on her face. Her mouth was slack and open, working to suck air into deprived lungs. Her body was still twitching in the aftershocks of her climaxes. "I have never felt so completely FUCKED..." she breathed.

I managed an evil grin. Forget the chivalrous gentlemen. Forget the weak nerd- boy. I had conquered my greatest treasure. I was a MAN.

And the door suddenly burst open, two people entering my room with horrified expressions on their faces. Marcus just looked at me with mixed confusion and disappointment.

Kendra looked like she was going to kill herself, or me, or both.

***

I had lost my "real" relationship with Kendra. I had lost my friendships. Marcus was cordial enough, but he didn't interact with me more than was necessary for two roommates. And Kendra wanted nothing to do with me.

I more or less moved into Amanda's room at the Sorority House that day. After the inevitable screaming match, there were no words of explanation or closure with Kendra. She just stopped seeing me. I tried to call her, to talk about things. But she would hang up as soon as she determined it was me on the other end of the line. No matter how long I waited and knocked outside of her door, she refused to let me in.

Through it all, Amanda was true to her word. We started upon a "real" relationship, complete with the dates and the semi-formals and other romantic ideals. She really had missed me and the security she felt in knowing I was around for her. For me the sex was as great as ever, and the idea of truly being "together" with Amanda was almost enough to make me happy again. But I missed Kendra and Marcus.

Amanda was patient. She told me that it was never easy to lose childhood friends the way I did. Somehow, I didn't think that she had ever had to go through what I was going through. But the sentiment from her was nice. I missed the easygoing friendship with Marcus. I missed the close attention from Kendra. But Amanda told me I could drown out my sorrows with alcohol and sex. I clung to that idea like it was the lifeline saving me from certain death.

***

"Oh, my. Oh... wow... fuck me baby! Oh, dammit! You said he was good! Yes! I had no idea!"

"Glad you're enjoying it." Amanda was reclining in a plush chair next to the bed, watching me drill into this hot little brunette. Amanda wore a see-through chemise, the hem lifted up so she could finger her own pussy.

"Gawd-dammit! I've never felt so full," the cute brunette moaned.

Wordlessly I thrust into her. I didn't know the girl's name. She was just a new cunt to experience and to fill. In a way, I got more turned on watching Amanda masturbating. But from the juices sloshing around inside this girl's box, I was apparently doing a good job despite my distraction. Damn my head hurt. Ugh.

This was becoming a routine. Anytime I felt the slightest bit less than perfectly happy, Amanda's solution had something to do with sex. She would get me all liquored up and wait until I was properly drunk. Then she'd reveal her latest present to me, invariably a hot babe she knew who was looking for a good shagging.

Drunk and horny, I was always more than happy to oblige. And Amanda really got off on watching. The little brunette had perky tits that were gyrating all over the place as I plugged her tight little box, and I had discovered that she loved it when I started to bite down on her nipples. So when I leaned down to take one upright breast into my mouth and started to grind on it with my teeth, the girl screamed out with pleasure and promptly climaxed again. Her whole body went slack for a moment and I stopped my pounding while she fought to catch her breath. "Oh, my... You've trained him well..."

Amanda just smiled at me and then gestured for me to flip the girl over. I lifted her up and placed her back on the bed on all fours before me, and Amanda slid the lingerie off her body to reveal that glorious naked body to our gaze. She slid underneath the brunette, moving into a sixty-nine position and began to suck this girl's nectar out from her cunt while presenting her own pussy within easy reach of the girl's mouth.

With Amanda still slurping she guided my rock hard prick back into this tight pussy, and the three of us were rocking back and forth in a pileup of sex.

By the end of the night I had cum inside of both women, and downed another two shots of tequila, and then passed out. The last thing I remember was watching this cute brunette head slurping my jizz out of Amanda's cunt.

***

Another night I blew my load into the face of a very pretty red-head and then gave her a pearl necklace before collapsing backwards, hitting my head against a chair and giving myself a bruise that would last for the next week. Amanda, giggling, removed herself from the red-head's pussy and then went to get me some ice.

***

Two days later I arose from an alcohol-induced coma to find a strange Asian girl asleep in bed with me. For a second I panicked before seeing Amanda curled up on the other side of me, her head pillowed against my shoulder.

The hangovers were getting worse. It had gotten to the point where I couldn't even remember who I was fucking. My head was throbbing, and I needed to pee.

***

"Jay-baby. Get up."

I mumbled something unintelligible; even I couldn't understand what I was saying. Amanda was picking me up off the floor of the bathroom. I'd passed out next to the toilet. The same Asian girl from this morning was sitting on the can, peeing already and looking at us through bleary eyes. What I was doing to myself could not be healthy. This had to stop.

But I couldn't stop.

Amanda and I fucked each other silly every night, and a few times during the day, often joined by some other beautiful girl. This was usually preceded by me getting totally and completely wasted. Amanda would share a few drinks with me, but left it to me to get so plastered that I would end up reaming her out like a mindless sex machine. She liked things better that way.

My grades were slipping, and despite the fabulous fucking I was sinking into a depression. Amanda never failed to tell me that she loved me. But her idea of a real relationship seemed to consist of large quantities of fucking mixed with token public appearances. She had no interest in my life and never asked how my day was. Yet she automatically assumed I would be her closest emotional confidant.

I had no shred of control in this relationship, and we both knew it. I tried once to talk to her about the imbalance, but she tossed it off with a few quick remarks. She told me not to be a baby. Real men didn't need someone to "help them through" their emotions. But every woman needed a strong man to depend on and share their thoughts with.

I missed Kendra. Kendra telling me that she cared about me held more weight than any "I love you" from Amanda. For Amanda, it was a simple, manipulative catchphrase tossed off the tip of her tongue as easily as a "Hi, what's up?"

The entire academic term was flying by, and by the end of the school year I was more depressed than ever. Amanda was gorgeous, the most beautiful woman I had ever met or could possibly imagine. She was a minx in bed, creative, enthusiastic, and athletic. She had enough lesbian tendencies to excite any red- blooded male, and the female bedmates she shared with me were the highest-grade of quality pussy imaginable. She never once cheated on me again, and yet had let me screw over a dozen different women while she watched. She liked shiny, pretty baubles, yet had her own money and was never a drain on my bank account. She never treated me poorly, or made me feel like a slave (apart from the sex slave fantasies we played out). To an outside observer, I was with the perfect girlfriend. But I wasn't happy.

Amanda gave me no emotional connection. My day began and ended with her. I had no friends outside of our relationship, no one else to confide in or really talk to. Amanda was an angel alright. She was a heavenly-beautiful being whom I could never really touch nor bond with emotionally.

Maybe I had deluded myself with the ideals of two people becoming one person, one soul. Amanda and I were two very separate people, who just came together to share some good sex and have someone to eat dinner with. When you get down to it, I felt alone in the universe.

Many people might have said to just forget about the whining and the stupid "emotions" and enjoy what I had. I was fucking the prom queen, the head cheerleader, and the sorority hottie all in one. I wasn't being abused and she wasn't taking all of my money. I already had more than most guys could ever wish for. I had my dream girl.

And then on the last Friday before Finals Week, I lost my dream girl.

***

"Jason, can I see you for a minute?"

My Chemical Engineering professor was waving to me, and I separated from the crowd pouring out of the classroom and over to his desk. He gestured for me to wait a moment, and once the entire class had left he closed the door.

"Jason, what is wrong?"

"Excuse me, Mr. Richardson?"

"You haven't turned in your last three homework assignments. You never speak in class anymore. And your last exam was horrible. Now what is wrong with you? I know you're better than this."

"Nothing, sir. I've just been a little distracted."

"A 'little' distracted? Jason, I hate to say this, but you're about to fail this class. You're going to need a 96 on the final just to escape with a 'D-minus.'"

I was already looking at the floor, and now my shoulders slumped even further. I had been the smart nerd my whole life. I had never failed a class in ANYTHING.

When he realized that I had no response forthcoming, the professor cleared his throat. "Ahem, well Jason. I suggest you get through this little distraction and get your head on straight. A 96 is not impossible, and I know you're capable of getting it. Good luck, son."

"Yes sir."

Now would have been a good moment to run into Amanda. Not to break down and cry and have her coo into my ear and tell me I would be alright. I just needed a hug. Just a simple hug from a loved one would do wonders right about now.

So when I exited the classroom my face lit up when I saw Amanda waiting for me. She smiled and gave me the big hug I needed so bad, and a quick peck on the cheek. "Hey, Jay."

I just smiled at her, grateful for what I did have in life. We walked back to the Sorority House, idly chatting about the latest gossip. When we entered her room she very chastely set me in a chair, and then sat on the bed, pulling her legs beneath her skirt.

"How was your day?" I asked, once we had gotten relaxed. She told me she was fine, and complained about how one of her professors was still trying to hit on her. But that was it. I knew better than to expect Amanda to ask how I was doing.

"How are you doing, Jason?"

WHAT? "Uh, fine. I guess." What was going on?

"That's good to know. There's no easy way to say it, so I'm just going to say it. Jason, I want to break up."

WHAT?

She didn't even wait for a response, but kept on talking. "It's not you, it's me. You have been the perfect boyfriend. So generous, and willing, and courteous. You've treated me like an angel for six years, and I love that. I trust you, and I know I can count on you more than anyone in this world. And I don't want to lose that. I really hope we can still be friends."

I finally managed to sputter. "Wait, what? Why?"

"I'm just... feeling kind of trapped. I just want a little more freedom."

"I haven't done anything to hold you back."

"I know, I know. That's what I mean. It's not your fault. It's all me. I'm just getting... bored I guess. I want to date again. I want to meet new and exciting people. I mean look at us. I'm not ready to settle down and get married or anything. And I don't really want to spend my entire college life with one man. It's the end of the year, and it's time for me to move on. But we can still be friends. I mean, you'll still be there for me won't you?"

"I, what? I don't know."

"Oh, I'm so sorry, Jason, honey. I know this must be a huge shock to you. Maybe we could just move to an open relationship or something? We can still fuck every now and then. But I know you've always cared about me. And something that strong can't be broken up entirely. We were good friends once, and I know we can be good friends again. Now is just a good time to break up. We can concentrate on our finals this weekend, and then we'll have the whole summer to make the adjustment to being single again. And when we come back to school in the fall, it will be just like old times."

She pulled me onto the bed with her, rubbing herself against me, her breath hot and wet in my ear. "Come on, now, baby. You don't think I'd let you go away without a good-bye fuck?"

The matter settled as far as she was concerned, she pressed her lips to mine, and for the first time in my life I didn't get a single thrill out of it. No arousal, no reaction, nothing. I just got up and left.

"I'll call you..." Amanda called out through the closing door.

I turned and walked. And walked. And walked. I'd left my book bag in Amanda's room, and just headed away. I walked through the campus, around buildings. I walked up stairs, down empty hallways, through elevators, across the park. I walked anywhere and everywhere, except for the Sorority House or my apartment. Hell, I hadn't even seen my apartment for two weeks.

At first I just tried to make sense of what was going on. How could I lose Amanda? She was my dream. She was the one thing I had pursued ever since I grew hair on my balls. I couldn't live without her. This was just a setback in my dream, right? I would find a way to get her back. We could have the open relationship. I would let her do whatever she wanted, as long as I could still have Amanda. I had to get her back.

Or I could find my friends. I was free again. Surely Marcus would talk to me again over a rousing video game. I would even let him win. And Kendra... Kendra... maybe she would talk to me again. Maybe that close friend who had shared my soul, who had been there for me emotionally as well as physically could be my friend again. Perhaps even something more.

Which of these girls could I live my life without? I couldn't have both. Which girl would make my life perfect and complete? That was all I had to do. Pick the right girl, and then my life would be "happily ever after" and I would never be unhappy again.

Or maybe I needed to grow up. Maybe life wasn't that idealistic bullshit I had been trying to convince myself of. There was no "perfect" solution. I couldn't just be with the right girl and then expect the rest of my life to be calm waters and smooth sailing. Neither Amanda nor Kendra would make my life perfect and complete.

What did I want? Happiness.

What is happiness? I don't know.

So forget the bullshit answer, and what did I want? My dream.

I got my dream. I had my dream girl, and she broke my heart. The dream was an illusion. And now it was gone. The dream was bullshit too. So what did I want? To be popular.

Maybe I needed to stop following this stupid "ideal" of suppressing my inner nerd, trying to be a fake "popular" person and dating the gorgeous Miss Popular.

Maybe I needed to just be me and be happy with who I am. Sounds trite, but it works.

Maybe instead of looking for the perfect girl, I should have been looking for the perfect girl FOR ME. No angel to be put upon a pedestal. But a real human being who would accept me for who I was, inner nerd and all, and who would share my emotions. A girl I could become 'one' with.

Maybe I needed to find a way to win back the one girl who really cared about me.

So I went home. Marcus was surprised to see me, but he didn't ask any stupid questions. He just turned on the Playstation.

***

Finals were over. I didn't know if I passed Chemical Engineering, but I did my best and it just might have been enough. Even if I failed, life would go on. I was home. Summer vacation. I sat on my own bed, in my own room, having just finished the best meal I'd had in ages. Nothing beats my mom's home cooking.

For two weeks I stayed up every night looking out my window. The bedroom light would always be on in Kendra's bedroom, but her curtains were always closed. Every night I stared at her window, trying desperately to drum up the nerve to go over and talk to her.

I had committed the ultimate betrayal. Once a cheater, always a cheater they said. How could she ever see me as anything else? Marcus had accepted me back. We had just finished off an Anime series and played a few videogames. But Kendra was still avoiding me.

Every night, when the light went off in her room, I lay down and closed my eyes against the world.