Kita'thalla Ch. 05

Eric stared wordlessly as he tried to comprehend what he was seeing. The laceration had shrunk by nearly half, and even as he watched, he could see it slowly knitting together, almost as if he was watching a time-lapse video. Give it another 10-15 minutes, and it would barely be visible. He looked up at her in amazement.

"Is this...the healing ability you spoke of yesterday?" he asked. Her only response was a simple nod. Eric looked back at the rapidly healing wound for a moment before quickly grabbing his scanner and headset. She didn't move as he examined the fracture in her leg, and he gasped as the X-ray showed the break to be almost completely healed, with only scarring on the bone showing evidence of the injury. He double checked to make sure he hadn't been seeing things, before removing the headset and staring at her. "Kita, this is incredible."

She was silent for a moment before speaking. "Everything has a cost."

He blinked. "What do you mean?"

"I told you before, right? This ability isn't natural"

He nodded. "You said that it was a result of gene therapy or something like that."

"Right. Well, as someone who I'd hope has studied medicine extensively, you should know that whenever you do something to treat an illness or injury, there's almost always side effects."

Comprehension dawned on him as he started to understand what she was getting at. "I see. So the gene therapy wasn't perfect."

She laughed halfheartedly. "I guess you could say that, although it would be an understatement of the fact."

He raised an eyebrow. "That bad?"

She nodded grimly. "Our scientists had a word for it...I believe the closest translation to your language would be 'Backlash'"

"Backlash? In what way?"

She paused, thinking carefully about her next words before replying. "When the healing ability is activated by an injury, it refocuses the body's energy towards repairing the damage. The backlash is what we called the effects of this refocusing."

"I see. What are the effects?"

"The first and most obvious one is extreme fatigue and tiredness." she looked down at the ground. "I'm sure you've noticed that I've been sleeping a lot. That's not normal."

Eric thought about this for replying. "Well, that does make sense. Maybe I'm not understanding something here, but is that part a serious problem? Treatment for most injuries involves a lot of bed rest so that the body can heal."

Kita shook her head. "That's not the worst of it. The real problem is that it interferes with the ability of our muscular system to use energy."

"That...does sound like a problem." he said tentatively. "How bad are the effects?"

Kita held up a hand and looked at it. "Bad. Right now I have maybe a quarter of the strength I normally do. Oh, I'm sure that I'd still be considered strong by human standards" she said as she glanced at him. "But compared to others of my kind, right now I'm a weakling."

Eric mulled this over. He knew humanity used gene therapy, but only as far as the treatment of genetically inherited diseases. This kind of enhancement was never attempted. He looked back at her.

"How long are you going to be like this?" he asked. "I mean, your injuries have healed, so shouldn't you return to normal?"

She shook her head. "Its not that simple. The backlash can vary depending on what happens after the injury. Certain things can cause it to last longer than the actual healing time of the injury."

"Certain things?"

She looked at his medical equipment. "Well, the severity of the injury causing the backlash is a major factor, but anything that produces favorable conditions for healing, or extra energy to the body for repairs will cause the healing ability to speed up. While this does shorten healing time, it increases the severity of the backlash."

Eric suddenly thought back to the past few days as what she said made sense. The hours she'd spent knocked out from the syringe were almost like an induced healing coma, he realized, and proper treatment of a fracture would speed up repair even without any kind of special healing ability. And of course, the ration packs that they'd been eating were designed to deliver nutrients and energy to the body in a form that was easily digested and used. He looked at the steadily closing wound on her thigh.

"How long do you think it'll be?" he asked.

She shook her head glumly. "I don't know. But the fact that you can actually watch injuries healing means that my healing ability has been accelerated greatly. I'd guess the backlash won't be gone any time soon. Several days at least, if not longer"

Eric looked at her, concerned at the negative undertones in her voice. "Are you going to be okay? I mean, all you have to do is wait it out then, you'll return to full strength after wards, right? It isn't permanent, so why is there so much worry?"

She snorted. "Oh I'll return to normal in time, but until then...I suppose it's difficult for you to understand, isn't it?"

"Difficult to understand what?"

She sighed and then looked at him. "In Ketral society, there is no room for under performers. It dates back to our hunter ancestors, where an individual who couldn't pull their own weight was a liability to the survival of the cadre. Weaklings," she said scornfully as she looked down at herself "are not tolerated, and are judged as a waste of time and resources"

Eric looked at the scratches and bruises he had acquired during the fight in the forest, comparatively little when one looked at the odds. He looked back at Kita and said "It may not mean much coming from a human but...I don't think you're a weakling, or a waste. Without you I'd have stood no chance against that thing." Without thinking, he reached out and placed a hand over hers. "The only thing I can judge you for is managing to survive despite your hindered condition, and as far as I'm concerned, the fact that we are both alive means you pulled your own weight, and then some."

Kita was silent at first, leaving Eric wondering if he was just making the situation worse. He suddenly realized where his hand was sitting and was about to pull it back when Kita turned her palm over and grasped his hand, squeezing it gently.

"Coming from any other human..." she said slowly, her eyes meeting his again. "It wouldn't mean much. But from you..." the words were left hanging in mid air as she swallowed, as for some reason she couldn't find the nerve to complete the sentence. A few days earlier and she would have killed anyone who suggested that she'd take comfort in the words of a human. But some how, Eric's words had put a damper on the insecurity she felt from being in her weakened condition. Maybe it was his logic, or the sincerity in his voice, she tried to tell herself, but she couldn't drop the nagging feeling that there was something else. She watched as he smiled, understanding despite her inability to finish what she was saying. Mentally she breathed a sigh of relief, as she realized she had been dangerously close to losing control of her emotions. Now she just had to pull herself together before...

"Kita, it's okay, I understand"

The words hit her like a thunderbolt. Something about the tone of his voice, and the way he'd said her name brought memories flooding back, and emotions she'd buried a long time ago made themselves known again. Ever since the second day when he'd used that name, she'd mentally steeled herself to prevent another show of weakness. However, with her as emotionally unstable as she was now, the walls she'd put up in her mind shattered. Quickly she looked away and covered her eyes with her other hand, but was unable to suppress the shuddering sob that escaped her throat.

Eric was dumbfounded as he saw that his words had caused the complete opposite effect that he'd been aiming for. "Kita, I..., I didn't mean to..." he stuttered as he frantically tried to figure out what to say or do, anything to stop the streaks of moisture that were now escaping beneath the fingers covering her face. Coming up with nothing, he was unable to do anything but watch, feeling utterly helpless as the sounds of her weeping echoed in the cave.

It was several minutes before she managed to bring herself under control. Eric waited for her to rub her eyes clear before speaking again.

"Kita, I...I'm sorry. I don't know what I said wrong but..."

She shook her head, causing him to pause.

"You didn't say anything wrong. Its..." her voice cracked and she cleared her throat. "It's not your fault. If anyone is at fault here, it's me ."

Eric looked at her, confused. "How is this your fault?"

"I'm the one here who can't control my emotions. Showing weakness like that is unacceptable for a soldier"

"Emotions are what makes us..." Eric started, but then realized what he was about to say.

"Makes us what?" she asked, somewhat skeptically.

Eric bit his lip, realizing he'd just gotten into an awkward situation. "I was about to say that emotions are what makes us human."

She gave him a sharp glance. "What's that supposed to mean? Even if I was human, I don't really see the point of it."

Eric thought for a few moments before answering, suddenly grateful that he'd paid attention during the philosophy class that was required as a gen ed during med school. "My people have always placed great importance on the meaning of being human. Throughout our history, the definition and values that it stresses has varied. Obviously we can look at ourselves, and see that we have a body that fits the biological definitions of the human species, but that's only our physical self. Our minds, our spirit, everything that makes us what we are, both good and bad, we evaluate them and attempt to better ourselves. This includes our emotions. Joy, sorrow, anger, fear, the ability to feel hate or compassion, to ignore any of those is to ignore part of what makes us who we are."

"Hmph" she sniffed, eyes still a little bleary from crying. "We are taught that compassion is a sign of weakness, something that holds you back from taking the actions necessary for victory." Despite this, Eric noticed that she was still listening to him, and there was an edge of doubt in her voice. Eric shook his head and continued.

"Not necessarily. Compassion can also be a source of great strength. If you have something that you value and treasure, more often than not you will fight to protect it at any cost if it is threatened. For example, even the most docile beast will become aggressive and fight if its young are in danger.

At this point, Kita breathed heavily and for a moment Eric thought she was going to break down again, but she instead looked up and said "It's...ironic, although maybe fitting, that you should use the example of a parent and its young."

Eric blinked in surprise. "How so?"

Kita swallowed the rising bile in her throat before continuing. "Earlier, when you said my name... this sounds stupid I know, but..." she paused as her voice cracked again. Finally getting up the nerve to continue, she looked at him. "The last time I was called by that name, it was by my parents."

"Kita, I didn't mean...oh jeez" he fumbled as realization dawned on him. "If I'd known it was that significant all this time I wouldn't have..." he stopped as she shook her head.

"The way that you have treated me...it is something I have not felt in a long time. The last ones who showed such kindness and...well, compassion, were also the last ones to call me by that name. Because of that...I do not mind if you still call me Kita. It serves their memory well"

Eric tentatively nodded. "Okay...Kita." he looked at her as he digested the new information. The cave was silent for a few moments before Eric spoke again. "You miss them, don't you?"

Kita closed her eyes before giving a small nod. "Pathetic, aren't I? Breaking down like a cub over missing parents"

"I wouldn't say that. I'd argue that it's evidence of the strength of the emotion, rather than any weakness on your part. I still think of my parents on Earth often. I always worry that something will happen and I'll never have a chance to see them one last time."

Kita looked away from him and was silent for a moment before saying in a monotone voice "So your parents are still alive then."

Eric opened his mouth as he realized his blunder, then shut it as he realized he didn't know what to say to that. A long awkward silence settled between them before Eric finally broke it.

"Kita, I'm sorry."

She shrugged. "Oh, you're not the one who should be sorry. Nor will you be." Any trace of sadness was gone from her voice by now, replaced by a cold undertone that made the hair on Eric's neck stand on end. Kita turned back to him, and while the evidence of her earlier breakdown was still present in the tear streaks matting the fur on her cheeks, her body language told a different story. She stared at him for a moment before speaking.

"I know what you're thinking, so I'll answer the question. My parents were murdered. The ones responsible have yet to pay for it, but they will one day. You say that strength to fight can come from compassion." She smiled grimly at him. "After listening to you, I think I finally understand why you humans fight so fiercely, why you resist with every part of your being. Maybe one day, I will draw strength from the compassion shown to me by my parents, but rather than to protect, it will be for vengeance."

She stopped and looked at Eric, who had remained silent throughout her monologue. Realizing he was clearly unsettled, she sighed. "Forgive me. That was probably way more than you wanted to know"

Eric shook his head, finally finding his voice. "No, it's fine. It ah...actually helps, understanding everything."

Kita slowly nodded. "Understanding does help. I never was able to figure out how your kind was able to fight back on an even footing. It was frustrating, that we could be held at bay by a race that seemed so weak. But now I think I have some idea. Humans are a lot stronger than they appear, and your people may be the most worthy opponent we have ever faced."

It was not lost on Eric that coming from a soldier like her, this was a complement of immense proportions. He tried to think of something appropriately graceful to say in return, but was only able to manage an awkward "...thank you."

It was at this point both of them noticed that throughout the entire exchange, Eric had not moved his hand, and Kita had not released it. Both of them blankly stared at their linked hands before hastily pulling their respective hands away, and scooted apart to add a few more feet between them. Eric searched his mind for something to say, hoping that Kita wouldn't notice the reddening he could feel creeping up his face. The events of the previous night popped into his mind, and he mulled the idea over before speaking.

"Kita, were you...ah, were you still interested in the cards? I know that things were a little weird when you asked but..."

Kita was grateful he hadn't said anything about the way her tail was twitching nervously after their...moment, or whatever it was. Thinking back to the previous night upon his mention of the cards though, she realized something had happened after she'd seen him and his game, although she wasn't sure what. All she knew is that she had woken up that morning in a very embarrassing position, but their unwelcome visitor had put that question at the back of her mind till now.

She looked at him out of the corner of her eye. "Yes I am...but what exactly happened? I don't remember everything."

Eric gritted his teeth. He'd been dreading that question. He took a moment to gather his thoughts before explaining how she'd started to act strangely, stealing the cards, and how she'd insisted on him teaching her how to play before passing out. He also told her what he'd discovered about the firewood, although he omitted the details about her actions after she'd fallen into his lap.

Kita was silent during his explanation, showing no real reaction to any part of it. When he'd finished, she nodded. "Alright then."

Eric looked at her, surprised that she'd taken it so well. He nodded in return and opened up his pack, finding the deck of cards. He was just starting to shuffle when Kita spoke again.

"Eric?"

He looked up from the cards. "Yes?"

"If I ever find that kind of firewood in the pile again," she said, very calmly. "I'm going to make you eat it."

Eric gulped. "Hah...okay." he laughed nervously, before dealing out a few cards and explaining the rules of "Go Fish."