Knickers, Rubbers, Arses And Fannys

A humorous guide to understanding English terms for the discerning reader.

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'His hand lifted up her tight skirt as it skimmed up her leg over her stockings where her suspenders held them up, over the soft silken skin, and then he squeezed her voluptuous arse before coming around to cup her fanny where it lay hidden under her knickers.'

For a great many readers the above sentence won't make a lot of sense. Not unless I explain that certain words are the common usage in the UK and in many countries around the world, but not in others such as the States, Canada or Australia which is where they may have other meanings, or no meaning at all.

For arse read ass, for fanny read cunt, for suspenders read garter belt, and for knickers read panties.

The reason I am writing this is I get a lot of feedback from Americans telling me I should not be using the English versions when writing my stories, that I should use the American usage only, and I get some very heated feedback correcting my use of certain words in a quite verbose way. I am sorry that those that read my stories find the different words that we British use confuse you and spoil the story for you. So I have decided to write this 'How to' to try to help you understand and translate any stories put on site by us 'ignorant' Brits.

'He pushed her over the bonnet of the car, rubbing his groin against her, his bollocks aching with need, his trousers feeling tight where his rock hard prick filled out the tight material. She ran her hands down his shoulders until they met his blue braces, pulling them down and then unbuttoned his shirt to reveal the tight vest he wore underneath that hugged his rippling muscles.'

Here in the UK the bonnet of the car is what Americans call the hood, (a great place to bonk against – when I say bonk I mean fuck) we call the trunk of a car the boot (no idea why, it just is). A common term for a man's balls are bollocks, and that is a common derogatory term as well as in 'That film was a load of bollocks'.

You may say pants for men, and so do we sometimes but more often or not its trousers (we do say a thing is 'pants' if it is crap i.e. that football game was pants (by the way we say football you say soccer) or pants are men's underwear in the UK (boxer shorts, briefs or baggy Y fronts). Braces can be for straightening teeth in the UK or also what you call suspenders and hold up trousers, and vests are something men wear as underwear in the UK (widow beaters) and not as part of a three piece suit – that we call a waistcoat.

In the UK a rubber (eraser) is something all kids have in their pencil case for school, so that they can rub out anything they have written down wrong and not for placing on cocks as contraception. In the UK we use a condom, or French letter, snog (kiss) kick someone in the goolies (see bollocks). We tell someone to 'bugger off' (get lost), or insult them telling them they are 'gob shite' (mouthy little shits).

On any Saturday night you can see couples having 'Saturday night knee tremblers' (sex) up against the alley wall after falling out of a club half pissed, (drunk as a skunk) with someone they have just 'pulled' then go for some 'Aggro' (fight) with some 'Arsehole' knocking them over until they fall 'Arse over tit'.

We also 'bang' each other, (have sex) especially after going on a 'bender' (pub crawl) and getting 'well bladdered' (drunk) and what other countries call a bang (US hair term) we call a fringe. Strange isn't it?

Someone once said that America and England are two countries divided by a common language, and the more I read the great stories on Literotica, the more I believe it.

I walk on the pavement (you say sidewalk) cross the road, (you say pavement) I go up in a lift to my flat, (you go up in an elevator to an apartment) I eat jam, (you eat jelly), I put my clothes in my wardrobe (closet), go to the Loo (restroom), eat biscuits (cookies) and chips, (French fries) and crisps (chips), put out the rubbish (garbage,) and put petrol in the car and not gas (which we call the stuff we have pumped to heat our homes and use for cooking).

My God the list just goes on.

If someone makes a 'cock up' it means 'make a mistake', not have an erection. That is a hard on.

Someone 'getting their knickers in a twist' is someone getting out of shape about something.

I have rumpy pumpy on a wet Sunday afternoon with my boyfriend (fun sex), he gets randy (sexually aroused) watching some slag (slut) totter down the road in a short skirt, goes 'on the piss' with his friends (gets drunk) and is a jammy git (damn lucky) to have me to have the rumpy pumpy with when he comes home at the end of the night, even if he is a complete pisshead.

So if you have managed to read this right to the end of the article and not got completely lost with all the different terminology between us I will leave you with this thought.........

Any way you say it, do it, think it or write it......it's always 'the dog's bollocks' on Literotica, (good term in the UK and a compliment) ...........so sit back and enjoy...... and good reading.