Law of the Heart: Defence

This ending picks up close to the end of the original story, after Jill finally confessed in Jake's office and he agrees reluctantly to move home. I recommend that anyone contemplating my modest offering read or re read the great "Law of the Heart" before proceeding.

I'll preface story with an apology, I'm neither a lawyer nor an American, so there will no doubt be some jargon and geography errors, along with a few "Australianisms" for a story set in Boston and Florida. I hope the meaning is still clear and you don't find it too distracting.

Edit – I've been through and found a few too many typos etc, so I've fixed the glaring ones. I've resisted the temptation to change a few details to reflect some sensible comment though this is still the original concept, with its flaws.

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Two days after I moved back Jill thanked me for coming home.

"Don't thank me, thank little Jake."

She made sure that was the last time I saw her cry, for a while anyway.

Being a loving husband, it was my habit to be upset when Jill was upset, I still cared about her enough to be distressed at her distress. But I was suspicious of her apology, was she sorry it had happened, or just sorry I knew. The images of her wantonly pulling Juan into her room receded, to be replaced by an obsession with her initial lack of respect for us afterwards. I couldn't work out how to broach it. It was great to see Jake Jnr again, and I spent most of my free time with him.

Sleeping in the spare room/Jill's office was traumatic too, this room was earmarked for our next child, and our dream was a little girl. I'd cry to myself each morning as fresh depression washed over me. Both our families and all our friends said I was just destined to be a great Dad. The heart ache nearly led me to tell Jill that it was over each and every morning. Jill and I did our work around each other. She gave me a lot of space, was without exception polite, and attentive. Always calling my by the familiar endearments, even when it was obvious they would not be returned. I slept surprisingly well, I seemed to calm through the day, ready for another bad morning. Jill didn't look so well, her face looked pale, lined and she looked to be losing weight. I was getting a preview of what she would look like at fifty.

We survived like this for around ten days before Jill finally had enough of being the passive guilty wife, and decided to take the initiative. I started to avoid thinking about the whole sorry business through the day, and allowed myself to meditate on the details after dinner. Wednesday evening I was reflecting again on Jill's alleged regrets, by this time I was well and truly leaning toward accepting her mistake in Florida, she had been targeted by a Pro. There were other things that made my stomach tight, the strong suspicion that she would have gone back for more. And the persistent image of her phoning me the next day while being fucked by one of them. Could I live with that image? Jill had been the best thing that ever happened to me, Could I live without her? What was best for Little Jake? Come on Jake, get a grip. About to give up for the day, again, when Jill came in and sat beside me on the couch. I rose to leave as I had all week, when she gently reached for my arm, and asked quietly.

"Jake, sweetheart, don't go yet, can we talk, just for 10 minutes? Please?"

I had no solutions myself, so stayed sitting to hear her out.

"Please don't freeze me out darling, you'd be within your rights to yell at me, hit me if you must, but I can't handle you ignoring me. You moved back home, so I'm assuming that there is some hope that you can love me again. Can I request you let us talk about it? There would be no commitment, just a sign you're giving us a chance."

I answered slowly "I said I still loved you….always have loved you….always will love you…..And that's why this so fucking hard"

"Well is there any chance you can forgive me, we have to communicate, unless there is no chance at all."

I had no answer to this, yet, so Jill persevered

"I've been to visit with a psychologist, sort of marriage counselling for one"

Oh great I though, just fucking great, my anger tends to manifest as heavy sarcasm.

"Lemme guess, you want me to go too so I can get over my unreasonable attitude."

"No, there was no talk of you attending yet, it is clearly my responsibility. She did suggest that I need to take the lead though. I don't want to box you in, but I need some sign from you, for my mental health's sake if nothing else. Jake, we need to communicate, this won't fix itself. I would really appreciate if you could give me 10 or 15 minutes……or perhaps 14 minutes."

This did not seem to require a response from me, as a lawyer, you soon learn don't answer unasked questions. I waited.

"My psychologist, Denise, but she looks a lot like Judge Judy, so I think of her as Judy, well anyway, Judy, Denise I mean, suggested that a good start might be if I identified the ways I'd let you down, sort of break it down into pieces, and then see where the real problem for us lies. I need your help to do that."

Jill had a notebook and pen with her, and she laid that on her lap and writing carefully, so that I could see what she wrote

1. Betrayed Jake in Florida.

Paused for a minute, and below it wrote

2. Gave Juan more that I give Jake

If that was intended to draw a response it worked, "Could you elaborate please Jill?"

"I betrayed your trust, that's self explanatory, and you've already guessed I did things for Juan that I have told you I wouldn't do for you, and I regret how much that would upset you."

"What things Jill, lets communicate for a minute, explain to me the things that you did for him…them."

"Well we are supposed to write out all the issues before we explore them, but since you ask so explicitly. The things I remember you wanting were….I sucked him in my mouth…..I let him cum there….and I swallowed…and something you've never asked, but may have wanted, I cleaned him after he had been inside me. I will add that I had more to drink than I normally do, I did not let him in my rear, he tried, and I did not know that he swapped with Hector."

Silence while I analysed this. Putting aside the images, I could see that the pathetic apologies were missing, that was an improvement. Complete openness was back, that was also an improvement. I could work with this approach, especially as I had no strategy of my own. But she'd left several things off her list.

Jill sensed an interest on my part and grasped the opportunity. "Does this seem like a way forward, how is my list, darling?" There was even a hesitant smile.

"There is a bit missing."

"Tell me and I'll write it down, I can try to fix things when I know whats wrong."

"Well your 1 and 2 are right, but they should be the last things on the list, not the first, so new number 1. You had too little respect for me, for us, or you were too dishonest, or cowardly, or both, or all of the above, to confess your behaviour, even after I asked, begged, threatened, and even offered amnesty, forgiveness if you will, if you would only fess up." I paused for breath. "You don't have to write all of that."

She wrote 1. Late confession

"Not late confession, Jill, no confession, nothing, nada, nyet, zip…..until you were 100% sure I already knew and there was no way out, that is not a confession."

She corrected the entry.

"Anything else?"

"Number 2. I continue to believe you would have gone back for some more amazing Hispanic sex, had I not convinced you, finally, that I knew what happened."

"That's not true Jake, there is no way….OK OK, issues first" and she wrote down Number 4 Jake believes I would have been unfaithful again.

"Anything else?"

"Yes, number 3, my wife was a slut for my enemy…no hang on that's not right, my wife was a slut for my enemies. Hello…. Jill…. snookums…. hello….aren't you suppose to be writing these pearls of wisdom down."

Jill was looking down at her pad waiting to write what I said. Since she'd returned from Florida, I'd obviously been cold, and at our meeting in my office I'd spoken harshly to her in the heat of the moment, but this must have seemed calm calculated cruelty. And it was. There was a long period of silence, her shoulders sagged, a tear dripped onto the pad before she wrote out what I'd said. Jill breathed deeply, regained her composure, and then turned to steadily look me in the eyes and asked "OK, that's self explanatory, anything else?"

"Sure is, honey, did our…did my friends know you being a slut for those men?"

"Some of our friends know I behaved inappropriately."

"And do we trust Juan to be discrete about his conquest?"

"No, I don't have high expectations of his discretion."

"Write this then …Number 4. My friends know you were a slut for my enemies….looks like I'm going to need to find some new friends…that's a bit of a jolly old pain in the old rectum, what?"

Again a brief pause while she summoned the composure to write this, but there no tears this time.

"Anything else?"

"No, put what you already had as numbers 5 and 6, that about covers it, unless you can tell me how I could even contemplate competing with amazing, Now you be a sweetheart and fix those up and I'll forgive you in a heartbeat. We can even start making another baby."

"Jake, I can't just fix them, you know that, but I want to try and make this as right for you as I can."

Jill was quiet for a moment, organising her thoughts, "Jake, a lot, perhaps even most, of the people you represent made a mistake, didn't they? And they are entitled to a day in court, a chance to explain their reasons, plea for clemency. Aren't they? That is something I know you feel strongly on."

I thought about this, I could see where she was going, but could see no way of avoiding the question "That is true."

"Can't I have the same opportunity? Doesn't a public defender's wife, even if she was a slut, deserve a chance to present a defence?"

"Jill, there isn't a court in the land that wouldn't find you guilty."

"But its still contemplating what my sentence will be? Isn't it? If you were my defence counsel, you'd make sure I had an opportunity to demonstrate remorse, convince you that I will never make such a mistake again."

"What do you want me to do, give you a trial, for fuck sake Jill, you do understand you're guilty?"

"No Jake, I'm not looking for a trial, just a fair sentencing, after hearing my story, without name calling."

While I contemplated this, I asked "Oh by the way do you think Susan knew that two of them were going to take turns on you."

"Nooo, she wouldn't do that, no way"

"You loyalty is admirable, wish I received the same, but why don't you ask her."

"It might be a problem talking to Susan right now, but if you want me too I will."

In spite of venting my spleen, I could feel that going through the list had helped, I could see how my love, trust and the very foundation of my life had been shattered, and more importantly so could Jill. There was a formidable amount of homework generated from that little list. Maybe too much homework. Was she willing to try? It was fair that she did most of the work, but it was also fair that I soften a little.

"Jill," politely

"Yes Jake." Absently, sadly.

"I am sorry for my language just then, I'm sorry I called you a slut, it was…..unprofessional"

Jill responded with a weak smile.

"That's very decent of you to say that Jake, I'm sorry for it too, but I do deserve it, and I did ask you to stop ignoring me. But it is so fucking hard to think straight when I hear you calling me things like that. I'm…just….so…sad for what I've turned you into."

We were silent for a minute, then Jill tried again.

"I did say to yell at me, or whatever, but for say 1 hour can you see your way clear to give me a chance, hear my story, without attacking me. Jake, I believe we legal types call it due process."

Did I mention she was clever, I'm sure I did, the cunning vixen was appealing to a very important part of my being, only loyalty to my family rated higher to me.

"Ok, I guess that's in order, when? How? Now?"

"No, I need time to prepare my thoughts, a submission, is tomorrow night good for you."

"Yes, tomorrow is fine"

"Thank you Jake, if you can just give me one hour, I think I can surprise you honey."

"The last month has brought more than enough surprises, Jill."

"Hopefully you will like these surprises."

And with that she leant over to give me sweetest, gentlest, chaste little kiss on the cheek, I could even feel her eyelashes moving in my hair. I so badly wanted to wrap her in a bear cuddle and tell her every thing was going to be fine, and she stayed close enough for long enough for that to happen, but I pulled away. I wasn't going down that path until the evidence had been heard. I could however bring myself to wish her good night, and I went to prepare for bed. Jill asked if we could switch rooms tonight so she could use her office to start to prepare her submission. I drifted off with the familiar and intimate smell of her still on the sheets and pillows. At some time through the night I vaguely sensed Jill in the bed beside me, holding my arm, but she was gone when I woke, already busy with her chores.

Next morning we actually worked well together, instead of just doing our thing in parallel, and in spite of what must have been very little sleep Jill looked more rested and fresher that she had for 2 weeks. I left for work, feeling better than I had since Florida, we had a joint goal.

That night Jill suggested I go play with Little Jake, then go for a walk, and when I returned, tired but calm, I had a shower, enjoyed a rare cold beer with dinner, Jill had Little Jake ready for me to put him to bed.

Jill joined me later, asked where I wanted to consider her story. I moved to the kitchen table, Jill, moved to sit beside me, but I motioned for her to sit across from me, I wanted to watch her face. Jill had her notebook, and a folder with some documents. Jill was dressed in her 'office attire', which I found utterly nonsexual. That was a nice touch. Professional. She was ready.

Jill began to speak formally "Its customary to offer character witness reports in these circumstances, I offer none. However it is my fervent hope that my husband will support me fully once he sees how genuinely I face up to my actions. I present my first item, if I may, or exhibit A if you wish, being a written commitment to our marriage vows." Jill handed me a single page with the well remembered vows that we had chosen together. Jill had signed them, Committed! signed Jill Louise Chandler. She continued speaking to the document. "The defendant has had plenty of time to contemplate the consequences of failure in this regard, has had the shattering insight of the hurt to her husband and to their union such a betrayal causes. And considers no wife on earth will have stronger commitment hence forth than she."

Well that was an interesting opening, a bit like a big bunch of flowers I guess. I took it and scanned it, putting it aside, being careful to appear attentive and respectful. Jill deserved a hearing and I would see she got it.

Jill waited patiently, I noticed for the first time her hands trembling slightly, and how pale she looked again. She asked for an accelerated sentencing. Due process could be a tough bitch at times.

"Exhibit B Is the report of a medical test the defendant had done after returning from Florida, showing her all clear for bacterial sexually transmitted diseases, and indicating a rescheduled consultation for further tests in 4-5 months, it is my expectation that in spite of a reputation to the contrary, the men she had unprotected sex with were careful with their choice of partners." I noticed how Jill was speaking in the third person at times, a mechanism to limit the stress; I had used the same mechanism when she originally confessed.

I read this exhibit in more detail, confirming dates, and results which were negative, and which were TBA. I found myself agreeing with her assumptions regarding the Menendez habits, they weren't stupid. Amoral certainly, but not stupid.

"Exhibit C is a copy of my personal and business e-mail passwords, with the commitment that those passwords will only be changed with the permission of my husband, and my invitation to him to access my e-mail accounts at any time he wishes, and further to listen in any or all phone calls. My phone records will be submitted to my husband routinely as they arrive. It will also be my practice to report any conversation or event that has the any potential to be misunderstood at the first available time. Please note that I see it as my responsibility, my burden, to make sure you know where I am, and who I'm with at all times. There will not be the need for you to invest time in this regard, unless you wish."

"Exhibit D is a copy of all e-mails with all Florida based acquaintances, ending with one to my former friend Susan, three days ago, inviting her to not contact me in any way, and my last one, passing on your question last night."

The first e-mail read;

Susan,

I made a dreadful mistake in Florida, then and since you proved you are no true friend. Until there is room in your life to embrace my family, there is no room in my life for you. Please don't contact me again until this is the case.

Jill

"Has Susan complied with this request?"

"No she hasn't, but I have tried to enforce it. There has been one phone call in response, where she accused the defendant of being two faced and disloyal, she also took the opportunity to denigrate the defendant's husband. I can report that the defendant became most upset and embellished this e-mail with passion, and again invited her to leave me alone." Fortunately for Jill this was in broad agreement with the phone call I had partially overheard a couple of evenings ago, including a memorably passionate "well at least Jake doesn't have to get me drunk for me to have sex with him". I would read the rest with interest after hearing the rest of Jill's submission.

Jill added "There has been no response to your last question, and I assume it was rhetorical, so did not intend to follow it up."

"Very well, anything more."

"Yes", I could see this one really bothered Jill, she was briefly becoming emotional again, but regained her composure and continued, "Exhibit E, is a complete and detailed account of the activities that occurred in Florida on the weekend in question. The defendant begs you to note that it is an upsetting document, and also respectfully requests that you consider carefully when and indeed whether to read it, that it not introduce too much emotion into the sentencing process. I advise that the writing of this document was ……incredibly……distressing. But I assure you it is the truth, the full sordid truth…………and nothing but the truth………..Jake, So help me." She had faded to a whisper, and I briefly watched Jill's tears, tears with no sound. I was becoming detached, a judge I was learning must keep his thought processes clear.

I offered Jill 5 minutes to regain her composure.

There were no further exhibits …but Jill asked if she could add a verbal statement before I asked my questions.