Layers Ch. 08

I used to think my world made some basic, normal sense. You are born basically the gender you die with (although, no, hah, not really, I guess) and, well, science. It works. The science. There's nothing strange or unusual in the world and karma doesn't exist. Neither do ghosts or witches or things that go bump in the night.

The world was plain.

Now, here I am, in my bedroom with a man and a woman that I turned into werewolves. I am a completely different person -- a woman now rather than a man. Oh, and a werewolf, as well. And not just a female version of myself but a completely different person. If that weren't enough, the reason I'm getting dressed is to meet a person in a park -- a person that somehow hypnotized a squirrel into delivering a message.

It's hard to live in a world like this. It's difficult to stop and think about things because I think if I did, I'd go slightly mad. What else is different? I met other werewolves today so there's that. Elaine, Stephen and I are not anomalies. Are there vampires? Witches that escaped the pyre back in the days of pilgrims? Ghosts? A heaven? A hell?

See? Maddening.

One step at a time.

I send Stephen and Elaine out of the room so I can think. I can hear them chatting quietly in the living room. Elaine is haltingly describing what it was like from her side of things. The flash of memories she has from her change. What it felt like to be semi-conscious when it happened and the pain and feeling of loss when she reverted. Stephen gently asks a few questions but otherwise lets her talk it out.

I feel like an outside and it is a painful emotion. How long has it been since I've taken a moment to myself since I've met both of them? How long since I've stopped to breathe? To think? My bedroom is in disarray. My life is in disarray. I don't know what I'm going to do about work and how I'm going to explain things or whether I'm even going back. And, if I don't, what happens then?

Who am I now? The events of the past few days suddenly crash into me and I sit heavily on the floor with my knees up. Becoming a woman. A werewolf. Meeting Elaine and Stephen. Changing them. Not just physically but, mentally. All of us. The other werewolves and my near death experience. This new thing - the note. I've just gone with it. I've just let my emotions and instincts take over. I let myself be dragged along by the events. I took everything at face value and let myself go. My head throbs and I feel a lump in my throat. I can feel the tears threatening to come. I never used to cry so much but, then, my life has been fairly mediocre and standard. Nothing much to cry about. No world changing events or anything. Good parents and a simple life.

I run my fingers through my thick, long hair as I breathe steadily, head down. It's not my hair but it is. It's not my body but it is. But, it's not. My skin suddenly crawls and I shiver from it. I have an intense feeling of being still male but wrapped in a female body and it's an alien, stomach-twisting feeling. I don't just mean mentally, either. I actually have a near physical feeling of still being male but surrounded by female flesh. The world swims around me and I hug my arms around my knees into an almost fetal position. My fingers grip against my hair and I feel the sharp pull at my scalp.

I have doubts. Serious doubts. I have an accounting degree. I do okay with my brain and I have some street smarts but the enormity of the situation is now staring me in the face.

What have I done to us? What has this done? I saw two people I was attracted to and I thought that's all it was. Now? They're constantly in the back of my mind. And I feel the presence. The thing. The wolf hiding in my mind. Quiet but watching. A shadow hiding in the whispers of my thoughts. But a real thing that didn't exist before. Both Elaine and Stephen are there with me mentally, too. I feel the pull of them. I feel the weight of their existence on me and Elaine's smiling face immediately comes to mind with Stephen's grim yet amused visage behind her. The shadow of the wolf murmurs 'pack' but all I feel is love and my heart skips a couple beats.

Why? Yes, Elaine is fucking adorable. And Stephen... Stephen is a rock. I haven't had a chance to spend much time with him but I feel his deep strength. And that's it. That should be it. They are amazing people and I can't believe they're in my life but that should be all it is. Instead, I feel this deep ache and I want to go out to them. The wolf stirs, standing, making ... her? It feels like a female wolf. Is that weird? Making her presence known. She's a pressure at the back of my skull and when she speaks, she growls. 'Pack,' she rumbles at me, louder now. Her presence isn't just for show; I can feel a surge of confidence and aggression and baser emotions flood through me. Because of her.

It was here that it happened. I can still smell our scents clearly. It was here that they changed first. Stephen's mind slipping as he stared in confusion at the condom packet, no longer sure of its purpose. His naked cocking shining in the air, inches away from my wet female sex. Where they barely remember any of it, I can see it clearly. I can remember it all and picture all three of us as if I were a ghost hovering in the corner. I can still feel the raw ache of my woman's body - the need to be filled. I grit my teeth against the memory of it and my pussy drools. Elaine's lithe body twisting and reshaping while Stephen struggled with the sudden male urge to dominate and mount the female - me - in front of him. The wolf growling loudly in the back of my mind as I put him in his place. It's all clear.

I squirm a bit. I can't help it. It's an itch I want to scratch but I can't right now. I won't. The wolf prowls in frustration. It's all so simple for her. There's no confused love and loyalty. There's no feelings of shame over basically mentally raping two people. She knows who she is. It's all base emotions. I'm left with the rest of it.

This body. This amazing body. That's part of the rest of it. Still sitting with my knees up, I look at my hands in front of me. Long, strong fingers that are still recognizably feminine. My nails are strong and clear. No hairs anywhere and a few freckles randomly doting the backs of my hands. No hair on the palms. Ha-ha. I used to have a lot of freckles on my hands and fingers. It's all changed and different. The feeling of riding in the woman's body rushes through me again and I frantically push it away. Strong. So strong. And healthy. And sexy. Everything.

And still cowardly. Still me. I should talk to them. I should apologize for what I've done to them. Stephen... Out of the two of them, he has to have been hit the hardest. His strength and stability has anchored him but also makes it harder for him to change. And now...

There's a knock at the door. I know it's Stephen before he speaks. "Hey, we're going to have to go soon if we want to make it on time. I thought we could walk since it's a nice day. Just whenever you're ready."

Of course, I think. Whenever I am ready. Me. I sigh as quietly as possible and my voice, still odd to my ears answers him. "I'll be out in a minute or two." He leaves without responding.

Dressed. Shit. There's that, too. Clothes. Elaine's enthusiasm and the brightness and promise of a new day have worn off. I look over to the floor near my closet. At the thrift store bags. Dresses and skirts and whatnot. Women's clothing. It's like... like those times when you're doing something (drunk or not) and it seems like the most reasonable, awesome thing ever. And then it wears off and you're stuck wondering what the hell you were doing. It's wrong. It feels wrong. I can't go out like that. I can't go out in women's clothing. I have visuals of people pointing and laughing while I shamble along in a skirt. Laughing at the pretend woman. They'd know. By the way I walk or talk or some other little thing that tells them. They'd know.

Deep breath.

I close my eyes. My body is warm and strong around me. The wolf has settled. I picture her with her paws crossed and her muzzle comfortably on top. I know that I could draw on her. I know it would work. I feel a kind of link and I know that if I wanted to, I could pull and I'd have a spike in confidence and more. Like some drug flooding my system.

Deep breath. Eyes closed.

I won't. I won't take that option. Not now. If I can't go through any of this without cheating then I'll never learn. I stand and the motion is fluid and graceful and not entirely me. I pick the skirt from the thrift store bag because I want the freedom to run if I have to. I could pick slacks for the same reason but I'm forcing myself. Forcing myself to do this. The skirt is pale green and slightly pleated. I rummage and find a matching top - armless and it swoops down gently to show the tops of my breasts. My nipples make tiny domes against the fabric. It takes a bit to find one of the panties Elaine got for me but I do and I tug them up over my legs and thighs and then edge my finger under the band to make it comfortable. I nearly feel the ghost sensation of my dick being pressed against my pelvis by the underwear but it's just the echo of a memory as a man. My hand strays down my flat, soft stomach to my soft panties. The smoothness of the whole area is still a wonder. My fingers explore my mound under the panties. Nothing out of place. Still a woman.

Deep breath.

I open the door and walk to the living room as unselfconsciously as possible. Without looking, I know both Elaine and Stephen like the outfit. Quite a lot. Stephen growls and then coughs and I hear Elaine's whispered 'pervert' before I turn to look directly at them.

Elaine is dressed in tight blue jeans and a blue shirt. Her smile tugs at the corner of her mouth and a rush of emotions slams into me again. The wolf shifts on her paws as it happens. Stephen's dick is setting up camp in his pants and the tent it's trying to make looks painful.

Man. Dicks, huh? Yup. Yup. My mouth actual waters seconds before my pussy does. If we weren't meeting some strange person soon, I'd make a repeat performance of the day before. Only perhaps this time I would crawl to him on my hands and knees. As a she-wolf would. And then see what that does for him. I wonder if it hurts when he changes. When the knot grows in. God. That knot. The way it spreads me open fucking hurts but then feels amazing.

"We're not having sex," I tell the room. "Just to be clear. But, I'd like to reserve the right for sex later. If it's okay. If it works out. Although. Umm, I'd like to talk when we get back. It's important. That first, I think. And food. Jesus, yes. Food."

Stephen coughs again and then nods. A pained look crosses Elaine's face but she nods as well.

"You look," Stephen starts. He pauses and thinks for a moment. "Fuck it. You look beautiful." He's flexing his hands like he wants to hold something. My tits? My thighs? My hips? My ass? All good options. Fine options in my mind. The she-wolf huffs appreciatively but I can also feel her smile.

I blush. And look away. It feels wrong in a sense and I think yesterday I would've been mad for a dumb reason. But, like with the skirt, I take a conscious step forward. A very clear and conscious step. "Thank you. You look," I pause this time. And then I force myself to look at the man. "You look handsome in that outfit, Stephen." The words feel staged on my tongue. Awkward. I actually mean them but it feels like I'm reading lines from a script. Next I'll be swooning, I'm sure. Or heaving my bodice. This body makes me bold and, as if I were again an outside observer and not the actual woman, the thought of a man fucking me... her... turns me on greatly.

Elaine is trading looks between the two of us. A slightly confused, slightly amused, slightly aroused look. And something else. A hint of jealousy? The edges of it? Jealousy for whom? Shit. I mentally add that to my list to talk about when we're back. I absolutely do not look forward to this conversation.

"I'm ready if everyone else is?" I ask. They answer by standing and watching me. So, we leave and I lock the door.

It is beautiful outside. There's a blue sky dotted with fluffy white clouds and a soft breeze that ruffles my hair and skirt. I close my eyes and take in the scent of the world around me. And then sneeze. And curse. Sweetness mixed with poop and chemicals. I tentatively sniff again and it's all still there. I turn slightly and sniff again and it's not as bad to the south. Also, I can kind of sort of ignore some of the poop. Kind of. Maybe it's learned behavior and I can turn things off eventually. Hopefully. I really don't want to go through the rest of my life smelling poop.

Stephen grunts behind me. "It smells like shit out here."

"Yeah," I tell him. "Dog poop, I think. A lot of it. The neighbor has a dog so I wouldn't be surprised. Well, probably dog poop. Not that I could tell what kind of poop it was. Hah hah. No way. That'd be weird." They're looking at me. They're both giving me the eye. Shit. "So, umm, yeah. Off we go!"

New problem. Where do I stand? Physically where do I stand? Do I stand in the middle? Do I stand beside them? And beside whom? Stephen? Will Elaine get jealous? Or next to Elaine and worry about Stephen being left out? Oh my god. Why is this a thing? Why is this a thing in my world? Maybe... Maybe I could take turns standing next to them? Oh shit, really? They aren't children needing turns with a toy. Fuck. Fuuuuck. Think. Think. Think.

"You two go on ahead. I've got some things I'm thinking through still. I'll just follow." And another thing added to my list to talk about. This is dumb. And they know it. Probably. Stephen raises his eyebrow slightly but they both go ahead of me. I've only been to the park once and it was about ten minutes to walk there. Plenty of time to chew on things and figure out what I'm going to say when we get back.

Despite how the world smells, it certainly feels good. The sun feels great on my legs and face. A bit too hot with all this hair but not too bad at the moment. As we're walking, I sometimes just close my eyes for a moment and let the sun soak into my face. I already feel better. Birds are chittering around us, hopping from branch to branch as we walk the uneven sidewalk. Dogs bark occasionally and they start a domino effect of other dogs barking and growling in response. Elaine stops to talk to three different dogs (or as she puts it, the 'cute wittle puppies') through three different fences on the walk. They growl and bark and jump and wag their tails at her. Whether in excitement or anger or something else, I have no idea. They smell interesting. Different and interesting. At the third dog, my eye strays towards its cock and I immediately look away and blush. I wasn't even thinking about doing anything with the dog - I was drifting thinking about stuff and then there's the dog and it's a male (I can somehow smell it) and then I thought of Stephen and his cock and how it looks as a werewolf and then that had me look at the dog's cock. Whoa. Wow. Yeah. No. Moving on...

Near the entrance of the park, I feel goose bumps break out along my arms. Something is wrong. Something smells wrong. Familiar and wrong all at the same time. My stomach twists into a knot and I almost vomit. Cold sweat. Nausea. My limbs tremble slightly and I feel Stephen's arms suddenly around me. The she-wolf is growling loudly but I also feel her ears back. She's hunkered down low on all fours.

"Hey. Hey, are you okay?" He asks, voice full of concern.

"Y... yeah. I..." I pant, catching my breath. "S... something is wrong. Can you smell it? Can..." My stomach dry heaves once and I lean on Stephen. "I'll be okay. Just... Just give me a second." Elaine is slowly rubbing my back in a circle. My stomach heaves again but nothing comes up.

Stephen has an iron grip on my arm. "We should go back. You don't look good at all and I don't smell anything wrong."

"N... no. Just give me a second." Slowly, my arms and legs come back to me. My stomach is still in knots and I feel like I need to throw up again but at least I can stand by myself. "C... come on," I tell them both. "I see the pond from here. And the bench. See the guy?" I assume it was a guy because of the awkward handwriting but that's probably sexist.

The smell gets worse the closer we get. The figure is bent over on the bench, tossing crumbs to a flock of seagulls and ducks that are surrounding him. Probably a man. Wearing a black coat and a short hat of some kind. Some short hat with a brim almost like a cowboy hat but not quite. Also black. Stephen and Elaine look at me and I nod. We take the last few steps and then he's right in front of us.

I'm nearly floored by the miasma surrounding him. Elaine rubs at her nose briefly but looks otherwise unfazed. The man looks up and smiles and I wish he hadn't. His face is chalk white and there is something living in his eyes. I want to run. I want to bash his head in. I want to vomit. All of it. A piece of his face moves as if a small worm was burrowing under his skin.

Stephen does a double-take. "What the..."

"Hello!" The man says with a grin too wide for his face. He stands, setting his brown bag of crumbs on the bench. He offers his gaunt hand but none of us take it in return. His fingernails are black. And two of them are missing. Ah. Okay. He's looking at Elaine and Stephen at the same time. One eyeball is pointing directly at Stephen while the other is swiveled towards Elaine. "Oh my," he says. His breath smells like the sulfur. "My oh my. You've done well for yourself, haven't you?"

"Who... who are you?" I ask. My nails are digging into the palms of my hands and I'm shaking slightly. In anger and fear and I'm not even entirely sure why. I mean, other than the obvious gross things happening.

"Ah. Ah, ah, ah. Yes. Yes yes. You don't know me, do you?" Both eyes independently swivel to me. "But, I know you. Yes yes. Yes I do. We've met before once."

I look at Stephen and then Elaine. And then back to the creep.

"I..." I start.

"I watched you die," he says and now his grin is positively splitting his face.

Stephen steps forward, hands clenching and unclenching. "Listen," he growls. "I don't know who the fuck you think you are but if you think you can just..." I hold up my hand and he stops. But not before glaring at me. Temper, temper.

I look back at the man in black. "I've never met you in my life. Trust me, I'd remember if I'd seen you before."

The man rocks back and forth on his heels like a little boy with a secret. "No no no. I know you. I know you, Hannah. I held your head in my lap while you choked on your own blood. Yes yes, oh yes." A fleck of black light flits across the man's left eye while he talks.

"My name is not Hannah. Who..."

Now he holds up his hand to stop me. "I'm Thomas. Pleased to meet you again. Would you like any bread?"

"No, I don't want..."

"There was an awful lot of blood. It ruined my favorite coat. But, I suppose, not as much blood as there was later. No. No no, certainly not." He giggles and it makes my skin crawl.

Now it's my turn to growl. The wolf echoes me in my head and I feel her gathering he strength. "Who the fuck are you," I ask, not pleasantly.

"Ah. Thomas. I said. I said that. No no no, he means who. Who are we. Yes. I, dear sir, am a wizard." The man pulls his hat off and bows deeply. He's missing patches of hair on the top of his head and the skin is red with bumps. He straightens, fixing his hat. "A good wizard. Still learning. Still experimenting. Still living so that means I'm a good wizard." His grin turns into a grimace before returning again. "You look well. Very well. Alive, even."

Stephen steps forward slightly. "You need to..."