Learning the Rules Ch. 08

Learning the Rules: Chapter 8: Ready, Willing, and Able!

~~~~~~~~~~

Alexandra and Jamie continue to explore their relationship with each other. Alexandra is ready to take a leap of faith and explore what joining Jamison's life would be like. Together they will have to discover just what lays ahead for them. I hope you continue to enjoy the story and the journey!

A "Thank You" to my editor and many people's favorite Brit, "Flyboy!" for being so gracious as to assist in this chapter and more. Also a special thank you to small_town_girl for her willingness to not only share her resources, but her expertise as a writer and editor.

Thank you, ~I hope you enjoy the read.~

Apple

~~~~~~~~~~

The night sky is almost black as Alexandra and Jamison make their way home, though the bright harvest moon calms the darkness that surrounds them. The ride home is quiet as they travel along contemplating the activities of the evening.

Alexandra sits back and closes her eyes in contemplation as she reflects.

How can this be wrong when he makes me feel things I've never felt before? He makes me think about things I've never even imagined I would think about. He makes me do things I've never done and would never have even envisioned doing before I met him.

All he needs to do is give me that look of his and I want nothing more than to do as he asks of me and to make him happy. That look of his that fogs my thoughts, that blurs my vision and that takes my breath away for a few seconds. It's his sultry, sexy, deep commanding voice that gets results from me. The one that stops me from thinking twice about what I should do.

She turns her head and looks at Jamison. Her eyes dance over him taking in every detail of his profile.

Being with this man is like a magnetic pull and I can't fight it. I want to give into it, give into him. Let go of everything and let it play out his way. For the first time in my life, I'm willing to give up some of the control to someone else. I want to give it to Jamison. I'm ready, willing, and finally able to do this. I may not understand it but I believe it with all of my heart and that is enough for now.

I just hope I can do this. I want to be the woman he wants, the woman he needs. Jamison can help me to be that woman, his woman, and his submissive. Oh God! Did I just say that? Can I be his submissive?

As if reading her mind and on queue with her thoughts, his voice breaks the silence between them.

"You're awfully quiet since we left the restaurant Alexandra." He gently probes her for a reply.

"Well, I've just been thinking about how fast things have changed between us."

"How do you mean?" He questions.

"Well, you have to admit, things escalated rapidly. Basically, we met, had dinner, made a twenty-four hour agreement, carried that agreement into a few days, and now you're taking me to your home to.....for.....to.....to or for I'm not sure what to be honest."

"Yes, I agree. I think because I feel I have known you for a longer period of time, in my mind, things are fairly on pace."

Alexandra looks to Jamison, questioning his meaning. Then it clicks. Jamison mentioned that he worked with her through intermediaries on the last project she was working on with his company. He continues to explain as she listens intently.

"Tonight, when you said, you wanted to give me your decision early, I wasn't sure what it would be." He thinks back.

"What did you think I was going to say?"

"Well, when you said, you knew how you felt and that you wanted to be with me, I was truly happy. For the first time in a very long time, I was truly happy Alexandra."

"I'm glad." She smiles at him.

"I felt that if you could say that to me, you had to trust in me on some level. I knew you did when you explained that you based your decision on what you thought, but also on what you felt in your gut, in your heart and in your soul."

"It's true. It's how I feel."

"That's a huge statement for you to make Alexandra. Don't think I haven't recognized that fact. I know you're an intelligent, independent, and self-reliant woman. I know what it took for you to say that to me. I appreciate it Alexandra, maybe more than you know."

He reaches over and takes her hand, squeezing it lightly.

"What I'm saying is that I want a relationship that is based more on what you feel deep inside of you than one based on what you think it will be or what you think I want. Does that make sense to you?"

"Yes, yes it does. It makes perfect sense."

"When we get home, we have a lot to discuss. First we need to talk and review some information. Then we need to see how things go after our discussion before we proceed with anything. It's all about trust Alexandra. If you don't have a certain amount of trust in me, if we can't trust each other, we'd be starting off on the wrong path. That's not what I want for us."

"Are you trying to scare me? Why do you make it sound so ominous?" She looks over at him as he drives. His face remains unreadable and his voice is neutral as he places both hands back on the wheel and answers her.

"Alexandra, there is a lot to this, to me, to my world that can be described by some as 'ominous.' I need to know what you are sure of when it comes to us and to our commitment. I need to know how you feel about certain aspects of our relationship."

"Like what specifically?" She feels chills run through her body as she asks the question, not sure she is ready for the answer he may give her.

"I think it's best if we wait until we get home to get into this in any detail. I would like to be able to sit down and relax when we talk Alexandra. I want to be able to look at you when we discuss things. A lot can be told by facial expression and body language. Sometimes it tells more than the words coming out of someone's mouth."

"Ok. We'll wait to discuss it if that's what you want."

As Alexandra answers him, she watches Jamison's facial affect and becomes lost in her thoughts.

He may be able to tell a lot from facial expression, but he doesn't give anything away in his own countenance. He is as unreadable as ever and he is an expert at hiding any emotion. Unlike me, my face registers my every thought.

"It is." Jamison answers in an even tone, never taking his eyes off the dark curving road that runs along the river and takes them out of the city and closer to home. He too is deep in thought. His focus is on how to best deal with Alexandra and the situation at hand.

I wonder if she will be able to accept what I ask of her. Once she gives into me she is beautifully responsive, but she carries too much of her "outside self, her professional self" into her personal self.

As Jamison pulls into the driveway and parks, his thoughts now focus solely on Alexandra.

She is so independent and I love that to an extent, but will she ever be able to be comfortable with this, with the things I will ask of her? Will she be happy with me and her new lifestyle? I suppose we will see very soon. Only time will tell if this is what she wants. It won't be easy because right now, I want more from her. So much more!

He looks over at Alexandra and takes her hand in his. His gaze never strays from hers before he leans across the seat and kisses her. He takes a deep breath before he speaks.

"Ready, Alexandra?

"Yes, I'm ready."

~~~~~~~~~~

They enter the house hand in hand and Jamison leads her directly to the library. He walks her to the large leather couch and motions for her to sit. Then he goes to his desk and pulls the small gold chain turning on the lamp. The room is shadowed in the soft yellow glow.

He retrieves the folder with Alexandra's name across the front. Returning to her, he sits right next to her and takes her hand back into his. His leg rests along hers and she can feel his body heat against the bare skin of her leg. His hands are also warm. She should be comforted by this, yet she feels herself stiffen.

Jamison starts their conversation in a very calm and almost clinical manner.

"Alexandra, I'm not going to hold information back from you or soften it for you tonight. I think it only fair to be as truthful as possible to prepare you for what a D/s relationship with me would be like. What role each of us would play in it."

He leans over and gently kisses her cheek.

"I also want to talk about what I will want from you and what you, in turn, could expect from me. I want to discuss our goals, our commitment to each and what each of us desires to receive from this adventure of ours."

"Alexandra, this may be one of the most important conversations we have. Now, I know you're not overly comfortable talking about your feelings, about sex or personal interactions, but tonight you have to be totally open and honest with me."

He tightens his hold on her hand for a brief moment, stressing the importance of his words.

"Can I trust you not to hold back tonight, Alexandra?

"Yes, Jamison. I can't promise I still won't hesitate a little, but I will be totally honest and upfront with you. Will you be patient with me?"

Jamison laughs lightly, "I will do my very best. This is the time to ask any questions you want. Now is the time to get all of your doubts and concerns addressed Alexandra. It's a time where when you say, "one more thing" or "I have another question," I will be happy to hear those words from your lips."

He leans closer to her and takes her chin in his hand. Turning himself to face her, he kisses her mouth. First lightly, then a little more assertively as he tips her head back from the pressure of his kiss. Jamison's other hand slides behind Alexandra's neck and takes hold of a fistful of hair just above her neckline. Gently he tugs her head and as she whimpers her lips open and he takes the opportunity to thrust his tongue into her mouth.

Her mouth is warm, soft, and wet. Her tongue curls around his as he explores her. He moves her head by simply moving his hand still grasping her hair. He gently bends her head to the right as he slides his mouth along her jaw line, leaving little kisses in its path. He tips her head to the left with just the slightest of tugs and she follows his pull. Jamison takes advantage of her exposed neck line and licks the entire length of her neck. He licks her from her ear to her clavicle as she moans and he feels the vibrations of her moan through her throat.

That sound from her alone is a turn on for him. To hear her moan from his kiss, his tongue; to feel the vibrations of her moan sends a message directly to his cock and he is immediately aroused by her. Alexandra has the ability to awaken his sexual needs by the simplest response of her body to his touch.

She tremors as he continues to tease her with his kisses, his tongue, and his mouth. He moves his head a little lower and traces the V neck area left exposed by her dress line. He kisses along her breasts and pulls her hair tightly causing her head to fall back several inches. She cries out more in surprise than any real pain. Her back slightly arches and exposes more of her neck and chest, lifting her breasts upward. Jamison kisses her several more times and licks along the curve of her breasts before he pulls back.

She can feel her sex becoming wet. Her breathing and heart rate are elevated. No matter how tightly she clenches her thighs together she can't control the tremors initiated in her sex. Her lower abdominal muscles are in spasm.

Jamison keeps his hold on the handful of hair and repositions her head back far enough to hold her eye contact. He stares into her eyes but doesn't speak a word for several minutes. He almost dares her to speak first, but Alexandra remains silent and maintains his gaze until it is too much for her and she diverts her eyes from his.

"No." His voice is calm and quiet, but demanding her immediate response.

She swallows hard and bites the inside of her cheek out of nervous habit in order to compose herself. Her breathing is elevated and she can feel herself becoming more aroused by him. Slowly, she returns her gaze to Jamison and watches as his face softens. She remains silent and all that is heard from her is her slightly elevated breathing.

"Good girl. Very good." He says while maintaining the grip he has on her hair.

"How do you feel right now Alexandra? I want to know how you feel about me pulling your hair, controlling your movements, moving you to my liking. How does that make you feel?"

"Nervous Jamison. Nervous and anxious." Her voice is a little unsteady, but she maintains his eye contact and answers truthfully.

"Why nervous?"

"Because I'm not sure what you will do."

"Why anxious?" He tilts his head to see if he detects any fear in her expression. He sees none.

"Anxious mostly because I don't have any control over what happens next. I'm at your mercy more or less."

"Are you afraid I'll hurt you?"

"No." Alexandra blinks and looks directly into his eyes. She tilts her chin up a little. "I know you won't hurt me."

"Do you trust in that fact Alexandra?" He is intently watching her and listening.

"Yes, I do."

"Does it bother you that I have control over your movements right now? That I can bend your head to my will?"

"A little, I guess. I don't know if bother is the right word though. It feels... foreign to me, so it's different. But I don't think it really bothers me. Does that make sense to you?"

"Yes. Alexandra, a lot of how we will relate, will feel exactly like this. Some things will feel less intense, some more intense. Most things will seem 'foreign' to you especially in the beginning. Ceding your control to me will be a central focus in our relationship. This is one example of it."

"Yes." She sighs as he brings her mouth to his for a kiss.

Jamison's face is so close to hers that she can feel the heat from his breath as it glides over her skin. Jamison never looks away from her eyes his look is so intense. He doesn't even blink as he stares at her. His eyes are almost black in color as he realizes how much he wants her. Each time he exhales his breath tickles across her cheek until finally he pulls back a few inches.

"Jamison, you're making me more nervous than I was."

Mistaking his hesitation as uncertainty, Alexandra asks, "Do you not really want this, want me?" Her voice is quiet, almost tearful sounding.

"No Alexandra. I've known what I've wanted from you from the very beginning. I've known what I've wanted for us from our initial meeting."

He slowly traces her body from head to toe with his gaze.

"I want to have no doubt in my mind that this is what you choose, that I am who you choose to be with. Tonight I will tell you and show you exactly what I want from you. Before I show you anything further, you will tell me what it is you want and expect from this relationship and from me."

Jamison looks at her with hope on his face. He wants this preamble to be over and he wants to move forward and really learn about each other, be with each other.

"I am ready to be with you. I want to be with you. I will discuss anything we need to in order to assure you that this is what I want. You are who I want."

"I believe you."

He leans forward and kisses her mouth hard and fast. Grasping her chin and pulling her to him by her hair, Jamison kisses Alexandra and then without warning releases her from his hold and the kiss.

"Alexandra, I need to know what you want from me, from this. Specifically, what you want or think you want from a Dom/sub relationship between the two of us. I know you're not fully aware of all of the aspects involved, but I would like to know what you think about it at this point."

"I'm not exactly sure how to go about this, how to organize my thoughts, so that they make sense to you. I'm not sure of the best way to explain to you how and why I made my choice. So, I'd like to do it in a way that is comfortable to me. Is that ok with you?"

"Do it any way you want. I'm only interested in what you have to say, not in how you present it." He waves his hand across the room, as if to say, my library is your stage, do what you want.

As he motions across the room, Alexandra stands and starts to pace the length of the library. He realizes, she is posturing and moving about, much like she did in the board room when she presented her plans for the children's rehab center. When Alexandra starts to talk, Jamison recognizes that she is going to literally "present her case" as if presenting a project in the board room. He smiles to himself, thinking, "This is so Alexandra."

"Jamison, I don't have all of the answers to what I want or to how this will work between the two of us, but I do know some things for certain as to why I made this decision." She looks at Jamison to see his reaction to her presentation format. He's focused on her and doesn't seem too put off by her choice, so she continues.

"I've told you before that you have a certain effect on me that I haven't experienced before in my life. I've never felt so connected to another person. Intellectually, we match. We can talk about anything and it is an interesting conversation."

She hesitates and organizes her next thought before continuing.

"Psychologically, I feel some sort of bond with you that I can't explain. I just know that when you are with me, I feel better about simply 'being.' I know it probably doesn't make sense, but I can't explain it any other way. When I'm with you, I feel better about being myself. The real me, simply Alexandra and you bring that out in me. You make me feel like, no matter what I do, or what I say, or how I feel about something, it's ok. I've never had that in a relationship before and I love that you do that for me."

Alexandra stops talking for a moment and looks to Jamison for some feedback. He is silent, but intently watching her and listening to every word she says. His face doesn't show it, but so far, he is impressed by her answer and her honesty. He didn't doubt she would be truthful. He just wasn't sure to what degree she would hold back on her response. So far, it appears she isn't holding anything back from him. He nods in her direction to let her know he is listening and for her to continue.

"One of the things you told me when we first met was not to base my decisions on fear of the unknown. So, I'm not. I'm basing it on what I think and what I feel right now. I think that there is nothing I want more than to make a relationship between us work. I feel that there is no other decision to be made that will make me as happy as the one that involves you and me together. I may be unsure of what such a relationship consists of, but I'm willing to give it my all to make it work."

Again Alexandra stops to evaluate Jamison's reaction to what she is saying. She connects with his stare and sees how intently he is listening to her. She takes a deep breath and slowly exhales before continuing.

"Here's what I know for sure Jamison. I know that I feel more alive in your presence. I feel more aware of things when you're with me. I experience things more intensely on every level when I'm with you. I find myself thinking and doing things that I would never have thought or done if you weren't in my life."

Alexandra pauses for just a moment and then walks to the center of the floor and looks at Jamison. She extends her arm to him, palm open and up, asking him without words to come to her. Jamison looks from her face to her hand. Without more than a seconds delay, he rises and walks toward her taking her hand. Alexandra gently pulls him closer to her. As she holds his hand in hers, she touches and holds his cheek with her free hand and gazes into his eyes.

"Tonight I realized something Jamison. Tonight I admitted something to myself that I haven't spoken aloud yet."