Lemon to Lemonade Ch. 01byMandy01©
I have had so many request to know what happens next I felt I needed to be fair and give Kelly a voice. Not everyone will agree with this follow up in the series, but the title should give you a heads up on how this tale will end. Everyone makes mistakes, after all we're all human.
I would like to thank winterfoxx for his tireless effort in helping me edit the next two chapters. Any errors will have to be laid at my feet, as I can't help tinkering with it...lol.
I have learnt so much from this experience. This has made me look deeper into my own psyche and challenged some of my own preconceived notions.
I trust you will enjoy the ride.
Sitting on the floor, watching James walk off with the two bitches was the lowest I had ever felt in my entire life. "You can't sit there all day Lady! You're blocking the courtroom door."
I looked up to see an Officer of the Court standing above, looking down at me with clear distain. I dearly wanted to tell him to fuck off. I just didn't have to energy to fight anymore. "Yeah what...ever!"
I managed to stand, taking my first tentative steps toward the exit and the car park where my mother waited to take me home. That's when the full implications hit me square in the face. "Home? I wasn't going home...ever. I now no longer had a home or car. But most of all I no longer had a husband. It had all been stolen away from me, stolen by those two tarted up fucking trollops!" I thought to myself as I trudged out into the glare of the midmorning sunshine, sunshine that made me feel worse, mocking me with its bright shining rays.
I thought I'd cried myself out until I saw James and those two bitches drive off laughing with each other, then turning to see my mother standing beside her car with her arms folded and shaking her head in disgust. I broke down and cried again as mum told me to get my whore arse in the car. I didn't think my life could get worse, but mum was making it her mission in life to rid me of that delusion.
I sat in silence staring out my window. Thoughts came back to me of the afternoon mum came home from talking to James. I had done as my mother had ordered me. I wanted to use the bathroom, but mum had told me to sit with my legs together and head down. I almost peed myself waiting, too afraid that mum would come storming in the door and I wasn't where she told me to be.
I sat there crying to myself with frightened anticipation of my mother's return. I dearly wanted to avoid having to look at mum's face and listen to her derision. The alternative was more frightening than the coming confrontation. Even though I had never been able to win any arguments with my mother, it was marginally better than being ostracised and left completely on my own.
I knew I couldn't go anywhere for I had nowhere to go. If I walked out I'd be sleeping in the park. I'd already tried to talk to Carol and Pam, both having told me to fuck off and die. Sue just hung up on me without even talking. Beth had no idea what I was on about. She just giggled and told me to give James a blowjob and everything would be okay.
James was right. Beth doesn't even live on the same planet as everyone else. Beth's clueless advice was after my call to Carol and Pam who proceeded to berated me for destroying their lives with my arrogant stupidity. Carol called me every name under the sun, telling me I had shit for brains and too weak willed for not being able to control my husband. I had to agree I was stupid, but was quickly concluding that it wasn't for the reason they cited.
I was an 'A' class moron for ever getting back into their clutches. My life was shit, and up until now I couldn't see why everyone was telling me it was all my doing. All I wanted was a perfect marriage. What was wrong with that? I was starting to get nauseous from having to agree with everyone who told me those two were trouble. Mum was right when she told me they were one-step away from being whores when she pulled me out of school and away from Carol's group.
I didn't see it. Back then they just seemed way cool and in control of their lives. Now I don't think they understood a damn anything but how to manipulate others. I realise this only when it's way too late to do anything about it. I laughed spitefully when Pam told me James was suing every one of them for destroying his marriage. Fucking bitch, I hope her tits sag to her knees.
We were sitting at a set of lights as mum's voice pulled a halt to my introspection. I was still looking dejectedly out the passenger window. "I'll give you one thing Kelly! When you do something, you go all out and do it properly. No half-arsed measures for my gullible daughter. I thought I made a hash of my marriages, but you have made a bloody art form out of it!"
What could I say? Nothing! So I sat there crying and tried not to listen to the barrage of abuse my mother was throwing at me. "Your father is ropable! I thought he was going to have a heart attack when he found out exactly what you had done to James and your marriage. I'll be surprised if he doesn't put the buggy whip to your whoring arse until it bleeds!"
There was a moments silence and I was just beginning to think she'd run out of steam. I always thought that mothers were there to console their children when things went bad. Well, not my fucking mother! I have never heard my mother swear at any time in my life, so what she said next rocked me to the core. "If he does decide to beat some sense into that stupid cunt of yours, don't you be expecting me to step in to fucking save it. I'll be damn well urging him on."
She clipped me behind the ear and I winced. "You listening to me you stupid trollop? If it was left up to me and I thought I could get away with it, I'd have you bent over at the waist with head and hands locked in stocks, on display in the local park, for anyone to use who has a mind."
"You want to be a lowlife whore, then we'll do it right. How about we pimp your arse out to pay that damn detective's bill, least that way your dad and I won't have to dive into our holiday savings. We'll work out how you're going to pay that stupid brain fart off at a later date!"
I shivered at the mental picture her statements conjured up, as the tears streamed down my face. She seemed to take a breath and settle down, and then she couldn't help herself, she ranted on. "There is still something James and I both would like to know. What in God's name were you thinking? You certainly weren't thinking with your head when you signed that ridiculous codicil! How on earth could you not see that James was giving you every chance to get your shit together, but nooooo, you're soggy lust saturated brain decided to ignore all the signs."
"Stop it mum!" I screamed at the top of my voice, almost to the point of going hoarse. "I'm sorry okay." I coughed and wailed at her stoned faced anger.
The fresh torrent of tears was overwhelming me. I slapped my hands over my ears as mum continued her tirade. "We women complain about men thinking with their genitals, damn it child. You certainly put paid to that argument didn't you? More like blew that one right out of the fuckin water! Let me guess? You were fantasising about fucking up a storm? Getting excited over the prospect of your husband working his arse off to support your sexual perversions? I'll ask you again Kelly, what the fuck were you thinking?"
Even if I could stop crying long enough to answer her, I doubt that I could have made a sane reply. I'd asked myself that question so many times now, that I've just made myself even more confused. "I don't know mum, I really don't know!" I managed to finally whisper as the tears dropped off my chin and soaked my blouse.
I bundled myself into a tighter ball against the passenger door and wept.
Mum just shook her head as she pulled into the drive. Turning off the car, she snapped."Get out! I want you out of those clothes! I have a ratty old housedress you can wear. Then you can get to work scrubbing floors and walls, the windows need a good going over and both the bathrooms can do with a thorough dose of elbow grease!" I knew this was coming from the conversation I'd already had with mum. I guess I can forget about my next appointment to get my hair and nails done.
I winced from within at what my mother was saying, all I could say was, "Yes mum!" Moreover, it burned me to the core. I again burst out crying as I remembered the conversation when I found out that mum knew what I had done. I have no one to blame for that since I had basically spilled the beans myself. James hadn't helped however by putting me on speaker.
That was nothing to what mum was throwing at me now, but then James hadn't shown her the photos! It was my stupidity in thinking if I fought hard enough, then James would see that I loved him and wouldn't want a divorce. My solicitor warned me it was better not to contest it. Again, my arrogance showed through, I didn't think about the consequences of James handing the photos over into evidence. I honestly didn't believe he'd do it! When they came out in court, I knew my arse was fried when I saw mum glaring at me from across the room. I wanted to shrivel up and disappear.
That hurt, it really did! I felt as though James had betrayed me to my mother. When James picked up the phone, I was so relieved he might be mellowing out and coming around wanting to talk. I didn't want to give him time to hang up before I had a chance to talk to him. And then he asked me that stupid question. 'Who is it you don't want to know Kelly?' I couldn't understand what he was saying until mum spoke up. I felt like my stomach had turned to a ball of ice.
I don't understand men at all. Give them what they want and they call you a whore. Don't do what they want and you're a frigid bitch. Mum was asking me what I was thinking. I'd like to know what the fuck James was thinking? What's wrong with spicing up your sex life? Carol said that men are interested in only one thing and I still agree. All the other husbands hopped on the wagon without any fuss. But not my doofus, he has to lumber me with damn morals.
We were walking from the car into the house. "You won't be needing anything dressy for any time soon child, but I will have to get you something. Until then you can wear my old stuff that I was going to send to St Vinnie's op-shop. At the first opportunity I'll go shopping to buy you some new clothes, but don't go getting excited! To start with, I'll get you some white cotton full briefs and plain cotton bras. That should hold you for a while!"
I look at her horrified at having to wear granny pants and out of style clothes. "Don't be giving me that look Kelly."
"But those clothes are twenty years out of date mum, not to mention that they are threadbare!"
Mum scoffed. "That's nothing dearie, the clothes I'll be buying will make a nun wince in sympathy for you. You'll be lucky if I allow you to get naked to have a shower. I'm seriously thinking of getting you one of those veiled Hijab and Caftans the Muslim women wear, neck to ankle until you can afford to get out on your own. Or how about I go looking for potato sacks in your size? Your days of high fashion are toast until you get yourself back on your feet and are paying your own way. James and I have been talking and it seems to me that your father and I have a small responsibility for the destruction you brought to your marriage."
I know I wasn't taking much notice by then and most of what mum was saying was now going in one ear and out the other. It showed when I asked, "What's that suppose to mean?"
Mum shook her head and pushed me in through the front door. "You best start learning to listen, you ungrateful wretch!"
I hate it when she calls me a child and I hate it even more when she uses that name as well.
"When have you ever worked for anything in your entire life, Kelly? I know your father and I gave you everything, and from what James has said he continued that trend. You have no appreciation of what it's like to fight for what you have. Well, you're going to be taking a crash course in humility. Thrift wouldn't hurt either, along with community appreciation and service until you can grow a few more grey cells in that stupid brain of yours."
When we got into the house mum had me start with what I can only relate as, "This is your first module in being a useful member of society and a decent human being. Housekeeping one-oh-one is something you need to learn. I thought you were at least proficient at tending your home. I now find out James did ninety percent of the work around the house." Mum set me to task cleaning, dusting, washing, and just before dad came home I had to make dinner and set the table.
After I put the casserole in the oven, I had about an hour before dad was due home. So I went to my room to brood. "What fucking century does mum live in? Everyone knows women have shed the domestic scene. Her damn generation got us out of the kitchen and into controlling our own destinies. Now she's trying to chain me back to the sink...probably barefoot and pregnant if it was her decision!"
I saw dad sitting in the dining room reading his paper. Normally he would be glad to see me but this evening he kept reading, ignoring my dinner preparations. "Dad?"My father didn't look up, though a sour expression slid across his face. I had the impression he'd just stepped in dog shit as he continued reading. "Dinner is on the table." I mentioned hesitantly, all thought of eating vanished as I stood there, unsure of anything that pertains to my father and what he thinks. He folded his paper, got up and walked straight passed me without saying a word.
Dinner was a cold and silent affair. I sat in my seat and ate without tasting my food, staring at the flower arrangement I'd so carefully and thoughtfully placed in the centre of the table. Mum and dad conversed on the day's events, but totally ignored my presence. I could have been a statue for all their concern. If I thought I could get away with it, I'd have got up and taken my dinner into my room to eat it alone. As far as they were concerned, I didn't exist.
By the end of the meal mum finally acknowledged me but only as a domestic. "Clear away the table, do the washing up, don't you dare use the dishwasher and make sure the kitchen is in pristine condition. You can then go to your room." They both left me at the table without saying anything more. Dad still hadn't said a word to me since he found out what I had done, and it was killing me.
I was shattered. I have always been daddy's little girl, and now I wasn't even someone he wanted to be in the same room with, let alone converse. If mum's tirades weren't bad enough, dad not talking to me at all was even worse. Somehow I wished he would flog me and get it over with. That would be more preferable to this invisibility I was suffering.
I heard them talking and from a few words I did hear, James was part of their conversation. I knew better than to eavesdrop, even though I dearly wanted to know what James was doing. I just kept to my chores, before retiring to my room to cry once more.
Every time I thought I'd dropped to my lowest, there was something else to pound my self-esteem down even further into the quagmire which had appeared around me. Mum sent me grocery shopping and gave me only enough money for shopping and if I was frugal, a taxi home. If I was lucky and caught a sale, I might even have enough for a coffee in the food-court at the shopping centre. But when I finished at the shops I only had enough for a short black with what was left. I knew I'd be walking home since I didn't have enough for the taxi.
I sat with my trolley of food watching people milling around content in their perfect little lives. It made me glum. If it weren't for the fact I felt even worse at home, I'd have got up and left. My coffee arrived and I took a tentative sip when out of the corner of my eye I saw the blonde haired woman who had taken James from me.
I couldn't believe it! It was as if fate was conspiring against me. If my life isn't bad enough, to have to run into her again so soon was worse than death. She was standing not more than three meters away from me. She was laughing as she spoke to some other shoppers. A cold knife sliced through my heart and my head pounded. I felt sick to my stomach as I watched her throwing her hair around in jovial conversation. Her life was perfect and mine was now shit.
I had to reluctantly admit she was beautiful. The mass of golden blonde hair streaming down her back belied her mental acuity. I dyed my hair for James, knowing he liked blonde hair. That's one reason I did it, that and the fact I got more attention from most men. That other bitches comment about not being a true blonde was still ringing in my ears each night as I tried to go to sleep and forget.
The stinging reminder of our battle at the courthouse left me in little doubt this woman was noone's fool. When it came to acid tongues, I believe that she's give my mother a run for her money. I felt like getting up and scratching her eyes out, but since my run in with her, I gathered that she would be just as formidable physically as she was mentally. She towered over me and I felt intimidated. Losing to her in a physical fight wouldn't do my self-esteem much good, so I chose to sit quietly and observe her instead.
The first thing I noticed was the total lack of arrogance she had displayed at the courthouse, while displaying grandeur and poise to grace a princess. I know what I am and know I'm beautiful. Even if these clothes mum is forcing me to wear don't do me justice, however, as James so irritatingly put it, I'm not in this woman's league.
In the past I tended to dominate and lord it over those around me with my physical aura. I learnt early in life all I need to do was bat my eyelids at men and I had them instantly wrapped around my little finger. I was in a quandary. What has happened to my sex appeal? Where did I go so wrong?
This woman and her red headed cohort slashed me to ribbons to a point. I now have nightmares with the confrontation replaying in my sleep. I wake up crying in the night, and find it hard to regain a level of calmness enough to drop back off to sleep again.
I no longer feel confident in anything I do. I find I'm continually seeking reassurance from mum that I have done whatever it was right. This woman, who on the surface seemed to just accept others as equals, has that air of confidence I once felt. I couldn't understand how or why she could or would do that, when she obviously had the ability to have everyone falling around her to do her bidding.
I tried to remember her name and it frustrated me that I couldn't bring it to mind. I'm sure James called her by name. I knew the red headed bitch was Sally or Sara or something, but this one eluded me completely. I found it hard to believe I wasn't listening to what he said. I remembered he and mum accused me of not listening to anything which didn't fit with my perception of the world I lived in. Maybe they were right, maybe I didn't listen? Is that so bad? ...to...to dismiss trivialities.
Obviously these observations weren't trivial in the least and they have affected my life dramatically. I felt sick with the notion that I just may have had my head jammed up my arse to my shoulders. I couldn't deal with these thought any longer, so I got up and left, feeling further depressed at the thought of my long walk home carrying my heavy shopping bags.
I sought mum out and told her I was home. Any idea of praise for doing a good job went out the door when she told me it was my duty from now on and I'd be reprimanded if it wasn't done to her satisfaction. "You took way too long shopping. You should have been back hours ago. Now get into the basement and clear all the stuff down there out to the garage. Stack it neatly so your father doesn't have to move it around to get to his car. Once you're finished you can scrub every surface in the basement spotless."