Letters to the Editor

To the Times:

As a long time resident of our fair city, I wish to speak out on the shenanigans happening in the park nearest the college campus. I walk my little dog Poochie every morning in the park and lately I've noticed an unusual number of scantily clad women traipsing about. These women seem to have no modesty what so ever and could care less whom they display themselves to or for how long.

Why, just yesterday as I walked my precious, I noticed a cheeky young woman reclining in the grass as she talked to some young hoodlum. She was wearing some tiny scrap of material that she must have thought of as a skirt. Her long tan legs, taut and slim stretched out toward where I was standing. To insult further my moral fiber I found if I leaned down and turned my head just so, I could see all the way up her skirt. I thought her under-things were covered in polka dots but as I stared, I realized they were tiny hearts. I'm sure you could understand both my shock and dismay to find tiny hearts on her unmentionables. When the girl looked up to find me looking at her displayed wears, so to speak do you think she covered herself up in mortification. No, she did not and in fact, she smiled and waved to me.

It is obvious to me this hussy felt no shame as she openly exhibited herself. I tarried there, a few minutes more but she made no move to cover up her tawdry little lacy pink and blue under-things. What are we to do with this younger generation who seem to have no compunction to behave in a moral and correct way? Have these girls no shame and you should see them frolic among the boys. They laugh and talk as if the sexes were meant to be together not separated, as they were when I was a lad.

I know this park is on college grounds but it is open to the public and I feel they should do something to prevent these orgies happening everyday under their very noses. I believe the police should make daily sweeps of the park, and arrest these people on immoral turpitude charges at the very least. We need someone who is in charge to step up and keep our parks a decent place where a man can walk his dog without having his moral standards assaulted. This town can be assured that I will not rest until this problem is put to rest.

Signed,

Leonard Shakky.

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To the Times:

After my last scathing letter to the Times, I had hoped for some change in the decorum of our local park next to the college. Oh, there has been change all right, change for the worse. It has gone from a place of scantily women frolicking among the trees and scrubs to a modern day Sodom and Gomorrah.

As I walked my precious Poochie in the park, I led him to a corner behind a large shrub. While I was waiting for Poochie to do his business, you see I always take him to an out of the way corner for this and then I do not need to clean up after him. As I awaited him to finish his dirty chore, I thought I heard giggling on the other side of the bush. When I couldn't ascertain what was transpiring I creep around the corner of the shrubbery so I could see with my own eyes just what was going on back there.

Well let me tell you, the shock of what I saw almost made my heart stop. As I hid behind that bush, there right in front of me were two young women kissing. Yes, you read that right, it was two women, they were kissing, and I mean right on the lips. You won't believe me when I say that I stayed there for over a half hour just to see how far they would go and let me tell you they went. They kept kissing and rubbing each other all over, I'm telling you it was disgusting. I truly believe the little strumpets would have gone even further but one got a phone call that interrupted them and they in turn left. I have to believe that call saved me from seeing something truly immoral.

Once again, I call for the college and the local police department to coordinate raids on this den of iniquity before the whole town is turned into a pillar of salt.

Signed,

Leonard Shakky.

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To the Times:

After Monday's debacle, I have learned just how low this city has sunk. I have made many calls to both our local police and the college plus my numerous letters to this newspaper, calling for the arrests of the perverts cavorting in our fine park all with no results. With all that, you are not going to believe what happened this past Monday. As usual, I was walking my doggy Poochie and as I waited behind a tree for him to do his business, I noticed a young man and a woman lying together on the lawn. They were kissing as if their lives depended on it and were paying no heed to me. When I knelt down to pet my beloved dog I could look right up this woman's dress and as god as my witness this trollop was not wearing undergarments at all. She cared not a fig as she displayed her godless wears before me or any other poor soul who happened to walk behind this tree as I had.

I knelt both stunned and outraged by what I was seeing when all of a sudden I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned to see an officer of the law and I started to thank him for finally doing his job. No and in all of the unmitigated gall, instead of taking this harlot away in chains he arrested me on a charge of peeping tom. He told me the campus had been receiving complaints about me. No one seemed to care about the sins committed by these young heathens. Now they were saying that what I was forced to witness was all right but that my watching this was a crime.

Well now that I see this town is right out of a George Orwell novel and as soon as I have my day in court, I will leave this place never to return.

Signed,

Leonard Shakky.

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Editor's Note:

When Mr. Shakky had his day in court, it was discovered that he had three prior convictions of a peeping tom nature. After pleading guilty, he was sentenced to three years and will be forced to register as a sex offender once he is released. His poor dog Poochie turned out to be a stuffed dog that he took to the park as a ruse.