Life in the Fast Lane

Several weeks later as he sat in his office going through his in-box he had not yet made the additional commitment he had planned in his relationship with the comely young brunette he had been fucking for several months. If anything, he had put the brakes on in a manner that she had not missed. He was disappointed in himself, wondering if perhaps he should reinitiate the professional relationship he had terminated almost a year before to deal with his apparent inability to commit to a normal relationship. As he was about to review the curriculum vitae of the upcoming retreat attendees, the leonine head of the other Nobel laureate with whom he had a personal relationship graced his door.

"Marjorie! What a pleasant surprise! I do believe this is the first time since we've known each other that you have chosen to come to my humble abode."

"Yeah sure. The exercise is good for me. Nice digs for a young punk. Got a sec?"

"For you, always. What's up?"

The handsome older blonde closed the door, plopped down in the chair in front of his desk, immodestly put her feet on his desk and produced her always present pack of Nat Shermans ™, a disposable lighter and a portable ashtray.

"Head shrinking."

"Yours or mine?"

"Mine first, then yours if we must."

"I'm honored but last time I checked you have the PhD in Psychology while mine is most certainly in one of the more empirical sciences, not, what are they called, the social sciences?"

"As much as I enjoy your impudence and the insults heaped upon my chosen field, this is serious shit. It's all you're fault, too. You are the one who introduced us or at the very least pushed us together, you little matchmaker, you, and now ... now ..."

"He wants the two of you to come out of the closet, and dabble on the fringes of real commitment."

"He's spoken to you about it?"

"Not directly, but in a manner of speaking. Look, Marjorie, as insane as it may seem, you're good for each other. Since the two of you 'hooked up', he's become a new man, a better man, certainly more enjoyable to work with. I'll take some credit for his evolution but you're the one ringing his chimes. You, in the same vain, have softened, rounded off a few rough edges. My God, look in the mirror! You have become the hottest Nobel laureate this side of the big muddy. Great new hair style by the way, fabulous new wardrobe, a spring in your step and if you don't stop giving me a clear view of your new silk, French cut, probably open crotch undies I'm going to leap over the desk and jump your bones."

"It's always about sex Dr. Freudenstein."

"And the problem is ..."

"I'm not complaining about the sex, far from it. We certainly don't fight, we do things together, simple, everyday, normal things. Our worldviews are different but not dramatically so but at the end of the day, we have nothing in common. We're from different worlds, different disciplines and I miss him when he's not there. I'm like a little girl when I see him. He makes me happy and it scares me to death and I think he's about to do something serious."

"I don't know for a fact, but now that you mention it, I've seen the signs and you're probably right on the money."

"I'm not ready for that ... I ..."

"What have you got to lose?"

"Everything, my independence, my respect, my heart."

There was silence between them for several minutes. He seemed lost in thought. She spoke first, not missing the moistness of his eyes.

"Are you still with me, Robert?"

"I am, I am. I just had some sort of strange epiphany of my own as we were talking. Barriers that we create, fantasy versus reality. Deny the obvious, sex, love, friendship, playfulness. Do you like each other? Are you friends?"

"Yes! Absolutely. A level of playfulness together that I doubt either of us has ever enjoyed before. The very fact that we do come from radically different academic perspectives makes competitiveness virtually a non-issue. Yeah, friends and the first person I would call if I was in trouble."

"And, to use a scientific phrase from my discipline, does he ring your bells?"

"Oh my yes!"

"Then fuck everything else, and if he does what I think he's planning to do, say yes. Expect some 'shaky ground' in the immortal worlds of Bonnie Rait. Fuck what you think other people are thinking or saying, and grab on for dear life and enjoy the ride. Because maybe, just maybe, you only get one real shot at the genuine article and if you let it pass, you are royally fucked! Any questions?"

"Interesting therapeutic technique. If this 'empirical' science shit doesn't work out for you, give me a call. You are very, very good. Thank you, Robert. 'Out of the mouth of babes' as they say. Praise Jesus I can walk, I am healed! Thank you more than you can ever know. Now how can I help you?"

"You just did."

"You need to explain that to me some time when we have more time. Perhaps we can coauthor a paper on your astounding methodology which includes instantaneous self discovery for the therapist."

"Do you have a directory of colleagues in your area of expertise?"

"Sure, several. Anyone in particular? If they're anyone at all I probably know them or know who they are, I'm big on the speaking circuit. 'Got a name?"

"Her maiden name would have been Stevens, Kimberly Stevens. She did her doctor—"

She cut him off. "Is she the one you talked about before when we chatted in a more formal, clinical setting?"

"Yes."

"Oh, my!" Marjorie replied unable to repress a chuckle.

"What, you psycho old bat?"

"Her maiden name was Kimberly Stevens and last time I checked her name is still Kimberly Stevens with no inconvenient hyphened add-ons. She's a brilliant young scientist with a stellar intellect. As I recall, she is a few years your senior. I had no idea you had a thing for older blondes. Damn! Missed my shot! Then again, you were already spoken for, weren't you?

"I spoke to Dr. Stevens on the phone a couple of days ago, to confirm her attendance at our esteemed dean's private little party in the mountains which kicks off on Friday. I've actually met her more than once and we correspond professionally on a regular basis. I threw her hat in the ring for this university. Her area of expertise would be a stratospheric addition to our department. Of course, she's put on a hundred pounds, lost most of her hair and then there is that skin condition ..."

"What?"

"Just jerking your chain, champ. She's still a strikingly beautiful young lady. So you have what, forty-eight hours to get your shit together. What were the words of that eminent psychologist? 'Grab on for dear life or spend the rest of your life royally fucked'?"

"It's been ten years ... we ..."

"Oh spare me! There is no ring on the third finger of her left hand. We've never gotten girlie-girlie together but when I interviewed her I got no sense that there were any entanglements either to be left behind or accompanying her. Look Robert, I really want her here, need her even, so don't fuck that up. I don't have a clue as to where she is regarding you but I damn well know where you are regarding her. As they say in those obnoxious shoe commercials, just do it! Get the closure you've been looking for, not from her but with her. You don't gamble you don't win. Roll the dice and take the shot, because the upside is sublime magic. It's the only real reason we exist on this grubby little planet. Any questions young grasshopper?"

"Thank you."

"Any time my impudent young wonderkind. Oh, and yes, they are French, silk and crotchless. Nooner time! Later."

****

As Kimberly walked up the escalator on her way to the baggage claim area, she wondered how she would connect with her ride. Perhaps a page or maybe one of those signs people hold up. Look for a perky, smiling young graduate assistant. Male or female? She was not remotely prepared to see the fiftyish Nobel prize winner routinely acclaimed as 'the face of human psychology for the new century and perhaps beyond' beaming down at her from the landing above.

"Doctor, Marjorie! This is indeed a surprise. I certainly didn't expect that you would personally..."

"You're very special, Kimberly, but even on that note I wouldn't think of negotiating this mess they call an airport just to entice a bright young mind to our academic lair. This is personal, very personal. Let's find your bag and we can chat in detail on the ride out to the mountains."

As they exited the airport parking lot and merged onto the Interstate, both women were silent. Marjorie spoke first.

"We're both head shrinkers Kim. You've studied my work and I've studied yours. We're hardly disciples of Carl Rogers. We both adhere to a very direct approach in client work. I have a very, very dear friend. Someone whose friendship I cherish above almost anything on this earth. I'm going to say two words and then do my best to shut up. Robert Shaver."

"Robert? You know Robert? Is he ... is he going to be ... at the retreat?"

"You betcha! His shining face will probably be the first one you'll see when you enter the main building. He's an esteemed and recently tenured member of our faculty and will be greeting the attendees. He knows you are coming, as of forty-eight hours ago that is."

"It's been ten years...is he..."

"Married, gay, fat, losing his hair or seriously involved with anyone? Not a chance. Hopelessly, insanely, head over heels in love with someone? Yes, he has been for a long time, with you."

"Oh, my," Kimberly whispered.

"Not doing too well on the shutting up part, am I? Are you now or were you ever in love with him?"

"Yes, I couldn't accept it then because of our ages. There were so many things but I wouldn't let it happen. Yes, I was and still am."

"He does not know we're having this conversation. I wanted to let him sweat a little. No, not true, I love him to death. I'm meddling because I care for both of you and because it's what I do. Kim, he doesn't give a flying fuck about the age difference or any of the sordid details of your time together ten years ago. He and I had a come to Jesus mutual intervention two days ago. He wants you, now and forever, no bullshit, no games, and no regrets. You and no one else, you, the first person he sees every morning, the last one he sees when he nods off. In the last ten years he hasn't been able to find another woman who holds a candle to you on any level."

"Yeah, I can relate to that since I pretty much gave up trying."

"Well, Kim, I'm not telling you how to play this but you don't wear coy well and from what I understand from him what you two had was pretty amazing and always honest. But just out of professional curiosity... do you have a plan?"

"Tell him I love him the second I see him and a million times more till the day I die and then drag him to the nearest bed or other suitable surface and fuck his brains out?"

"God I sure hope you accept our offer. You and I would have a blast working together. Anything else you'd like to know about our august university?"

"I grew up not far from here and always ached to come back. Working with you is off the charts. Then you throw Robert into the mix. He loves me and wants me forever. Where do I sign?"

"Make sure you get all the available perks the university is prepared to offer before making it official but I'll take that as a definite yes, but I won't tell a soul. I love Robert as if he was my own. My love life has been dismal for most of my life. Thanks to Robert, it has recently made a definite change for the best. That's a story for another time, though.

"You are two very nice people. After years of study of the human condition, I still don't completely understand how the love gods work but somehow there almost seems to have been a plan here. So it took ten years to come to fruition. My clinical side says you both needed those ten years to understand what you really meant to each other and could be together. Enough psychobabble, we're almost there. I'm not going in with you, Kim, I'm not involved in much of the retreat but we'll touch base over the weekend. As much as I'd love to be there to see it, this is your moment, yours and Robert's. It's your destiny as surely as the sun rises every day."

"Thanks Marjorie, thanks for everything, I've got it from here."

The list he had been given indicated that Kimberly would be arriving early ahead of the main wave of invitees. He was nervous and peeked out the window several times. He had a plan, sort of. No bullshit, no fluff, no small talk, just be honest and to the point as they were so long ago.I love you. Always did and never stopped. Want you and need you by my side forever. The bold, in your face, no holds barred approach. How would she take it?

He heard the front door open and there she stood.Kim...his Kim. More beautiful than he even remembered, walking toward him with that wry little grin of hers. She left her Pullman by the door, looked at him and nowhere else. He spoke her name and prepared to speak those magic three little words, her finger went her lips.

"Ladies first," she said, moving close to him, close enough that he could feel the heat of her body. Her arms surrounded him as his followed suit, their bodies folded in a perfect fit together, her head pressed against his as she whispered in his ear.

"I love you. I loved you then, never stopped, still do, always will, now and forever. If you'll have me, I'm yours. I've missed you so much and never want to lose you again. Please tell me, baby, tell me. Tell me you want me and love me."

"Always and forever," he murmured. "I never stopped loving you and I won't lose you again."

Their warm tears intermingled, the deal almost done. They cried tears of joy, they laughed, they babbled and they held on to each other for dear life, much to the amusement of the two graduate assistances standing nearby.

"You have some very special friends, Robert."

"Marjorie? I should have known. She's the classic interventionist. She never did like loose ends and can be manipulative in a very loving sort of way."

"Do I need to check in somewhere?"

"Not really, the cabins are all assigned, all expenses paid, no cash mini-bars, credit card swipes or whatever."

"Are you my official guide?"

"Also, not really, although the dean indicated that if there appeared to be chemistry with one of the attendees I should feel free to exploit it. I'm supposed to be the greeter but you came in early and the rest of the flock won't arrive for at least an hour and I do have a couple of bright eyed and bushy tailed graduate assistants on station."

"Chemistry, your field, as I recall," she said with a leer. "How do we get to the cabins?"

"They're interspersed around the property. They have golf carts ... five minutes."

"At least an hour?"

"At least."

"Time is of the essence so let's get to that golf cart. Where are you staying?"

"Another cabin."

"Is it nicer than mine?"

"They're all about the same with a hot tub, fireplace, completely isolated from all the others and a king sized bed in a loft with a huge skylight."

"Have you moved in to your cabin yet?"

"Nope. My bag is sitting over there not far from yours."

"We're not going to need two cabins, are we Robert?"

"Probably not."

"Ever gotten a blow job in a golf cart?"

"Now that you mention it, no," he replied, already anticipating her touch.

"Wonderful! I wasn't sure that we'd be able to come up with some new wrinkles. We pretty much did it all ten years ago."

"We're intelligent people with fervent imaginations. I'm sure we'll be able to keep it interesting."

"I gave you my little speech once upon a time. You know the one about rug rats and white picket fences. I've grown fond of white picket fences and —"

He finished for her. "People who are in love should have babies?"

"Uh, huh. I'm not on the pill. There was no real need in the recent past. You remember how much I hate the feel of latex and my calendar says there is an egg on site. Are you ready for that?"

"Nothing would make me happier."

"Which is not to say that, once we are reasonably sure that the deed is done ..." she let her words drift off but knew he would catch her meaning.

"You'd like to get fucked up the ass?"

"Without question since it's been ten years. So I'll need a bit of help to adjust. Sadly I don't have the velvet clad box anymore."

"We'll improvise."