Lilith's Shadow Ch. 06

Two days later:

A part of me felt intrigue at the possibilities, while another part of me kept dreading the outcome of it all. I know that vampires weren't supposed to feel anything, but damn it, feeling is what I do best. Just because I'm a vampire doesn't mean I lack emotion. I still have my soul in tact, so therefore I feel. All those of my clan have our souls in tact. I'm not sure if all vampires have their souls, but I look at things this way. How else could you explain the feeling of desire, need, determination and drive that we have a tendency to have?

I think that realistically, people need to see that we breathe, eat, sleep and think just as they do, and although our diets vary from time to time, we have emotions damn it. As a matter of fact, I can't figure out why my mind is rationalizing my extreme emotional state at this time. I do, but then I don't.

It's like every time Odilia is next to me my mind becomes confused. My body wants one thing, while my heart and mind wants to stay sharp. Is it possible to not divide the two halves of her and pocket them when I need them? Is it safe to be thinking all of the worse thoughts in the world; like what if they kill her? What if they kill me? What if she can't pass the Succubus phase? Damn it, what if I can't pass it? Then she becomes a vampire that sucks the life out of people by fulfilling their fantasies and that in itself is like entrapment of the soul. I didn't want that life for her. I wanted her to survive and make her time as a vampire count for something.

Why did I have all of this on my heart now? I knew why, because I truly, deeply, care for her and care about what happens to her. I want to get the chance when all of this is over to get to know what she likes, what she doesn't like and all those stupid things humans do. Dating her would be very romantic. I smiled as I imagined us going to movies, going to concerts, some human, some vampire. Us doing a lot of things together that most couples do, regardless of whether human or vampire.

I imagined her and I being alone and making love. My body began to stir with the familiar pangs of lust. I know that had I been human my face would've flushed. The truth was, I couldn't get that night we shared out of my head and out of my heart. The taste of soft smooth flesh on my tongue and the smell of her body in my nostrils made me go absolutely crazy. It almost sounds animalistic in a way.

I remembered the feel of her skin underneath mine. The warmth that came off. I remembered a lot and it was driving me crazy that I did.

~ ~

"I know what's happening to him," Reina stated after thumbing through the book she had.

"Please do tell, dear sister, because he is about to drive me crazy with all the really weird looks and just the freakishly human nature that he's suddenly began to develop. He can't decide if he is coming or going and he's thinking more on an emotional side than with his brain and you know that's not normal." Van stated.

Reina sighed, "It says here that he's going through what they call an emotional spasm. Because he is the guardian of her soul, he feels what ever she feels. His behavior becomes irrational and he starts doing things to a point where he becomes obsessed with her. That's how the Lilith is able to seduce the turner. She makes him believe that his sole objective is to be with the turned and make him believe that he is some how protecting her by claiming her all over again.

It is during this period that the Lilith's shadow enter the body to complete the act and destroy his spirit and weaken hers and take over the body."

"So, what does that mean?"

Reina shook her head, wishing there was something more they could do..

"It means that in this phase the only people who can help them are each other. I think that he will be in the room with her when the Lilith makes her move. It says here that if the Lilith enters the mate, then it has to be destroyed, killing both the demon and the mate."

This caused Van's body to sag in exhaustion, "So that means the demon, the mate and the turner will be dead, which means that we will be doing all this shit for nothing."

Reina put the book down and without a response, left the room.

Odilia:

He would die because of me? I felt a pain stab through my heart like nothing before. Stefan would die because of me? I felt the pain swell in my heart as I wished there was another way to do this. I wished there was another way to do anything but pass beyond Lilith's shadow. I knew now that I loved Stefan. Don't ask me how or why considering this has to be the shortest time period I've ever taken to actually court a guy, but I can feel his pulse beating with mine.

It's like we are two of the same people. For the first time in days, I felt so overwhelmed with anxiety that I had to release it somehow.

Stefan:

I stood outside her room, contemplating whether or not I should go in and comfort her. I had every intention of doing so when I heard her crying and felt her pain, but then stopped when a question intruded on my thoughts; What if this was the beginning of the Succubus phase? What if this was the test? I had never done anything like this before and I hated it.

I dreaded that she had to go through this because I had been so selfish. I wished I could go back and undo everything I had done, just to make everything easier for her. I stood out there with my ear to the door listening, when I heard her speak, "I hear you breathing Stefan, so you may as well come on in."

The door opened. I don't know if she was conscientious of the fact that she seemed to be becoming more and more like a vampire with each passing day. She had turned on the light by her bedside but only to give the illusion of needing light as she still had not adjusted to the fact that she was indeed turning.

Inhaling sharply, I walked in to where she was and sat down on the floor next to her. "Hi Stefan." Her voice was nervous.

"Hello, Odilia." I stated softly. There was no need to ask if she was alright because I already knew the truth.

"I'm scared."

I nodded. "Me too."

She smiled, "But you went through this, a long time ago, right?"

I shrugged, "I did, but honestly, I don't remember it happening."

"No? Is there anything you do remember happening?" Her hand reached out for mine.

I grasped hers and sighed, "I remember being back in Spain with my mother and father and Lance."

"Do you?"

"Yes. I remember when I was about twenty three years old and Lance had to have been about twenty six years old at the time. He was sent to the store for milk so that our Aunt Anjelica could bake a suprise cake for our momma's birthday, but he never came back."

Odilia sat and listened. "We looked for him for a long time. For weeks we put up search missions within a hundred kilometers of our home and he still didn't turn up. Finally, about six months after he went missing, I got hurt on the job. My injury was so bad that the doctors said it was irreparable. In my former life, I'd been an ax man who chopped wood to build log cabins out of; One day while my partner and I were moving a log, he dropped his end and the whole thing came rolling down hill where I was and continued til it crushed my spine, paralyzing me from the waist down.

"After finding out that nothing more could be done for my injury, Lance came into my room one night. I asked him where had he been and why hadn't he come back that night. He told me that he had been jumped on the way home from the store and had been left to die. He'd been pulled to safety by Van, who'd asked him if he wanted another chance at life. He told him he did and Van asked him what he was willing to do to get that new chance and Lance told him anything. He said that he wasn't expecting Lance to turn him, but it happened and although he'd suffered through quite a bit, Lance had pulled through.

Lance then asked me if I wanted a second chance at life. I just looked at him and said if it meant I would not be able to walk, just let me die." Odilia's gaze focused on me. I knew she felt the heart ache in every word I spoke and because she understood it, I squeezed her hand to show my thanks.

"He told me that I would indeed be able to walk because if I became as he was, my body would re-heal itself. I told him ok. I really didn't understand that he was a vampire, he hadn't really revealed that part to me. He just told me to close my eyes and think of a place that I could find soothing. I did. When I awoke, I was a vampire."

"So, you don't remember having to endure anything like me?"

"My mind was blocked the whole time. It was like having a dream about a wonderful place and waking up with fresh limbs, heart, blood, everything."

"Really?"

"Yes. From what I understand, it is different for you because you are a female who has not been pure. When a woman or man isn't pure, they have a higher chance of becoming a succubus at the end of the change because there is more of a connection with lust and sexual prowess."

"So, I'm doomed." She stated, already sounding defeated.

"No. It doesn't mean that you can't pass through Lilith's shadow, just that it will be harder for you to do so."

Odilia felt the breath leave out of her. She didn't want to die. She didn't want to loose her life no matter if it was vampire or human, she just wasn't ready to go yet there was so much she hadn't lived to do yet.

Exhaling sharply, she whispered, "So, can you tell me when this is supposed to happen?"

"The very last night of your transition, on the sixth day, so that would be on Friday, two days from now."

Odilia stared at him, thinking of how sweet of a man he was and how much she sincerely wanted him. She stood up on her knees and moved close to him. Rubbing her hand over his fore head, she leaned in and placed a kiss on the spot she'd touched. He looked up at her, his heart in his eyes. She whispered, "I know love, but think of it this way. Tonight is not the last night, so the most that could happen is that we'd at-least have this one last chance to make love. We are not sure if we will ever get the chance to do so again, so the best we can do is enjoy ourselves, right?"

I stared at her, trying to figure out if this was a trick or not and see if there was a lie in her demeanor, but all I could see was genuine heartfelt commitment and love. I paused when thinking of the way I'd described her. There was a difference. It seemed as if she was willing to commit and this was something that I could have even though it may only be for a short time. I knew however, that my sister and brothers would want to intervene on both of our behalf, however, the book specifically stated that she wasn't completely changed over until that sixth night, so making love to her would be something I could cherish, could hold onto even in the midst of battle.

Exhaling, I began a chant around the room, sealing out any noise that may be heard outside of it and giving the illusion of us being asleep. Grasping Odilia's hand, I pulled her up from the floor and against my body. Immediately, her head lifted to mine and our lips met.