Living as Four Bodies and One Mind

Living as four bodies and one mind - a tale of love and wife swapping

Synopsis: After the birth of the first child, sex life takes a turn for the worse for a young couple in Bangalore. The husband tries to discuss his problems with his close friend. Can the four of them find a new way of life? Can two men and two women live together as shared husbands and shared wives, or will jealousy destroy the 'extended' family?

Me - 32 years old, married for three years.

Wife - 25. One kid, 2 year old.

I got married in an arranged marriage set up. Originally from a village, I'd moved to a big city after graduation for job. I tried to have romantic relationships with girls in the city, but found that I was too rustic to be successful. Frankly, I had no clue about girls. My idea of girls was too influenced by what I saw in Hindi movies, and were totally unrealistic. I can say all this now, looking back. In my early 20s and late teens, however, I really had no clue.

Besides, growing up in a conservative town in Kerala (Southern India), with hardly any opportunity to interact properly with girls meant I was bound to be inexperienced in wooing girls.

I found city girls too bold, or too money-minded, and needless to say, my romantic life was a total disaster. At age 28, I was still a virgin, though, to some extent, it was also a choice since I was adamant that I would only have sex with someone I love, and not just any one who was available.

There were opportunities, once or twice, with auties, but I couldn't bring myself to do it, though I would later regret my meekness.

Anyway, so I got married. Had ok sex-life for the first 1 year. Wife got pregnant and we had a kid about a year ago.

My story starts from there.

By now, I was in Bangalore. The kid was about 4-5 months old. Suddenly, one of my old friends from my village -- who was with me from kindergarten to class 10 -- relocated to bangalore with his wife.

Me and wife went to see them, since anyway we didn't have much to do on weekends.

His wife was smart, outgoing, confident and a 'modern woman' -- the complete opposite of my wife. My wife was traditional, conservative and sort of shy. Of course all these qualities are for outsiders. For me, she was just normal.

My friend and his wife too had recently had a kid, since both of us were of the same age and had got married around the same time.

We stay close to each other, about 1 km away. That meant that nearly every weekend we'd visit them or they'd come over. We even went on a combined holiday to Pondicherry once, spending three days there.

As days passed, our friendship also increased. Technically, it would be right to say the relationships between our wives became closer -- because both of us have always been pretty close, right from school days.

We never had any secrets between us and he knew everything about me and I knew everything about him. I know about his sexual escapades and he knew about mine (fewer.) I knew that he too was a virgin when he got married, though he had had skirmishes.

But like me, he too was pretty conservative, perhaps because of our village upbringing, and the fact that we were focused on studies as youngsters.

But both of us had strong sexual desires, though we had few outlets.

THE PROBLEM

The problem started after my wife got pregnant. When a woman gets pregnant and nurses a baby, it sort of turns off your sexual feelings for her. You start looking at her the mother of your child -- primarily as a mother and not as a woman or wife.

Initially, I think she also liked the fact that I was not disturbing her with my sexual advances. It was clear that she had not forgotten about sex, but to be frank, I felt no interest in her.

It may have also had to do with the fact that she was now more robust. Anyway, our sex life went from once in two or three days to once in a fortnight.

At the same time, I was as sexually motivated as I have ever been. Just because I was not interested in her did not mean that I was not interested in sex.

As a result, I started getting more frustrated. On the one hand, I did not find my wife attractive any more, and on the other hand, my sexual frustration was going up because I was not having enough sex.

It was in this situation that my friend and his wife came into our life.

Over time, the four of us grew very comfortable with each other. My friend was attractive (whereas I hardly was), my wife was sort of attractive while his wife was also sort of attractive. When four of us would sit around to watch TV or to chat, I found myself getting more and more attracted to my friend's wife.

My wife also seemed to believe that I was getting attracted to her and constantly criticized me saying I was paying too much attention to her.

But I could also see that she and my friend was also getting slightly attracted to each other. This was natural, as she was not getting much attention, love or sex from me, and my friend was attractive too.

At the same time, she was a conservative woman, though she and I did talk about sex and stuff openly.

One day, she said 'look at appu and sara (names changed), they are so loving. Why don't you learn something from appu?'

I said 'what should I learn'

'how to love your wife'.

'if you really think only he knows how to love a woman, why don't you go and live with him,' I said, to shut her up.

Anyway, a few more days passed and I started fantasizing about his wife. I felt that sara too understood my attraction towards her, but she too was playing the good wife. She'd look at me sometimes, but I was too nervous and shy to look at her in the eye. I felt she might understand how I felt about her.

Anyway, one day, me and my friend were sitting in a bar, having a beer -- which is what we had most of the time. And I said,

'do you still have the same feelings for your wife after the baby, as you had before?'

'what do you mean'

'i mean, doesn't becoming a mother change everything?'

'it does.. I mean, I think I know what you mean'

'for me.. We hardly have sex these days you know.. Not because I don't like sex anymore, but it just seems so boring. She seems so boring to me.. I think I no longer find her attractive at all. Having sex with my wife is like having a cucumber sandwich -- there's no thrill, it's very predictable and I can't wait to finish it.'

'oh, so it's for you too. I thought it was for me only' he said.

'no no, it's I think for everyone, after their wife has a baby, sexual interest falls off.'

'true. For us, we have sex only now and then, perhaps once a week now. She also seems less interested,' he said.

'you know what, I am thinking of joining one of these wife-swap clubs'.

'what!' he asked, clearly not expecting what I had just said.

'yeah, wife swap clubs. I don't think I have the energy or the inclination or the ability to maintain an extra marital affair, so only this option is left. Also, I think it would be fairer on my wife. It's better than pretending that neither of us have sex drives.'

'hmm'

'Actually I know that both of us have sex drives. The other day, I found her looking at our neighbour through the window when I was not in the room. When I walked in, she pretended not to look and closed the window. I mean, I am not faulting her, I know she has her needs and they have to be met. But I am just too bored with her. I think she is also bored of sleeping with me.'

'so how do these wife swap clubs operate' he asked.

We've always had this relationship, right from our school days -- I would do the research and he'd play the student.

'well, you find other couples in the city and pay a visit or invite them over to your house on weekends,' I said. Frankly, I had no clue about wife swap clubs, nor did I ever have any intention of sleeping with strangers or letting my wife sleep with them.

But this was the only way to approach the subject. I could not directly ask him if he wanted to swap his wife.

As expected, he threw a 100 objections -- what about disease, confidentiality.. What if they turn out to fake profiles or gangs or blackmailers. All valid concerns, of course. I knew these concerns and that is why I had no intention of going to any wife swap club, if indeed there are such things in Bangalore.

I got the idea from lovehelp, where a girl had made a post about her husband suggesting wife swapping to her. Her question was one of the most discussed on the forum and attracted a lot of supportive comments and I thought, if actual, real people are doing it in my city, why can't i?

of course, I knew it was unsafe to do it in the draw-lots sort of way, but I wanted to experiment with someone I was sure would be disease-free and not likely to blackmail us later -- a friend. But I couldn't be so forthright with him, he might think me desperate or think I was angling for his wife.

So I pretended to be confused about what to do. I said, 'yeah I know, but I just don't see what else to do.. How to revive our sex life and bring some zest into our boring lives'.

He looked into his glass and raised it to his lips, thoughtfully. "Hmm"

Then our conversation wandered off to other topics.

The next day, as expected, he pinged me on chat. 'so are you going ahead', he said.

'with what'

'with your swapping plans'.

'i don't know. I am scared'

'hmm..'

Next Saturday, we were standing on his terrace, away from others. He said 'did you discuss this with your wife yet?'

'No'.

'Do you think she'll agree? I don't think so'.

'I'll get her to agree'

'How'

'Well, I know she desperately wants sex'.

'Hmm..'

'It's just that she doesn't want to be seen as wanting sex, or love or attention. But inside, she wants attention from a man, she wants a man to make her feel special. She is being ignored by me.'

'Hmm..'

'Actually, I think she kind of likes you. The other day, she was telling me to be like you.'

He blushed. He didn't know what to say. I didn't look at him purposefully, but I could sense his discomfort.

After some time, he said with a smile, 'you know I could help you'

'doing what'

'if she wants a man, I can show her what a man really is. Show her what a loser you are.' he laughed out aloud as he does after cracking a joke.

'ha! and what do I get out of all this?'

'your wife is happy' he was still amused.

'fuck off' I said.

After a minute I asked, 'what about your wife'

He didn't reply.

'Is she happy?'

Still no reply.

'I think we should try.. ' I stopped mid sentence.

'Try what' he asked.

'what if we have a foursome'

'what? are you mad?'

'why?'

No reply.

'Think about it,' I said.

After a minute, I said 'chalo, let's go down'.

We went inside, to his living room. Both the kids were asleep and our wives were watching TV.

'Oh, where were you,' his wife asked him.

'we were up. Gone to catch some fresh air'

'Ohh..' she said, smiling.

We sat there again, for about two hours, talking this and that. I could see my friend's mind was not totally there. He was looking at my wife now and then, perhaps differently that before. He seemed to be evaluating her, sizing her up. I too was looking at sara. She's about 28 and sexy as hell. Perhaps all this talk has made me think she's more sexy than earlier.

Her voice was haunting me. Her laughter hung about me like a melody. She always laughed the loudest at my jokes. We had dinner and said good bye.

After three four days, he pinged again while I was at work.

'did you talk to your wife?'

'i will. But first you have to tell me if you are ok with it.'

'swap?'

'yes.'

'i think we may be able to do it'

'great, i'll talk to my wife. Have you spoken to sara'

'i told her that you guys were looking for partners'

'hmm'

'she seemed very surprised. Then, after some time, I said 'what if we do it with them''

'hmm'

'anyway, the long and short of it is that she may agree. She's not said yes or no to it. But I think she's inclined to agree'.

'hmm. I'll talk to my wife then.'

'ok.'

Now I was faced the question of how to introduce the subject to her.

I decided to take the same strategy as I had used with my friend -- swap clubs.

'what? what is wrong with you? what if someone gets to know? what if our relatives get to know?'

'how would they, we are all alone here in bangalore, how would they know'?

'anyway, I won't sleep with a stranger. Never.'

'what if it's not a stranger'

'what do you mean'

'i mean, what if the other couple was one we know'

'who?'

'will you agree then'?

'tell me who'

'first tell me if you'll agree'.

'i won't, unless you tell me who'

'i pitched this idea to appu'

'oh, so that's what you guys were doing on the terrace' I smiled, like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie-jar.

'so?'

'so what?'

'so what what?'

'do you agree or not?'

'go to hell'

But I knew she would agree, by the way she said 'go to hell'. This go to hell meant she didn't want to be seen giving in so easily.

END OF PART 1

Living as four bodies and one mind - a tale of love and wife swapping PART 2 'so what's up?' It's an instant message from appu, and it's been two days after I had that 'go to hell' conversation with my wife. It's Friday and the weekend is approaching. Appu wants to know what's in store.

'well. It's kind of hanging. Neither a yes nor a no. Could use some help.'

'what sort of help?'

'see. The issue is, she is not that keen on the physical side of things. I mean, I think it's something to do with female psychology -- they may be banging the gardener when you catch them, but they'll still deny that sex is important.'

'so she's not agreed?'

'nopes.'

'now what? sara is almost there.. Though she didn't want me to say that to you'

'hmm.. Look, I know my wife's also there, it's just a matter of getting her to see it. I think she's sort of in denial, or shy or something like that.'

'so?'

'well, do one thing -- get your wife to work on her when we are there tomorrow. Bring her in the mood somehow.'

'how?'

'first of all, don't mention sex as such. Try to use words like friendship, getting to know better etc. And certainly not swapping. Tell sara that we've decided to be more open about sex'

'hmm'

'and that my wife should try to relax. Tell sara to point out that it is much better if the two males remain within the group. Tell her to work on the fear angle. Point out to her that if she does not play ball, then the quest for variety will take the men elsewhere. It is better to keep them between the two of them only, instead of forcing them to look outside. Tell sara to say that that is the only reason she has decided to go ahead. And it is ok even if she doesn't enjoy all this, because she's doing it to prevent her husband from going astray. Men are wired to seek variety and choice. If they can't get it inside the marriage, they'll look outside. That is how all the extramarital affairs happen. In this case, we (the girls) can prevent all this from happening simply by agreeing to be more open about all this. We are not talking about sex, but just cuddling, being close etc.. If we don't like it, we can put our foot down anyway. And by the way, my hubby is anyway a gentleman, he won't do anything I haven't given him permission for. So the choice is yours, do you want them to do it infront of you, or behind our backs?'

'hmm.. She has to say all this to your wife?'

'yes.. In her own words. The basic thing is this -- my wife needs a reason to go along with all this, and your wife must give the reason. The real reason is happiness, attention, sex etc.. But my wife won't agree that she doesn't already have all these things. No woman will like to say that, because it makes them look like losers. Actually, they won't even admit it to themselves. So they need another apparent reason and that reason is the durability of the marriage. Your wife has to give this reason.'

'why don't you tell all this to your wife?'

'cause she will see through my intentions. She'll just say 'i know you are lusting after sara and you just want to get inside her pants at all costs.. So all this natak.'

'hmm..'

'so the plan is that we reach there by about 11 am.. And have lunch at your house.'

'ok'

'And then the two of us push off to buy a book or something.. We return by about 4 pm. By then, your wife should have worked on my wife. If she's been moderately successful, she would tell you.

'after that all of four of us sit down to watch tv. Also get a copy of the movie 'mrs singh mr mehta'. We'll see that movie. It's about a neglected, old-fashioned wife finding love in the arms of the husband of the woman that her own husband is having an affair with. It's there on youtube.'

'ok. That's it?'

'yeah.. Also have some bacardi or something and mix it with drinking water. Serve that water to everyone before the movie starts. Don't say it's vodka, just serve it as water, or better still serve it in sprint. But water should be there as backup cause my wife doesn't like soft-drinks and may refuse.'

'ok, what about the kids?'

'ideally they should both go to sleep by the time we start the movie'

'ok'

'also, remove all the chairs in your living room. Only the two-seater sofa and the divan should be there. Hope you have some condoms.'

'yeah, I have.'

'ok. And make sure both your bedrooms are clean and tidy.'

'done'.

END OF PART 2

Living as four bodies and one mind - a tale of love and wife swapping PART 3 Finally, the d-day was here. I was full of trepidation and kept fantasizing about sara all through the night. In fact, I could hardly concentrate at work on Friday and had a moderate hard-on at office throughout.

I opened her fb account and looked at all her pictures again and again. In particular, I liked one of hers in a saree, she really looked like a woman in that. Mature, grown up and damn sexy.

As it is, she is quite slim, despite being the mother of one. Surprisingly, going by her facebook photos, pregnancy seemed to have made hardly any difference to her overall appearance. She was reed thin before, and she is reed thin now, though her cheeks seem to have puffed up.

She had a fantastic smile that she seems to have infected me with. Wherever I looked, I saw her with her smile. It was a sexy, inviting, yet challenging smile. A smile that said 'show me what you've got.'

Perhaps her greatest asset was her sense of humor and her cool as cucumber approach. She never seemed to get riled by anything and always seemed to laugh and smile at things. This was the right opposite of how my wife was, at least of late. We were always fighting over little things. Even the smallest thing would lead to a full blown argument.

My wife seemed full of bitterness and see faults in me at every juncture. The funny thing is that this was mutual. I too did not have any patience for her. I too would snap at her. It was as if our marriage was in self-destruct mode.

May be it was nature's way of ensuring genetic variety in human species -- by ensuring that couples broke up soon after having one child so that they'd have more offspring with other partners, increase genetic diversity of the population and the chances of survival.

In all this gloom, sara seemed like an oasis, a symbol of promised happiness. Sitting in office, all I could think of was lying with my head in her lap, saying nothing, just looking up at her, while she looked down upon me with that smile of hers. I could just die in her arms.

Perhaps I'd fallen in love with her, and that's what was causing the tension between me and my wife, perhaps not. Because I remember I lost interest in my wife just before sara came into my life. Perhaps she would would no longer appeal to me like this after i've laid my hands on her once, I wasn't sure. Whatever it was, it was certainly not anything like i've experience in the last 6 or 7 years and certainly not something I got from my marriage.