Logan Ch. 05

No more than a day had gone by since that night then the town car pulled into the driveway again. Will saw it first and went downstairs, sighing to himself as Logan slipped out the door to meet Jack half way. Will sat by the window, watching the scene.

"Jack, get back in your car and leave."

"Logan, stop being unreasonable," he said, approaching her as he took her hand in his and kissed it. They were so close then that Will couldn't make out what they were saying. After exchanging many words, some that obviously surprised Logan, they separated, both of them nodding as Jack walked back to his car.

"Tonight, six on the dot," he heard Jack say as Logan just nodded as he gave her a quick peck on the cheek. She entered her house and let out a quick laugh.

"What just happened?" Will asked as she entered the room.

"He said I have to go out with him once and then he'll never bother asking me out again. Stay up for me? I have something really important that I need to tell you."

He nodded and she smiled, giving him an excited and lustful kiss. Jacob walked in and cleared his throat.

"Get a room you two. Lo, Andrew's got a question about which wall to break down next."

Logan was standing, watching the men work when she felt Will's arms come around her waist and leaned back against him.

"I could stay like this forever," she whispered.

"I could too," he said, kissing the top of her head. "I just found something for you in the bottom of my cracker jacks," he said, laughing as he held both of his hands in front of her. "Pick one," he whispered in her ear. She tapped his right hand which opened to reveal nothing. "Oops, I guess no prize for you," he teased, pulling his left hand away. She caught it and tried prying his fingers open and when she couldn't she gently bit his hand.

"Alright, alright," he said, kissing her cheek. His hand opened and there was a plastic silver ring with a fake jewel in the middle. She laughed and slipped it on her fingers, testing them out until it fit on her left ring finger. She raised her eyebrow. "It's a sign," he mocked and she giggled. "Call it a ring before a ring." She looked up at him then, surprised, studying his gaze as he bent to kiss her. "I love you," he whispered in her ear and she pulled back, looking down at her feet. No no no no no, she thought to herself, don't ruin it, I'm going to tell you tonight. So she just nodded, not wanting to ruin her plan involving a tub and candles and rose petals and one large bed.

"Tonight," she said, looking up at him and smiling. He just nodded and she could tell that he was hurt. I said tonight, she thought to herself, don't you understand that that means I'm going to tell you I love you tonight?

She kissed him again and turned, going up the stairs and into her room, leaving him at the bottom.

That night Logan was still in the shower at six when Jack rang the doorbell. Jacob and most of the others had left for the night, going clubbing.

"Oh yes," Jack said as he pushed past Will and stepped into the house, disdain in his voice, "I remember you. You're the one that incited her to hit me."

"I did not—," Will started.

"Come on now. Do you really think that you and she would ever seriously stay together? There's nothing that you can give her that she doesn't already have. You have nothing to offer her. And have you seen her? She's gorgeous, why would she settle for someone as mediocre as you? Aboy that's just dropped out of college? Come now, be reasonable, you have no future, no where to go and she still has the world ahead of her.

"Now you recall when I came by earlier?" Will nodded. "Good, well then you remember how happy she was when she came in. It's because I just told her that our wedding announcement is to be in the paper tomorrow morning."

"But she said that you were taking her out and that this was the last time you would ever ask her out on a date."

"Of course, why would I ask my wife or fiancé out on a date when they're already mine? I won't have to ask then, I'll just have to arrange a time." Will just stared, his heart beating in his chest and turned, leaving. "I don't mean to be a party-pooper or anything, but I just thought that you would need a heads up so you can decide just how long you wanted to stay here having to look at my wife with my ring on her finger."

Will shook his head, tears coming to his eyes as he went into his room and locked the door. Fifteen minutes went by, his tears falling silently and he heard Logan knocking on his door.

"Will?"

"What?"

"I just wanted to come in and say goodbye."

"I'm not feeling well."

"Okay, well I'll see you later tonight then. I really have something very important to tell you." He let out a quick sob and nodded to himself.Oh, you're getting married? Well that's great, really fucking great.

He heard Logan descend the stairs and moments later heard the car leaving. He quickly threw everything he had, which wasn't much, back into his bag and after scribbling a quick note was running out the door like he couldn't leave fast enough.

Logan got home that night around ten and came running in the house, seeing Jacob sitting on the sofa.

"Do you know where Will is?" she asked him, and after only having met his blank stare she ran up to his room. It was empty. She pulled open all the drawers and found them empty, flinging them to the ground as rage and just an overwhelming sense of fear hit her.How long had he been gone? Why did he go? She saw a note on his pillow and went to it, lying down in his bed, his scent still lingering.

Dear Ms. Harth, I'm sorry to inform you that I can no longer work here in your presence. Have a nice life, Will

I don't understand, she thought to herself, shaking her head, he said he loved me. I was going to tell him I loved him tonight. Why did he run just like this? There was a soft knock on the door and without answering, Jacob walked in.

"Hey, Lo," he said, pulling her onto his lap as the tears streamed.

"Did you see him go?"

"You think I would have let him leave without telling you goodbye first?"

"I don't understand."

"He's nineteen, Lo."

"I know. You were… right." Jacob cradled her. "It's just so uncharacteristic of him to do something like this. I just don't understand."

"Don't think too much on it, hormones and lust, darlin'."

"But he said he loved me."

"Boys lie," he said, kissing the top of her head.

"All of them?"

"Just the nasty ones," he said, laying down with her and pulling her to him. Soon he was asleep but she couldn't, so she got up and went out on the beach, walking up and down it until well into the next day.

"Logan!" she heard Jacob calling her and kept walking. "Logan please come in, you have to eat sometime."

"I'm not hungry," she said in a monotone voice.

"Please?"

"Jacob what do you think about opening up a restaurant? I mean, what do you think aboutme opening a restaurant?"

"I think you'd have to start eating before you could open one."

"No really, I think I will," she said, nodding, "Open a restaurant that is," she teased and he threw her over his shoulder, carrying her into the house. As he sat her down she looked around at all the faces of those she had come to know so well. Know and love, but I loved him more than anything on this earth, she thought to herself and the tears threatened.

Their looks were full of pity and understanding of how much the first heartbreak hurts. She ate quickly, barely feeling or tasting the food on her tongue, well aware of the stares of those around her, aware that they lowered their voices, scared to break the silence that seemed to follow her everywhere.

She stood and cleaned her plate off in the sink and as her hands dipped into the soapy water to begin washing the dishes she felt Jacobs arms come around her and hold her. As she glanced quickly down at her Cracker Jack ring that he had given her while holding her like this, something inside her snapped and the tears wouldn't stop, her spasms wouldn't stop and she could vaguely hear herself screaming as she threw plate after plate on the ground. She barely felt herself kicking and lashing out as Jacob carried her into the living room and forced her against him, holding her tightly. Soon her hitting stopped and then she clutched to him as if she was drowning.

"It hurts so much," she whispered in Jacob's ear as he held her.

"I know, darlin', I know. Just let it all out, I'm here for you."

"No," she said, after a while, standing and straightening her skirt as she wiped her tears, "I have a business to run and I'll be damned if anything is going to stop that from happening." Jacob just sighed and nodded. He had been afraid that this would happen. Something in Logan had changed now; she didn't hold the innocence about her anymore. Now there was just a large wall all around her. Her eyes no longer shined with joy and happiness, they were dull and unforgiving, as if a light had been turned off. "I cannot break down in front of anyone ever again, it is the biggest sign of weakness." Jacob's heart broke for her at those last words as she strode out of the room.If I ever see that sorry son of a bitch again…Jacob thought.

The weeks flew by into months and Logan kept her plan on opening a restaurant, wanting live music and just a generally laid back atmosphere. She had been glad to see the cold months come, being able to bundle up so that no one would notice her weight change. The building went up when she was a month and a half pregnant and was finished by the time she was three months pregnant. She hadn't told anyone.

She started painting and kept more to herself, not actually helping in the physical labor like she used to. Now she just took care of the business part, painting in her spare time and listening to the cd he had left behind for her. There were only three songs on them. He had recorded them himself and had written them for her.I always wanted to be a muse, she thought, smiling to herself.But why did he go? Her question continued to go unanswered.

An art competition was coming up, and she threw herself into her painting, not even allowing Jacob to see what it was of until she had entered it. She had gotten the letter that she had won and that there would be an unveiling of her work at the museum down by the capitol in two weeks. She smiled softly to herself.Maybe he'll see it. Maybe then he'll come home. No doubt about it, she was a hopeless romantic.

She had given everyone the day off and the option of going with her. Most people took the day off and chose not to go but just to enjoy the day, congratulating her. In the end only Jacob went with her. He could feel her shaking as he held her hand tightly. The curtain was pulled up and the generally consensus was shown in a loud gasp. It was of Will, playing the guitar. She could remember it like it was yesterday.

He had spent the night in her room and when they had woken up the next morning he had finally agreed to play the guitar for her. The light had just come through the curtain, bathing him in the light, making him look like a god, the breeze gently swaying his dark curly hair. She had painted it like she had seen it. He was sitting on the corner of the bed, wearing nothing but a guitar, the world around him blurry as he looked up gently beneath those curls of his that she loved to run her fingers through, a gentle, loving curl on his lips.

Shocked was an understatement for how Jacob felt. But of course she still loved him, he thought, but the love in that painting far transcends any other love on this earth, he thought to himself as she approached the stage, took the money and gave it to the orphanage, shaking the mayor's hand before quickly walking to the car. She got in, Jacob close behind her. She just sat there, her knuckles turning white as she gripped the steering wheel.

"I'm so sorry, Lo," he finally said, looking at her and she turned, smiling at him gently as he saw the tears in her eyes. He hadn't seen her cry since that afternoon.

"For what?"

"I never should have doubted you two."

"Don't be silly, it wasn't your fault."

"But maybe if I hadn't yelled at him or at you then he would have felt more welcome and he would have stayed."

"Jacob, it wasn't your fault. Something changed him. He's not the same person as in that painting, because if he was he would be here."He'd be here, and he'd know he's having a child, she thought to herself as they turned out onto the main road.

Two weeks later a letter came in the mail addressed to Mrs. Logan Languest. She took the message from the mailbox and frowned at it, opening it.

Hey El,

I hope you're enjoying your life with Jack. I told you not to give in but obviously you never took to well to listening to my advice. I just wanted to wish the two of you well in your life together. These past months have been harder for me than you could ever imagine. I still love you. I always will, I suppose. I don't want to break up your marriage with Jack, especially if you're happy with him.

I just wanted to wish you well in your life with him and to say thank you for portraying me so generously in the painting that you did. You made me look larger than life. I'm sorry I had to run away like I did that night, but when Jack told me that night when he came to pick you up that the two of you were finally getting married, I almost didn't believe him. That was, I didn't believe him until you told me that you had something really important to tell me. Silly me, for a while I thought you were going to tell me that you loved me back.

That was selfish of me to ever think that and I understand now that you couldn't. I'm just not in your league. But I hope that you're having a wonderful life with the man you picked, you have my best wishes.

Love always and forever, Will.

She stared down, reading and rereading the letter over and over until she had it almost memorized. She stared walking towards the house, a hand absentmindedly stroking her now swelling belly, the note in her hand as she smiled to herself.

"Jacob!" she called, throwing the front door open, "read this! Jack! That little fucker made him leave and he still loves me and I have to find him and—," Jacob cut her off.

"Lo, baby, slow down. What are you talking about?" She reached out, handing him the letter, and as he took it she felt a searing pain rip through her stomach as everything went from bright white to black.

SIX

The moment she woke up she knew the baby wasn't with her anymore. The nurse came in and saw her awake.

"You have two male visitors out there, they've been here since yesterday morning, would you like me to send them in? Or just one and then another?"

"Send them both in." Logan thought, sighing. She expected Jacob, but whom else? It doesn't matter, she thought, nothing matters anymore.

They entered the room, Jacob before Will and saw her lying on her side, facing away from them. At the sight of her looking so frail and broken, even from the back, Will's heart broke. He quickly pushed pass Jacob and climbed onto the bed, pulling her to him gently as tears started streaming from his eyes. Logan felt his arms.No, she thought,no, it's not. She knew his touch and his smell anywhere. She turned and let out a startled cry before wrapping her arms around him.

Jacob turned and left the room, feeling that he was seeing something he was never meant to see.

"Oh my little angel," Will said, stroking the tears from her eyes as his own continued to come.

"Will… I…"

"Shhh," he said, rocking her, "Jacob told me everything about you and Jack."

"I would have followed you," she spoke, her voice shaking, "But I thought you didn't want me." His fingers entwined in hers and he smiled to himself, seeing the cracker jack ring still on her finger. He twirled it around.

"I know, El. And I'm so sorry. I was such a coward I shouldn't have run."

"I would have done the same thing if I had been in your position, darling," she said, sighing as she sank into his embrace.

"I love you," she said, turning to face him and look him in the eye. "I love you. That's what I was going to tell you that night. I didn't know that my wedding announcement was coming out the next day. I love you. I love you." She couldn't say it enough and he just smiled at her, kissing her. Oh how he had missed her taste.

"I love you too, El."

"I should have told you…" she started, and he felt her tense beneath him as she rolled back onto her side, wrapping his arms around her, his fingers in hers. "I should have told you when I found out I was pregnant. You deserved to know that much."

"I know. But you can't go back and change that now." She nodded and sighed as she felt him trembling behind her.

"I love you." He laughed gently behind her.

"I love you too, sweetheart."

"I love you."

"Jacob—," Will thought, suddenly turning. Jacob had left the room. "He's the one that called me. He's been here longer than I have." Logan sat up and crossed her legs, pulling the blankets up around her as she shivered.

"Will you go get him for me?" Will nodded and left the room. Jacob entered the room alone and Logan frowned to herself, afraid to let Will out of her sight again. Jacob laughed, as if having read her mind.

"Don't worry, he's right outside. I asked him if he wanted to come in but he said no." She nodded. "Come here, Lo," he said, sitting on the edge of her bed and holding out his arms to her. She crawled over to him let him rock her as she cried again.

"You never told me," Jacob said, sounding hurt, "you never told me you were heavy with child." She sobbed.

"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I know I should have but I couldn't. I couldn't stand that you were right. I couldn't stand the thought of you not accepting this child and only seeing it as a bastard." Jacob rocked her.

"Lo, I will always,always be here for you. I would go to the ends of the earth to protect you from any kind of hurt like this."

"I know," she said, nodding. "But I'm still sorry."

"It's okay, honey, you can't take that back now. But when the next one comes around you better tell me first!" She laughed and pulled away, smacking him gently on the shoulder.

"And what makes you so sure that there's going to be others?"

"Come on, Lo. You love him. He loves you. It's only a matter of time." Logan smiled to herself and allowed herself to feel warm and happy again, allowed love back into her heart.It is only a matter of time, she thought.