Looking Back Ch. 01

Alan Garret had just started in the criminal justice program at the community college when he ran into Ray Ferris for the first time since graduation.

Ray had started a business program at the state university. He looked smug, leaning casually against a wall in the hallways near the doors to the building Alan was currently exiting.

Ray stood waiting for his girlfriend, Sarah, not paying particular attention to the passing students. Then he noticed Alan Garret coming in his direction, looking straight at him with ill disguised disdain.

Alan never liked him, he knew that much from their time in high school, but he never understood why.

Alan redirected his glare several yards from the doors, clearly dismissing Ray and leaving the other man feeling a mixture of annoyance and confusion.

Sarah Stevens approached her boyfriend and noticed his expression and the uncharacteristic tension on his stance. Concern crashed through her as she ran through possibilities of what could be wrong. She briefly considered Ray may be there to break up with her, but quickly dismissed it; she was sure her and Ray were forever. Then he noticed her and visibly relaxed, smiling his mega watt smile, making Sarah's heart swell.

Yep, she could see forever in his eyes.

20 Years Later

James Ferris glows. He radiates light like the sun. Fucking radiates. He is so godamned beautiful it's ridiculous. 5 foot 9ish, not really muscular, but toned from running track; perfect. Sandy blonde hair, eyes the color of deep ocean waters, and his lips... God, his lips, so kissable! Deep pink, full, a perfect little dip on the top one. When he smiles it's like a freakin' sunrise; my heart and stomach flip and flutter. Freakin' flutter! And my dick twitches, every time. I would do pretty much anything for one of his smiles to be directed at me.

Though I'm half sure I'd faint. Or be blinded by its brilliance. Or just lose my cool and jump him.

Christ, what that boy does to me. He makes me think things like

"he radiates," like some lovesick girl. It's so cliched, and guys are not supposed to think things like "he glows." And I know that that's a stupid, stereotypical comment, but really, when was the last time you heard a dude say something like that? I'm so hopelessly infatuated.

And it is definitely hopeless. I think I catch him looking at me sometimes, but I'm pretty sure it's just wishful thinking.

But I'll keep wishing. Maybe one day I'll get to experience that smile of his... Sigh...

***

Ryan Garret is looking at me again. I catch him just before he quickly looks away; I was watching him too or I'd have missed it. He's adorable. Maybe an inch shorter than me, deep brown hair, nearly black really, and clear, icy blue eyes. Broad shoulders and lightly defined muscles. I've seem him after gym, and the image has provided more than one fantasy.

We have a few classes together, but aside from occasionally sitting near him and passing papers to each other we've never really talked. I'm not sure why. We have some overlap in our social circles, and those shared classes.

I've tried to find excuses, but it almost seems he avoids me; it drives me crazy. But then I catch him staring, and sometimes I think I see wanting in his gaze, but it's probably my imagination.

God, I just wish he would look at me for real, so I could look back, really look, and try to decipher him.

***

We have a substitute in English, which means we sit alphabetically. Which means I'm right behind James, which is like sweet torture.

When he walked in, my brain stuttered, as usual. He approached his newly assigned desk and I looked anywhere but at him. He caught me staring this morning and I was nervous he'd tell me off. Part of me hoped he would, just to hear his voice.

Ugh, I'm so pathetic!

As he settled in, his pencil rolled off his desk and stopped under my feet. I picked it up and moved to hand it to him, praying my hands would remain steady. He turned and reached for it and my breath caught. He grabbed for it and our fingers touched, he dragged his pointer across my palm as he lifted it, it almost seemed intentional, but I'm sure that's just more wishful thinking.

"Thanks Ry."

His voice caressed me; I could practically feel his breath on me. And the shortened version of my name was music. Fucking Mozart or something.

And then it happened; he smiled at me. I released a shuddering breath and his smile seemed to get brighter.

He lingered a moment longer, then turned back as the sub cleared her throat. Our too brief moment of gazing at each other over, I resumed staring at the back of his head; my fingers itched to run through it. Actually fucking itched.

Ridiculous.

***

We have a sub today, which means I get to sit right in front of Ryan. It's too bad the number of people fills the seats like they do, or I might get to sit nearer. I feel his eyes on me and decide to make a move to say something to him. I ever so slightly nudge a pencil in front of me with a finger, it rolls and lands at his feet.

Perfect!

I turn to take it and our eyes lock for the first time. Amazing. His eyes are amazing. I can't quite look away, and I wonder if he feels as frozen as me. He seems equally transfixed and I let out an internal victory "whoop."

I realize I have probably taken a few seconds too long and reach for the pencil that was my co-conspirator. I make sure our fingers brush and I drag one across his palm. I hear his breath hiccup and feel my pants get a little tighter.

I thank him and his heavy exhale causes a dangerous stirring in my jeans. I grin at him and am rewarded with a slight blush.

It's freaking beautiful.

The substitute calls our attention with an "ahem" and I'm forced to look ahead; it's hard, and so am I. The image of his blushing cheeks I totally worth the possible embarrassment.

I don't know how I'm going to make it through math, the equations the sub puts up are like a foreign language today.

***

More to come soon! I hope you enjoyed the start of Ryan and James' story, and the hints of their fathers secrets. Please comment, rate or message me with feedback; it can only help me get better!

-R