Loose Ends

Foreword- This story shall serve as the end- for now- of my Erika Christensen saga. It shall revisit the plot briefly, to resolve some things built on in other stories and then left behind when my life traveled in another direction. Like all my stories, this one is fictional. Any real people in the story are used fictitiously. They are not known to the author outside their public personas and my own imagination. My intentions are not malicious- merely flattery, entertainment of my fans, and satisfaction of the creative impulses that make one produce stories such as this. Please send feedback if you like. I hope you are pleased by how this story goes. -- AN

***

Los Angeles, California

September 22nd, 2010.

"I love you, but I don't want this life we have lived."

Doug Ramsay had said that to her the last time they saw each other, now almost a year ago. She had asked him what he did want, and he'd indicated another woman to whom he had introduced her earlier that night. "It happened all of a sudden, Erika," he said. "A few conversations, a few dates, and I knew. She did too. It's been going on for a while now, plenty of ups and downs, but we're still together. It feels so right. I feel I have to leave everything else behind."

"Including us?"

"Yes," he replied in a pained whisper after a brief pause. "I never wanted to say this to you, but we have to face it. You and I are from separate worlds. A relationship between us would never work on a permanent basis. It's fun but it's not forever, not truly lasting. We both deserve something more than what we can give each other, and I want you to be able to find it. I think I already have."

She had considered his words, and then nodded her head. "I hope you're right. Good luck."

He thanked her and immediately afterwards walked away to be with his new love. Erika was glad there had been no attempt on either of their parts to draw things out, speculate about whether they could get back together if his new relationship failed or whether she might someday join them in lovemaking. She was entertained by the possibility, Doug was someone she always would want and his new love could be also, but then was not the right time to ask. It would have cheapened the relationships involved, they both had known. Her heart ached too, and nothing he could have done would soothe that. Even now, months down the road, she still felt a slow steady pain.

I'll get over it, she told herself, sipping her cinnamon vodka soda. It was the drink he'd marketed all over the world, one of many things that made him rich. None of it had fulfilled him, she remembered, and in the end she hadn't either. Again, as she had many nights since their parting, she sat with the drink at a bar and thought that she needed to move on. First, though, she had to understand.

Erika's life had changed greatly in the past two years. First she got a new actress gig- steady work on the hit NBC TV series "Parenthood". There was the turmoil of trying to make the show work, give it her all, the relief of a second season when it came, and the knowledge that her trial would continue even though a brief victory was won. She and Doug grew apart in that time, barely talking to each other for months. She was not offended when his new relationship started, as they were never exclusive, and she felt happy for him when she learned how things had progressed. Only at the end was she disappointed, when their inevitable parting took place.

Afterwards, various other relationships in her life changed form. Every married couple she knew seemed content with each other and their lives. They didn't seem to need or desire the sex therapy and friendly counseling she had given them. Ryan and Scarlett, Keri and Shane, Tom and Katie- all had settled down around her and become mere good friends, little more. Even John and Kelly Travolta, who had spent the early part of last year grieving for a lost child, were now celebrating the conception of another. With that and everything else going on for them, there was no longer any room for Erika in their lives.

Her roommate Alicia Witt had also moved out. Her career had taken off, with several films and TV roles that made Erika jealous when she took time to notice them. New relationships came too, brief but intense. Erika wondered why Alicia never seemed dismayed by any of them, never turned to her when they soured, only slept with her when no one else was available or a boyfriend wanted them together. It was like they were but intimate physically or psychologically, no longer both. Erika couldn't get close to any of the guys either. Then Alicia launched a recording career and went on the road. "I have to be out of town for a while. I'll see you when I get back." Seven months later, Erika was still living in the apartment alone.

"It shouldn't bother me," was the conclusion she always came to when she reminisced. We're still friends. Every now and then we talk on the phone, text, email, twitter. I know we could always get together and have fun if ever she returned, or serendipity got us together again. She knows that too. Alicia is one of many girls with whom I have that kind of relationship. It's never disturbed me with any of them. It shouldn't with her, if that's what is best for us, if it's what she wants.

What's really bothering me, she wondered, already knowing the answer. It was that all the people she knew were happy and she was not. Every conflict in her life seemed resolved. She had steady work, and it didn't seem in danger of going away. Relationships that were in limbo had been settled. There were no world-shaping matters depending on her to help guide them. The Friendship had inserted dedicated and competent managers into both sides of the Scientology conflict, and Erika was pleased enough with the continuing developments that she felt no need to intervene. We do not need you to do anything other than what you are doing now, her superiors had instructed. Matters will proceed without your influence, it is not necessary that you get further involved.

The memory of the last thing she had done for that conflict brought a smile to Erika's lips. She had visited her longtime enemy Jessica Feshbach, a church fanatic who had damaged many people's lives with bungled counseling in the past decade, and given her a new assignment. She had done the same for Tommy Davis, a church public relations executive known for similar debacles and fanaticism. "The two of you are a liability to the rest of us," Erika had informed them. "After much meditation on the issue and discussing it with various people, I speculate that maybe there is a solution. You complement one another perfectly. Work and live together, see what happens. Maybe you will give each other enough drama and satisfaction that you won't need to mess up anyone else's daily life." The two had protested, then been surprised again when Erika stood firm.

"I'm giving you both something you need," she answered them. "Jessica, your sister, my confessor, told me why you hate me so much. You've been jealous of me from afar for a long time, me and every celebrity. You think that in bringing us down while acting like a two-faced friend you can feel better about yourself, and you keep acting on the lie. Tommy has a similar problem in that he always wants himself and his issues to be the center of attention, always getting bored or offended when it's not like that. Don't argue with me, it comes out in your work all the time. The evidence is right here in your file. Anyway, I think you two are a perfect match. Putting you with each other is the best way to fix the issues you impose on other people. You two can either prove me right, or you can be dismissed from our organization. The Chairman backs me on this." Her last words, though not completely true, were enough to shut both Jessica and Tommy up. Afterwards the early-thirties couple began dating and soon married, the third time for him and fifth for her. Almost two years after their meeting with Erika, they were still together and apparently happy, and they had not made life difficult for anyone. One of the few couples I've helped even though I didn't sleep with either of them, Erika reflected with pride.

Jessica's twin sister Melissa was also happy, with her work in the church charities and a fiancée. "I never thought it could happen for me again," the war widow had said of the relationship a week prior. "Then I met Charlie in Indonesia and things just clicked. You told me about him when you met him, before his SEAL training. I felt like we were close friends already. Our differences only made things right between us. He saved my life, I saved his, and..." she flashed a diamond ring at Erika, "the wedding's next April. Melissa Kurgan. I think I'll like the new name."

"That's wonderful for you both," Erika replied. She hoped she could meet Chas Kurgan again soon and see if he retained his odd sense of humor. It would be good to reconnect with Melissa as well. She had been overseas often and hardly seen by Erika in the past two years.

Everyone I know is happy, Erika thought, looking at herself in the mirror above the bar. The single people are too. Last time I talked to Evan Rachel Wood, she'd just broken up with Manson again, but she was laughing. She has a new part on "True Blood", one that's gone quite well this season. Lots of dates, nothing steady, but she was fine. I'm at a similar place in my life, yet I feel so different. I'm by myself and I'm not glad to be alone.

"This is who you are," her inner voice whispered to her in dark moments. "You piece together the jigsaw of your character and the final picture is you finishing that same puzzle. You rip it up and start over, but it keeps turning out like that. You don't know what it means, where you should be going. Then you start to see madness lurking behind you. All your leads in life are drifting away, turned to smoke and dust. You've lost your way. Your life goes on unhindered, but often it feels like you haven't slept in a million years."

"Excuse me," a man said, breaking Erika's reverie. She turned and looked at him. "You're Erika Christensen, aren't you? The girl from 'Swimfan', 'Parenthood', and 'Six Degrees'?"

She paused before answering, giving him a brief appraisal. Handsome in the way she liked, dark-haired and well-built. Dressed okay, smelled fine, no hint of danger she didn't want to deal with. He was holding a cell phone camera, so it was obvious what he wanted. "Yes," she responded at last. Then she flicked her curly blonde hair over her shapely shoulder, sat up on her stool, and gave him a suggestive grin. "Snap away."

The man clicked his phone and put it on the bar, then sat down beside her. "Thanks. Do you mind if I put this on my Facebook?"

"Not at all." Erika shrugged, adjusting her hair again. Her casual black blouse and jeans suddenly made her feel self-conscious. The blouse showed a little too much cleavage, or maybe not enough. The jeans seemed tight, and she shifted on her stool uncomfortably. Funny, they were just fine a second ago. She nodded and smiled again when the bartender clicked another picture of both her and the man at his request.

"Can I buy you a drink?" he asked, finally putting away his phone.

"Sure," she answered following a second of consideration. "Just don't expect things to go anywhere. I'm not sure what my mood is right now, and I don't know you as anything more than a fan."

The man nodded. "We can work on that. Do you have anywhere else to be soon?"

"Not till the morning."

"Same here, so why don't we just talk?"

"Okay." She tapped her glass and the bartender filled it. "About what?" she asked her suitor when the bartender moved away.

"What are you thinking about?"

That was it? Erika blinked, not understanding. She was used to guys talking about how they recognized and admired her, or talking about who they were. This one hadn't even introduced himself yet.

"The look on your face," he explained. "I've been watching you for a while now, so I know you're thinking about something. That look says 'I need to talk to someone, but I have nobody to talk to'."

She swallowed nervously and looked away. He put a hand on her shoulder.

"It's okay. You don't have to say anything, but maybe it would be better if you did. I promise you, it goes no further."

She read the honesty in his voice and decided to believe him. "It's just my life. Everything's great, fulfilling, but it's not complete and well..." She trailed off, not sure what else needed to be said.

"Did your boyfriend leave you?"

"Boyfriend, girlfriend, everyone." She looked at the reflection of her blue eyes in the polished bar. "I mean, they're all my friends, but... that's not enough. I have family, but that's also not enough. And my career isn't enough."

"Your life's ready to evolve," he said. "You once needed all these things, but now they've served their purpose and you need something else. You're just not sure what yet, and you're drifting until it becomes clear."

She took in the words and frowned, then realized she understood his meaning. Surprised, she turned to face him. "How did you..."

"I've been where you are now. It's not an easy place to be in. You know you're building to something more important than everything in your life previously, but it's not yet here."

Erika nodded. "And I really want it to be."

The man chuckled, looked away from her and downed his drink, then turned back. "Well, I don't know if I can give it to you. You're probably too worried about your privacy to give specifics, we don't know each other, I don't even know what I'm doing here." He coughed. "If you want to talk, well..."

"Stop," Erika shushed him, the right words all of a sudden in her mind. "I'm going to tell you something that may shock you but I want you to just listen, okay? If you're not comfortable talking to me after you hear it, you can walk away. It's fine. All right?"

The man nodded, and Erika took a breath. Then she vented her feelings in a rush. "I'm an easy lay, a slut. I've been one for eleven years now. I've slept with just about everyone I've wanted who's wanted me. Friends, co-workers, even people I pick up in this sort of place. It's never gone anywhere for me that's been fulfilling. I mean, for a while, it is very fulfilling, but then it's over and my life goes on. It's always like that. I've been thinking about this a lot lately and now... now I don't know what I want."

Her suitor frowned.

"I don't want anything permanent from anyone specific," Erika went on, stammering a bit. "I know when it comes it will be right and beautiful. I can wait as long as I have to. But I think there's something inside me that..."

"Something that you have to satisfy," the man cut in, "a temporary relief for yourself, until the other thing arrives."

"Yes." Erika blinked again. "How did you know that?"

"Been there, still doing that." He let out another chuckle. "If you want that from me, I'd enjoy it, and I wouldn't put it on my Facebook either, trust me."

She smirked, waiting for him to say she'd enjoy it just as much as he would. Again she was surprised when he didn't say that. Maybe he realized whether or not she enjoyed things wasn't up to him. This unfamiliar wisdom was enough to make her want to take a chance. "Tell me about yourself. Who are you?"

The answers came as easily as they did with any other man in her experience. He gave his name- Joe- and what he did for a living- setup and maintenance of stage sets. This turned into a conversation about their mutual experiences in the film industry and all its ups and downs. "It's changed a lot these days," he said at one point. "People think it's all about the effects and forget that's just one part of the picture. I like it better when the background is detailed, and you can see the characters and their feelings affecting the set."

"And vice versa," Erika agreed, giving examples from her own films and others she had seen. Joe brought in his own thoughts and she gave her opinions in return. They then talked a little about recent celebrity news. "She's going back to jail and rehab again, I can't believe it. She tweeted about it the night before, like that would increase her popularity."

"She was right."

"Yeah. I knew her once, you know. I wanted to call her a friend. Then she just separated herself from me. Everything that's happened in the two years since has shown me why. I didn't really know her at all."

"Don't feel bad. You aren't responsible for her, or anyone but yourself, really."

"I know." She sighed and moved the discussion to 'Parenthood' and how well its cast worked together. "We're a family, as much as my real family. I love it."

"I loved your daughter's line in the season premiere last week. 'Mommy, did I come from a vagina?'"

Erika laughed at his mime. "I'm glad I could prepare for that comment, what parent has such luxury in real life?"

"Your reaction was probably the same as any real parent's would have been."

"The good ones, anyway."

"Agreed."

After a bit more talking, accompanied by drinks, they headed out. "Your place?" he asked. Erika told him she wasn't ready for that yet, so they walked to a nearby motel instead. "My place is actually in Burbank," Joe explained, "long drive. I had a commute up here today, and the kind of day where you need drinks after work."

Erika grinned. "Am I a bonus?"

"Um, if you want to see it that way, sure."

She laughed. His pause preceding the statement had earned him a few extra points.

It happened slowly once they got inside the room. He asked her what she was comfortable with doing and she answered, "Whatever you want. I'll stop you if it goes somewhere I don't like. You do the same for me, okay?" He nodded, then moved close and gave her a kiss.

A good kiss, quick but passionate, which left her amazed. She pulled back and breathed, then returned his kiss with one of her own packing equal vigor. He was but a few inches taller, and she had had lots of practice, so it was easy. When she had to breathe again, she pulled away and pushed him back, indicating the bed with a flick of her eyes.

He took the hint and maneuvered that direction, taking her hand in the process and pulling her along. Erika went of her own will and then their hands were all over each other, previously unimportant details flashing in her mind. He had rough warm skin, darkly tanned from working outside. His clothes came off quick and easy, revealing the developed muscles beneath. His soft hair curled well between her fingers. His touch on her body made her insides shake, a familiar but very welcome sensation.

One by one, her clothes were removed. His hands played along her skin all the while, exciting her and provoking equal response. Joe's lips were on her mouth, then her cheeks, her neck, and finally her bosoms. Her bra's front clasp was unfastened, and then they were on her buds. One was sucked, then the other, until both were erect. His hands pinched her nipples and then moved down across her stomach. His cock hardened in the process, Erika felt. She smiled as she pushed down his pants.

Then her hands were on it, stroking it to full attention. His fingers were in her panties, drawing moisture from her vagina's depths. They moved out and caressed her inner thighs, traveled back and squeezed her rear. A few seconds later, they returned to her folds. She gasped as they stroked her hard and fast. As she tightened, his fingers were pushed out and her sensations increased in volume. Breathing slow to calm herself, she took his hands and moved one to her cleavage, leaving the other where it was. Two of his fingers remained inside her provoking spasms. His other hand moved to her breasts, tickling the undersides and arousing the aureoles. One of her hands was squeezing and fondling his manhood. The other trailed along his back, caressing the muscles and ready to grab his hands again should that become necessary.