Lord of the Rings: Samwise Gamgee

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Hobbit finds great food & great wife.
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Joseki Ko
Joseki Ko
177 Followers

DISCLAIMER:

The story is a fictional parody - it's not true, nor is it approved of by the celebrities named in the stories. Authors write these fictitious stories about famous people for the same reason that Larry Flynt made fun of Jerry Falwell, because they can. The Supreme Court of the United States, the country where this site is located, has ruled that parodies involving famous people are perfectly and totally legal under the United States Constitution. The specific case law on this was decided in the case of "Hustler Magazine, Inc. et al. v. Jerry Falwell" in 1988. No harm is intended toward the celebrities featured in these stories, but they are public figures and in being so, they must accept that they are fair target for parodies by the public. We believe in the first amendment, and more broadly, in the basic principle of free speech and this section may push the boundaries of that principle, but the United States Supreme Court has approved of this type of material. We believe that the Supreme Court was correct in their decision.


I met my wife almost twenty years ago and my life has greatly improved since that day. She is an angel of mercy and I don't know what I'd do without her. Let me tell you about the first few days of our relationship. I met her at the Bread and Trencher. The Bread and Trencher is a small bar just inside the Shire. I'd gone there with my mates and we were having a grand time when I first laid eyes on her.

I first caught a glimpse of her across the room. She was waiting tables and such a comely lass I'd never seen, blonde piggy tails flapping in the breeze, a plateful of food in one hand and 2 Pints of good stout in the other. She was gorgeous and not just because she was carrying food. Okay, okay it helped a lot.

After she had set down the food and collected her fare I called her over. I ordered two plates of food and two pints of good ale. She looked me over, a question in here eyes, for I sat by myself,

"Are ye expecting company m'lord." She asked

"Well, my good woman I was hoping I could interest you in a bite of dinner and later perhaps a bite of you." I said looking hopeful.

"Well m'lord, if you want me you'll have to feed me better than the swill they serve here," she laughed.

"Well then lass what time do you get off?" I asked.

"I usually get off shortly after midnight milord. But I'll be done working in about an hour," she quipped. And turning away she disappeared into the crowd.

Well I didn't have anything going on that couldn't wait. So I sidled up to the bar and ordered a pint while I waited. It was a good pint so I had another. After all a hobbit can't stint himself on the finer things in life.

Sure enough an hour or so later I saw my sweet lass exiting through the side door. I quickly finished my pint. A terrible thing to do to a good pint and chased after her through the door. She hadn't gone to far, seemed she was walking kind of slow.

"Miss, oh miss." I called out.

She turned with that impish smile upon her face.

"I thought I'd lost you there," I stammered as I caught her. I was somewhat out of breath.

"Nay good sir I would not want to have lost you at all," she said with a straight face.

"Would you do me the honor of eating the finest dinner available in the Shire m'lady?" I spoke gallantly even managing to work in a bow on the m'lady part.

She gave me a cheeky grin and cocked her head a little said, "I would love to m'lord I need to build up my strength for tonight."

"Tonight?" I wasn't sure what she meant.

"Why yes m'lord, when you bite me I want to have the strength to bite back." And with that she turned and began walking along.

I quickly joined her as she led me to Cherry Blossom Farms. Quite possibly the best restaurant in the Shire, believe me that takes some doing. It had been awhile since I'd been here and I thought we'd have trouble getting in, but she'd sent a lad to make reservations for us. We were seated quickly and the waiter listed off the specials. Neither one of us wanted a menu. If the chef's specials are not the best meal in the house it's time to get a new chef.

She had a pears, grapes, Shire burnt walnuts, bleu cheese, Mesclun, and citrus vinaigrette salad for openers. This was followed by Pan-Seared Sea Scallops- mango-cucumber salsa and hot & sweet raspberry puree for an appetizer. Muscovy Duck Breast Pan Seared with dried cherry-marinade and potato gratine for a main course.. I had the soup and Mussels Greenlips in a white wine broth with tomato and shallots for an appetizer. For dinner I had Sunflower crusted salmon and pineapple-crystallized ginger salsa with couscous. We both finished off with warm cranberry and walnut tart desserts.

It was quite an enjoyable meal and she was good company as well. She really knew how to sit up and eat. We sampled each others dishes of course. You really have to taste everything they make at the Farms. It's a great experience.

As we left the Farms, she said she'd like to stop at the market and pick up a few things. I agreed and before long we'd picked up enough supplies to make us both stagger. Her place was closer, so we rented a cart and packed the supplies over and started setting up for a great evening of sex.

First, I plucked the chickens while she skewered the small pig. It took both of us to put a haunch of beef on the spit behind the pig. We set those up to turn on the rotisserie. Waterfall rotisseries are a wonderful thing if you can afford them. It also helps to place your house by a spring or creek. I wish I had one. She washed the vegetables and put them on to cook while I prepared a salad. We agreed on a soup and I started that while she did something exotic for dessert. Now I know this sounds crude, I mean I know a really good sexual experience can take as long as a week to prepare the food. But we'd only met that afternoon.

As we finished getting everything into cooking pots or in the ice room, we began to look more and more at each other. She was a cute thing even if she wasn't carrying food. She stood about three feet five inches tall and like any good woman, that hourglass figure of hers was built for comfort not for speed. She had an ample bosom and blonde hair in plaited piggy-tails down to her waist, and the cutest hairy feet. Where as I'm a little taller with short curly thick, brown hair and brown worn hands from garden work.

We both stripped and took turns in her shower. She went first, so I was done last. When I came out of the shower I'd found that she decided to start our little evening together. She'd laid down on a freshly washed mat and had strewn some of the salad around her. The lettuce covered all her feminine spots and I was surprised not to see any tomatoes. I know we'd bought some. I picked out the vinaigrette dressing and liberally doused her in it. I heard her moan in pleasure as the acidic liquid nestled down between her legs.

I began by eating the salad on her upper torso. I was careful not to use my hands but merely my teeth and tongue as I separated my beauty from her green finery. The croutons added a nice touch as well. I kind of laughed as I discovered that under the green leaves her breasts were covered with sliced radishes and mushrooms. I made sure to lick every part of her clean. When I finished her upper torso, I began to descend below her waist, eating all I found there. As I pulled the lettuce away from her I discovered that she had packed those small tomatoes all around her flower. I tongued out the tomatoes and then went to work on her as well. I gently tongued her clean. Using my tongue to probe as far into her as far as I could. The salad dressing had really gotten into her. I could tell by the small moans and squirming that she was enjoying it.

When I had cleaned her up, it was my turn. I laid down and started draping salad over my anatomy. I hid a few olives, and I looked forward to her finding them. She was a nibbler. She nibbled away the salad on my legs first, and it's wonderful to have small fine teeth eating away the food upon you. They sensation they leave as the gently caress your skin is incredible. She cleaned my entire body before she started to work the area between my legs. I'd hidden the olives under my manhood and she was quite delighted to find them. She took my whole member in her mouth as she tongued out the olives.

By then the soup had cooked. I pulled the clam chowder from the fire and searched for a ladle. Soup is tricky stuff, most lovers just spoon feed it to each other. But I like to ladle it on and lick it off. It adds to the overall taste of the skin. Doing this can be tricky though. The soup cool enough not to burn, but it has to be hot enough to still taste good. Plus if you use to much it can spill off your partner on to the mat. And that's just a good waste of food. I ladled it onto myself first. That way it could cool a little more before it was her turn. She took great delight in finding every last drop of soup. I'm pretty sure this is a trick none of her other lovers had tried. When she had finished me and laid back, I ladled the soup over her and began to slurp it up. Now in polite company slurping is bad but l, during sex there's no better way to do it.(Gives me a hard-on just to think about it again) It didn't take long before she had an orgasm. When she started to really quiver I separated her legs and slurped between her thighs. I always love it when they scream. I went back for seconds on the soup.

The main entrée turned out to be extremely good. I sliced the chicken up in long fingers, while she sorted out the vegetables. It took both of us to remove the pig and the beef from the rotisserie. We cut out a couple of steaks from both the pig and the beef and cubed the rest. I laid her back and gave her several chicken fingers. I turned around to grab a pork chop and when I turned back the chicken was gone. As I leaned over her I caught a whiff of what was between her thighs, I grinned as I ascertained the status of the chicken.. I put my hand on her belly and I could feel her quiver as she savored the chicken. I rubbed the pork chop all over her body from head to toe, impregnating her skin with it's juices. When I was done I tossed the pig back onto the counter I set the bowls of vegetables around her. I turned away for a minute to allow her to do as she wished with the vegetables. When I turned back I was holding two fists of cubed meat. One pork and the other beef. I trailed my hands up her leaving cubes amidst the delicately settled vegetables. When I had run out of meat I thrust my hands to her mouth and she licked the juices from them. She moaned in pleasure as I did this. The meat was seasoned extremely well.

I began to eat in earnest as I removed the food from her body. The watercress at her throat was tasty and well cooked. The corn and peas scattered around her breasts were heavy with butter and very scrumptious, I really had to work to get the butter off of her breasts. A couple of parsnips at her belly were okay, but I've never truly enjoyed parsnips.

As I got to the area between her thighs I was able to savor the delicate stuffing she'd made. It was even better for having soaked up some of her juices. I'd been eating the pork and beef cubes as I trailed my way down to her thighs. But as I finished off the stuffing and began to lick her clean I she separated her legs and I was finally able to access the chicken. There was just enough left sticking out so that I could jut barely lip it. Now removing cooked food from a woman is an art form. If I applied to much pressure on the food it could break off and leave pieces in her. Sometimes you can't reach those with either your tongue or a finger. Such a waste of good food to go and have a doctor remove it.

She had a very high opinion of my tongue by now. I could tell for I'd never seen food buried so deeply in a woman. I took my time and got it out of here millimeter by millimeter. She quivered each time I pressed my mouth to her and sucked. She was a very good girl though and didn't cum. If she had her muscles would have clenched the chicken and I never would have gotten it out. When I had gotten all the food off of her I licked her again from head to toe. There is truly nothing like the taste of a woman who has just worn an excellent meal.

I then laid back and taking all the food began to lay it about me. She was very enthusiastic as she began to nibble. She started at my feet where I'd left the parsnips. She worked her way up my legs cleaning out the vegetables. I was holding four pieces of chicken between my thighs. All in a row and all standing up as straight as my hobbithood. She deep throated every one before she ate it.

I had lots of beef cubes stacked around my little buddy but she skipped those and went on to the stuffing on my belly and the pork strewn about my chest. When she had cleaned the rest of me, was her tongue talented, she went back to my hobbithood. All I can truly saw is that it was incredible. I'd never met anyone who could deep throat so well. She would deep throat me and I know my member was in her throat when she delicately picked up a cube of beef from the pile at he base of my little buddy, and then rubed it sensuously up and across the head of my hobbitness before chewing and swallowing. By the time she was done I could hardly see straight.

I could wait no longer as she finished tasting me, I threw her to the mat and went and grabbed desert out of the ice room. She had sculpted little tulips from chocolate. They had a cherry filled cupcake at the bottom and were filled with custard, and topped with strawberries.

I came running back and setting them next to us on the floor I knelt between her legs. I really could wait no longer and entered her. The juices we'd built up between us during the way allowed me to slide in and out easily. I set her tulip between her breasts and as I moved in and out of her I would bite a piece of the tulip of in my mouth and as I rocked up to her mouth I would feed it to her. She loved it as much as I did.

When I had fed her the last bite of hers I took mine and fingered out a glob of custard and strawberries with my left hand. I took my right hand and thrust mine into my mouth and my left hand simultaneously forced the custard and strawberries into her mouth. As we both tasted this chocolate we came together. It had to be the best orgasm of my life. I know women can cum for 30 seconds or so. But I never thought I could do it. After the first 15 seconds I was afraid it would stop, after the second 15 I was afraid it wouldn't! As we finished off the food in our mouths I fell heavily upon her and giving a kiss to both breasts and her mouth I rolled off of her. As we lay there panting I knew this had been the best experience of my life.

As I lay there I knew I had to ask his beautiful lady a question.

"Excuse me my lady, might I ask you a personal question?" I wheezed out between gasps.

She turned her head to look at me , "If you must," she giggled

"What is your name?" I asked desperately.

As we both started laughing, she told me her name was Rose Cotton and I told her I was Samwise Gamgee. We cuddled up right there on the mat, she smelled of such good food. I don't think I have ever slept better in my life.

As I mentioned earlier I eventually managed to make her my wife. And together we cook so well that we have had twelve children. What can I say. It's good to be me!

Author's note: I got a little wrapped up in this story. I'm a big guy and I love food myself. I tried to talk my wife into trying hobbit sex. She chased me twice around the house with a frying pan. I took that as a no. Well I did talk her into the chocolate, but that will be another story.

Joseki Ko
Joseki Ko
177 Followers
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  • COMMENTS
5 Comments
AnonymousAnonymousalmost 20 years ago
Awesom

you rock

SlickTonySlickTonyalmost 20 years ago
Who Knew?

Hobbits like sploshing! Oh, my!

My Erotic TailMy Erotic Tailalmost 20 years ago
Laughing with grace~

Good luck E~...ok suppers out of the way...woohoo...I'm ready with my tale Jo, Nice entre' hehehe I really figured the lord of the rings you would go all out with rings piercings and tats...penis rings nipple rings...well I guess you left it for me...hehehe! Ok then back to the drawing board...You got me thinking..hehehe

sarahhhsarahhhalmost 20 years ago
Eat me!

This story really got my juices flowing because I am at this very moment writing a chapter for my novel. All about great food and cannibalism. Really!

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 20 years ago
Just Howls Laughing

And I am supposed to follow that.... Gee thanks Joseki. Always, E

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