Lose Yourself

"Look, if you had just one shot. One opportunity to seize everything you ever wanted in one moment, would you catch it or just let it slip? "

My heart was racing and my stomach churned but I guess it was probably too late to back out now. I'm nervous but on the surface I look calm and ready. I was taking an incredible risk but I had promised myself that I would do this before my next birthday. The big one. Where the idea came from I don't really know, but the fantasy kept coming back and stalking me. It gnawed at me constantly and wouldn't let me out of its rat-like grip. I can only think it was a cry from my 'other self'. That other self who wasn't frightened of everything. The other self that certainly didn't crave routine and didn't always want everything to be just so. And safe.

Was it too late to back out now? No, of course it wasn't. But would I forgive myself if I did back out and call the whole thing off? No. I wouldn't. And in six months, I would be back here again kneeling on this bed naked and with my ass in the air, exposed and very, very vulnerable but feeling even more frightened next time around.

No. To call it off now would be riskier than going ahead. It wasn't my physical well being I now worried about, but my mental one. How on earth did this simple thing go from an interesting idea to something that had practically consumed both my days and my nights?

I had had a huge pile of responses to my request when I had placed my ad. But then who wouldn't turn down the chance to take someone's anal virginity completely anonymously and in secret? I suspect many of those replying were also looking to lose their own anal virginity!

The task itself was simple for the chosen one. Find the house. The key would be hidden above the lintel. Enter the house, climb the stairs and the right bedroom would be obvious. The only one with an open door. I would be kneeling naked on the bed, hands bound behind my back. All you had to do was take your pants off (you were NOT to undress fully), kneel behind me and when you were erect enough, to penetrate my anus. I will have already copiously lubricated the area and had asked you to be gentle BUT you were not to stop at any time, no matter how I begged you. No safe word. This had to be completed and completion was you ejaculating inside me. You were then to untie my hands, dress yourself and leave without saying a word. You were to wear no scent or aftershave, not have smoked or eaten. You were to leave no trace of your visit except for what you leave inside of me, and your sweat where our skin touched

I had only told one person. My very best friend Tanya. Her reaction was predictable. "Now let's get this right Kim. You are going to let a total stranger come into your home, basically to fuck you up the arse and then leave without a word being said? And what is his name, this lucky fella?"

"I don't know Tan. That is the whole point. I CAN'T know his name."

"You are off your frigging head Kim, that's my impartial view of the situation."

"Please Tan. I need you to help me. I need you to tie my hands behind my back for me before he arrives. I can't do that myself."

"Your serious aren't you love," she stared at me incredulously. "You have this all worked out"

"'Fraid so" I smiled weakly, trying to convey an aura of total control. Now that was a joke!

"So here's the deal. I go with you, tie your hands behind your back then hang around to make sure you are alright.?"

"No, no! You really don't understand" I cried, tears filling my eyes. "It has to be done the way I see it in my head, or it just won't work"

I had spent weeks going through the replies to my ad. It was supposed to be a mad spontaneous thing on my part, but the response was so overwhelming I had to go through everything, weeding out the obvious timewasters. Then deciding who it was that I wanted. A lot of good candidates had immediately excluded themselves by putting their name on their reply. Some had written pages of psychobabble as to why they had to be the one. Others had simply sent a picture of their cock. And that was the other thing. What size cock did I want? Never having had anal sex before, I was temped to go for something on the smaller side. But for this whole thing to work, I had to feel dirty, violated and abused. For that only a large cock would do. Some of the candidates were very impressive, but were ruled out on health grounds. If I ended up having to go to hospital with a torn anus or rectum, the anonymity would be gone and the whole thing ruined.

I had asked candidates to leave a mobile phone number and when I had completed my shortlist, I went out and bought a cheap, pay-as-you go phone. This would all have to be done by text message. A week later I had made my decision and the 'lucky winner' was notified by text. I say lucky winner. How was I to know he wasn't as terrified as I was?

And terrified I was as I knelt there in the warm, evening air waiting for the sound of the key to turn in the lock. Terrified yes, but I had never been so excited in my entire life.

It was 20 minutes since Tanya had bound my hands behind my back with a cord from my neck to the headboard and had left me there. The cord around my neck was a late addition to the plan. Included at the last minute to make sure I went through with this. So as I kneeled there, the decision to go ahead with it had already been made the minute Tanya had gone out of earshot and could not be called back to untie me. That moment has passed twenty minutes ago

I had made it twenty minutes before the 'appointment' so that there was no chance of her seeing anyone on the way out. Of course there was nothing to stop her waiting around outside until my visitor came, but I trusted her. Just like she trusted me when I told her this was something I had to do. She was not happy. Boy was she not happy, but that is what best friends are for. She had been very businesslike about tying me up, rough even. I suppose she was trying to express her disapproval but all she managed to do was make the knots even tighter. And that was good. Now I couldn't escape, even if I had wanted too.

I had lubricated myself before she had arrived. There are some things even a best friend should not be asked to do. I had also removed as many personal things as I could from the bedroom. What remained was pretty much the bed, the wallpaper and of course me.

And then, the moment arrived. There was no mistaking the sound of the key in the lock. If I had thought my heart couldn't beat any faster it had just proved me wrong. Very wrong! Fantasy had just become reality. I had crossed the line,

"Hello", a voice shouted up the stairs. 'Shit! That was not supposed to happen!' No talking was my rule number one. My excitement turned to anger. He's fucking ruined it. He's fucking ruined it for me and for himself. I struggled to get upright wobbling awkwardly on the soft bed. Game over! Finito. Hasta la vista baby! But Tan's disapproval had imbued my bonds with a strength I could not overcome. Unwittingly she had done her job too well. I praised her and cursed her to hell in the same breath. As I struggled, the footfalls on the stairs got louder, closer and then stopped. He was there, standing in the doorway. I froze. I really froze. I could not move a muscle. I heard his belt being undone as he came towards me. He kneeled on the bed behind me then slowly unzipped himself. The sound of the zip lowering was what did it. I burst into tears and started weeping like a baby. The sound of the zip meant only one thing. It was about to happen. When he heard me weeping he stopped. 'Carry on you fool' I urged silently. 'Don't pity me! Just do it!'

I snuffled back my tears and stopped sobbing. Silence restored, he continued. His pants were now around his knees. That was wrong! He was supposed to take them off completely. He wasn't playing the game properly. First talking and then this. These were my rules he was breaking. Then it hit me with ice-cold clarity. I wasn't in control anymore. I was the one bound and naked. He was the one kneeling behind me with an iron hard erection. He was the one calling the shots now. If he wanted to recite the entire works of Jeffrey Archer he could, and would still be able to fuck me and I wouldn't be able to do a damn thing about it. But then that was what I wanted, wasn't it.

But he chose not to speak. Instead he touched the end of his penis on my anus and left it there. I could feel his hardness and his warmth; He moved it slowly back and forth gently stroking me with it. He was trying to be gentle with me. We were now back on track. After a minute or so of this gentle caressing he stopped with his cock right over the hole. He leaned forward ever so slightly, the weight of his body starting to push him into me. Then he stopped. Waiting for a response from me. Was he doing all right? Was he being gentle enough? I answered him by pushing back against him so that he went in another inch. He responded by withdrawing half an inch, and so it continued. An inch in, half an inch out. His reply (with photo) claimed that he was 8 inches and very thick. I must have had pretty much all of those 8 inches by now and he was very thick. He was stretching me. As the Vaseline coated his cock his strokes became more rapid. I swear there was more than 8 inches inside me now. As yet, I had felt no sexual excitement. He was hurting me despite his best efforts not to. But those efforts were diminishing with every stroke as he got more and more excited. He was now pounding me with all his weight and his breathing was becoming shallow and laboured. It can't be much longer now. And it wasn't. Within a few strokes he was making those noises that men make when they come, but stifle to keep it quiet. I thought he was going to choke. Instead he grabbed hold of my arse even tighter and quivered as he came. The pain was so intense that I thought it was only a matter of time before I passed out. But I didn't. It was a funny pain, like nothing I had experienced before.

He didn't hang around long after that. Just pulled his pants back up, tied his belt then untied me and left. Just walked out of there, cool as a cucumber. This was exactly what I had wanted. As I moved my knees around to get more comfortable I realised I was kneeling in something damp. I had come after all. When the hell did that happen? Was that the 'funny pain' I had felt?

As my heart rate slowed and the pain in my behind lessened, it dawned on me. At last I was free!

"You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow, this opportunity comes once in a lifetime."