Losing Control at the Lake Ch. 05

"Dana, I need you..." he whispered then, and it was like breaking the spell. It was my brother, and what the fuck was I doing...making out with my own brother? Kissing him, pressing up against his cock, my pussy dripping through my panties for my own brother? It was disgusting, I was a disgusting person, it was wrong...and I had never thought of Derek that way. Or hardly ever. But it was...I was...

I pulled away. "Derek, we can't..." I whispered. "Oh, God, we can't. This is wrong, Derek, you're my brother, this is...this is..." I slid off him and backed up to the edge of the bed, pulling a pillow with me, covering myself, suddenly feeling naked even though I was still clothed.

The shock took over the room, and for a minute no one said anything.

Then he sighed, miserably. "I know it's wrong. I know it is."

"You're just horny. And drunk."

"No." He turned on the light then, really jolting me back to reality. My brother, inches away from me. My brother, who just two minutes ago I would have probably fucked like a greedy slut. My heart pounded and I felt sick, the shame overwhelming me. He looked right into my eyes and said, as earnestly as I had ever hear him say anything, his face bright red. "I'm not just horny. And I'm not drunk. I love you and I need you. I don't want to be with any girl but you."

"We can't..." I whispered.

"I know," he whispered back. "But just for that minute, when you let me touch you...that was amazing."

I didn't know what to say.

"Did it...feel good?" he asked shyly. "I mean, if I wasn't your brother and some other guy touched you like that...?"

"It felt incredible," I answered truthfully. "It's not that it didn't feel good, Derek. But it's just so wrong...we just can't..." The enormity of it was hitting me in waves, and I started to cry. "Derek, we're disgusting...we can't do that...we're brother and sister..."

"I know, I know, shhhh, we won't ever again. It's okay." He held me like a brother should now, clumsily and awkwardly.

"Derek, we can never talk about this again. We have to pretend this never happened. Swear to me, Derek, swear to me that this ends right here and we never discuss it again," I sobbed.

"I promise, I promise, shhh..." He stroked my hair while I wept against him.

*****

The night of Jimmy Danforth's party should never have been invoked again. It was like an evil poison, the knowledge of what I had done -- or almost done, or wanted to have done - swirled around in my body and brain just as if I had actually done it. It burned in my veins and sat heavy in my stomach and made me sweaty and nauseous and weak.

But it also gave me leverage and a way to buy Derek's silence. I figured seducing Derek would not be hard and I could go along with whatever I needed to sexually in order to buy freedom -- mine and Jayme's -- forever.

If I was being honest, I had enjoyed Derek touching me. I had buried that, deep, deep down, but if I allowed myself to be completely honest, I had wanted it. I had wanted to fuck my brother. And although it was nothing like earth-shattering feelings when Jayme touched me, it had felt good to have Derek's hands sliding over my body. If I was really being honest, there had been many nights -- before Jayme -- when I had laid in my bed and made myself cum to the memory of that sensation...of Derek's fingers sliding to my pussy, so utterly forbidden and arousing all at the same time.

There had a time about a month or so afterwards when I had vividly imagined the completion, the utter sin of fucking my twin brother. Imagined me not stopping him, but unzipping his khakis, sliding my hand inside, grabbing his dick. Stroking that delicious erection, sliding it between my thighs, not even bothering to remove my panties in the urgency, just pushing them impatiently aside and impaling myself on my brother's cock, and I had cum so hard I'd been left gasping in my bed, chest heaving, cunt clenching, choking back tears from the shame and the overwhelming power of the fantasy. It was the greatest orgasm I'd ever had when masturbating. This wasn't the love I had for Jayme. This was a darker lust, a dirty thing, a path I couldn't go down. I had shut my mind off to it, chalked it up to intense horniness, and closed that door. But now it was perhaps my salvation. And I struggled with what that meant for me, how my head would handle this.

Jayme had made plans to go out with one of his buddies who was in the area for just one night, and my parents were planning to go out with their friends again for the last dinner date of the season. So that meant Derek and I were going to be alone. He seemed happy enough to spend some quality time with me, and I figured this was my golden opportunity.

We ordered a pizza that night and argued for a bit over which movie to watch. I pretended to put up a good fight over watching a dumb action film that I was happy to let Derek select, since no one was watching anything. I dressed as I always did for lounging around the house, but I had showered and shaved and groomed myself. Under the old t-shirt and athletic shorts I wore some of my prettiest panties and a beautiful white lace bra that I knew would look great against my tan skin. The trap was set.

Derek was sitting on the couch and I flopped face down on the floor in front of him, affording him a great view of my ass and bare legs. He pretended not to notice, but I could feel his eyes on me, watching me, following my every move. But I also knew that he would never go against what he thought were my wishes. I had closed the door on him once - painfully, firmly, and without apology. To open it again would be difficult, and although I loved Jayme deeply, I loved Derek, too. I didn't want to hurt him, not for all the world.

Watching the movie, or pretending to watch it, I grew more and more anxious. I had trouble breathing, thinking of purposely seducing my brother for the purpose of continuing my incestuous relationship with my uncle. I was exhilarated and terrified. I kept stealing glances back at him, getting flustered and turning back to the TV. Finally, after about the thousandth glance, he sighed, "Dana, what?"

"Nothing," I murmured sadly, burying my face in my arms.

He paused the DVD player and sat, waiting. "I know what you're doing," he said finally.

"What do you mean?" I tried to play dumb.

"Dana, come on. You're my sister. I know you. You're being weird, and I know why."

"Derek, I just..." I didn't know what to say. Did he really know? I sat up and looked at him. He looked tired and sad and...like he knew.

I climbed onto the couch next to him and he stretched out his arm and cuddled me into the crook, squeezing me against him.

"I'm not telling anyone," he said finally. "I was never going to tell Mom and Dad."

"You weren't?"

He laughed. "Ok, that's so awkward! I'm going to sit Mom and Dad down and tell them I stumbled across you and Uncle Jayme having sex? I never want to discuss sex with Mom and Dad ever, let alone mention you."

I was so relieved. "I was so sure you were going to tell them."

"Obviously," he replied drily. "Which is why you were going to try to have a big heart-to-heart with me to talk me out of it."

"What?" He didn't know. I had given him too much credit. I looked up at him, searching his face to see if he was serious, but he was. I was even more ashamed.

"You're right," I whispered. "That's exactly what I was going to do." And I snuggled back into the crook of his arm, relieved and strangely sad, all at the same time.