Losing Control in the Office Ch. 01

I was dizzy, and I couldn't think, and I felt totally drained, sexually and physically. I just sat there for a while, collecting my thoughts.

So apparently, everything that occurred at lunch was indeed deliberate, and she was flirting with me ... or toying with me ... or seducing me ... or _something_.

I couldn't believe that a young, beautiful woman would desire a man like me who is so much older ... especially since we didn't know each other at all. Plus, her actions just now didn't seem to be driven by desire, but by something else that I couldn't quite put my finger on. And the fact that I'm someone with power and authority over her in this company made it seem obvious that she probably was going to want something in return for what she gave me. Probably some sort of preferential treatment, maybe a raise. Who knows? In any case, I was loath to give her anything.

And this is very risky business! If any of this were to get out to my co-workers or bosses, or to Human Resources, my ass would be grass here! I felt nervous and scared when I contemplated that.

To complicate matters, I really liked what she did to me. No, I absolutely _loved_ it! The way she looked, the way she acted, the way she teased and manipulated me, the way she talked dirty to me, and the things she did to me were all right out of my hottest, most delicious sexual fantasies. I felt myself wanting more. That show she gave me with her fingers and her mouth made me want her to suck my cock. And that orgasm was so good, so intense, so satisfyingly draining, that I already was wanting to do this again with her as soon as possible.

But I couldn't! My whole world would come crashing down if I gave her anything and got caught, or if any of this ever leaked out!

I picked myself up and started getting ready to leave. The wetness in my undershorts was a bit uncomfortable, but for some reason, I felt myself wanting to heed her words and keep wearing them. I was aware that giving in to her wishes like this was a dangerous precedent, but my desire to feel this warm, wet reminder of her was stronger, and I didn't care.

All this kept going through my mind on the way home. As I sat in the train, I was aware of my semen becoming sticky and slowly drying in my undershorts. I felt them stuck to my penis. And I confess that it gave me a secret thrill to be feeling this in public without anyone else being aware ... except Cristina Rodriguez, of course. I felt sure that she knew exactly what I was experiencing now, and this made me feel a strange kind of erotic attraction towards her which both scared me and very much excited me.

Now that I'm home, I've spent the last hour or so writing this in my journal. I was hoping that this would help me to make sense of the day and of the contradictory thoughts and feelings I'm experiencing, but now that I've written all this down, I still feel just as conflicted as before.

Shit! What should I do? I want to escape ... to quit my job and run away. Even though I'd lose my good income and my comfortable life, that might be preferable to having to deal with her and the related conflicts and consequences at work.

On the other hand, I want Cristina Rodriguez. I want her more than I've wanted to have sex with any other woman. My undershorts are still stuck to my penis. Maybe I'll keep them on all night in bed.

I'm starting to get hard again as I feel those sensations and think about her and everything that she did to me today.

I don't know what to do.

I'm so confused!