Lost & Found Ch. 01

I opened my fly and released my straining erection and shoved into him with one swift, hard thrust. I was overwhelmed with the need to take him. I needed him to whimper and be helpless. I was an animal and lost to the sensations as I pounded into him. He was moaning and groaning with each thrust. I reached around him and rubbed his shaft through his underwear. I wanted him to cum. I needed him to lose it. I didn’t understand what I was feeling, but I needed it. I became an animal rutting against his mate; using my cock to boldly tell the world that this was mine.

He was beyond grunting now, just panting heavily. I bit his back as I pumped, harder and faster. I felt him clamp around my shaft as he came. He spurted into my hand through his underwear and called out my name. I thrust a few more times before I exploded into him. The sound of Brian calling out my name as he climaxes always causes me to cum. After my cock stopped spurting, I collapsed against the wall, sliding down until I was sitting, panting and trembling. Guilt overcame me, I knew I had hurt Brian, forced him into having sex and forcing him to cum fast and hard. My God, I had raped him. I had never known this driving force and had been powerless against it; but it was no excuse. I was devastated; I thought for sure it was all over. Covering my eyes with my arm, I trembled while the tears slowly came.

I heard his keys jangle as he pulled his jeans up. I became hard again hearing him button his fly and the shifting of his shirt. I had just ruined the best thing that had ever happened to me and I got hard hearing him put on his clothes after fucking him. I hoped he would leave rather than yell or scream. His knee popped as he knelt beside me, he touched my hand. I lost it. I clung to him and started crying. Repeating over and over how sorry I was. “I’m so, so sorry, Brian.”

He pulled me away from him and looked at me; he looked confused. “Why are you sorry? My legs are trembling. It was wonderful.”

“Brian, I forced you. I took you against your desk. I… I raped you.”

He chuckled then saw my pain and confusion and grew misty-eyed before hugging me close. His voice cracked as he told me, “Simon, I forget how innocent you are sometimes.”

He stroked my hair and soothed me with soft murmurs of love. “Simon, look at me.” He commanded and I raised my eyes to his. He cupped my face in his hands and rubbed his thumbs under my eyes to wipe away the tears.

“Simon, I am bigger and stronger than you. You could never force me to do anything. Do you have any idea how good you make me feel? How attractive I feel right now?” I shook my head at him.

“You needed me so badly, wanted me so much, that you came into the office and took me against my desk. Anyone could have walked in and seen us, and you didn’t care. You needed me. We spent the weekend discovering ourselves and our bodies.” His smile was big and bright, his eyes shone with love. “You needed me and I need you. When we love, we can be slow and steady or fast and furious. I love you so much.”

I curled against him and kissed him the kiss we should have shared. Happy, we kissed for a few more minutes. He pulled away and smiled at me, ruffling my hair.

“I’m a mess. Thank God I keep extra clothes here. I need to go downtown to the office for a meeting. We will have to do some of my rough and ready fantasies when I get home tonight.” He took off his clothes, going to the desk and removing his spares. He looked at his sticky underwear and laughed. He simply went without. He walked to me with his underwear in his hands and shoved them into my pocket, telling me to think of him until later when we could try out his fantasies.

I wanted to ask, but knew that since I had surprised him, he could surprise me later. The day was a wash for me. I couldn’t focus on anything but what Brian and I had shared the last few days. About three, the foreman sent me home until I could get me head on straight. I went out to the pool once I got home and stripped before diving into the cool, refreshing water. I was floating on my back, wondering at how my life had changed so much that I could enjoy swimming and being naked again, when Brian found me. My ears were below the water so I didn’t hear him at first. But I saw his shadow as he got ready to dive in. He broke the water as I stood up and surfaced right in front of me. He kissed me and slid his hand into my hair, pulling my head back and slurping and biting hard at my throat. I felt him hard against my belly and I instantly sprang to attention. He grabbed my arms and dragged me to the stairs, laying me against them and covering me with his body. He hooked his arms under my knees and pulled me closer to his hips. He thrust his cock to the hilt inside me and began to thrust hard against me.

The water sloshed around us, over my mouth and eyes. I felt him speed up and knew it wouldn’t be much longer before he came inside me. I was powerless against his thrusts and knew how Brian had felt this morning against his desk. Thinking of how much power I had given to him I instinctively knew he wouldn’t hurt me. It turned me on beyond imagining. He bit down on my shoulder and I came against his belly just as he stopped his thrusts and spurted deep inside me.

“Welcome home, Brian.” He laughed and kissed me. We went inside and had dinner. He told me that the foreman had called him and let Brian know I was acting oddly. Brian decided then and there that we needed some time away from work to calm ourselves. But he didn’t think it would work. He laughed and told me he thought we would still be hot for each other when we were eighty, we would be a little arthritic to go at it like we had been. He told me we were off for the next two weeks and asked me if I wanted to go somewhere. I told him how much I missed my father and would really like to go see him. He called the airlines and we were on our way in the morning to Oregon and home. We sat in the front of the plane. Both of us being so tall, he said the expense was worth it to fly first class. He almost talked me into escorting him into the bathroom to join the mile high club. I instead promised him a surprise when he least expected it.

We rented a car and drove to my old home. I wasn’t really nervous, just apprehensive, hoping I wouldn’t panic like I had been. As we pulled into my dad’s driveway, I forgot to be anything but happy to see my dad again. I had always just walked in, but now, I didn’t know what to do. I was saved when the door opened and there stood dad. He hadn’t changed at all. He was about my height and had the same golden hair that I did. I was a bit stronger and heavier, but we were a lot alike. He sputtered in surprise before grabbing me in a big bear hug, lifting me off the ground. He pulled me into the house and had us both sit down. We quickly caught up; all the while he kept reaching out to me, touching me as if to confirm I was really there. I got up to fix dinner for the three of us. While chopping vegetables, I heard dad grill Brian. I was embarrassed at first, then pleased when I realized that they were both very serious about the questions and answers.

That night, Brian and I crawled into my old bed. I had slept naked since Brian and I had gotten together, even though it had only been a few days. But in my old home, I couldn’t. Brian somehow knew that I was unsure of what to do and he pulled me to him on the bed. I had only taken off my jeans and socks and he was in his BVDs. He kissed me slowly, stroking my cheek with his hand. He pulled back from the kiss and wrapped me in his arms, spooning behind me and stroking my chest lightly until I relaxed. I drifted off and didn’t dream.

I woke up a little after dawn and I smelled coffee. I untangled myself from Brian’s embrace, and sought out the heavenly aroma. I walked into the kitchen and the last seven years vanished. There was dad, dressed for work, reading the paper, sipping coffee. I had walked into the kitchen to see this more times than I could count. I felt then that my running was a waste. I had missed him so much. My throat was tight as I grabbed a mug and sat across from my dad. He looked up at me and smiled.

“When your mom and I brought you home from the hospital, every night since then, I wondered at the miracle I had been given. I would check in on you and watch you sleep for more nights than I didn’t. I even poked my head in your room a few times after you were gone.” My face must have fallen; guilt overwhelmed me.

“Simon, you did what you had to do. You were dealt something so beyond your coping skills, you did the only thing you could. I’ve missed you every day that you were gone, but I knew it was the right choice. As long as you called every week, which you did, I still had my miracle.”

Tears had welled up in my eyes. I had missed him so much. For every excuse or apology I tried, he shut me down.

“I didn’t say that to hurt you. I admit I peeked in on you last night. Does he always hold you?” At my nod, he smiled. “He held you like you were precious to him, someone to protect and cherish.”

It felt good to see him smile; he had done so little smiling before I left. He told me that he was going to take the rest of the week off. He got up to rinse out his mug. He turned to me and I knew he wanted to ask a question. I told him to go ahead and ask.

“Brian told me that the both of you were new to this and were unsure of how to go forward. What did he mean by ‘new to this’?”

“Dad, Brian was married for almost seven years, he and his wife ended very badly about six months ago. We are each others’ second lovers.”

“All that time, Simon. Alone?” To that I nodded. “No one to hold you, cherish you, love you?” I shook my head. “Oh, Simon. Your mom and I always wanted you to be happy. We didn’t want you to be alone.”

“I’m not alone, not anymore.” He walked up to me and held me for a moment. When he pulled away from me, he wiped his eyes and told me he would be home later.

After dad had gone, I went to shower and get dressed. When I was done in the shower, I was just stepping out when Brian came in. He smiled and grabbed me, surrounding me in a huge bear hug. He set me down and stripped off his underwear before hopping in the shower. I knew he took really long showers, so I got out of there to let him get to it. I wrapped my old robe around me and was heading to my room to get dressed when I heard the doorbell. I went down the stairs, distracted by thoughts of dad’s conversation and opened the door wide. My heart stopped for a moment before thundering to life again. Jason stood in front of me.

He hadn’t changed much. He was still dark and handsome. His black hair was cropped short, almost militaristically. He sported a goatee and moustache and was wearing faded, worn jeans and a shirt under a leather jacket. He took off his sunglasses and there were his ice blue eyes, staring at me. I was transported back to the old gym and locker room. He had that same intense look about him. Only now, he was stronger than before. I was taller by about 6 inches, but he was undoubtedly stronger. The room started spinning, the walls disappearing and being replaced with lockers and steam. I don’t know how I kept from curling into a ball and screaming. He smiled at me before stepping forward, as if to hug me; warm and caring.

“Simon, its good to see you.”

“Jason, what are you doing here?”

“I came to see you. To tell you some things.”

“Jason, please, I . . . “

“I love you. I couldn’t tell you before. My dad he just, he just didn’t understand. I wanted you, wanted to be with you, but I knew he wouldn’t understand. But now, we can. I love you and want to be with you.”

For the first time in over seven years, I got angry at what had happened. It is amazing what a little anger will do to panic. It makes it go away; amplifying the anger. “You love me? How can you possible think that is a welcome declaration?”

He looked confused. “But, I do. I need you, I thought you would be happy.”

“Happy? Do you have any idea how much you hurt me? How long it took me to recover? How terrified I have been?”

He smiled at me again. “I didn’t mean to hurt you when I sent you away the morning after we were together. I wanted to bring you inside and tell mom and dad how much I loved you. We can now. I was punished for not telling the truth, now we can be honest and together.”

I realized then that Jason was not all there. He was either desperately mad, or else blocking out the memory of the gym. “Do you know why you were in jail?”

“Yeah, I was bad. Mom told me I was guilty, but I don’t remember what I did.”

I needed to be cruel at that moment. Needed to give him the same pain as he had given to me. I opened the robe and dropped it. He smiled at first, moving forward as if to embrace me. Then he saw the scars. He looked up at me with questions in his eyes. I then turned from him, so he could see my back. He looked at those scars as well. Then I dropped my underwear. He gasped as he saw the brand he had given me. The word so horribly etched into my flesh. I wrapped my robe back around me and turned around again. Jason was on the verge of tears.

“I had horrible nightmares while in jail; of you. Of you being hurt; blood everywhere. I thought they were dreams. I thought they were lies that the police told me to scare me.”

Jason seemed very small at that moment. Then he collapsed against the wall and started to cry; huge, gut-wrenching sobs that could have woken the dead. At that moment, Brian came rushing into the room, a towel wrapped low and loose on his hips. He walked right to me and took me in his arms; wrapping me in security. Jason looked up then and stopped crying.

“I should go. I …”

“Jason, please leave. Don’t come back, don’t call, and don’t write. Leave my father alone.”

I saw something die in Jason’s eyes. I think then he learned that he had killed something fragile. He also seemed to realize that he couldn’t repair something so utterly destroyed. He stood up and walked to the door. He turned to me and told me he hoped I would be happy. He shut the door behind him and walked away. I turned fully into Brian and held on with all my might.

He held me just as tightly, murmured into my hair and stroked my back. He helped me upstairs and laid me on the bed. He didn’t talk and didn’t ask; he just held. That was when the tears came. I realized at that moment that I hadn’t cried about anything except Brian since my mom died. I hadn’t grieved for what had happened to me. I hadn’t cried at the pain, both physical and emotional. I sobbed for a long time and all the while, Brian held me and stroked my back, kissing me gently on the head from time to time.

My dad came home early and found us in my room, on my bed. I was still crying. He didn’t ask either. He slipped off his shoes and crawled behind me and wrapped his arms around the both of us. I looked up and saw Brian look at my dad. The look was filled with so much emotion: fear, concern, gratitude that my father had come home to share the burden and that he was included in my dad’s comfort, but most of all, love, extreme and abiding for me.

I must have fallen asleep because I woke up alone in the bed. It was dark and I knew that I had slept the day away. It had been really early when Jason came by. I didn’t know when dad came home. I heard them talking outside the door before it opened. I saw dad embrace Brian and thank him for loving me so much.

Brian shut the door and pulled off his shirt and jeans before crawling into bed beside me. He didn’t pull me to him; just relaxed on his back in his underwear. I waited until his breathing evened out and I knew he was asleep. I got up and crept out of my room. I saw the clock in the hall on my way to the bathroom. It was after 11PM. I took a shower, washing away the tears and the grime of the day. The warm water soothed me; and as the water streamed down my back, over my shoulders, the fears started going with it. I no longer needed to fear Jason; I no longer needed to feel ashamed or lost. I had love and warmth. I knew what I needed… no… wanted to do.

I crept back into my room, staring at Brian’s prone form. I knew. I planted my knee at the foot of the bed. I noticed the whirl of hair on his calf, dark and thick, trailing up his legs, disappearing into his stark white briefs. He was such a large man. His shoulders so incredibly broad and waist so narrow; he was a muscular, strong man who loved me. I lowered my chest between his thighs. My armpits hooked lightly over each thigh. I trailed my hands over his thighs and raised them to the waistband of his briefs. I pulled them slowly off him, raising myself to accommodate their removal. He started to stir and I placed my hand on his stomach and stroked it lightly. My fingers pulled on the hair covering his abdominal muscles. His skin erupted in goose bumps and he started to thicken below my chin. He stood at attention quickly and I realized that he was huge: long, thick, and proud. With my hands on him before, I knew we were about the same size, him a little thicker, and me a little longer. But when you had your eyes just a few inches from heaven, your perspective changes. I lowered my head and ran my tongue between his slit and the flared beginning of his crown’s underside. Flicking it back and forth quickly. I heard Brian sigh. I ran my tongue all around the flare of his head, lap after lap until he started to leak his clear fluid. I then tried to enter his slit with my tongue, lapping his essence, branding his taste on my memory. His large head was glistening, dripping with his juices and my saliva. I knew it was time. I pursed my lips and dove down, forcing him in me entirely until my nose ground into his pubic hair.

He bucked against me but quickly calmed himself. I loved it when he allowed me to completely pleasure him, lying back passively. It happened on his desk in the trailer, he was none of it; I did it all. With him buried deeply in my throat, I slowly shook my head as if saying no, but the slight movement, caused his engorged and sensitized underside to rub against my tongue. Brian cried out softly. I then raised my head to about halfway. I swirled my tongue around him and sucked hard once before releasing my suction. I opened my mouth just enough to breath out. I sucked in air and fluffed warm air around his shaft. He moaned again. I resealed my lips and started moving up and down. As I moved, I took my hands and rubbed his stomach back and forth with the same rhythm as I bobbed my head. After a few moments, he was beyond any other sounds but fast panting. I looked up and met his eyes, they were black and glassy; he was lost. Somehow I knew if I sped up my movements he would cum, if I changed the suction, anything at all, he would trip over the edge. I didn’t. I wanted him writhing, on edge, until he couldn’t hold off anymore. I watched as he clenched his jaw and tilted his head back and grabbed the edges of the bed. He had the edges of the mattress lifted in his strong grip and I knew he was going to take over if I didn’t end it soon. With some regret that it would be over, I dove down to the base again and shook my head rapidly once there. I felt him thicken and stiffen in my mouth before he exploded. He was silent while he came, his mouth open but no sound came out. I pulled back a little to allow me to breath. I reveled at the feel of his shaft twitching with each spurt of his warm juice. His taste was sweet and thick. When the last of his spasms stopped, he collapsed his rigid hold on the mattress and completely relaxed. I bobbed a few more times on him to clean him up, taking the last of his cum from him. I rose off him and watched his shaft collapse against his belly. I rested my head over his belly button. He was trembling below me.