Lost in the Wind Ch. 02

This is the story of how Cassy met her Master and the events that led to him to send her to the clinic in the series "Finding Home." If you have not already read "Finding Home", I would encourage you to read those stories as well. Enjoy. Xantu.

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

In the cab Cassy's mind was a kaleidescope of images and feelings. What did he mean? What did he want? He said he desired her, but what did he desire? The books were awash with violence and sex. Did he mean he would spank her, whip her? Would there be endless punishments without reason? And would he use her sexually with that same careless disregard? He said he would not take that she had to give, that she had to plead with him to accept her power. The images in her mind were compelling... terrifying... irresistible.

He said it was her decision. Cassy knew that if she did not find a way to escape her bleak existence the bridge would call her again.

She became aware that her hand was in her mouth, her tongue exploring the ragged edges of her nail. A thought electrified her. It would be his fingernail. She jerked her hand from her mouth. In that instant, she knew what her decision would be.

Cassy looked at herself in the small dirty mirror. The blue satin top draped softly over her breasts. A wave of nervous shyness swept over her.

Her eyes slid from the mirror and slowly looked around the tiny apartment. It was just a single room with a tiny bathroom attached. A mattress with a tangled nest of dirty blankets lay in one corner. Empty Coke cans and discarded clothing littered the floor. The few dishes she owned sat unwashed, soaking in cold gray water in the small sink.

Cassy wondered idly if she would ever see this place again. She hoped not. There was nothing here she wanted. She would rather go to the bridge and give herself to the wind.

She pushed a few books into her back pack. She would sell these back to the store. Once more she caught sight of herself in the mirror. The shimmer of the of the satin top out of place in this ugly lonely place. She hunched her bare shoulders, feeling exposed and vulnerable. She sighed and pulled a uniform polo from work over her head. She would take it off when she took the band aids from her finger tips.

Cassy did not read on the way to Mr. Landauer's this time. She found herself looking at the houses, the stores, the people. She felt like she was leaving all this behind. Her emotions felt curiously muted, not happy or regretful, only a mild feeling of curiosity. It was like she was seeing all this for the first and last time.

As the town and its restless energy fell away, it was like she was shedding her past. Already the people, the bookstore, her apartment were fading into shadows in her mind. Only the bridge stood bright and solid in her memory.

As the cab pulled into the long drive Cassy began to discard the band aids from her fingertips one by one, dropping them onto the floor of the car. Last she pulled the shirt off dropped it in a wadded ball among the bits of plastic.

This time she did not hesitate as she walked up to the door. It still loomed above her, still seeming to grow taller as she approached but today it was a portal to a new world, a single step across that threshold and she would be lost just as surely as if she had given into the embrace of the wind.

Once more the door opened almost before she could knock. He stood there silhouetted it the soft light from the rooms behind him. She could feel his eyes on her, reading her, peering into her mind.

"Have you made a decision?"

Cassy nodded.

He stepped back and gestured for her to enter. Cassy felt her heart lurch as she stepped into the house.

"Leave your backpack here." She hung her bag on a hook in the hall closet.

There was no chair or pillow in the library, only his chair. Cassy cast a nervous eye around the room and then stood still waiting.

"So tell me what you have decided."

Cassy's voice was trembling. She tried to speak up and it felt like she was almost yelling but all she could hear was a whisper. "Please, I need to be owned by you. I need to surrender."

"What have you to offer?"

Cassy felt a shiver of confusion and fear. She had nothing. She felt like she was transparent, a ghost, a wisp of smoke on the wind.

"Offer?"

His voice was impatient. "Yes, offer. What do you offer in exchange for my trouble."

"I have nothing."

"Then go." His voice was flat and rejecting.

Cassy felt a wave of terror. She fell to her knees. Her voice quavered, "I can't. I can't. Please take me. I want to be something, something else."

"Would you give me everything?"

"Yes, everything."

"I would take it. I would take you and strip you bare, strip you to your soul and I would take that too."

"Yes." The word a breath on her lips.

He prowled around her, his eyes devouring her. "Every part of you would be mine. I would tear you to pieces little girl. I would take you apart and reassemble you."

"Oh yes."

"Stay there. Don't move" He walked out of the room. He left her alone for what seemed a long time.

Cassy became aware of her body. She was breathing in short nervous gasps, her heart racing. Long nervous shivers were shaking her. Gradually her breathing eased and her heart slowed. Her knees and legs were aching from kneeling.

She could see him as he came to stand in the door of the library. Almost instantly her heart was racing again. A long shiver shook her. He moved to stand in front of her and knelt down looking close at her face.

"What is it you are so afraid of child?"

"I am afraid of emptiness."

"Emptiness?" His voice was surprised.

"I have always been so empty, alone, meaningless, anonymous, filled with nothingness. I have been so lost. All I had left was the bridge and the wind. You are the only light left in the night. Please don't send me away."

He reached up and touched her face, his fingers tracing her features. He stroked his finger tip across her eyelids, pushing them down. "Close your eyes child. Close them and leave them closed."

His voice was soft and deep, so close she could feel his breath on her face. "There will only be obedience."

She could feel his fingers tangle in her hair. "Whose hair is this?"

"Everything is yours."

"You give me your hair?"

"I give you everything."

He moved to stand behind her, his hand tightening in her hair, forcing her to lean back, her face turned up to the ceiling. "Don't move." Something cold and sharp traced along her shoulder and along her neck. Cassy flinched and let out a soft mew of terror but she did not open her eyes.

He took a single lock of her hair in his fingers and pulled it tight. Cassy could not help reaching up when she heard the distinctive sound of scissors shearing through hair and the pull released suddenly. He was cutting off her hair. She strangled down a whimper of despair but she did not open her eyes. She could not stop the tears that squeezed out from under her lids and rolled down her temples.

"Put your hand down. Put your hands behind your back and clasp them together." Cassy obediently moved her hands behind her and meshed her fingers together, clenching them tightly.

She felt him pull up another handful of hair and again the sound of cutting. She felt the tickle of hair falling down her bare arms. Still she did not open her eyes.

Over and over he cut her hair. By the time he had finished she had stopped crying. She knelt quiet on her knees, her head tipped up, her face wet with tears.

"You have done very well, better than I would have expected. Open your eyes child and look at me."

It took a second for Cassy to force her eyes to open. She blinked but did not move. She struggled to focus. His face was inches from hers, his glasses dark and mysterious, concealing his eyes from her.

"Touch your head."

Cassy untangled her fingers and brought a trembling hand to her hair. Her eyes widened in surprise. Her hair was unchanged.

"It was tempting to really cut it but that would have been unattractive. It was a test of your surrender, a test to see if you were truly willing to let go of everything. You did very well."

Cassy felt a rush of happiness. A tiny smile quivered on her lips.

"Stand up."

Her legs were almost completely numb. She had to put her hands on the floor to help herself to stand. She swayed as a wave of dizziness shook her. She clenched her teeth as the feeling came back into her legs, using the waves of agony to focus.

He waited until she was calm and still. "You will get more used to kneeling. While you are here, I will require you to wear no clothing. Take off all your clothing and stand with your hands behind your back."

Cassy had known this was coming. In many ways it was easier than the the kneeling, far easier than the talking. She slipped off the satin top and dropped it at her feet. She could feel her face turning red. Cassy could not remember ever being naked in front of another person. She silently repeated to herself. "There will only be obedience... obey... obey." Her hands shook as she pushed down her skirt and pantie hose.

She hooked her thumbs in her plain white cotton panties and hesitated as a wave of nervous fear shook her. She closed her eyes and repeated inside her head, "Obey, obey." She opened her eyes and stared fixedly at the pile of clothes at her feet as she pushed them down and stepped out of them. She clasped her hands behind her, her eyes on the floor, once more shaking with shivers of nervous tension.

"That wasn't so bad was it." He walked around her slowly, appraising. "You are very small, but pretty. Everything in proportion. Yes very pretty."

Suddenly his voice took a sharp edge. "If you want to stay, you will walk out to the cab and tell him that you are staying. Tell him, he can go."

Cassy's eyes flashed to his face, her mouth opened and shut. She could feel his eyes on her, measuring, assessing. Her shoulders hunched up around her ears and her head dropped. She turned and walked to the door. She stopped and took a deep breath, a long shudder shook her.

Cassy pushed the door open and wrapped her arms around her chest and trotted out to the cab. The driver was laying back and had his hat over his eyes.

Cassy shivered with nerves and the cold night air. Taking another deep breath she rapped sharply on his window. He pushed back his hat and peered out the window. His eyes bugged out as he realized she was naked. Suddenly cautious he looked around the cab and rolled his window down a crack.

"You OK lady? You want I should call the cops?"

"No, No... Don't call the police. I just came out to tell you that I won't need a ride home. You can go."

"Why you buck naked?"

"Um... he dared me to. Its just a game."

The cab driver shook his head. "You see all kinds of crazy shit on this job." He started his engine and drove away.

Cassy darted back up the walk to the house. Just as quickly she skidded to a halt when she saw him standing in the doorway watching. She forced herself to lower her arms and walk up to him.

"Was that so hard?"

Cassy nodded.

"Why?"

Cassy began to speak in her habitual whisper.

"Stop it." His voice cracked sharp and angry. "Stop this nervous whispering. When I ask you a question you will answer in a normal tone of voice." He went back to his cool neutral tone. "Now answer the question."

It took a couple of seconds for Cassy to remember what he had asked. Forcing herself to speak up she answered, "I don't like people to look at me."

"Do you mean when you are naked?"

Cassy looked at him a puzzled look on her face. "No, um... I guess when I am naked too... its just, nobody has seen me naked before today... so... um... I mean..."

He interrupted her stammers, "What do you mean nobody had seen you naked?" His voice was disbelieving.

Cassy looked thoughtful. "At the foster homes it was against the rules to be out of your room without clothes on. Everybody always changed in the bathroom..."

Again he interrupted her. This time his voice was impatient and angry. "I am the first person you have been naked with?"

Cassy nodded.

"You didn't take off you clothes when you fucked?"

Cassy was shivering from standing so long naked on the front porch. "N... no sir. Um... no, not that... um... I haven't f... fucked... anybody sir."

"Fucking son of bitch. Give me one good reason why I shouldn't call that cab back and throw your ass out of here."

Cassy fell to her knees. For the first time audible sobs shaking her. "Please sir. I'm sorry. Don't send me away. I will learn. I will try hard. I will obey." Her voice was becoming increasingly hysterical.

He barked, "Shut up, shut the fuck up. I need to think." He looked down at her, sobbing silently and shivering in the night air. "Get in here." He spun on his heel and led her back to the library. "Kneel."

Cassy dropped to her knees and clasped her hands behind her back, still shaking with stifled sobs.

He paced back and forth in the library lost in thought. Finally he stopped and stood in front of her. "OK, a virgin. A fucking virgin. I should have seen this coming." He rubbed his eyes and sighed. "OK, change of plans. This is the rule. I will not fuck you until I am sure this is working out. I don't want to be responsible for that until we are sure that you will be staying."

"Follow me." He led her to a narrow steep staircase leading down. It made a sharp turn and led into a basement. "Careful, these stairs are a bitch. It was nearly impossible to get my weight lifting benches down here. I couldn't have done it without..." He stopped without finishing the sentence.

He turned on some lights. Cassy could see that most of the basement was one open room with a couple of doors in the far end. In the center of the room sat two weight lifting benches with a large rack of free weights against one wall. A couple of thick wrestling style exercise mats lay on the floor next to the benches.

He led her to the pair of doors. "This will be your room." He opened the door revealing a medium sized room empty except for a gym mat on the floor and a stack of brightly colored blankets and pillows. "I don't think I could get a mattress down those stairs, but if you want, I guess I could get someone to build a bed."

"Over here is your bathroom." He opened the second door revealing a big utility room. A washer and dryer stood in one corner. "We had to tear a hole in the floor to get those in here. I sure as hell don't want to go through that again." Behind a privacy screen was a toilet, sink, and shower.

He turned her to face him. "Listen carefully. If I tell you to go to your room, I expect you will get your ass in there like the hounds of hell are after you, because they very well may be. I will never go into your room. It is your safety zone. I warn you though, do not abuse it. So for now go to your room. We will talk in the morning."

Cassy scooted into her room and stood looking out at him. He nodded. "You are free to use the bathroom but you are to return to your room immediately."

When he left the basement he turned the lights out in the big room. Cassy left her light on and wrapped up in the soft blankets. They were obviously new and a rainbow of beautiful jewel tones.

Cassy snuggled down in her nest of blankets and pillows, her mind busy with questions. She had thought he would be pleased she was a virgin. Always in books, an intact hymen was a priceless gift. Instead he was clearly angry, almost repulsed. The things he had done confused her. The endless kneeling, the hair thing, forcing her to expose herself to the cab driver had her mind spinning. She had expected lurid scenes of whips and rape.

From the house above she heard the floor creak and then distant and clear, piano. Primitive rhythms, heavy crashing chords, and haunting minor keys all blended and resonated through the wood and stone of the old carriage house. Cassy could see him in her minds eye, leaning over the piano, his hands pounding, his fingers straining on the keys.

Cassy woke to the sounds of clanking metal. She stretched and rubbed her eyes. She crept to her door and peeked out. He sat on one of the benches with a barbell in his hand, carefully lifting and lowering, his muscles tensing and sliding under his ivory skin. He wore no shirt and Cassy could see his lean sculpted form.

"Good morning child." His voice was soft and neutral.

Cassy forced her voice to match his volume. "Good morning sir."

"Go take a shower."

Cassy turned to go and his voice cracked. "Stop!"

She froze and then turned back, her eyes wide with confusion.

"When I tell you to do something. I will expect you to acknowledge that by saying 'yes Sir'.

Cassy nodded. "Yes Sir."

"OK, go on."

"Yes sir." She hurried into the bathroom, more than a little nervous that she would do something else wrong.

When she stepped from the shower, he was there watching, leaning against the sink. Cassy stopped and stood still, her eyes dropping to the floor. It seemed like she was becoming increasingly uncertain. She could feel the water dripping from her hair and trickling cold down her body, a little shiver shook her.

"Dry off, child."

"Yes Sir." She carefully rubbed the towel on her hair and body.

"Did you shave?"

"Yes Sir, my legs and my armpits."

"At some point I will show you how I want you to shave your cunt hair, but leave it natural for now. Did you brush your teeth?"

"Um, not yet Sir. Is there a toothbrush for me?"

"Over here in his cupboard, you will find personal hygiene stuff. If there is anything special you need tell me. I have groceries delivered a couple times a week."

Cassy looked in the cupboard. Inside were a couple of different toothbrushes new in their packages, toothpaste, floss, comb and brush, deodorant, extra razors, nail files and even some tampons.

"Thank you Sir." She got out a toothbrush and toothpaste and casting a nervous eye at him she began to brush her teeth. His constant scrutiny was making her very self conscience. She tried to hurry and do a good job all at the same time.

She put the toothbrush and toothpaste back neatly in the cupboard and flashing a nervous glance at his face she picked up the comb and began to comb out her hair.

"You look scared to death all the time. Am I that scary?"

Again Cassy glanced up at him, her uncertainty written on her face. "Sometimes, Sir. But mostly I just don't know what you want. I think I am afraid of making mistakes."

"Come up and we will get something to eat. After breakfast we will talk."

"Yes Sir."

He pointed for her to sit at the table in the kitchen. He began to get out some things from a cupboard. "Can you cook?"

"No Sir."

"What did you eat?"

"Ramen."

"Only Ramen?"

"Yes Sir, Ramen and diet Coke."

"My god, how did you expect to survive alive eating like that?"

"I guess I never thought about it, Sir. Food never interested me that much."

"That is probably just as well. I am not much of a cook myself." He got out a blender and began to measure some powder into it and poured milk over it. He spooned in some peanut butter and peeled a banana and dropped it in. Last he cracked a raw egg and dropped it in. He blended it up and poured a tall glass full of the thick drink.

"Protein and vitamins, it ought to be a shock to your system. Drink up." He turned and began to make a second one for himself.

"Yes Sir." Cassy tasted it. She did not like it very much. She took a deep breath and drank it down, trying to hide the little shudder of disgust.

He drank his directly from the blender pitcher. "OK first rule of the kitchen. I cook, you clean."

"Yes Sir. I will do my best sir."

He left the pitcher on the counter and sat at the table. Cassy got up and rinsed the dirty dishes and put it in the dishwasher. She wiped the counter top off and the table.