Lost Lover Ch. 02: The Cursebydegrepski©
The similarities between my characters and any real person is, in fact, intentional. These are stories about people and things that really happened to me. To some, they will seem quite tame. To others, they will seem the height of the Erotic. But I believe that a true story beats a fantasy any day.
And if you should recognize yourself in these stories, then you should know that I hold you in a very special place in my heart. It was not coincidence that I chose the title "Lost Lovers" instead of "Notches in my Bedpost".
Rate and comment at will!
NOTE: The story you are about to read is extremely dark in nature, hence it's location. In no way do I advocate sexual intercourse without due consent. In my eyes, it is one of the most evil acts that can be perpetrated by a human being.
This next chapter in my life has to be one of the darkest and most shameful days of my existence. To this day, I still have been unable to forgive myself from the unspeakable horror which I almost caused. Thankfully, this story does have a happy ending, to my utter amazement.
During my time at Christopher Newport University, I struggled. The classes weren't hard, it was just that I didn't care. I didn't have the drive to get out of bed and do the things needed to survive. This incurable lack of care would be cured many years later. I wish that it had come sooner, but that's life.
Eventually, I was unable to continue in school, as my finances were a shambles, my grades were extremely poor, and life was not going well for me. The only bright spot in my life was Nicole.
We'd been together almost 6 months since we first met. In that time, we had our differences, our arguments, but worked through them like any normal couple should. And we had sex. Lots of sex.
Before losing my virginity to her at the age of 18, I'd had no idea what I had been missing. It was so easy to get lost in the swirl of emotions and pleasure that being with someone you loved and cared for could bring. More than likely, I probably got a little too lost in it.
As my grades dropped, my money trickled out, and, really, I didn't want to be there anymore, it was agreed that I would leave college and go back home with my family. Problem was, my family had moved to Germany during the semester and a half that I was away. Which would me my long distance relationship with Nicole would be an international one.
For the first month or so, we really tried. Talking on instant messengers (skype hadn't been invented just yet), having sexy phone conversations, we worked hard. But my libido had kicked in. And masturbating to the things we had shared and our conversations wasn't cutting it. It frustrated me. So, I endeavored to just stick it out, suck it up, be a man and not think with my dick.
Hard to do when you're dick is as demanding as a man who'd lost his virginity.
There were a few bright spots to my time in Germany. It was 2006, the year that Germany hosted the World Cup. Every weekend was a party, and I was determined to enjoy it. My family lived only a short train ride away from Wiesbaden, a city with an impressive night life. It was there, at a hole in the wall club called The Schlachtoff, that I would be a part of a Football party.
Now, for my American readers, I'm not talking about that game where everyone wears pads, and the only time you actually use your feet on the ball is during kick off. I'm talking about soccer, the ultimate test of endurance, skill, and determination, and a game that truly is worthy of a tournament called World. That night, It was Poland versus Germany. Being of Polish Heritage myself, I was rooting for the home team!
Too bad they lost, and were eliminated from the tournament not long after. But, I did find a consolation prize.
Her name was Lisa, a German girl who was in another part of the club for their weekly 70's night. A sweet girl with an oval face and frizzy strawberry-blonde hair. I ran into her while getting drinks (love the 18 year drinking age in Europe). We struck up a conversation right then and there, me speaking in broken German, her speaking in broken English. She was a little shy, but seemed to enjoy my company. We talked for hours, enjoying the summer night air.
Eventually, it was time for her and her friends to leave, as it was my time. We exchanged email addresses (German Telephone numbers being rather long, too long for me to have memorized, and cell phones not being a big part of European lifestyle, surprisingly). I thought that was that.
Instead, I came back from my small job to find an email in my inbox! Again, I was surprised. I thought I'd gotten lucky meeting Nicole, but here it seemed I'd gotten lucky again!
Then, it hit me. I realized what this situation looked like. I was talking to another woman, while my girlfriend was thousands of miles away. This was wrong.
So, my sex drive said. You can handle it. So long as nothing happens, what does it matter if you talk to another girl?
My conscience said "no". My drive said "Who cares". I decided to play it cautiously. I told Lisa about Nicole, told her I was already taken. Not so bluntly, I still wanted to be her friend, but I let the next move be hers.
Seemed Lisa didn't mind. And so, our friendship was born.
We talked for a couple of weeks before I was eager to see her again. She lived a few towns over from me, so getting to see her was a bit of an issue. I had a car, a beat up old Nissan Sunny, but there never seemed to be a really good reason to meet her.
Then, she presented me with an opportunity. Her family was going to a get together in the local hills between where we lived. She asked if I wanted to join them. Of course, being the guy I was then, I said yes.
It was a great time, an open air cook out in the forest. Germans really know how to cook a good meal, and while my abilities with German were only good enough to get directions in a train station, their English was more than good enough for me to fit in, be a part of the group.
Lisa and I talked, got to know each other some more. We decided to take a walk along one of the forest paths. We walked, and we talked. And as we walked and talked, we felt the pull. The drive between a man and a woman to get a little closer. Then, the inevitable happened.
She told me she liked me. That she was interested in me. And, I confess, I was interested in her too. But I told her about Nicole, I told her that I had a girl waiting for me. She accepted it, though she asked why I was with her, then, if I was taken.
I didn't have an answer for her. Just told her I wanted to be a friend, and that was that.
I left the cook out when it was over, confused and disturbed. I didn't know what to do.
Another opportunity presented itself. Nicole was coming to Wiesbaden and wanted to see me. I agreed, wanting to spend time with her. Wanting to get to know this girl, so different from anything I knew back in the States.
It was a great day. Market day in any European city is a grand affair, with treats and little trinkets, and many wondrous sights and sounds. Wiesbaden was no different, as Lisa and I took in the sights together.
Fate has a funny way of making life interesting. About an hour or two passed when it started to rain. Of course, always prepared me, I didn't have an umbrella, so we were running through the streets seeking shelter. The area we'd turned into was mostly residential, with tall apartments and a church or two. We ended up hiding under an arch with another couple, who used this moment to make a statement for romance.
I could feel Lisa's breasts pressing into me as we stood close together. She hated the rain, thought Germany got too much of it. I just smiled at her, and winked, before running back out into the rain.
Since my earliest memories, I have loved the weather that most people hated. The dark, dreary storm, the cold snowy blizzard, the strong, biting wind, these were the world's caresses to me.
And so, like a true American fool, I danced in the rain. Catching water droplets on my tongue, spinning around, laughing, I knew that Lisa was laughing at me. But I didn't care. This was my kind of weather. It wasn't until Lisa was there, dancing with me in the rain, that I noticed her. As the rain beat down on us, we looked into each other's eyes. And kissed.
It was a different kiss than with Nicole. There it had been barely restrained passion. Now, it was sweet, tender. It was like kissing a strawberry, as I held her close to me, felt her lips on mine, her chin quiver. The rain didn't matter, it wasn't even there, as she lost herself in me.
A different feeling surged within me. Passion, restrained for fear of scaring her, confusion, guilt. All of it ignored within the feel of her kiss.
Needless to say, when we broke the kiss, we were both shy. We both understood that this was the game changer. A month or more of fighting our feelings, we had just dived straight into them. And I didn't care.
We got home, safe and sound, her on a train back to her home, me in my car to mine. But inside, I was in turmoil.
When you do something that you can't take back, it takes a while for it to hit you. The realization of what it is you've done. For me, I was trying to be a good, honorable gentleman. But, there was no mistaking what I had done.
I had cheated on Nicole.
In my remorse, I talked to her. Told her what happened. Tried to explain that I had been a fool and that I was sorry.
But it wasn't enough to save our relationship.
She broke up with me, and rightfully so. To this day, I have never heard from her again.
To my knowledge, she is now happily married with two children. I wish her all the best, as I know I couldn't have given it to her.
If you've managed to stay with me this far, you have now reached the heart of my story.
I continued to see Lisa, spend time with her. She showed me around to some amazing places near where she lived, introduced me to her family. All in all, it was great.
But the sex drive was strong in me. By that point, it had been several months since I'd had sex. A small amount of time, to be sure, but enough to drive me crazy.
One evening, I was a guest at her house. After knowing her for nearly four months, I finally got to see where she lived. Her room was on the top floor of a three story townhome-type residence. From her room, you could see far into the distance.
Laying on her bed, we talked, until talking was no longer required. Then, we kissed.
For months, I'd restrained my passion, knowing that she was too gentle, too innocent to handle my fire. This time, I wanted her to feel it. The intensity of my kiss took her breath away. I felt at her breast.
She gasped. Said my name. She wanted a breather, a moment to take it easy. At first, I agreed. But I was cunning, I was calm. I stopped, for now. Instead of squeezing her breast, I touched and teased at the hem of her shirt. Like some predator, I slowly stalked her flesh, my hand gliding under her shirt. I was making her feel the way I first felt when I was being turned on.
I encouraged her to remove her shirt. Though she hesitated, eventually the pleasure was too strong and she did. But I was just getting started. I teased her nipples under her bra, until she removed that. Then I teased inside her loose jeans, until she removed that. One by one, I encouraged her to remove a piece of clothing, until she was laying naked under me. I soon followed suit.
She hid her body from my gaze, but I told her she was beautiful. Told her I wanted to see her. And, like any timid woman, she showed me. And I feasted on her. I took her nipple in my mouth, held her body against my own, warming her cool skin with my hot touch.
She was still hesitant. A small part of my gentleman self asked what was wrong.
She told me she'd never done this before.
"You mean sex?" I asked.
"No, I've done...some things," she replied.
My mind should have registered then and there that she was a virgin. Instead, my mind was no longer in control. My rock hard cock was hungry, had been untouched for too long.
"It's ok," I said. "Let's just stay here, like this."
We lay there, naked skin against naked skin. I teased her into a frenzy, until, finally, I could take no more.
I positioned myself on top of her, guided myself to her warm sex. And just as I was about to push, I heard her speak.
I froze, horror dawning with the realization. I was forcing this girl, this woman, to have sex with me.
In my mind, several figures flashed before my eyes. The womanizers, the playboys, all those guys I had known who would love 'em then leave 'em. I had become one of them.
I got off her, put my clothes on, said my good byes, and left.
If it hadn't been for her saying "no", I probably would have done it. I probably would not have stopped until I had used her for my own pleasure. I was shocked and horrified at what I had become.
I stopped talking to her, then, choosing to let myself fade from her memory, hoping she would forget the man that had been so horrible to her.
I dated another girl. Had sex with her. But it meant nothing to me. It didn't even feel good, and always left me feeling guilty after I was done. Not that she complained.
Before long, it was time to go back to the States. My mom, in her desire to get me motivated about life again, had found an acting school in California for me. I'd always loved acting, and had dreamed of becoming an actor for films and TV. Mom had found a way that I could do that. So, I broke up with the girl I was seeing and prepared to go.
But there was something I had to do.
I called Lisa. She was surprised to hear from me, as it had been a good 8 months since that horrible night. We met in Wiesbaden, spent time together, talked. I explained why I did what I did, why I acted the way I had and left her alone for so long. I explained that I was afraid of who I was becoming and I was afraid that it would hurt her to be with me.
She was, of course, understandably angry, though she kept herself like a true lady. In the end, she called me a coward for leaving her, that we could have worked it out if I'd had the courage to face what I had done instead of run away from it. She left that day, and I prepared for my return to the States.
While I wish I could say that was the end of the story, there are a few more chapters to it. I saw her again, a few times, as we somehow managed to keep in touch. We never had sex together, for which I'm glad, and eventually I cut ties with her all together. Part of me regrets that, but it was best for her. I confused her life, and knew I wasn't the kind of person to be with her.
Lisa was "My beautiful German Girl", and she taught me something very important. However, she wasn't the only European I had been with.
But, again, that's another story.
There you have it. My shameful disgrace. True, many people would tell me, and have told me, that I didn't do anything that day. That I managed to be a better man than most. The problem is, in both my disloyalty and my bestiality, I could have been so much better. These lessons are scars that have kept me honest to this day. No woman deserves to be cheated on, and no one deserves to be forced to do something they're not comfortable with. My honey words almost took away one gift that can never be taken back. And for that, I will live in fear of myself.
Every man has a little bit of that sexual beast inside. The thing that makes us different from animals is self-control. I urge every man to learn it and use it well.
Sorry to disappoint anyone who was hoping for sex, but this chapter needed to be told before my next amazing story. It would be wrong of me to tell the good without telling the bad.
Rate and comment, and I'll see you for the next chapter.