tagHumor & SatireLottery Ticket

Lottery Ticket

byMungoParkIII©

 

"Don't you get it man, yeah he's a poor schmuck and all, but it's not because of all those millions, it's because of what he squandered away. I mean, there he was holding the opportunity of a lifetime and he just couldn't figure out how to handle it. Well, that's where I came in and took care of his misery, well not all of his misery, but I eased his suffering some."

I looked at the guy sitting next to me in the bar and wondered what in the hell I was listening to him for. All I wanted was a beer, maybe a nice looking woman to leer at for a while and then a short walk home where I could jerk off and go to bed. Instead I meet this so called player who shows me some lottery ticket and tells me it's a gold mine and now he's just staring at me, expecting a reply I guess.

"And so how did you ease his suffering?"

"I bought his ticket from him."

"You bought his ticket?" I asked.

"Yes," he said holding up a single lottery ticket. "Here it is, the numbers fifteen, seventeen, nineteen, twenty-six, thirty-seven and thirty-eight bought August fifteenth for the August sixteenth drawing and as of February fourteenth, Valentine's Day, worth nothing in most people's minds."

"Yeah, it seems most people are right."

"Au contraire my Budweiser (TM) sipping friend, for the owner of the ticket it was worth five hundred dollars because I paid for it."

"So you paid five hundred dollars for an expired lottery ticket," I said.

"No, I paid five hundred dollars for an expired three-point-five million dollar lottery ticket, and that is the distinction."

"Distinction, you paid some poor schmuck five hundred dollars for that ticket and there is a distinction involved? What distinction? That you are more foolish that the schmuck who forgot to cash in his three-point-five million dollar ticket?"

"No, no, no, you have it all wrong. Just look at this," he said pointing to his lap.

Quickly glancing down my eyes returned to his and I said, "Okay, that's your lap."

"Well, hidden there beneath the fabric of my pants is my cock, a very tired cock. It is a cock that has, over the last few months, been used and abused by some of the best looking women in the city. Why this cock has breached more pussy lips in those months than most gynecologist breach in a lifetime."

"Oh right, and now suddenly you want to sell me this ticket?"

"That's right, for a mere two hundred fifty dollars."

"If it brought you so much pussy why do you want to sell it?"

"To tell you the truth, I'm tired man, I'm simply exhausted. And well, I'm also engaged."

"And this lottery ticket did it all?"

He nodded.

"How?" I asked.

"Pure and simple, sympathy," he replied.

"You made the women feel sorry for you and they fucked you?"

Smiling he said, "Well, you have to sell it right, but yes that's what happened. I'd see a beautiful woman and sit next to her and sigh loudly. Now, when I don't hit on her right away, she becomes a bit curious. I'll say something to the bartender on how my luck was so bad. He simply acts curious and asks me about it. When I tell him the story and then add that the money could have gone to an operation for my mother, little sister or brother or even grandmother and most women are hooked."

"That shit really works?"

"Not every time, but when a woman sees a man so set on saving his mother, grandmother or little children well, he is suddenly head and shoulders better than most slobs who are at the bar trying to cop a feel. You simply carry the story in to the expired lottery ticket and bang, you'll not be able to get out of the bar before she has her hands on your cock."

"So you want two hundred fifty dollars for it? Why not five hundred, like you paid?"

"I got my money's worth out of it, I just want to get a little spending money for my honeymoon."

"I don't know, I'm not that good an actor," I replied.

"Actor, who needs to act, these women can't see through the tears in their eyes to see if you are acting or not. Look, I tell you what. I'll lend you the ticket and let you try it out."

"Lend me the ticket?"

"Yeah, see that woman over there, the hot one in the white dress?"

"Damn, yeah, she is gorgeous."

"Look, take the ticket and go sit next to her. Give it the play and see if she bites. If she does you buy the ticket."

"And if she doesn't?" I asked.

"If she doesn't we'll look for another, but this will work, trust me."

"Okay," I said, taking the ticket and tucking it in my shirt pocket. I then wandered over to the other side of the back and sat in the seat next to the beautiful woman. I then sighed and when the bartender came over I ordered a beer. When he returned with the beer I sighed again.

"Problems buddy?" he asked.

"Yeah, you know my grandmother needed an operation and I finally got a break so I could pay for it. I actually hit the lottery, but I was out of the country and by the time I got back the ticket expired."

"Bummer, what was it worth?"

"Over three million dollars, enough to pay for her surgery and all the hospital bills, but it's all too late."

The woman in white looked over at me, her eyes seemed watery as she asked, "Will your grandmother be okay?"

"She seems a bit better now, but she needs the operation or she will get worse. I had it all in my hand and it got away."

"There's nothing you can do?"

"No, I talked to the lottery people and then I even tried to get a lawyer, but they say I've got no chance. It just kills me, I mean I can't sleep, I can't... well, it's just bad."

I felt her hand on my leg and suddenly wondered, "Is this working, is this actually working?"

"You can't what?" she asked.

"Well, it's just that, well I haven't been with a woman in..."

Her hand slid to the inside of my thigh and I felt her fingers lightly squeeze my cock. It immediately began getting hard. She squeezed a few more times and it was fully erect.

"You seem okay now," she said.

"It's just, this is the first time I've felt this way. It must be you, I don't normally..."

"Look," she said, leaning her body against me, her breast rubbing my arm, "I'm here with my roommate so I can't leave her here to go with you, but we can go out to my car and, well, I'll make you feel better."

"Okay," I said, reaching for my wallet and paying for my beer.

"Come on, I'm parked out here," she said, leading me out of the bar and around the corner to a parking lot. She led me to a small car where I climbed into the passenger seat and she got in on the driver's side.

She reached over me and pulled a lever on the side of my seat and the seat back reclined. Almost immediately she unfastened my belt, unzipped my zipper and gently pulled my cock out of my pants. After stroking it a couple of times with her hands, she slid her mouth down over the head and began sucking it.

Damn she was good, combining her hand movement on the shaft with the sucking and gentle movement of her head, she even tickled by balls with her free hand. Well, I was coming off a fairly long dry spell and this certainly was more exciting than my quick hand jobs at home, so it wasn't long before I was moaning loudly as the pleasure began building in my balls and then suddenly shot up the length of my cock. I pushed up and came, spurting my cum into her mouth again and again, watching as she swallowed several times, not letting a drop get away.

Breathing deeply I rested my head on the headrest and watched as my cock slipped softly from her lips. She rested her head on my thigh and ever so gently stroked my limp cock, milking out a few drops of cum which she quickly lapped up and swallowed. Looking up at me she said, "Too bad it couldn't last any longer, I would have liked this big boy inside of me," she said.

After a while she sat up and said, "We better be getting back, my roommate may be looking for me."

I slipped my cock back into my underwear, zipped up my pants and refastened my belt. We then climbed out of the car and walked back into the bar arm in arm. Once inside, she kissed me long and hard on the lips and then excused herself and headed to the restroom.

I walked over to my friend at the bar and pulled out my wallet, handing him two hundreds, two twenties and a ten dollar bill. "There you go, I never would have believed it," I said.

"Well all I can say is get plenty of sleep tonight, because tomorrow is another day and with another day comes another woman."

"Oh I don't know, I kind of like the one I had today. She likes me too, so I think I may try to play some more."

"No, no, you can't do that or they'll figure you out. You got to say aloof, let them please you and then move one. If you get attached they'll figure out the ploy."

"But you..."

"That was only after months and months of very strange pussy, and hey, I got lucky. Keep it strange and they won't figure it out. And enjoy."

"I guess you're right," I said to him holding my hand out.

He shook my hand and said once again, "Enjoy."

I walked out of the bar and turned left, spotting my car parked on the street about a block away. Heading for my car I realized I didn't say goodbye to the woman. "I may not see her again but leaving without saying goodbye is simply rude," I told myself. Turning around I headed back to the bar. Just before reaching the door I peeked in a window and noticed my friend sitting at a table with the woman in white.

Stopping, I watched as he pulled a handful of money from his pocket, pulled out one of the hundred dollar bills I had given him and handed it to her. I pulled the lottery ticket out of my pocket and glanced at it. Sure enough it had the right numbers, but damn, looking closely the numbers were a bit blurred, but yes, there it is, the date. He had just bought the ticket last week!

I looked up back into the window and looked at the woman. Damn, I just got a magnificent blow job from a high class hooker. Yeah it was expensive, but I still had the ticket and who knows I may find some schmuck I can sell it to for a couple of hundred dollars. Tucking the ticket into my pocket I headed toward the bus stop, working out my story line.

 

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