Love Lost

**** NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR ****

First, let me point out that there is NO sex in this story, which should be obvious due to the category this story is posted in. But I just wanted to state it here so that way anyone looking for something to Jack and Jill off to wont be disappointed when they don't find it here. If that is what you're looking for, I have other stories that all have some passable sex scenes in them, so feel free to check them out or any of the many great writers I have saved in my favorites.

Also, be warned that this story does not have the typical ending most of you are used to around here. So keep that in mind when you get to the end and want to leave a comment bitching about it. I understand that it is not going to be everyone's cup of tea. I didn't set out writing this one with that in mind. I wrote it because it feels a little more personal to me as it does touch base with some things I have experienced in my life.

With that said, for those of you that are going to read on, I hope you enjoy. And please, don't forget to rate and comment.

**** ****

As far back as I can remember, I have always been in love with Jessica. Something about her from the moment I saw her, I knew she was the perfect woman. And as I got to know her, my suspicions were right. We had pretty much everything in common. Music. Movies. TV shows. Books. Even video games, comic books, and the fact that we played Dungeons & Dragons, which is how we met.

It was back in college. My roommate and I were both part of a group that played. One week, a guy in the group said he was going to bring a friend to join the group. That Saturday night, he showed up with this gorgeous woman with dark blond hair, hazel eyes, and the cutest smile.

"Guys, this is Jessica," he said. "She's in my advanced lit class."

We all said hello. Well, everyone else said hello. I sort of stumbled on my words and said something that sounded like gibberish. Of course, I felt like a total fool at my sudden lack of the English language. My palms started to sweat when Jessica grabbed a pillow off the bed, tossed it to the floor next to me and sat down.

"Hi," she said as she sat down and opened her player's guide, pulling out her character sheet and handing it to the DM so he could make a note of all of her stats.

The night, and that portion of the game, went by fast. Before we all knew it, it was four in the morning. Feeling the need for a break, we all agreed that we needed food. I was elected against my will to make a junk food run, and as I started to leave, Jessica jumped up and said she would come with me so she could stretch her legs and get some fresh air.

In my mind, I was doing back flips with joy, thinking that she was into me and wanted to spend more time with me. However, as we walked across campus towards the parking lot, I found out that I was wrong. She was telling me about life back home and how she missed her friends. And how her high school sweetheart was at another college and they were doing the whole long distance thing.

I should've known. There's no way a girl as awesome as Jessica is that she could be single. But still... I put on my happy face and tried to move on with life.

That whole plan went to hell about a week and a half later when Jessica showed up at my dorm room late one afternoon crying. Since she and I had become such good friends during that time, she came running to me for a shoulder to cry on when she found out that her boyfriend had been cheating on her basically since the day they left for separate schools. And to top it off, the only reason he confessed to it was because he got some girl pregnant, and since she was going to keep it, he was going to do the right thing by her and marry her.

Never in my life did I want to inflict bodily harm on someone like I did at that moment. Here that guy was with the most perfect woman in the world, and he threw it all away for a piece of random pussy he met at a party.

Of course, Jessica was a wreck. She slipped into a small bought of depression for a few weeks, skipping all of her classes because she didn't feel like getting out of bed. As her friend, I did all I could to help her through this rough time. When I wasn't in class, I hung out with her. I made sure to get notes from someone from all of her classes so she would be able to catch up when she was ready to get back to it. Every night I brought her some food and made sure that she ate.

The whole time, Jessica looked like crap. I was seeing her at her worst and yet I still thought she was the most beautiful woman in the world and fell in love with her more and more each day. However, I kept my feelings to myself knowing that it wasn't the right time to tell her. I didn't want her to think of me as some guy taking advantage of her during her moment of weakness.

Slowly, Jessica got over what happened and returned to her usually, bubbly self. During that time, we grew even closer as friends. We spent all our free time together. First it was me helping her catch up on her classes. Once that was done, we just hung out and watched movies and played video games. To me, it was perfect. It was like we were a couple. Slowly, I built up the courage to tell her how I felt, and when the day finally came for me to tell her, it was too late. She had met some guy in one of her classes and they started going out.

I didn't hang out with Jessica as much as we used to. Mostly because I couldn't bear to see the two of them together or hear her talking about them.

It wasn't until our second year in college that they broke up. Jessica had moved off campus and into an apartment of her own. It worked out well for our D&D group because we had a larger place to hang out and play instead of a small, cramped dorm room. Plus, a kitchen fully stocked with snacks didn't hurt either.

Her boyfriend really wasn't into the game, but didn't bitch about the fact that she would have six other guys over to play every Saturday night. About a month after she had moved into the apartment, we were all sitting in the living room playing. The DM was setting up the field with all the monsters we were about to fight, so the rest of us were talking and laughing. We had all had a few beers, and when Jessica got up to get some more, she lost her balance and fell on one of our friends' laps. It was at this time that her boyfriend came out of the bedroom to find his girlfriend sitting on some other guys lap and all of us laughing.

It guess he was sort of the jealous type because he got mad and started threatening the guy for trying to put the moves on his woman. That she was his and no one else's and a bunch of other things that made it sound like he thought of her as an object in his possession instead of someone that he loved and cared about.

This, of course, led to him and Jessica getting into a long argument back and in the bedroom while the rest of us just kind of sat there and waiting uncomfortably as we listened to them yelling. It kind of made me think back to when I was a kid and would listen to my parents constantly arguing in the other room.

Finally, after almost two hours, he came storming out of the bedroom and left the apartment, slamming the door behind him as he called her a bitch. When Jessica didn't come out from her room, we all decided to call it a night. I opted to stay behind and clean up the mess we had made, but I also wanted to make sure that she was alright.

After everyone had left, I went to her bedroom door and knocked. "Jess, you okay?" I asked.

"Go away," she called out from behind the closed door. I could tell she was crying.

"Come on Jess," I said. "I'm your friend."

"No," she said. "I don't need any friends. I don't need anyone. Just leave me alone."

Part of me was hurt when she said that. But deep down, I knew she didn't mean it. She was just hurting. Instead of leaving, I made my way to the couch and sat down, waiting for her when she would eventually be ready to talk and I would be there for her.

I guess I ended up falling asleep because the next thing I know is that I'm being woken up by someone poking me and telling me to budge over. I did as I was asked as I slowly woke up. It was morning. As I rubbed my eyes, someone sat down next to me and placed their head on my shoulder.

It was Jessica.

"You didn't leave," she said quietly.

"Nope," I said. "I didn't leave. I just... I figured you were just really upset and didn't mean what you had said, so I stuck around for when you decided you wanted to talk."

She was silent for a few minutes before saying "Thanks," and cuddling up next to me and making me feel the happiest I had ever felt in my entire life up to that moment.

It only took a few days for Jessica to get over her latest ex. It was a couple days after that while we were having lunch between classes that she told me she had been thinking about relationships and stuff. Of course, I instantly started thinking about me and her getting together, and part of me hoped that she was about to tell me that she liked me as more than a friend.

She didn't.

"I think I'm gonna stop dating for a while," she said.

"Oh?" I said as calmly as I could, yet deep down I was hurt.

"Yeah," she said. "I mean... I'm 19. I've only been in two relationships my entire life and both of them have ended pretty badly in one way or another. I just... I don't think I'm ready yet to be in a real relationship with anyone, you know. That with school and everything going on, I'm just not in the right frame of mind to see people for who they really are. I don't want to keep going out with guys just so I can be with someone and then find out that they're a total asshole. Does that make sense?"

"It makes perfect sense," I said while the voice inside me said, 'I'm not an asshole. I'm the perfect guy for you. We have everything in common. Plus, I love you and care for you no matter what. Date me. DATE ME!'

And so, for the rest of our years at college, Jessica didn't date anyone. There were times when a group of us (nine times out of ten it was our D&D group) would be hanging out somewhere and some guy would try and hit on her. Jessica always tried to be polite when turning them down, but sometimes they just wouldn't get it. That's when she would then pretend that she already had a boyfriend, and since she and I were so close, I usually was picked to play the role.

I didn't mind of course. A part of me even thought that it was her way of saying that she liked me, but couldn't do anything about it because of her promise to herself about not dating till after college.

After we all graduated college, most of our friends moved back home while trying to decide what to do next or they moved off to some other city were they had a job offer waiting for them.

Me, I stayed in the same city I went to college in because I already had a great job working at a comic book store. I had been there since the middle of my second year of college and already was basically running the place alongside the owner. Pretty much everyone that worked there and the regular customers knew that when the owner retired, he would be leaving me the store. It didn't hurt that I now had a degree in business as well.

Jessica also decided to stay, though she did move out of her old apartment and into a three bedroom townhouse. Since I had lived in the dorms all through college and had no other place to live, Jessica rented me out one of the spare rooms for cheap. We were pretty much living together. The only thing that could make it better is if we were actually together.

I had planned on telling her how I felt as soon as we graduated from college, but changed my mind. It didn't feel right. Jessica was special to me, and I wanted the moment to be special as well. Since her birthday was a couple weeks after we graduated, I planned on making that the day.

I made reservations at a little Italian restaurant that was hidden away on the rooftop of a building and had a great view of the sky at night. Since it was her birthday, I also got her some roses as well as a small ruby (her birth stone) necklace.

The day of her birthday came, and I left work early so I could head home and take a shower and change into some nice clothes. I was just starting to put my tie on when Jessica called.

"Hey," she said. "I know we said we would hang out tonight for my birthday, but something has kind of come up."

"Is everything alright?" I asked, worried that something might be wrong.

"Yeah, everything fine," she said. "I'll tell you all about it when I get home."

"O... Okay," I said. "Bye."

"Bye," she said and hung up.

I sat there on my bed, not sure what I should do. I had this whole evening planned out and now it wouldn't happen. I sighed as I called the restaurant and canceled the reservation, telling them that I was sorry for wasting their time and taking up a spot to only cancel at the last minute. I changed into a pair of shorts and a T-shirt before ordering a pizza and sacking out on the couch to watch some TV.

As the night wore on, I guess I fell asleep at some point because I was woken up by the sound of the front door opening. Jessica walked into the living room, still dressed in her outfit from work.

"Hey," she said with a smile as she fell onto the opposite end of the couch.

"Hi," I said as I sat up a bit.

"Sorry about tonight," Jessica said. "I know we had plans and all, but this guy I work with asked me out, and I've kind of had my eye on him since I started working there and couldn't refuse."

"Oh," I said, feeling a bit hurt that she ditched me for some other guy. But, being her friend, I put on my happy face again. "Did you have fun?"

"Yeah," she said. "He said he was gonna take me to this Italian place, but wasn't sure if we would be able to get a table since they were usually so busy. But as luck would have it, just before we got there someone called and canceled their reservation at the last minute. How lucky is that?"

Son of a bitch. "Wow," I said.

"I know," she said with a smile. "Anyways, I'm pooped, so I'm gonna crash early and tomorrow you and I can talk about when we'll celebrate my birthday."

"Um, alright," I said as she got up and headed for the stairs. "Night."

"Night," she said, leaving me by myself. I sat there on the couch for a few minutes before shutting the TV off and heading to my room. Once in bed, I ended up crying myself to sleep.

It was decided that Jessica and I would celebrate her birthday that weekend. However, some point during the rest of that week, Jessica and that guy she works with started officially dating. It goes without saying that my plans to tell her how I felt were canceled. I also decided not to give her the necklace I had gotten her, and instead bought a small bust of Spider-Man 2099 from the comic book store to give to her.

Not long after they started dating, he ended up staying the night now and then. I ended up having to sleep with earplugs at night so I wouldn't have to listen to the two of them going at it and her constant moans of pleasure. I started having trouble sleeping and the only nights that I did sleep was when I was exhausted to the point where I passed out.

Everyone noticed how bad I was starting to look and asked me if I was alright. I lied and told them everything was fine and that I was just not getting enough sleep at night because I was becoming addicted to World of Warcraft, which was partially true. Due to my lack of being able to sleep, I had spent some of my nights playing in the digital fantasy world.

The two of them ended up dating for a few years, and during that time, I tried to meet someone else. I went on blind dates that went nowhere. I asked out a few of the female customers that came into the comic book shop that I knew were single. All but one told me that they weren't interested, and the one that did say yes turned out to be bat shit crazy with a side of cuckoo for cocoa puffs. I even tried my luck on some of the online dating sites, which turned out to be a waste of time. They either tried to set me up with women I had nothing in common with or the ones that seemed interesting never responded to me.

One Saturday when I came home from working a few hours at the comic book shop, I found Jessica sitting alone on the couch wearing her PJ's and drinking a glass of wine. I knew something was wrong by the look on her face.

"What's up?" I asked as I dropped my bag on the floor by the door and sat down on the couch next to her.

"We broke up," she said flatly.

"Seriously? Why?" I asked.

"Because he's not ready for a serious commitment," she said and then went on to tell me how their day had been normal until after the mail showed up with an invitation to a co-workers wedding. They talked about going to the wedding, and somewhere along the conversation, Jessica brought up her and her boyfriend getting married one day. That's when he told her that he never planned on getting married or having children. He was a business man through and through and didn't want to waste any part of his life raising some snot nosed brat who would just get in the way of him becoming the youngest CEO in company history. She downed the rest of her class of wine before pouring herself another.

Over the next few hours she bitched and ranted about how she gave him everything and he was an asshole while drinking glass after glass of wine till she went through two bottles.

"You're always so good to me," she said as she polished off the second bottle of wine. "Ever since we've known each other you've been there for me." She slid up closer to me and put her arm around my shoulders. "I know you and I are only friends and all, but... I don't want to be alone tonight." She then said the words I had been wanting to hear for years. "Sleep with me."

I'd like to say that after she said that I picked her up, carried her to her bed and ravished her till she had one mind blowing orgasm after another till we both passed out from pleasure overload and then in the morning when we woke up, we were no longer friends, but lovers. I'd like to say that, but I can't. My mother raised me to be a gentleman, and because of that, I just couldn't do that to her. She was drunk and if I did anything with her, I would be taking advantage of her.

"Come on," I said as I stood up and helped her up as well. "Let's get you to bed so you can sleep it off." I helped her up the stairs and into her bedroom. Just before I was about to put her to bed, she said she wasn't feeling well and started gagging. I knew what was coming, so I rushed her to the bathroom and held her hair back for her while she vomited in the toilet. Once she was done, I wiped the drool hanging from the corner of her mouth before tucking her into bed and leaving her to get some sleep. Before I went to bed, I moved her trashcan next to her side of the bed. Just in case.

I had to open the store the next day, so I had to leave early. However, before I did I went in to check on her. I also left her a glass of water and a couple aspirin on her nightstand. When I got home late in the afternoon, Jessica was in the kitchen and something smelled good.

"What's all this?" I asked.

"Here. Taste," she said as she shoved a wooden spoon into my mouth. It was pasta sauce and it tasted like heaven. "Is it missing something?"

"Tastes perfect to me," I said as I smacked my lips in an exaggerated way, causing her to smile as she went back to cooking.

"So what do we owe the sudden appearance of Suzy Homemaker?" I asked.

"Nothing really," Jessica said. "I just wanted to say thanks for last night. I was pretty drunk and I might have... Suggested something. And being such an awesome friend that you are, you didn't take advantage of me in my state."