Love Me Tender - Please Pt. 05

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Kathi
Kathi
577 Followers

The understanding did not give her any pleasure but it made her realize all the more intensely that what she had thrown away was Ray's love for her. She destroyed her marriage and her life for "just a fuck!"

The sound of Ray's telephone call in that hotel room was like being hit in the face with a bucket of cold water. She was suddenly sober and all of her past transgressions came back to her with glaring clarity. She had whored herself and she was ashamed.

After stumbling back to her room she tried to get enough nerve to call him back but she was afraid. She knew that, in the shape she was in, she could not get her story straight so she decided to wait until later. Her flight was due to leave at noon and with the stop over she would not get to Savannah until six. She fell into a fitful sleep that kept getting interrupted by the ache in her bottom.

She barely woke up in time to checkout and to call a cab since she had to be at the airport by ten at the latest. Montrell called while she was getting dressed but she refused to ride to the airport with him. There was no avoiding him at the airport and their seats on the plane were next to each other so she knew she would have to endure him on the flight.

He tried to apologize but she did not want anything to do with him. She had no way of refusing to let him put his suitcase on her ticket since he, or the company at least, had paid for it. He was still going to be her boss and she did not want to get him any angrier than he already appeared to be.

She felt ill and thought she was going to throw up when the plane took off. He convinced her that she needed a Bloody Mary to calm her down and she accepted it without too much of a fuss. Her rectum hurt and she knew blood was soaking through the Light Days pad she wore. The drink seemed to be just the thing and she gulped it down and ordered a second one. She heard him tell the attendant to make it a double and by the time she arrived in Savannah, she was feeling no pain.

She had refused to respond to Montrell's continuing attempts to apologize during the flight. She only acknowledged him when he passed a drink from the attendant's cart to her and took her empty glass away.

When they arrived at the airport she tried to stay away from him, but her shoe had come off at the bottom of the escalator and she would have fallen if he had not caught her. He helped her put it back on and he tried to grab her and kiss her but she fended him off.

She was getting sicker by the minute and when her luggage did not arrive she barely made it to the counter to fill out a Lost Luggage tag. She was hoping that Ray was going to be there but she did not see him. In his absence, she was determined she was going to get her own cab and not ride with Montrell. It was not until he nudged her and told her that Ray was waiting for her did she feel a little relief.

Looking up at the ceiling of the Doubletree Hotel room, tears poured down her cheeks and into the bedcovering. She was remembering the anguish and the total feeling of hopelessness that shrouded her when she found the contents of her purse scattered on the kitchen table. The rest of the week was a hopeless blur of booze and drugs and the final straw was waking up next to that guy.

"Oh, God, please help me," she remembered wailing as she hugged the toilet in that motel bathroom after kicking him out of her room.

"That was then and this is now," she reminded herself.

After rinsing the tears from her face with cold water, she stood looking out the window of the hotel and thanked God for saving her that day. Throwing the robe on the bed she dressed for an evening with her family that she had thought would never come.

Stopping at the little store on the way out, she picked up a tin of the hotel's famous chocolate-chip cookies to take as a present.

"I can't take wine anymore," she laughed and waited for the valet to bring her car around.

Kari was relieved to see Melody's car in the driveway as she drove slowly up to the home she once called her own. Taking a last look at her hair and makeup in the mirror, she collected her purse and cookies and walked up to the front door.

It felt strange pushing the doorbell button that triggered the familiar sound of the chimes inside. A few seconds later the door opened and Melody stood there with a huge smile on her face.

"Mom, you look fabulous," she whispered in her ear as she pulled her inside and closed the door.

Taking her by the hand, Melody led her into the kitchen where Ray stood with his back leaning against the counter. There was an awkward silence that lasted for only a few seconds as they studied each other but to Kari and Ray it seemed to go on forever.

Melody broke it by introducing them to each other as if they had never met.

There was a little giggle in her voice as she said, "Kari Keeler, please meet Ray Royals. Mr. Royals, Ms. Keeler."

They both looked at Melody as if she had lost her mind and then they broke out laughing.

Melody joined in the laughter.

"I could have said, mother, meet my father. Daddy, meet my mother."

Ray and Kari each took a step towards each other and paused before taking another step that brought them within hand shaking distance of each other. Kari extended her hand at the same time that Ray extended his and their fingers touched.

"Nice to meet you, Mr. Royals," said Kari.

"Likewise, Ms. Keeler," he replied.

Their eyes never left each other's.

"I brought you a small gift," Kari said and handed him the tin of cookies.

Still holding her hand in his, he took the tin and handed it off to Melody who was standing silently nearby.

"Here mom, let me take your purse too."

Kari did not respond but let Melody ease her purse out from under her arm.

"You look well," she told Ray.

"You look beautiful," he responded as his eyes swept down her body and back up to her face. "Just beautiful."

Kari had carefully chosen her clothes so that they flattered her without making her look too sexy or slutty. She wore minimal make-up and peach, low-waisted Capri pants topped by a matching camisole that showed just a hint of her tanned belly. The only jewelry she wore was a fine chain necklace supporting a heart that rested just above the beginning of her cleavage. Her fingernails and toenails were painted in a matching, pale peach polish that highlighted her beige, high-heeled sandals with gold-toned straps.

"Thank you," she responded quietly. "The south Texas climate does nice things for a person."

Melody had backed up out of the way and intently watched and listened from across the kitchen. Somehow they were now holding both of each other's hands and they had huge smiles on their faces.

Suddenly, Kari lost it. Her face crumpled and she broke into tears.

"Ray, I'm sorry. I am so sorry for what I have done to you … to us," she said as tears rolled down her face.

Pulling her hands from his she used them to cover her face as she continued to sob.

Ray tried to speak but his throat hurt from the emotions that were flooding him and no sound came out. He wanted to take her into his arms but he was afraid to take the step. He stood there with his arms outstretched and his palms out in supplication.

"Daddy! Go to her," Melody ordered in a quiet voice. "I'm leaving to pick up Brian. I want you both to be smiling when I get back."

Ray glanced at Melody as she turned and walked towards the front door. He took a hesitant step towards Kari just as she dropped her hands from in front of her face. She stood her ground for a moment before her knees appeared to give away beneath her.

Ray reached her in another step and gripped her upper arms to hold her up. Her high heels put them at about the same height and she looked at him with eyes that pleaded for forgiveness and understanding.

Dropping her eyes, she looked down and he barely heard her words.

"I am so sorry," she repeated. "I've never stopped loving you and I wish I could make it all go away but I can't and I hate myself for it!"

Ray put his finger underneath her chin and gently lifted it so she was again looking into his face.

"I know you are. I know you haven't," he confirmed her statements. "I wish it would all go away too."

"I have to talk to you. I have to tell you things that you don't know about me. I have to tell you what happened so I can be free of my past. I promise that I will try to make amends for what I have done to you, to our marriage and to our family. I'm not asking for your forgiveness. I don't deserve it, but I promise I will never hurt you again."

Ray stared into her eyes as he absorbed her statement. His heart wanted to believe every word that came out of her mouth but his mind would not allow him to forget the past quite so easily. Releasing her arms, he caressed her cheek with the back of his fingers hand and laughed a quiet laugh.

"Why are you laughing at me?" she said in a worried tone. "I'm sorry if I …"

"No, no," he said. "I'm laughing at your makeup running down your face. You look like a drowned kitty cat. A dirty faced but still beautiful kitty cat."

Kari was afraid to touch him. She wanted to wrap her arms around him and hold him as tightly as she could but she was afraid to make the attempt. She tentatively reached up and held his forearms but when he moved them, her face framed a pout because she thought he was pushing her away.

Dropping her arms she was ready to back away when she realized that he was changing position so that he could put his arms around her and pull her tightly against him. As he crushed her body against his she clasped him in a grip so tight that she hurt her arms.

Releasing her he said, "Here, let's go out on the patio and sit down. It will take Melody a good hour to get there and find Brian and bring him back. He doesn't know you are here but I'm sure he will be surprised and happy when he sees you."

Taking her by the hand, he started to lead her out onto the patio and towards the familiar chairs that she had missed so much.

"Do you want a drink?" he asked.

"A glass of water will be fine," she responded and stopped in the doorway. "But first, I want to wash my face, I'll be right back."

Ray watched her turn and go back into the kitchen. His breath caught in his throat when she bent down to retrieve her purse from the kitchen chair causing her rose-colored V-string to appear above the waist of her pants. Returning a few minutes later, she placed her purse on the counter and walking out onto the patio, she pulled a chair up close to Ray's.

"I don't know where to begin," she said with a sigh. "I don't know how much you really know and I'm not sure how much you want or need to hear. I know I wish my sponsor were here with me right now to help me get through this. I have to find the strength to do this."

Ray sat forward on his chair and held her hands.

"Karen," he started before correcting himself with a little smile. "Kari, Melody has told me a lot of what you have been through and I may have a deeper understanding than you think I do. I can't say I completely understand everything but I want to learn more."

"Thank you," she replied and tightened her grip on his hands.

"It all started when I got the job with Mike and discovered that I was more than a wife and a mother. I soaked up the praise and encouragement that I received from my new friends and coworkers like a desert dried sponge. I wallowed in it and it became my first drug. I was selfishly charging forward without regard for what you had done for me in the past. I only thought about me and my pleasure and my success and I didn't care if it came from praise, booze, or drugs. I needed it and I wanted it."

"Kari, I understand. Please don't be too hard on yourself. Don't destroy what you have worked so hard to rebuild."

She looked at him in amazement and absorbed the soundness of his statement. She had worked hard to get to this point and she did not want to lose one iota of what she had gained in the past two years.

Releasing his hands, she took a deep breath and sitting back in her chair she looked directly at him and said, "It all began when I started going to the gym and started drinking more. It got totally out of control at the Cinco de Mayo party when I lied to you about getting there early."

Pausing she looked up at the sky as if asking for help and then looked back down at Ray.

"That was the first time that I was physically unfaithful to you."

Ray's body jerked as he absorbed the comment but he did not say anything. He dropped his eyes and she could tell that she had, once again, deeply hurt him.

"It was with Trey."

Ray's head snapped up and he tensed in his chair and made a sound, almost like a sob, when he heard her say Trey's name. She continued talking without stopping for the next twenty-five minutes, only pausing for a sip of water now and then. Ray sat stoically in his chair and listened without saying a word.

She finished by saying, "The morning I woke up in that hotel bed with a strange man beside me and knowing what had happened the night before, was my bottom. I knew I couldn't fall any lower than that and I had to do something about it. It was either suicide or get help somewhere. I didn't know where to go. I couldn't call you and the only person that I could think would help me was the attorney that Vincent had recommended. I called her and she turned out to be my savior. She helped me to find my way back into reality."

"Well …" Ray started to say.

"Oh, excuse me. One more thing I have to tell you. That hug you gave me a few minutes ago was the first time that a man has had his arms around me since that night."

"I'm stunned," was all Ray could say. "You know that I have the DVDs from that Friday night in Vegas and that I saw what happened there. What you don't know is that I have one from the next night too, the night you were raped by Sean. I saw that happen. As you described it I could see it again as if it was playing on the television screen."

"Oh, Ray. I am so sorry that you had to see all of that happen. It's bad enough that I did it, but for you to witness it with your own eyes must have been terrible. It must still be terrible to have the images in your mind of what your wife did to you. I'm truly sorry."

Taking a sip of water she continued, "I told you before, I'm not asking for your forgiveness, but I am asking that you allow me to try and make amends for what I have done. I don't exactly know how I will do that except to live as a sober, stable human being and to help with the children as long as I can."

Taking her hands back into his, he said softly and almost apologetically, "I don't know if I can ever forgive you. I am willing to try and move on from this moment without bringing up the past but I honestly don't know if I can do that. What I will promise is to try my best to see you for what you were before all of that happened and for what you are now."

Standing, he pulled her to her feet and wrapped his arms around her. She rested her cheek in the hollow of his neck and allowed her body to melt into his warm embrace.

Ray's mind was whirling with emotion. He felt comfortable holding this woman in his arms and he wanted to possess her once again. He also felt the countering emotions of pain and hurt at her disrespect and disloyalty to him and their marriage. The feelings were old and faded and they no longer bit at his heart as they once did, but he could not deny the fact that they were still there.

One side of him wanted to take her and shake her and insist that she tell him every detail of her infidelity. He wanted her to relive every moment and explain to him the why of what she did and the feelings that she had had while she was doing them.

Despite his intense desire to know all, he realized that more knowledge than what he already had would be even more painful. He did not need to add to his quiver of arrows representing each one of her indiscretions. He knew he had enough ammunition in it to use to hurt her at any time. If there was to be any future in their relationship, he had to remember what his counselor had told him and detach from that time period in their lives.

Ray was aware of a lot more about Kari's recovery than she knew. Melody had been his source of information about her climb from the pit that she had dug for herself. She dropped little hints and facts whenever she thought it was appropriate. He appreciated her for keeping him informed without his having to ask.

Over time, he found himself becoming proud of his ex-wife for her successes in her career and in her recovery. He sometimes considered contacting her to see for himself how she was doing. There were also several instances when he found himself tempted to retrieve the DVDs from his safe and view them once again. He wanted to see if they would affect him as they had when he saw them for the first time.

After talking to Vincent, who recommended destroying them, he realized that reliving those events would only serve to reopen the deep wounds that he had worked to heal. Based on that, he never followed through on his urges.

He never did take Vincent's advice to get rid of them but he did take his advice to seek counseling to help him move on with his life. After six months of twice a week sessions with a marriage counselor, he came to realize that he could go on hating her for what she had done to him or he could choose to detach from her and allow himself to grow without her.

He chose the latter and he was content with his choice to stop feeling sorry for himself and to live in the day. It was nearly a year after her leaving that Melody confided in him that her mother was trying to straighten out her own life.

Gently pushing Kari away from him so he could see her face, he looked at her and said, "I don't know if I should do what I'm about to do, but I know that my heart wants me to do it even if my brain says no."

Kari looked at him with trepidation and said, "What do you mean?"

"Let's see how this shindig goes tomorrow and maybe we can work something out between us. I don't know if anything will ever come of it but at least we can be friends for the sake of Brian and Melody. What do you say? Will you consider it?"

She was blushing and her fingernails were digging into his biceps but he did not care. He saw in her face someone he knew a long time ago. He also saw something else in her eyes, a new understanding of life that she had developed over the last two years.

He was surprised when he felt the spark of his former love for her still smoldering in his heart. He wanted to fan the ember into flame but he held back with the fear that they were doomed and that it may not work.

He searched his mind for the hate and resentment that he had once felt. He knew, if he dug deep enough, he could still find it. It was still there but it was too deep to bubble through the long suppressed, yet familiar, emotions that he was feeling. Their bodies were touching and he was not sure if she could feel his heart beating. She smiled at him and leaned in to kiss him when the door burst open and Melody charged in carrying a pizza box and leaving the door open behind her.

"Hey, you two, get a room! Don't drop the soda, jerk," she yelled over her shoulder at Brian and turning back to her parents, she laughed at her own humor. "Soda Jerk, get it?"

Ray and Kari pulled apart like two teenagers caught kissing goodnight on the porch. Turning they watched as Brian came through the door and stopped with his mouth open.

"Mom?" he asked in amazement. "Mom? You're here?"

Kari took a few steps towards him and met him in the living room with her arms outstretched. An instant before he took her into his arms, he looked at his father as if asking for permission to touch this woman who had destroyed their family.

Kathi
Kathi
577 Followers
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