Love Me Tender - Please Pt. 06

Kari moved her knees apart and reveled in the feeling of his touch as he slowly moved up and over her thighs. When he reached her flesh above the tops of her stockings, she lifted her gown and let it settle down over his head and shoulders. Sliding forward on the seat she held the sides of his head with her hands and gently directed him to her center.

Ray felt her heat on his face and his nose inhaled her scent as he teased her by blowing gently down towards her unseen sex. Using his lips, he caressed his way down one thigh and then the other. Kari helped by opening herself to his touch and by lifting her legs until they were resting on his shoulders. The feeling of the caress of the nylon on his shoulders and back sent shudders down his spine. Using her legs for leverage, she pulled him to her and waited for his touch.

Kari felt like she was going to explode. She took in big gulps of air and held them while he teased her. As much as she enjoyed his torment, she writhed with impatience at his intentional torture. Each time he pulled back, she expelled her breath in exasperated gasps. He was coming so near that she could feel his breath on her skin and she started whimpering with her intense need.

Ray heard her cries of want and finally giving in to her, he compassionately touched the bottom of her swollen lips with his tongue. The intense sensation ripped a cry from her throat and she increased the pressure on his back with her legs. She held her breath again while his tongue remained motionless with its tip barely between her lips.

"Oh, God, please," she begged him.

Ray responded by dragging his tongue up between her lips until he reached under the hood of her engorged clitoris. He stopped for a moment before pursing his lips to give a gentle suck. That sent her over the precipice and her body spasmed with the force of the orgasm that ripped through her. Ray could hardly breathe as she shook with earthquake-like tremors until she finally surrendered and her taut muscles gave in to quivering exhaustion.

Raising his head up from underneath her gown, he looked up at her to see her chin resting on her chest and her breath coming in little pants as she tried to regain control.

"Am I good or what?" he asked her with a silly grin on his face. "I must say that I am the best. Right?"

Opening her eyes she looked down at him.

"Right!" she agreed and sliding her legs off of his shoulders she pulled his face up to her lips and licked them before kissing him. "Right! You are the best!"

Reaching down between her legs she tenderly caressed his erection with her fingertips.

"Cum in me," she whispered and gently pulled him towards her. "Cum in me."

Ray pushed forward and she fed his erection into herself. Sliding her hand out from between their bodies, she pulled him in as deep as he could go using her arms and her legs wrapped around his waist. Ray began moving very gently in and out of her heat until he felt his own climax approach and he erupted his essence into her waiting body.

"Thank you, thank you," she repeated and kissed him again while she waited for his body to relax. "Come to bed with me, my darling."

"We're acting like an old married couple," Kari commented as they lay in the bed watching television. "I guess old habits are hard to break."

"Except that we're not married," he reminded her.

Kari did not answer but she snuggled up tighter against his nude body and ran her hand over his chest.

"You didn't have to remind me," she chided.

Turning towards Kari and raising himself up on his elbow, Ray rested his head in his hand and waited for Kari to look at him. She turned her head away from the television and looked into his eyes. She saw a look that she could not remember ever seeing and it frightened her.

"What?" she said.

After a moment, Ray asked, "Am I?"

"Are you what?"

"Am I the best?"

Ray saw her eyes open wide in surprise and her pupil's dilate. She seemed to be considering her answer and he felt his jaws clench so hard his teeth clacked together.

"I just told you that you were the best."

"Yes, but did you mean it or were you just saying that?"

"Of course I meant it. What are you getting at?"

"Do you compare me to others?" he asked staring into her eyes.

"What are you talking about?"

"You know what I mean," he said. "Did you enjoy the sex with the other men you were with?"

"Please, let's not get into this," she pleaded. "I don't think we should talk about this."

"I have to know," he responded. "I want to know. I don't know if it will help me or not but I want to know. Did you have sex with other men to get back at me for something I did or did you do it because I couldn't or wasn't satisfying you? Did you enjoy it? You couldn't have been drunk or high every time you did it. Were you?"

Kari sat up in the bed and wrapped the sheet around her naked body. She was suddenly embarrassed to be nude in front of this man, her former husband, her lover and the one with whom she had just shared her love. Swinging her legs to the side of the bed she sat with her back to Ray. He could see her shoulders shake but he could not hear any sound of crying.

"I'm sorry, Kari. I know it must hurt, but I have to know where I stand. We can't base a continuing relationship on just sex. It's been great, wonderful, stupendous and ... and whatever other adjective you can come up with but I worry if I can continue to satisfy you. What will happen if I can't?"

Sliding over, he sat behind her with his legs straddling hers and pulled her back into his chest. He felt her tears on her cheek and heard her sob.

"Please don't cry. It tears me up when I know that I made you cry."

He paused for a few moments.

"OK, let's forget I said it. OK? I'm sorry. It was bad timing on my part."

Kissing her on the ear, he shifted in anticipation of getting up but she held onto his arms wrapped around her waist.

"N ... n ... no, don't go yet," she stuttered. "We have to finish this now or we will always have something hanging over us. Good or bad, I want to talk. OK?"

"Do you want me to move?"

"No, stay where you are. I like it when you hold me."

"You know ...?

"No! Let's get it over with. Yes, I enjoyed what I was doing some of the time. Actually most of the time."

Kari felt Ray's arms tighten around her but he did not say anything.

"I told you that I enjoyed the attention I was getting and I enjoyed the praise and validation. I became addicted to it and the more I got, the more I wanted.

In recovery I learned that alcohol and drugs are just a symptom of a deeper problem. I craved the attention and the support that I was getting from my co-workers. I thought you were being supportive of me until I found out from the kids that you were unhappy with what I was doing.

Since you were not validating my choices, I let that feeling drive me deeper into my obsession to gain approval from anyone who would give it to me. I thought I found it in other people but now I know that most of them were trying to get something from me in return for their praise.

I also felt guilty after messing around, I wasn't having sex, but I was fooling around with guys. I always felt a little dirty when it was over and I went home to you. I had to figure out ways for you not to suspect anything but I now know that I wasn't exactly successful.

In the beginning I was a little shy and I didn't like guys touching me even when I was teasing them. After a time I liked the naughty feeling that their touches gave me and I let them squeeze me around the waist or give me a hug. Some would sneak a feel and after a while I didn't even slap their hands or anything to stop them. Stuff like that happened more when I was drinking. The high I got from booze and drugs let me forget the guilt and remorse and just keep having fun.

Kissing them was something that came along slowly. It started with air kisses and moved to little pecks on the cheek. Eventually there were times when a guy would really try and kiss me and I would turn my head. Even that changed when I drank more. I liked the intimate feeling a good kiss gave me. At first, it took me a long time for me to get over the guilt after necking with some guy who told me I was smart or beautiful or something. I quickly found that after a few drinks and as time went on, it got easier.

I didn't know that I had reached a point where I had to have alcohol or drugs to keep me going. Without them, I cold not continue to rationalize that what I was doing was OK as long as you didn't find out about it.

Later on, in recovery, I learned that it is not how much or how long one drinks that makes them an alcoholic or a drug addict. The key is what the drugs do to us. Alcohol is a drug and, at first, it gave me freedom from my own morality. It was only a few months later that I found it and the pills had actually made me a prisoner to my own twisted compulsions.

You have probably already figured out that I intentionally picked fights with you every time I thought that you were going to interfere in my fun. I used the fights as an excuse to go a little farther because I felt you didn't love me anymore."

Ray's arms tightened around her again.

He started to say, "But I ..."

"Let me finish, OK? I want to get through this. I tried to be as kind as I could be when I shared what I did and how I felt when we talked at Brian's graduation. There were some things I didn't tell you or I glossed over so I wouldn't hurt your feelings or your pride or your ego or whatever, anymore than I had already done.

After that afternoon in the grotto I rationalized in my hazy brain that I could have two lives and two lovers. I could have you as my husband and the father of my children and I could have Trey as my lover. I went to the gym fully expecting him to be overcome by my beauty and my availability and for him to make love to me. It didn't work out that way and I was practically raped. It was my fault and I take full responsibility for what I did. That's also when I got the STD.

As I pushed you farther and farther away from me I started using more pills and when I was invited to go to Vegas my ego soared sky high. I was now a true professional. My peers accepted me and they were willing to pay for my abilities. I became willing to forego you and our life for that instant validation and gratification. What I didn't know was that I was being set up by Montrell and I let him talk me into thinking I couldn't advance without him helping me."

"Every time I hear his name I want to find a way to hurt him," Ray interjected.

"You already have, my Mountain Killer," she gave a little laugh and turning her head she kissed him on the cheek.

"We made out several times but I didn't have sex with him until we got to Vegas. I had stopped drinking and I really was trying to be good. The champagne we had for lunch the day we graduated sent me off and running.

Montrell praised me and promised me things that I thought I wanted and I fell for it. I don't remember every thing that I did but there are some things that I do remember. I remember being at several clubs with the girls and Montrell showing up. He complimented me and I ended up riding back to the hotel with him in a limousine. He gave me a pill and I took it and that's when everything changed.

I remember being in his room and looking into a mirror at myself with him standing behind me. He undressed me and touched me and I didn't tell him to stop. I liked it. I liked the feeling of being loved and I was still upset with you from the phone call that day. I watched in the mirror as he seduced me and it was like watching a movie with me in it but I wasn't really there. It was almost like a dream."

Ray's voice took on a harsher tone.

"It wasn't a dream, I saw it. You intentionally took your wedding and engagement rings off a little while before that. You knew what was going to happen. Didn't you?"

"Oh, Ray I'm so sorry we are even talking about this. You asked me to explain and I'm trying. I'm willing to go on if you want to."

"Yes."

"Yes, I suppose I did. I knew where it all was going but I wasn't ready to admit it. I knew that all I needed to do was to have a few drinks and everything would be all right."

"Keep going. I have to know. Maybe I'm just trying to punish myself. I don't know. Please go on."

"I only remember bits and pieces of what happened after that except that I took a lot of drugs and drank a lot of alcohol."

"Why did you go back to his room the second night?"

"He kept telling me how wonderful I was and I believed him. The more I drank and the more drugs I took the easier it was for him to convince me, even though I know now that I didn't need any more convincing."

"That's the night you got raped again, wasn't it?"

Kari hung her head and sobbed.

"Yes," she whispered. "Yes. I now know that there was never any feelings or emotions of love when I was doing those things. It was pure selfishness on my part. I'm not proud of what I did and I deserved what I got."

Sliding back towards the center of the bed, Ray gently pulled her back to lie next to him. Holding her in his arms he let her sob until her shoulders stopped shaking and she lifted her head to look at him.

"No, I don't compare you to anyone else. You are the one I love and the only person that matters to me. I'll do whatever you want for us to be together. I'll even sell my business and move back to Georgia if you want. What do you want me to do?"

"I just want you to be you, that's all. I believe you and I'll never ask you anything about what happened again. If I start, just remind me of what I just promised. OK?"

"I will, I will. I'm chilly. Let's get under the covers and go to sleep. I want you to hold me."

Kari was soon softly snoring but Ray stayed awake for a while as he sorted through his thoughts. He was ready to tell her what he was planning since he now felt comfortable in his decision. Soon, he too was breathing the breaths of a quiet sleep.