LST3K Ep. 02: Small Town Screw

Finally, I stopped firing and emitted a few gasps as she continued to suck my hyper-sensitive prick.

FTF: Stewie moment: "This is my rifle, this is my gun! This is for fighting, this is for fun!"

Finally, she let me escape with a moan and a wet smack of her lips. A stream of my sticky semen trailed from her lips to my cock head as she pulled back. She licked up the last few remenants, then licked her lips as my prick softened.

"I thought you were going to blow the back of my head off... that was some load.", she said in a husky voice.

Dark: All these tantalizing hints of imminent demise, and none of them pay off. *sigh*

"That's the hardest I've ever cum from being sucked off.", I said quietly as I collapsed back with my eyes closed.

"Now it's my turn.", she said and parted her nether lips with the fingers of one hand, "I'm soooooo hot! Eat my pussy!".

Dark: The O key must be sticking. I really don't want to think about why...

I opened my eyes and lay her down on the bed. I put my hands on her knees and she spread her legs wide in front of me. Then she parted her pussy lips again and I could see the wetness gathered between them.

"Oh, god, eat me!", she gasped.

Dark: Nah, that's okay, I just had some Chinese, but thanks!

FTF: Ooooh! Chinese food! Man, they cook a mean Cocker Spaniel...

I didn't need to be asked twice and let the scent of her aroused flesh draw me down into the V of her legs. I lapped lightly at her pussy lips for a few seconds, then probed a bit deeper. Then I sucked her pussy lips between my own questing lips. Finally I probed into her with my tongue, getting a full taste of her gathering juices.

FTF: oh jesus... three lips and two probeds- get this man a thesaurus. I'll volunteer to throw it at his head!

Dark: I'll load up an online one, the computer will do more damage.

"Lick my clitty.", she said and began to caress her breasts, rubbing the nipples with her fingertips.

I sucked at her pussy and slid my tongue toward her clit. She gasped as I made contact and slowly swirled it with my tongue.

"Oh, yes! Mmmmm.. you eat pussy good!", she said and leaned up to look at my face buried in her muff.

Dark: Snatch that pussy, put it in a box, and mail it to Muffistan! He's running the gambit here...

I parted her pussy lips with my fingers and tongue fucked her as deep into her simmering sex cauldron

FTF: *choke*

as I could for a few seconds, then went back to lapping and sucking at her lips and clit.

It wasn't long before her hands found the back of my head and her legs started to close around my head, "Oh yes! YES! Lick my pussy! Make me cum! I want to cummmmmmmm...", she said as her fingers started to twist in my hair.

Dark: Her fingers do the Twist, what does her pussy do, The Monkey?

I shoved a finger deep into her honey hole

FTF: *cough*

and started stroking it in and out while I lapped at her clit. Her breathing became heavy. A gasp on each inhale and exhale. Her legs tightened around me and her hands knotted into my hair.

Dark: Simmering sex cauldron. Honey hole. What, no bearded clam? How about cooter cleavage?

"Oh, oh god yes. Oh, Oh, Oh, Yyyyes! I'm cumming!", she said and her body arched beneath me.

Dark: As if she doesn't babble enough, we have to listen to every tiny little sound she makes here too? Does anybody have some duct tape handy?

I rose up with her as her legs and hands put a vice lock on my head. I continued to lap her as she let out tiny screams and moans as she bucked in orgasm.

Dark: As she, as she... Don't even try to tell me this ditz can do two things at once. I don't believe it.

I slowed down, allowing her to spiral down from her peak, settling her sexy ass back down on the bed.

With a final kiss of her pussy lips, I pulled back and wiped my face off with the sheet.

Dark: Okay, I know they're called lips, but they can't kiss you.

My face had been covered in her sticky juices.

Dark: But was now covered in lint and dust bunnies from the sheet, because it hasn't been washed since 1975.

I rose up to my knees. My cock was about half hard at this point, as I had been buried in her box for several minutes.

Dark: Somebody should bury this story in a box, about twenty feet deep, cover it in rocks, and surround it in landmines to assure it never sees the light of day again!

She leaned up and said, "I want you hard! I want your big cock buried in my pussy! I want you to shoot your hot cum way up in my belly!", and started to suck my half limp cock.

Dark: Ye gods. Duct tape, a ball gag, stuff a pillow in her mouth - something!

FTF: *starts rummaging through the junk drawer* I've got the ball gag! And duct tape for good measure!

Dark: *Thinking naughty things about FTF and a ball gag*

So fast and furious was her sucking, it wasn't long before I was rapidly growing back to full size. Right before I reached full erection, she lay back and spread her legs wide.

"Put it in!", she said, "Shove that big pussy splitter between my legs and tear me in half!", she gasped.

Dark: Damn, that's one long gasp. What is she, a pearl diver?

FTF: Seven inches? Air and angels... that's what's considered big these days? I should be charging admission to see my husband's cock!

At the same time she reached out for my cock and pulled it toward her hot hole.

FTF: Uhm... last time I heard about a guy plowing head first into a hot hole, I was watching Joe Vs. The Volcano.

Dark: Even that movie wasn't as bad as this chunk of literary flotsam.

I knee walked into position in front of her. She slid her legs up over my shoulders and I put my cock head against her slit, rubbing it up and down her quivering quim.

Dark: Oh dear lord, one more of these horrific slang terms, and I swear I'm going to start shooting.

"Oh, fuck me! Put it in me! I need it soooo bad!", she said and hunched her hips toward me.

I shoved forward and buried my cock to the hilt in one slow push. I then left it buried in her belly as she moaned and fondled her big tits.

FTF: How damn anatomically incorrect can this chick be? What happened to vagina, cervix, uterus... Now... straight into the stomach!

Dark: Small town. *Whispers* Inbreeding...

I pulled back out and started slowly stroking her. I changed my angle a bit every couple of thrusts. First coming in straight, then at an angle up, then down, keeping the slow methodic pace.

She was moaning as I stroked her, and she parted her lips to better expose her swollen clitoris, "Mmmmmm.... a nice big cock and knows how to use it too.", she said with a grin.

I went on without comment, reaching down to stroke the smooth flesh of her sexy ass as I fucked her. She continued to moan and gasp as I pumped my throbbing prick into her deeps.

FTF: Depths. Dammit, DEPTHS!

Dark: *Wincing and editing his last story* Yeah, what a dummy... *mumbles* perfectly legitimate euphemism...

Her hands went up to entwine with the rails of the headboard and she gasped, "Faster! Fuck me harder!", and gritted her teeth.

I spread my knees a bit farther apart, grabbed onto her legs, and started to get down to some serious fucking.

My balls slapped against her ass every time I buried my tool in her warm flesh. Her tits bounced with the power of my thrusts and she began to let out little screams of pleasure.

Sweat now glistened on both our bodies and I felt droplets running down her legs where I held them to detour down my arms.

Dark: Okay droplets, the detour starts here at the arms, and ends... Well, let's just say it's not a nice part of town.

"Oh... god... YES!... Fuck me.... Fuck me hard! Make me cum!", she gasped as I began to grunt and moan involontarily from the pleasure I was getting as I slid in her tight hole.

"Cum for me!", I grunted, "Cum for me, baby. Flood my cock in your cum!", I grunted as I slammed into her.

Dark: Oh, dear gods. He's just as bad as she is. Porn videos should be strictly forbidden in this town. Where are all those do-gooder, protecting you from yourself, high-horse riding moral monitors when you need them!

Finally she began to scream as her body arched in orgasm. Her knuckles turned white where she gripped the rails of the headboard, and after that first long scream of, "Yeeeeeeeeeeeesssssssss!", came several more gasping screams of pleasure as I continued to hump her quivering pussy.

I was near the point of no return when she said, "Cum in me! Fill me full! Coat my womb in your seed!"

Dark: Coat my womb in your seed? It's getting worse. Mayday! Red Alert! Blackhawk Down! Code Blue!

FTF: *simply vomits*

No sooner had she finished saying that than I buried my cock all the way in her belly and blew my load inside her. After just a couple of spurts, I was already running dry from the blow job earlier. I continued to pump her as best I was able, which was jerkingly at best.

Dark: Jerkingly is pretty much a given for this jerk, I should imagine.

FTF: It's the convulsing testicle of doom all over again. That thing is going to haunt me into the grave.

I rolled off her and collapsed next to her on my back. She leaned over my cock and cleaned our mingled juices from it with her tongue. This caused me to gasp several times until I got soft enough to desensitize a bit.

She lay back down and wrapped her arms around me, pressing those big firm breasts against my chest, "That's the best a man has got me off in a long time.", she said with a smile.

Something about the tone she said, "man", in made me raise and eyebrow as I looked at her pretty face.

She laughed, "Yes, It's what you're thinking. I don't just sleep with guys. There have probably been as many girls licking me as guys."

"So you're bi?", I asked and reached around to stroke the smooth skin of her ass.

"Um hum.", she said and wiggled a bit under my caress, "So's Amy and Jenny. But don't tell Dave, cause he doesn't know."

FTF: Can I get a verb tense please?

Dark: Bzzt! I'm sorry, there are no verb tenses. Would you like to buy a vowel?

"So all three of you have...", I inquired.

"Yep, and at the same time.", she said with a mischevious smile, "And right in your front room one night when we were the only ones here."

Dark: I wondered why I smelled fish when I came home, but there was Hamburger Helper in the fridge.

"That is incredibly sexy...", I said as I continued to stroke her ass while sliding a finger down to run up and down her slit.

She moaned slightly as I made contact with her pussy lips, "You think that's hot do you?", she said with a grin, "Maybe Amy and I will have to come back here and give you a demonstration some time.", she said and started to run her fingertips over my limp cock.

"I'd not object.", I said with a smile.

"Um hum, I didn't think you would. Does that make you horny? Two girls lapping each other's pussies and moaning into them?", she asked and started rubbing my prick more feverently.

Dark: Rubbing ferverently? Is she trying to start a fire to light that smoke she was looking for at the beginning of this travesty?

"Very. But I don't know if I can get hard again just yet.", I said.

"Doesn't hurt to try...", she said with a grin and raised up above me.

She took my limp dick and stuffed it between her pussy lips. Then she began to rhythmically contract her pussy muscles and squeeze me while she rubbed her labia over my dick.

Dark: Does that paragraph summon up sounds like a pair of rubber boots in knee deep mud in everybody else's head, or is it just me?

"Mmmmm yes. Nothing like a girl's tongue sliding over your clitty.", she said as she worked on me, "A girl really knows what makes another girl cum real hard. The sound of another woman slurping at my cunt just makes my mouth and pussy water.", she said and moaned.

"I need another good fucking. Thinking about having Amy's face between my legs has got me horny again. You get nice and hard for me and I promise you you'll get to be with both of us as we lick and suck each other's hot wet pussies. We'll take turns sucking your hot cum out of each other's pussies while your big sexy cock rams into us.", she said and added stroking my balls and fingering my asshole to her attempts to get me hard.

Dark: At least he's shutting up. She's launching into a tirade longer than a cartoon super-villain though.

Amazingly, it was working. I'd never started getting hard that soon after cumming twice before. The feeling of my cock growing inside of her caused her to redouble her efforts and increase her sexy dialouge.

FTF: What planet do you live on, and will you please go back?

Dark: We'll all chip in for the tickets!

"You'll get to watch my big tits bounce as you shove Amy's face into my hot crotch with your big dick. She'll be moaning into my pussy because you're giving her such a good fucking. I'll be moaning because I've got a hot laplicker sucking my pussy for me. Then we'll both cum and you'll fill her tight pussy with your hot man juice. She'll sit on my face and I'll lap every drop of your sticky cum out of her box while you watch. All you've got to do is get big for me and fuck me again. Get hard! I want you big and hard and fucking me!", she said.

Dark: *checking his watch* Is she reciting a bad Engrish translation of War and Peace here?

I was indeed rapidly getting there. Very soon I was hard enough for her to start sliding up and down on me. Not very long after that, I had reached a full throbbing erection. It was almost painful, because I had never had this sort of a workout before.

FTF: Poor kid... come on out to the big city, we've got girls who can help you out with that if you pay them enough.

Dark: I bet they'd still draw straws, though.

Her big tits bounced as she impaled herself on my cock over and over again at a feverish pace. She moaned and screamed as she did so.

Finally, her rapid fucking took it's toll. She slammed down hard onto me and I felt her pussy contract around me as she screamed in orgasm. I was extremely desensitized from the earlier orgasms, and was nowhere near cumming myself.

She sat on my hard cock for a few minutes with her head thrown back and her eyes closed. Then, realizing I hadn't cum, she started bucking on me again.

Dark: Buck Buck number two comin' in!

As she built toward a second orgasm, I finally started to feel my own coming on. When next she impaled herself in final release on my cock, I was spurting what little cum I had left into her hot pussy. It felt like both my balls were being pushed out the slit of my cock into her gripping pussy.

Dark: Hot and gripping - The Pussy! Cumming soon to a theatre near you!

As we both came down from our highs, she collapsed down on top of me. My rapidly shrinking dick was still inside her hot hole as we lay there in the afterglow of orgasm.

We must have fell asleep, because the next thing I knew was the overhead light going on.

We both startled awake and Lori rolled off me. My cock had still been inside her the whole time and it slid from her and lay covered in our juice against my thigh.

I looked up and saw Amy in the doorway with wide eyes staring at my pussy slick dick, "Ooops! Sorry!", she said and started to close the door.

"Come here a minute!", Lori said, "Take a look at this!", she said.

Lori came in the room, her eyes roving up and down my naked body and Lori's, "I guess Jenny doesn't need glasses. There is a python living in the back of the house.", she said with a grin.

FTF: My gecko is bigger than that...

Dark: It's... *Whistling the Liberty Bell March*

"Yep.", Lori said, "How would you like to help me see how much venom we can squeeze out of it tomorrow?"

"Lori, I've got a boyfreind!", Amy said.

FTF: OMG! No kidding? Me too!

"So? You're going to use that as an excuse to pass up an extra inch, I know John's only got about six! Besides, he'll be at work and unless you tell him he'll never know!"

"I don't know, I shouldn't..", Amy said.

"How about this then. You get to lick my pussy while that big prick pounds into you. He's cum three times tonight.", she said with a grin.

Amy's eyebrows rose at that, "If you tell anyone, I'll kill you!", she said as she looked at us both.

Dark: Can somebody please tell, for the good of the human gene pool?

Lori clapped her hands, "Good! Now get out of here and let us get dressed!", she said.

Amy left and we got dressed. I had to go to the bathroom and wipe off all of our juices that had drained from her pussy as we slept, I and the bed were both soaked in them.

As I pulled the bedclothes off to throw in the wash hamper, Lori kissed me and said, "See you tomorrow, sexy.", before she walked back into the hall.

And that's a story for next time.

FTF: Not if I see you first, buddy.

Dark: Oh dear immortal non-specific deity figure! For the love of all that is decent in this world, let his hard drive have crashed!

***LST3K**********

I swear, I'll never be able to watch another porno again after reading this story. No self-respecting porn star would utter the kind of dialogue that was in this thing.

Now, it is time to slip the noose around the neck of the devilish being who subjected us all to this abysmal piece of literary offal.

Me.

I wrote this piece of crap almost a decade ago, and would you believe I actually kept it? Yes, there actually are more chapters of this, unfortunately. I look back on the things I wrote years ago and wonder what in the name of Alpha Trion I was thinking. I won't drag out any more if you promise to donate your awful erotica to the noble cause of spoofing it! *laugh*

You have to learn to laugh at yourself.

Big thanks to FTF for adding her rapier wit to this spoof! I was at a loss in several places, and her comments sparked me to some of my own. This spoof would be nowhere near what it is without her contribution!

Get in contact with me if you would like to give these cheezy stories the severe whipping they deserve. I'm always on the lookout for new rippers, the more the merrier!

Keep circulating the links.