Maggie Mae - Techsan

After I missed a couple of classes, I convinced myself that I was "sick" but that was the beginning of a slide backward that would put me behind the learning scale which would prove to be almost impossible to recover. From then on, classes were a total drag. I often had no idea what the instructor was talking about during the lecture periods.

I don't know what led me to the knowledge of what I had done -- what I was doing. But one night I lay awake long after Maggie had dropped into a sound sleep after nuzzling into the curve of my body. I had seen Maggie at the university looking at this professor or that instructor as if she could devour them whole. Then I'd convince myself each time that it was all my imagination. Yet I'd heard a song that made me think about our situation. I had heard it sung by Rod Stewart. It went something like this ...

"Wake up, Maggie, I think I've got something to say to you.

It's late September and I really should be back at school.

I know I keep you amused

But I feel I'm being used.

Oh, Maggie, I couldn't have tried any more.

You led me away from home

Just to save you from being alone.

You stole my heart and that's what really hurts."

But it wasn't just my imagination. Not that I ever caught her actually cheating on me with another man but she had that look that said, "If only ... " I realized that she wasn't in love with me ... in fact, she didn't love me at all. I don't know if she loved anyone although it appeared that she craved many. She was just using me like the woman in the song, to keep from being lonely.

The following day in one of my classes, I wrote a letter to Maggie.

Dear Maggie,

All I needed was a friend but you turned into a lover and mother. All you did was wreck my bed and kick me in the head. Maggie, I couldn't have tried any more. You led me away from home because you didn't want to be alone.

You stole my heart. I couldn't leave you if I tried. Maggie, I wished I'd never seen your face because you made a first class fool out of me. I'm as blind as a fool can be. You stole my heart but I love you anyway. Now it is time for me to get back to class and think about my future.

Thank you for all the good times,

Jack

I put the letter in my book bag and left it. That evening I tried to act as if nothing was changed but I think Maggie sensed that my mood was different. She tried several times to cheer me up. I tried; I really tried. Even our sex that evening was desultory.

The following morning, we left the house together but soon parted ways. I circled back to the house as soon as I knew she could not see me. It didn't take me long to pack my things. A classmate with an apartment on the other side of the campus had agreed to rent me a room for the rest of the semester so I moved in with him. With renewed vigor (and admittedly a lot of daydreaming of what had been), I threw myself into my schoolwork, determined to catch up.

In the following weeks, I saw Maggie several times. Each time, she looked like she wanted to come say something to me but after a brief hesitation; she always turned and walked away.

My heart still sometimes aches with the memories of Maggie May. I know we had many good times. But in the end, we were together for the wrong reasons. And I did finally get my grades back up enough to graduate -- with honors.