Majgen Ch. 019

Warning! Work in progress, the full book-series is not yet finished (unless my profile states otherwise). Agonising waits in between chapters is a very real risk!

Copyright of Nanna Marker

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----=(Love and Legends)=----

"Morning greetings, Little Human," said Aejoa.

"Morning greetings, Aejoa," returned Majgen, and yawned sleepily.

"You just woke up?" guessed Aejoa, studying her sleepy appearance on the viewer.

"Ei,"- yes, Majgen replied during a second yawn. "Inee told me you had called while I was sleeping."

"I just wanted to tell you that I will be home before nightfall today. I promise."

"That sounds nice, Aejoa. What time?"

"In two or three miui."- Forty to sixty human hours. "We have wrapped things up here now. Just more, and less, official courtesies left to be completed."

"I look forward to your return," said Majgen, with a smile that faded too quickly for the Winin's liking. "Aejoa, when you get home there are things I want to talk through."

"Which things?" Aejoa tried to be cheerful. He usually loved talking with Majgen, but for some reason he was reminded of the nightmare that had woken him this morning. It was a recurring nightmare. He had dreamt it many times in different versions since his rescue from the humans.

"I would rather talk about it in person," said Majgen.'It would be easier to talk about it long range than face to face, but I don't think it would be fair to him.'

'She looks sad,' thought Aejoa, wishing they were in the same room so he could sense her. "Give me some hints?"

'Should I?' wondered Majgen.'Maybe it will be easier for him too if he is not face to face with me? But, then, what should I tell him first?'

"You don't need to hesitate, Little Human. You can tell me anything; I am your friend."

"There are many things I want us to talk through."

"Well, start talking. I'm listening," offered Aejoa, getting his unease under control.

"Sometimes you treat me like a pet. I want you to stop doing that."

"What? I don't..." Aejoa wasn't sure what to say. Her statement had caught him by surprise.

"You do," insisted Majgen. "You don't mean to, and I should have told you much sooner. I'm sorry I didn't."

"But, I really don't treat you that way. You are my friend, Little..." Aejoa changed his mind about calling her Little Human. "Maijien, I thought you liked my nickname for you." That was the first time Aejoa had ever called her Maijien like the others did.

"I did, Aejoa, and maybe I still do. I'm not sure." Majgen went quiet, and so did Aejoa. He just looked at her.

'Does he have to look so hurt?' thought Majgen.'Of course he does. Heis hurt.' "I'm really sorry I didn't tell you this sooner, Aejoa. I don't blame you for it. I should have told you long ago, should have given you a chance to rectify the situation earlier."

"Rectify," repeated Aejoa.'After all this time, she tells me there is something to rectify.' "What else, Maijien?" He spoke in a cold tone which he had never used with Majgen before.

"Let's speak of it when you get home. These are not matters to talk of long range."

'Matters,' noticed Aejoa.'Not matter. More than one problem and she never told me.' "Tell me now," he demanded.

"When you get home," promised Majgen.

"Do you expect me to drop everything to get home earlier, Maijien? Or do you expect me to artificially smile my way through the next miui of diplomatic courtesies, while wondering what my house guest - my friend - has been keeping from me all this time?" Anger shone through the cold tone.

"I'm sorry. Please don't be so angry with me. I didn't mean to hurt you." Majgen fought to hold back tears.'I never wanted to hurt you, Aejoa. Never.'

"No? What am I to you, Maijien? A necessary evil? Someone you have to adhere to in order to be protected?" Aejoa spoke the words as a provocation. He knew she loved him.

"You are my friend," said Majgen, "not a necessary evil."

"Then show me some respect and tell me what else you have kept from me."

"It hurts when..." Majgen began, but stopped talking mid-sentence.'We shouldn't do this long range.'

"When what?"

'His voice sounds so cold,' thought Majgen,'so angry. Aejoa never talks to me that way.' A tear escaped her eyes and started rolling down her cheek. Majgen wiped it off, but Aejoa had noticed and softened.

"When what?" repeated Aejoa, softer.'The way I exploded right now, maybe I shouldn't be so harsh on her for not speaking of things sooner.'

"It hurts when you treat me like I'm stupid, Aejoa."

"I don't think of you as stupid."

"Actually, you do. You consider me unable to understand your work. Every time I ask about your day, you evade with a silly remark instead of replying. Whenever I have a different opinion than you, you think I am not sufficiently intelligent to understand your opinion."

'I am smarter than her, but that doesn't mean I think she is stupid,' thought Aejoa.'But, maybe I've let it affect me a bit too much, along the way.' "I will try to treat you with more respect, Maijien. I never intended to make you feel stupid," decided and said Aejoa.

"Thank you."

"What else bothers you?" Aejoa's voice was gentle again. He had forced his anger away.

"Do we have to go over everything right now?"

'Everything? How many things could it possibly be?' wondered Aejoa. "I think we should try at least. Let me know the next thing."

"You are very possessive about me, Aejoa." Majgen paused a second before adding. "Jealous."

"I'm not jealous," laughed Aejoa. "Honestly, Little Human. You sound as if we were engaged. Sorry, I meant Maijien. I might take a while to learn to call you that, but I promise I'll try. Why should I be jealous? We are friends, no more, no less. You are human, and I am yijejo; we could never mate."

He studied her serious face on the viewer, and started talking serious again. "In the beginning, right after I was rescued, I had a very difficult time, Maijien. I might have been a little jealous back then, overprotective too. I often had nightmares back then. Holding you close always reminded me that I was safe, that I had been rescued."

"I know." Majgen studied Aejoa's body-language.

'You don't have to believe.' Uninvited, the words popped into Aejoa's thoughts. Majgen almost always said that in his nightmares, the moment before she would get hurt. In this morning's nightmare the Majgen in his dream had said,'Don't be afraid. You don't have to believe.' To that the dream version of himself had said,'But I do believe.' He almost always replied that when Majgen in his dreams said he didn't have to. Right after saying that, in the nightmare, he had broken her neck and had woken with a scream.

"I still have those nightmares sometimes," admitted Aejoa.

"I know. I've seen them in your memories."

"I didn't know." Learning she knew, made Aejoa uncomfortable.

Majgen read his discomfort from his body-language. "They are just dreams, Aejoa. You would never do such things to me."

"Why didn't you tell me you knew?"

"You never wanted to talk with me about those dreams, so I didn't bring it up," explained Majgen. "Knowing that they bother you so much, maybe I should have. I know where the words come from. The ones I often say to you in the nightmares."

"You do?" Aejoa had never thought so.

"In the interrogation chamber on the human ship, when I convinced you to co-operate with me, those were the words behind my thought. I thought them in humana and transmitted the emotion to you."

"What did you think?" asked Aejoa, to be sure they were talking of the same thing.

"I thought, 'You don't have to believe,' " Majgen said in yijejoan. Aejoa's breathing stopped. He felt like his heart had stopped beating and his blood had stopped flowing. He stared at her. A part of him expected that she would drop dead. When instead she spoke on, his breathing resumed.

"You weren't ready to believe, and you needed to play along. Else they would realise I hadn't killed you. So I tried to make you understand that you didn't have to believe."

"I don't remember," said Aejoa. "The time in that place is still a blur to me."

"You were heavily drugged, Aejoa. Youwere in a blur."

"I'll always be thankful that you kept me safe till I was rescued."

"You rescued me too." Majgen smiled at him. The smile warmed Aejoa even a solar system away. He smiled back.

"And almost lost you again." Aejoa's smile dissipated as he spoke that sentence. "That might also be a reason I was so jealous at first. I was still afraid of losing you back then. But, Maijien, time has passed. Things are different now. Steady. I'm not jealous anymore."

Trying to remember the last time she had sensed jealousy in Aejoa, Majgen started doubting her estimate of his jealous tendencies. She couldn't remember exactly when she had last sensed it.'I thought it was recently, but maybe it was just a hunch not something I sensed.'

"It is a relief to hear you say that," admitted Majgen, after convincing herself she had been wrong about his jealousy. "It has been silly of me not to talk this openly earlier."

"You should know you can talk to me about anything." Aejoa sounded hurt that she hadn't. "We are friends, Maijien. Please tell me more of these things you have hidden. Let us get it out in the open. I don't want secrets to keep us apart."

"There is something which I've kept from both you and me, Aejoa. Didn't realise it until yesterday." Majgen was determined to be fully truthful with her friend.

"What did you realise?" asked Aejoa with a new smile.

"I found out that I am in love."

"With a yijejo?" asked Aejoa, his smile started to feel like a frozen mask of plastic, but it wouldn't go away. On the viewer, however, it looked natural.

"Yes."

"Who?" Aejoa's smile didn't waver, even though his face no longer felt like a part of his body.'Why am I asking? It is me. It has to be me. It can't be anyone else than me! She couldn't possible be in love with...'

"Joone," said Majgen. For half a second she smiled. Then, her smile faded as she noticed Aejoa's face contorting around his smile.

Aejoa didn't see her smile fade, he didn't see anything his eyes told him. His vision had darkened, but he didn't notice. All he noticed was a roaring pain somewhere deep within. It ripped him apart from the inside. He closed his eyes and screamed. At first he didn't hear the scream. When he finally did -- after emptying half of his lungs -- he stopped screaming, opened his eyes, and turned off the communicator.

'Aejoa?' thought Majgen.'What have I done?'

Majgen called him again, but Aejoa didn't answer. She kept trying, but it was to no avail. The Winin of Naonun had closed his communicators for all in-going calls. In desperation Majgen convinced Inee to contact the Eieie and have them send a servant to check on the Winin.

Some hours later they got a message back that the Winin did not wish to be disturbed.

In a worried frenzy Majgen tried to convince First Servant Inee to have them check on him again, or to make them tell more. But, faithful to the Winin, Inee refused, explaining that even a Winin had a right for privacy.

After that Majgen managed to stay quiet, for about a tenth of a miui (about two human hours). Then she tried to push Servant Mooje into doing something.

"Maijien, no. The Winin has a right to be left alone when he so desires." Mooje was immovable.

"Aren't you the least bit worried?" shrieked Majgen.'He could get hurt!'

"No, I am not worried, Maijien. The Winin is not in danger."

"You didn't see him. He is hurting," sobbed Majgen. "It was horrible. He screamed, Mooje. Screamed!"

"I am very sad that the Winin is upset. I wish I could ease his pain. But, the only thing I can do for him is to respect his wishes."

"You don't understand. He might hurt himself. Please do something."

Mooje knelt and picked Majgen up to hug her tight for comfort.

"He will not hurt himself, Maijien. No matter how hurt he is. He is the Winin of Naonun. Winins do not hurt themselves, no matter how sad they are."

'I don't believe you.' Majgen's thought was evident. She shivered with anxiety on Aejoa's behalf.

"I believe me," stated Mooje. "Everything will be well, Maijien. He just needs time."

'It's my fault. It's all my fault,' felt Majgen.

"You can't help how you feel. To fall in love cannot be forced. It either happens or it doesn't. The Winin knows this too. I am sure he will not blame you for the pain he feels now."

"But I do love him," sobbed Majgen.'Just not the way I love Joone.'

"I know," hummed Mooje. "I know, I know."

----=(o)=----

Aejoa was alone, all alone. He needed the solitude to get his mind straight.

'She is in love with Joone. I lost to an Apprentice Tailor. A simple apprentice. The pet-watcher. She was mine. The Little Human was mine, all mine, and then I hired him. Why did I hire him? I knew I shouldn't hire him. I felt it.' His reaching limbs rustled with his aggravation.

'Why did I call her Little Human for so long? He was the first to ask her name.I should have done that. I have known her the longest. He was only meant to make her some clothes, and then he went right ahead and asked her name.' "Her name was none of his business!" Aejoa started pacing the room.'It hurts so bad. I thought she was mine, and then she tells me she is in love with HIM.'

"I should beat him till he begs for mercy, the sneaky creep. Show him what you get when you mess with your employer on an Eveee contract." - Eveee had once meant old fashioned, now it was a standard term for traditional contracts between the Eieie and service employees. Aejoa had never taken the full liberties of an Eveee contract upon any of his employees.

Even though he knew it would be wrong of him to beat Joone, over Majgen's love -- even though he knew he wouldn't do it -- Aejoa revelled in fantasies of what it would be like.'He would scream and squeal. Wiggle and plead for mercy, in between cursing me and wishing death upon me.'

"Yes, that would feel good, to see him degraded like that. He would act just like I did before Maijien..." Aejoa went quiet and started weeping.'Just like I did before Maijien rescued me.'

"I don't even know how she pronounces her own name," whispered Aejoa.'All I know is that they call her Maijien, and that Maijien resembles her own name.' "I should have done more to earn her love. WHY DIDN'T I DO MORE!"'Should have tried harder to earn her love.'

"I knew he was a threat. Deep down Iknew it."'His eyes always trailed her as if he was a lovesick...' "Lovesick. He loves her. He worships her."'He won't deny her love. He will cherish it forever, the rest of her life. He won't deny her. She won't come running back to me with a broken love.'

"He had all the nights with her, the whole night, every night. Gave her his full attention."'And what did I do? I forced her to play Jeeiouma.' "She hates Jeeiouma!"'It is not too late, a woman can have several mates. Maybe she will fall in love with me too.'

"Maijien is a human. How many mates do human females take?"

'Usually humans mate in pairs of two. Mostly one male and one female.' Aejoa had trouble breathing after remembering the Doctor's words. Merely one out of hundreds of titbits of information about humans. Just another seemingly unimportant detail, which the ship physician had told him of while he travelled home from the War Zone with his Little Human.

'One chance, I only had one chance. And I wasted it. I...' Aejoa took a rasping breath, forced it into his lungs and screamed.

"I thought she was mine," he whined after having had to breathe again.

----=(o)=----

For two yijejoan days Majgen and Aejoa's servants heard nothing from Aejoa. When on the third day he finally gave word, it was just that - words. With a note the Winin of Naonun informed his household that he would be away from home for ten more days at least.

'Eighty-three human days,' calculated Majgen, after Servant Mooje read the note to her. Sometimes she still translated yijejo time measures to human, to get a proper feel for time frames.'Does he intend to stay out of touch for that long too?' In the past two yijejoan days, she had adjusted to the fact that she couldn't and shouldn't try to save Aejoa from his heartache.

'Love can be cruel,' she thought. A part of her still wished she loved Aejoa the same way she loved Joone, so Aejoa wouldn't have to go through this.

"I too am sad the Winin is upset, Maijien," said Mooje. "Broken love is a hard part of life. Did you know my mate was not the first woman I fell in love with?"

"Ei,"- yes, replied Majgen, transmitting,'I've seen.'

"For men broken love is a very regular part of life. Many of us never get a mate to rescue us from that returning agony. The Winin is a wise man. He will take the time he needs to recover from it. Afterwards, I am sure your friendship can continue."

"Thank you for the soothing words, Mooje." Majgen reached her arms up to him. "You are headed outside for gardening," she had perceived. "Let me keep you company while you work."

'I would like that,' transmitted Mooje and picked her up.

Most of the gardening work on Aejoa's property was performed by gardeners, not servants. Servant Mooje had experience and skill for tending to a certain breed of flowering plants, though, and liked that work too. Majgen had no particular fondness for gardening, but through Mooje's enjoyment of the task, she enjoyed it too. Especially since her part in the work was merely to keep him company at safe distance from fertilisers, soils and plants -- all of which were toxic to her.

Majgen learned more about gardening flowers in general -- and Mooje's favourite breed in particular -- than she would ever need. The mundane topics of conversation were rather pleasant in the sunlight. After an hour, however, when Mooje had been quiet a few seconds, Majgen changed the subject.

"I am ready to start taking a more active part in spreading the Path now, Mooje."

"Are you ready to lead us now?" he asked.

"No, I will not lead, but I do want to help."

'You should lead us.' Mooje's emotion was evident, even though he didn't transmit it.

"I want to help people. I don't want to be a leader, never did."

"What would you prefer to do for the Path then, Maijien?"

"Let me help some of those who yearn for the Path," said Majgen, and transmitted,'Those who search for it but have trouble finding it.' "I have done it several times already, upon requests from you and the others." With 'the others' Majgen meant her other students - the other servants and Joone.

"If you wish to continue with this, wherein lies the change?" wondered Mooje.

"I wish to help more regularly than before. One or two for each of my waking periods at least."

"Many of my relatives would like to meet you, Maijien. They know you are the Founder, have known since before we started keeping it secret."

In the human fashion Majgen shook her head. "I would like to meet more of your family, Mooje. But the ones I speak of helping are the ones who yearn but cannot find, those who need my help."

"It is not the right time to reveal to everyone that you are the Founder, Maijien, not yet," objected Mooje. "Especially not with the Winin away. He should learn of it before any stranger."

"This secret has started spreading beyond those who have been told." Majgen's words unsettled Mooje, even though he was aware of this fact.