Marriage Vows

She closed the door quietly behind her and yet the noise of it seemed to echo down the desolate hall. Karen squeezed her eyes shut and braced herself against the wall, the tears flowing freely down her lovely face and her sobs rising up from within her despite her efforts to choke them off.

"Never again," she vowed, silently, striking her knees with her balled-up fists, and raking her fingers through her tangled hair. Crying, she tore at her hair, feeling as though she would die from the agony she felt, the agony that grew every time she let him touch her. Loneliness swelled within her, threatening to strangle her with its intensity.

He did not love her! Oh, how she knew it to be so, and yet time after time she let herself believe, to spill himself into her body, to fill her with his lies. Karen wept, wiping the back of her hand across her mouth to get the taste of him off her. How she felt she could not wash off...she knew, Oh, how she knew!

A gentle knock on her door...Karen cried out in alarm, and choked back her sobs. No, please, she thought, please, not now, not now...

"Karen! Karen, what's happened? Karen, open this door. Karen, are you okay?"

His voice was concerned, filled with alarm. If she opened that door, she would see it in his eyes, that awful pity he felt for her. He, who loved her, who would do anything for her...Karen almost laughed at the irony as she shook her head, denying him with words he could not hear and tears he could not see.

"Karen, for God's sake, open this door." His voice was panicked, and behind that door Karen could imagine him, tall, and golden, his body young and beautiful, his face devastatingly handsome. Tears flowed freely down her own face as she shut her eyes to block out the image of his clear blue eyes.

The blade was sharp and new, and Karen clutched it tightly in her hand, watching the blood flow from beneath her fingers and trickle down her arm. "Never again," she repeated to herself, looking up into the mirror and seeing herself reflected there, her dark eyes bleak and bloodshot, her face pale and almost grey.

Taking a deep breath, Karen opened her fist and reached for the blade, drawing it across her wrist...

The door seemed to explode around her. Karen screamed as Josiah seized her, his face stricken as he took in the blood and her tears. Pressing his lips together, he reached for a towel and pressed it to her damaged wrist and took the blade from her trembling hand. "Damn you." He swore, quietly, looking at her, his face as pale as her own, "Damn you, Karen."

Karen wept, shaking her head woefully, "Why do you care? Why do you care?!"

He shook his head, tears filling his eyes. "Why don't you care, baby?"

"I don't know how!" She wailed, crying out to him.

His face was in shadows and his eyes were bleak. "Karen, don't do this to me. I don't know how to not love you. I wish to hell I could, and every time you do this, I hate you as much as I love you."

"Then let me go." She pleaded.

He lifted his hand to cover his face, and Karen saw the gold band he still wore despite her, despite everything she did to betray him. Josiah, her first love, the husband of her youth, the one who forgave her time and time again, who would save her if her salvation were possible.

"Let me go," Karen pleaded, "save yourself because you can't save me."

He raised his eyes to look at her and Karen felt her heart break. She remembered him, the earnestness of his youth, the easy smile, the loyalty. Her betrayals.

"You're killing me." He whispered.

Karen gasped, and when he looked at her, she cried out, shaking her head as he looked at her with bleak eyes. "as surely as you are killing who you are, you are taking me with you."

Karen cried out to him and rose on her knees to touch his precious face. "no..." She breathed, clinging to him. "No, I love you..." Her heart pounded within her and she shook her head, crying. "Josiah, don't...'

Frantically, she pressed herself against him, offering comfort in the only way she knew, her warm breasts against his bare chest., her breath against his neck. He clung to her, and his tears mixed with hers.

"I can smell him on you...' He whispered, pushing at her, his face twisting and filled with pain..."how can you let him touch you, why would you die for him when I would die for you?"

"no, no...' Karen denied, kissing him, pressing her lips against his. Their hands moved frantically over each others bodies, seeking each other out. Josiah pushed her onto the bathroom floor onto her back, forcing her legs apart with his hands. Karen groaned as Josiah's fingers found her, and began to stroke her.

"And you let him here...my place, what belongs to me...." He whispered.

"no, no..."

His fingers circled her swollen clit and Karen groaned with pleasure, wanting to draw his hand within her...

"And you want him, when I could give you everything, and I'm here, wanting you..." He whispered, pressing himself against her.

Karen's hands wrapped around his swollen cock, feeling the weight of him against her, the fullness of him pressing against her. She groaned with shame, wanting him, needing him. She spread her legs wide, pulling at him, begging with her hands and eyes.

"So dirty, such a whore, you are, you are..." He chanted, driving himself into her with a brutality he had never shown. Karen groaned again as he pounded himself into her, slamming into her so that her body struck the hard floor over and over again.

"I love you, I hate you..."

His cock pierced her body over and over again, and Karen shuddered with pleasure as he drove into her. Gone was the gentleness of the boy man she had married. Josiah seized her by her hair and turned her over onto her knees, driving himself into her from behind, oblivious to the blood that flowed freely from her wrist. Karen felt weak with pleasure and pain, and she met each of his thrusts with her own. No one mattered but him, not even Him whom she loved more than anything, no one...

Josiah came with a roar in her ears, burying himself in her with such force that Karen screamed. She could feel him spasm within her and she cried out with pleasure, feeling the force of him, at once commanding, demanding, and certain.

When it was over, he pressed against her, and Karen held him close, crying softly. She knew without doubt she loved him despite everything, despite her anguish.

Karen felt weak but hugged him close to her. "Josiah..." she whispered.

He saw the pool of blood around him and shivered, then rose to press the towel against her once more. His eyes were filled with sorrow and his voice was low, but loving. "Please, Karen, let go of him. I love you, but next time, I'll just let you die."

Karen closed her eyes and nodded, and surrendered herself to the man who had forgiven her.