Mechanics of the Heart Ch. 04

"I'm sure I'll see you again."

Roberto watched her zoom away on her silver motorcycle. Danny watched Roberto, and wondered what was hiding behind those focused eyes.

When the motorcycle disappeared from view, its mechanical snarl fading into the night, the mechanic took Danny's hand and walked to his red Lancer. The younger man waited until they sat down inside the modified sports sedan to open his mouth.

"Who was that?"

"Nadia, an old friend."

"How come you never talked about her before?" Danny urgently demanded.

"Because I haven't seen her in years." Roberto started the car and pulled out of the parking lot, avoiding his boyfriend's glare. "We haven't been in touch."

As they stopped at a red light several blocks down, Danny piped up again. "Tell me about her."

Roberto exhaled and leaned back.

"We raced together. She was my mentor."

The mechanic stopped talking as his partner took in this new bit of information. "And?" the younger man inquired.

"It's a long story. A lot happened, a long time ago."

"Like what?" the younger man asked, determined.

Roberto looked back at him with weary eyes.

"Baby, I don't wanna get into it tonight. I have a lot on my mind."

He put his right hand on Danny's left as the light turned green. "I promise I'll tell you everything."

His boyfriend continued his stare.

"Was she your girlfriend?"

Roberto burst out laughing.

"You were worried about THAT??"

With cheeks reddening, Danny looked ahead and fell silent. His lover squeezed his hand. "You have nothing to worry about," the mechanic affirmed.

Danny still wanted to ask more, lots more, but he buckled under Roberto' warm, firm touch. He buckled every time.

He desperately needed his man to show him everything was all right. He needed to know that Roberto loved him and wanted him to be in every part of his life.

The rest of the car ride was wordless, as was the elevator up to the apartment. When they got in, Danny went straight to the bathroom to get ready for bed.

Roberto stood for a moment, acutely aware that they weren't heading to the bedroom together like they always did. He went over to his sofa & turned on the TV, not paying attention to what was on.

Moments later, Danny walked out of the bathroom and watched Roberto silently. It was a good minute before the mechanic noticed his glare.

Danny saw that he was far, far away.

The younger man turned around and went to bed by himself. It was the first time he did that at Roberto's.

He was still awake when his man at last climbed into bed. Pretending to be asleep, he felt Roberto kiss him on his neck, then spoon him.

Worried awake. Even when Danny drifted to sleep, he dreamt he was worried awake.

-----

"Simon?"

Inside the musician's head, Jae's words from two weeks ago looped endlessly.

"I just want things to be like last night, y'know? We can hang out, get a little crazy, and have fun once in awhile."

He kept trying to parse the meaning, the possibilities...deluded as they may be.

"Simon?"

But perhaps what was even more hopeless and perplexing was figuring out how he felt. Why was it so hard to pin down what he really wanted?

Was the real question underpinning his neurotic thoughts not what he wanted, but what he believed he could realistically get?

"Hey Simon!"

He whipped his head around. Luke was standing behind him, leaning over his desk.

"I'm so sorry, Luke! I was..." Guilt washed over his face. "I spaced out for a bit."

"No worries," Luke said, nodding to the computer monitor. "How's the master list coming along?"

"Pretty good. I'm finding a lot of invalid entries though."

"Ah yes. Have you looked at the second tab yet?"

Simon looked away. "I haven't gotten to it just yet."

Luke continued, "You'll find the obsolete subscribers on there, and you can use them to delete the invalid ones on the first tab."

Simon nodded quickly. "Yes, I see. I'll do that right away."

"Lemme know if you run into any other issues. Oh, and can you come into my office in an hour?"

The musician gulped. "Of course."

60 minutes later, on the dot, Simon found himself knocking on his boss' door. He heard Luke beckon him in.

"All right, Simon," the slim bear began with a relaxed smile, "So, I just wanted check in, to see how you're doing with everything. It's been, what, three weeks since you started? How are you finding everything?"

Standing, Simon replied, "I'm finding everything great. I think I'm really starting to get the hang of the process and the rhythm here."

"Sit down," Luke said. Simon complied.

With the same suave, unreadable smile, the editor-in-chief carried on. "Deborah tells me you're giving her very valuable support."

"Really?" His boss Deborah, the operations manager, who always looked stressed and never happy to see him?

"Oh yeah," Luke insisted. "I can see you're fitting in perfectly and doing a great job. Thanks so much for agreeing to this and for helping me out."

The musician smiled and shook his head. "Oh no no, you're the one helping me out. I mean, a month ago, I wasn't doing so great, financially or personally. So thank you for this. I'm at a totally better place than I was before."

In response, the editor-in-chief chuckled. "Well, since you seem so happy to be here, I have some good news for you," he said, pausing for a beat. "If you're interested, of course. I'd like to extend your contract with us from three months to six months."

Simon's eyes lit up.

"If you're interested," Luke reiterated, an arch on his eyebrow.

The musician nodded quickly and thanked the editor-in-chief profusely.

"I'm really happy to hear that, Simon." He sat back and motioned towards the general office outside his door. "Since you've joined, we've closed some key deals with a couple of major advertisers and affiliates, and we have more money to invest in new growth opportunities. I can really feel the good morale in the office." He grinned. "Things are looking up!"

"That's great to hear."

"Tell you what: why don't you join me for dinner this Friday? I'm taking every team out for all the hard work and late hours everyone's been pulling, and to sneak in a little meeting between the drinks. I'd invite Deborah to join us--in fact, I'll send her the invite in a second--but I already know she'll say she has yoga or meditation or roller derby..."

"Deborah does roller derby??"

"Oh yes she does. That's where she unleashes all her stress!" The two share a laugh.

"So how's Friday dinner sound?" Luke asked.

Simon nodded.

From then on, every day leading up to Friday had the musician teetering between excitement and nervousness. He thought maybe this was the silver lining, where the universe was telling him to go to, that this was who he was supposed to focus his attention on. Luke: successful, handsome, debonair, mysterious, charismatic. Richie was right; who wouldn't like some time alone with him? Why wouldn't he go for it?

Aside from the fact that Luke was his boss...

And, Jae wasn't completely out of the picture either. As much as he tried not to dwell on that dark and desperate night, the Korean jock asserted himself in Simon's mind by calling him every other evening, for no discernible reason other than to blabber about trivial everyday stuff, like points from his finance lecture, this new song he heard on a streaming site, and always some story about some girl inviting him to a party.

He wish he minded. He wish he wanted to ignore Jae's calls. But he didn't. He definitely didn't mind the attention, and truthfully, he didn't mind the glimmer of hope that danced every time he saw Jae on his caller ID either.

Finally, Friday came around and Simon found himself in a taxi with the editor-in-chief straight after work. Luke wouldn't say where they were going.

When the cab stopped at their "happy hour", it was in front of The North, a recently-opened, upscale bar and fine dining hotspot. Simon had heard it was exclusive RSVP, and next to impossible to get on the waiting list.

Inside, the restaurant was all sleek walls and surfaces made of finely worked wood and charcoal marble, illuminated by soft amber light. The ambience was both immaculate and comfy. Big windows gave a breathtaking view of the lake just north of the city. Simon quickly realized this wasn't happy hour; this was wine and dine. And then maybe dash, if the prices on the menu was in keeping with the décor.

Sitting down, Luke casually chatted with the server who greeted and poured water. The editor name-dropped an "Elizabeth", who Simon presumed was the supervisor, manager, owner, or whomever Luke knew that got them a table. The musician opened the menu and saw exactly what he expected: dish names, ingredients, and cooking methods he'd never heard of, or didn't understand because they were in another language. He jokingly wondered if the decimal point in each price was misplaced.

Reading his thoughts, Luke assured, "Order whatever you'd like."

It took a second before Simon registered what his boss meant. "Oh, no, I couldn't...Luke..."

That ravishing smile again. "I said I was taking you out for all the hard work and extra hours you've done. This is my "thank you" to you. You've earned it." His hand touched Simon's on the table. "So enjoy."

The musician sipped the glass of water in front of him, but didn't move his hand away.

He gazed around the dining room to distract himself from the number Luke was doing to his body and his head. The minimal chic decor, clean lines, and perfectly placed soft lighting exuded high style without being ostentatious. It made Simon feel important just by sitting there.

"Elizabeth did a fine job," Luke said, leaning back to take in the view, again voicing the musician's thoughts.

Meanwhile, Simon was committing to memory what he saw and felt at that moment. "Is that how you got us in here?" he asked. "I heard it was impossible."

Luke grinned, a quick wink from his eye. "She owed me one."

"Well, I'm glad I get to benefit."

"And I'm glad you made time for me on a Friday night." His gaze was steady, hypnotic.

Simon sipped on his water. "Well, I thought you said we were having a meeting between the drinks too."

Luke leaned forward slightly. "Is that the only reason you came out tonight"?

The musician gulped. "Luke..."

His boss' glare softened, and his smile widened, but he pressed on. "Is it?"

Simon was gripping the glass of water now. "Luke, you're my boss..."

"You're technically my independent contractor."

"Yeah, and we work together, with everyone in the office."

"This is just our personal time. We're just enjoying ourselves." Right then, the server strolled up to take their order.

When that was done, Simon threw another roundabout glance at The North. Everything was so pretty and classy here. Ten years ago, he thought he could one day get into a place like this on his own accord.

Looking back at Luke, he spoke up. "The truth is, I've had feelings for a boss before, and it ended badly. It cost me my job, it wasted two years of my life, really..."

The editor-in-chief shrugged, "He didn't know what he was doing."

"You've done this before," Simon suggested.

"Does that matter?" he asked, unruffled.

The seams were starting to show in the silver lining. Was this all Simon knew how to do? Get himself into complicated messes?

"Like I said, I just wasted two years of my life, being played like a fool. I need something simple, clear, clean, safe..."

Luke interrupted. "Are you looking for a kitchen appliance or a guy?"

Laughter. "I don't know..." Simon shook his head and continued, "I just know what I don't need anymore.."

"I think you need a drink," he said, nodding to the server waiting several tables down. A few minutes later, she brought them champagne.

"To prosperity and pleasure," Luke declared, raising his glass. Simon followed suit.

The bubbly was sweet; Simon took another sip before setting the glass down. Soon after, appetizers were served.

"Tell me about this guy," Luke suggested.

Looking down, Simon began describing Jesse. "Well, he was a real smooth operator, and we actually had a lot in common, just about music and our dreams and the whole 'David versus Goliath' thing in the industry." He chuckled, feeling a bit silly about it all.

Taking a breath, he continued, ""He was also straight...and he definitely didn't hesitate to use it to his advantage."

Luke nodded to the side. "There's an issue out of the way...the straight bit, anyway."

Taking another drink between servings of his salad, Simon felt a little more bold. "Why did you invite me here?"

Luke caught the question with a quick jump of his eyebrows. "Because we haven't had a chance to spend time together since the night we met." He picked at his beautifully garnished crab cakes.

"You're really a fascinating man, Simon. I wish you could see that."

Well, he just saw right through me, Simon thought.

"No, that's you," he responded with a smile.

It was Luke's turn to shake his head. "I just do me. Sometimes it pisses people off. But overall, it's worked out pretty well." He wore a gracious smile as he said, "I love my job, I love my boyfriend..."

Simon's hand froze, clenched tightly around his fork.

The editor-in-chief looked out the window, to the smooth lakewater mirroring the crimson sunset. He spoke without eye contact, unprecedented in Simon's company. "And the fact is, although I'm emotionally taken..."

Those baby blues swung back into view in a flash, boring deep into Simon's vision. "I'm physically available."

At that moment, the main course was served: blackened seafood skewers surrounded by finely chopped pieces of lime, lemon, and strawberry, drizzled in a barely visible sauce.

Biting his lower lip to stop the flood of spiky energy from bursting forth in a feral shriek, he cling on to a mantra and chanted it over and over in his head.

This will be funny later. You'll laugh at this later.

-----

In the suburbs west of downtown and the lake, Danny was having another sleepless night. This time, it was more than just the cold war with his mom. And this time, it was more than just lying awake; he was sobbing.

On the surface, everything seemed okay between him and Roberto. They made time to see each other at least twice a week, enjoyed each other's company, and the sex was still amazing. But there was clearly an elephant in the room, and anytime Danny tried to broach the subject, directly or even tangentially, Roberto would change the topic or just shut down and get distant.

The younger man had hoped it would go away, whatever it was that affected the mechanic so much ever since that Nadia woman appeared out of nowhere. But it'd already been two weeks and nothing had changed: no talk, no explanation, as if none of it was needed. Danny felt hurt and frustrated that the love of his life was excluding him from something evidently so important, with so much history. It made him feel like he wasn't loved, not as much as he loved Roberto anyway.

So he cried. He'd found the man of his dreams, but what was he going to do with it now?

It was way too late in the night to call Roberto. They'd already talked and said goodnight a few hours ago. But as he tapped on the mechanic's contact on his cellphone, he only knew two things: he was so scared of losing him, and he didn't know what to do to keep him.

"Hello?"

The mechanic's voice was scratchy and irritated on the other end. Danny could see the furrows bunching between Roberto's eyebrows.

When the younger man said nothing but sobbed, concern crept into the mechanic's voice. "Danny? What's wrong?"

The brunet tried to speak, shape his mouth and tongue into words, but he just couldn't.

"Baby, just calm down, and tell me what's wrong."

"Berto..." Danny choked. "I..I.."

"I'm right here, baby."

A stinging croak spilled forth from Danny's throat. He shook his head. "No you're not! No...Nadia..."

"Danny, please, just breathe for a minute, okay?"

He couldn't take it anymore. The more Roberto tried to pacify him, the more desperate he got. So he hung up on the mechanic, grabbed his wallet and house keys, and ran out of his bedroom.

Sprinting by parked cars in the quiet neighbourhood under the amber street lamps, the young man had no destination in mind. He just needed to get out of there, to move, to feel the burn building up in his calves and his lungs. They took the feeling of helplessness away.

His cellphone rang but he didn't pick up. He kept running, turning corners in the dark. The pounding of his shoes against the pavement clashed chaotically with the beating of his heart.

As Danny ran farther away from his neighbourhood, there was another ring. Still he didn't pick up. It was starting to really hurt to keep running, but Danny pushed harder and rounded another intersection.

He suddenly found himself on the corner of the major boulevard that led downtown. Wheezing, he finally stopped and leaned over, gasping for air.

He wished he could run forever, but he couldn't. All his troubles were still waiting for him when he ran out of breath and had to stop.

He looked out onto the six-lane boulevard. There were more cars on the road at this hour than he expected, going home or heading to work maybe. A taxi cab rolled leisurely towards Danny, as if reading his desire to escape.

He got in. And then, sitting on the black vinyl backseat, with the taxi driver waiting for a destination, he realized he didn't want to leave and run away. He needed to see Roberto.

The cab headed towards the mechanic's apartment. He'd stopped calling, though he left a voicemail. Danny wasn't ready to listen to it just yet. He was too preoccupied thinking about what to say to Roberto when he got to his apartment. Determined, he had to get the full story on Nadia, and he wasn't leaving without it.

So deep was he in his thoughts about the myriad of possible stories Roberto could tell, that before he knew it, he was stopped in front of the apartment complex. He paid the fare, got out, and used the copied set of keys Roberto gave him to enter the building.

When he hurriedly entered his boyfriend's apartment, then stepped into the bedroom, he was surprised to see it was empty.

That was when he thought to listen to Roberto's voicemail.

"Danny, I'm coming over to get you. I'll be there soon, baby."

A tender ache clutched his throat. He immediately called his man.

It took Roberto three rings to answer. When he picked up, Danny heard wind rustling loudly in the background.

"Hey baby, I'm almost there...I'm turning onto your street."

"No, stop! I'm already here."

"What??" the mechanic asked.

"I'm already at your place,"

The mechanic was silent. Danny began to feel very stupid. "I had to come see you," he meekly muttered.

The mechanic sighed, then chuckled. "O...Okay, I'll be there soon, okay?"

"Hurry..." the younger man whined. He fell onto Roberto's bed and inhaled the manly scent deep in the folds of the sheets. He needed to be held, to be kissed. To be fucked.

Without consciously thinking about it, Danny's left hand reached beneath his jean shorts and began stroking his cock.

Roberto drove him crazy; he always did. Being with him felt like taking one blind leap after another. He was so in love with him, but right now it hurt so bad he wondered if he could take it anymore.

He moaned that name, calling for it. He stripped off his clothes, then began to writhe on the messy bed, frotting against the soft fabric. The burning need he was succumbing to was two-pronged: primal lust spiked with shards of insecurity, fear, and jealousy. He needed to be sure that Roberto was his, all his, from his hard-on to his heart, from the drops of his semen to the essence of his soul.