Mellow Yellow Ch. 09

Chapter 9: The Honeymoon (Hong Kong)

The flight was uneventful the rest of the way to Hong Kong. I noticed that Melinda was a little annoyed every time one of the cabin crew addressed her in Chinese.

“I speak Vietnamese, not Chinese and they insist on talking to me in Chinese. That Japanese lady two rows ahead gets the same treatment. She has to talk to them in English because their Chinese is as big a mystery to her as it is to you and me. Haven’t the Chinese realized that not every yellow person on earth speaks Chinese?”

“But you said your mother was Chinese. Didn’t she ever teach you Chinese?”

“My mother was more interested in teaching me how to cook and be a good wife than how to speak Chinese. The only Chinese she taught me was mah-jongg. In any case, my mother’s family came from the Toi Shan and they spoke a dialect that isn’t too useful in the Chinese world. These people from the airline crew speak Cantonese and Mandarin. Even if I had been a good girl and learned my mother’s family’s language, I still wouldn’t be able to understand these people. Besides, I say that Vietnamese is a more sophisticated tongue than Chinese. Vietnamese has six tones and Chinese has only three. So, I am smarter because I speak Vietnamese.”

“I thought you said that, on this part of the trip, it would be my turn to be on the receiving end of discrimination for being white. What I see is you complaining about being abused for speaking Vietnamese.”

Melinda rolled her almond-shaped eyes in her “you’ll never understand” manner and went back to her book. I read for a while and then let my mind wander. My seats was typically economy cramped and I felt stiff, in my legs that is, after a few hours. There was so little privacy that I was happy that I could cuddle with my oriental bride and we could share what little space we had. I assumed that it was pure fiction when an erotic story described fornication in an airplane. I think there was a sex scene on an airplane in “Emmanuelle” but that was in the toilet, not here in the economy zoo. Furthermore, “Emmanuelle” was never filmed on this airplane. The toilet on this aircraft was so cramped that I banged my head on the ceiling when I stood up after a crap. No chance of any bouncy-bouncy in this can.

As we approached Hong Kong, I asked Melinda about the arrangements she had made for our stay in Hong Kong.

“You said that you contacted the sister of a doctor at your hospital. Tell me about her and what can I expect?”

“Her name is Wu Sui, try and say her name right. Oh forget it, Paul. You’ll never get it right. Just use her English name, Susan Wu. Susan and her brother studied in Canada; Susan studied psychiatry and her brother studied medicine. When they graduated, Susan’s brother stayed in Canada but Susan went back to Hong Kong because there is was great shortage of psychiatrists. Don’t smirk. Yes, Orientals go crazy just like white people. She’s single and her brother says Susan’s the nice one in the family”

Our conversation was interrupted by the announcement that we should do up our seatbelts and stow our cabin luggage because we were about to land at Kai Tak airport. We again landed safely due to my white knuckles guiding the pilot from my seat. Immigration and Customs was a breeze thanks to the Canadian passports. I was afraid that we might get detained because the clerk asked Melinda a question in Cantonese and Melinda growled something back in peasant-grade Vietnamese. No problem; the passport clerk grinned and switched to English. In the hall, we spotted Susan holding a sign with our names in English.

While Melinda was telling Susan about her brother and how he was the last time she saw him, I looked over our host. Susan was like most Hong Kong Chinese, a little over 5 feet tall, shorter than Melinda. She wore glasses, obviously a case of the common oriental myopia. Behind her glasses was a pleasant, kind face. Susan was not a raving beauty but there was a sensuality about her face. I decided on the spot that I would let this shrink read my head anytime.

We went to Susan’s apartment by taxi. Susan explained that most middle class in Hong Kong used public transportation because it was so difficult to park a car. In any case, the government discouraged cars by making the driver’s test so difficult that the average person could never pass. Susan had gotten around the test by getting a driver’s license in Canada, which was recognized in Hong Kong.

Susan’s apartment was well furnished but cramped. By arranging the oriental art hangings and the light, it gave the impression that the apartment was larger that it was physically. There seemed to be a peacefulness in the apartment that contrasted with the bustle of the large city outside and the tension I had felt as a result of the imminent Chinese takeover. Susan had created a refuge for herself from the outside world. I started to believe in Feng Shui. Susan gave a sly smile as she said that we would have her double bed and she would sleep on the futon. I wondered why a single woman needed a double bed but I decided not to take that line of thought. We slept exhausted after the long trip.

The next two days were spent fulfilling my business obligations so I didn’t get to see much of Melinda and her new found friend, Susan. A factory is a factory even if it’s located in one of the most dynamic cities in the world. When the obligatory tours were finished, I was looking forward to finally touring Hong Kong with Melinda. I was slightly disappointed when Melinda told me:

“Susan and I want some more girl time together. I hate to let you out on the town alone when we are still newly weds but Susan seems to want to tell me something. Promise me you’ll be good and you won’t make any scenes while you’re alone? We’ll get out together tomorrow, I promise.”

I agreed to behave and went to downtown Kowloon where the clubs are located. I decided that, if I had the night off, I would do something that I couldn’t do if Melinda tagged along. Besides, Nancy had raised a question in my mind, namely what was average for the oriental bush? The two oriental beavers that I was familiar with both had a small bush with straight hair, not curly like my white girlfriends. In the case of Mrs. Nguyen, perhaps she had lost bush hair from overuse of that particular part. I decided that the best way to see a variety of Chinese bush without breaking my promise to Melinda to stay out of trouble was to visit a strip club.

The first club I visited was relatively empty so I asked if it was OK to take a table close to the stage rather than sit at the bar. I ordered a beer and leaned back to watch the show. Between sets, one after another “hostess” came and asked me if I needed any company. I don’t know if it was because the night was slow or if Chinese women are particularly fond of white guys with beards but they seemed genuinely seemed disappointed when I said that I would rather be alone. Just before the third set started, a “hostess” sat herself down beside me without asking.

“I Jade. Number One hostess all Kowloon.”

I realized that it would be more difficult to send away the “Number One hostess all Kowloon”. There was an underlying assumption in her attitude that I was looking for what she was offering. It was somewhat difficult to tell Jade’s age as she was slathered in makeup, producing a surreal quality to her face. I wondered if Jade moonlighted as an actress in the traditional Japanese theater. The previous hostesses who had propositioned me were dressed in leather miniskirts, more or less the modern Hong Kong Hooker. Jade wore a traditional slit skirt and styled her hair like a 1920’s flapper. I had an eerie feeling, as if Jade was some kind of ghost who had stepped out of 1930’s Shanghai. How do you get rid of a ghost? I was sure that Ghostbusters didn’t make house calls this far east.

“Thank you for your offer of company, Jade, but I would just like to watch the dancers alone.”

“You just look, no touch? How you like touch Chinese lady? Maybe you want screw Chinese lady as well? I give you good price everything. Blow job, lay, half and half? Good selection chains, nipple clips, rent cheap. I do everything. One stop shop for sex. Good price. Screw Jade – only one thousand Hong Kong dollar. Five hundred more, you fuck Jade in ass. Jade throw in rubber for free. I have room back of club. You no need find hotel for Jade. How about it? We got deal, sport?”

“Thanks Jade but I’m married. Not only that but I’m married to an oriental woman and she keeps me very happy. Why should I pay you for what I can get at home for free?”

Jade stood up suddenly and started screaming: “You insult Jade. I Number One hostess all Kowloon. I no screw you unless you pay two thousand dollars.”

I felt a hand on my shoulder and looked up behind me. It was the bouncer.

“You insult my hostess? You get out my place now.”

The bouncer was muscular and heavyset. He resembled the martial arts instructors that Canada imports to instruct our youth in the fine art of inflicting pain. This guy was not a skinny David Carradine, discussing Shao-Lin philosophy prior to kicking the shit out of you. This guy was also not one of the nerdy Chinese students I had hung out with when I was going to university. This guy looked like he killed for pleasure and he hadn’t killed a white guy for at least half an hour. This guy was menacing and he believed that I had just insulted the “Number One hostess all Kowloon.” I remembered Melinda’s lesson on oriental conflict resolution and decided to be humble.

“I deeply apologize for any insult that Jade might have felt and I wish to accept your offer to leave your fine establishment”

That seemed to take the edge off the bouncer as well as the bartender, who looked as if he wouldn’t mind joining the bouncer and breaking a white leg or two. I chugged my beer, laid down an excessively decent tip and left quietly. On my way down the street, I thought how he would try that routine out on a bunch of sailors who wouldn’t want an over-the-hill Jade at any price. I consoled myself with the image of white sailors trashing the bar, bartender, bouncer and all. I didn’t think that the bouncer or the bartender would ever visit a fast food restaurant exclusively run by white people. Despite that, I conjured up a pleasant image of the counter staff spitting on his hamburger and pissing in the pop for his Happy Meal.

I went to a couple of other clubs, making sure that I sat at the bar and clearly was hostile to the idea of female company. It made it a little harder to conduct my bush study but I did have an answer to Nancy’s question by the time I went back to Susan’s place. Yes, Chinese women have much less bush than white women and it’s straight hair. That answered Nancy’s question. Still, when she showed up in bed with a trimmed bush, wouldn’t Al realize something was up?

Not my problem, I thought as I made my way back to Susan’s apartment. When I arrived, they started to ask all about my evening but they wouldn’t say anything about their evening except that Melinda had given Susan a makeover and they had talked a lot. Nothing that a guy like me would be interested in. I asked Susan to take off her glasses and I complimented Melinda on her work. Susan even modeled Melinda’s more stylish clothes to get the full effect. Even though Melinda’s clothes were too big, the change was astounding. Susan had been transformed from a dowdy professional to a quite attractive woman. I couldn’t get either one to tell me what all the girl talk was about.

I told Susan and Melinda about my evening, my encounter with the bouncer and how I had handled the situation. They both agreed that I had been very yellow about it and that I might be very dead if I had handled the situation differently. Finally, we retired and I asked Melinda about what they had talked about while I was doing my “research”. Melinda distracted me by opening my pajama tops and starting to…..

The next day, Susan had left for work and I asked Melinda what the girl talk was all about. Melinda told the following story over breakfast. noodles, a passage on the Star ferry, a walk through Tiger gardens, shopping, a side trip to Szenchen, our flight and drive back home, essentially over all the time we were on our own for the rest of our honeymoon. I have tried to piece Susan’s story together from these bits and pieces and make a complete story but in Melinda’s words.

“Susan studied to be a doctor in Montreal at the same university her brother had attended six years earlier. Her brother had been instrumental in Susan’s admission to the program. Montreal was the second largest French-speaking city in the world but, ironically, the English university had the reputation as the superior medical school. Susan had wanted to work in mental health all her life and now she was a student of psychiatry in a prestigious school.”

“Susan’s social life in Montreal was much as it had been in Hong Kong, free of men. Susan preferred the company of women, not because she was a lesbian but because she found men extraneous. Not only would men interfere with her studies but Susan found that men’s conversation either was directed towards sex or subjects that held no interest for her, like sports or cars. The guys she had encountered in high school or in University had impressed her as either immature or hormone-infested sex fiends. That would change in her second-last year of studies.”

“One evening, Susan went to join her Chinese girl friends in the TV lounge of her dorm. Sometimes they would actually watch TV sometimes they would discuss politics from home and sometimes they talked about guys, something which bored Susan. Today was different. Today there was a real guy to talk to, not talk about.. What made him fascinating was that he was obviously French Canadian from his accent. Susan hadn’t had the chance to meet many French Canadians at the English university, so this made the new arrival more interesting. He was tall, lean and muscular (to Susan he looked huge). His face had Latin features, the cutest smile Susan had ever seen and sparkling blue eyes, which Susan found incongruous with his dark hair and complexion. Susan thought this visitor was such a hunk that she was willing to forgive his long, aquiline nose. Susan asked if she could join and introduced herself to the hunk.”

“’Susan Wu and I’m from Hong Kong originally but I’m studying here to be a psychiatrist.’”

“’Léo Beauchemin at your service Mademoiselle Susan. I am studying to be a doctor myself and I am from Chicoutemi. We were just discussing the solidarity between the oppressed people of Quebec and Hong Kong. We are both conquered people and we have the same conqueror. Do you agree?’”

“’No, I do not agree with equating the people of Quebec to the Chinese of Hong Kong. The people of Quebec have their own provincial assembly and their own civil law. The people of Hong Kong have no assembly at all to carry out their political wishes. The Prime Minister of Canada is from Quebec and was elected by everyone in Canada. The governor of Hong Kong is English and appointed from England. I disagree. The two situations are entirely different.’”

“Léo laughed. ‘I see you are well read in your politics Mademoiselle Susan. I like that in a woman.’”

“Susan must have set off something in the other Chinese women as Quebec/Chinese politics replaced guys as the topic for the rest of the evening. Was the Papineau rebellion as significant as the Boxer rebellion? Was the Quebecois humiliation over the Canadian constitution greater than the Chinese humiliation over the Opium War?”

“They all left the lounge laughing at their political exchanges. Susan spent the whole week wondering if she would ever meet this strange Canadian who obviously loved to tell foreigners about his Quebec but was still interested in what Chinese had to say. Susan marveled that he was the first guy she met who treated women as equals and who could talk about things that interested her. Léo returned the next week and the politics turned to life in Hong Kong versus life in Canada. For some reason, Léo directed more questions at Susan than the other women.

As they were leaving, Léo took Susan aside and asked her if she would like to join his friends next week for a visit to Montreal’s Chinatown. Susan was stunned that her first invitation from a guy was such a handsome white guy. Susan recovered and accepted.“

“The first date with Léo went exceedingly well. Susan was the only Chinese in the group of students and was not only accepted by the other students but was asked to recommend her favourite and most authentic choice of restaurant. At the restaurant, the group asked Susan to read the Chinese-only menu that most good Chinese restaurants keep, and to provide some guidance. It may have been her imagination but Susan thought she caught a glimpse of Léo beaming proudly at his date’s knowledge.”

“The couples drifted off their separate ways after supper. Léo and Susan slowly walked towards Susan’s flat she shared with three other girls, talking about the differences of their lives in Hong Kong and Chicoutemi. Their first date ended with a chaste kiss at the door of Susan’s flat. Susan noticed the curtain slightly parted at the front window and muffled giggling from inside the flat.”

“Susan and Léo had a few dates after that over the school term, always ending with the same chaste kiss at the door followed an intense debriefing session with her three roommates. Her roommates just had to know ‘what really happened.’ Susan told half of the truth, which was that they had gone dancing, to watch a hockey game or to watch the student theatre.”

“The rest of the truth was that something was happening to change Susan’s attitude towards boys. Instead of her former indifference to anything male, Susan found her mind wandering from her studies to Léo. She liked Léo’s company but something was awakening inside her. When she was alone in her bed, she would sometimes touch her breasts pretending that a man was touching them. To Susan’s surprise, her nipples stood erect at the thought of a man’s touch.”

“During this fantasy, Susan noticed a tingling sensation making its appearance between her legs. Susan identified this as the feeling Canadian women called ‘horny’. It was un-Chinese and completely contrary to her previous feelings about men. Despite this, Susan expanded her fantasy to having sex with the man. As her fantasy grew in detail and intensity, Susan was surprised to find her dream lover was white and his face was the face of her friend, Léo.”

“Through the term, Léo asked Susan out almost every week. Susan didn’t accept all his invitations because she didn’t want any attachments or relationships to interfere with her studies. It was difficult enough to study in a foreign language without the added complications of a foreign boyfriend. Towards the end of the term, Susan put all thoughts of Léo out of her head and passed her finals easily.”

“That summer, Susan took a job in the neurological wing of the teaching hospital attached to her university. Susan hadn’t heard from Léo since before the final exams and assumed that he was no longer interested in her. She was quite surprised when she heard a familiar voice call her:

“’Mademoiselle Susan. Remember me? Léo? What are you doing here. You aren’t sick, I hope?’”

Susan looked and there was Léo in an intern’s uniform with a clipboard in his hand. He had graduated and was interning at the same hospital.

“’Hi Léo. No, I’m not sick. I have a summer job working with the records in the neurological wing. It’s boring clerical work and, yes I do get sick of it sometimes. I have to keep telling myself that the paperwork is important and that I need to know this side of health care when I am a doctor. I’m going to the cafeteria for lunch. Were you headed that way?’”