Mellow Yellow Ch. 15

We came home from the movie and sent Tanya's babysitter on her way. It was still too early to go to bed. Melinda suggested that I go and get any e-mail that had come in, especially if it was from Susan. Melinda had started to share with me her "girl talk" from her friend in Hong Kong, especially since Susan began an affair with a white guy. Melinda said that both friends having white lovers brought the two of them closer together. Susan's stories about her sexual adventures aroused Melinda to my benefit. I must admit that I got off on her stories as well and tonight's e-mail was no exception. I brought the e-mail and Melinda began to read, stretched out on the couch with her head in my lap.

To: "Tran Mei-Ling"
From: "Wu Sui-Beng"
Subject: Gung Hai Fat Choi
Date sent: xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dear Mei-Ling:

Finally my affair with Charles is in the open. I can see Charles as often as I want now without worrying about our careers. Now, you should tell my brother that I wrote to you that I have a boyfriend here in Hong Kong. I know that he won't be pleased that Charles is white. However, he will not say anything to your face because of Paul. It will make it easier for me if you could tell him.

The process of "going public" was not without some "unpleasantness" as Charles would term it but what we Chinese would term racial prejudice. Let me start with how we became "properly introduced." As Charles instructed me, I joined a group of doctors touring a trade fair of medical equipment. I try and avoid these trade fairs because most of the devices are not useful in psychiatry. However, the new brain imaging devices I thought might be useful in determining whether my patients had hardware or software problems. Well, I am not writing to discuss equipment that your hospital probably already has.

At the end of our tour, the Colonial Office put on a presentation on importing expensive medical devices into Hong Kong. Guess who was presenting? Charles, of course. As much as I love Charles, trade and economics has always bored me. As Charles spoke of "gaining entry" and "market penetration," all I could think of was Charles gaining entry to my panties and penetrating me with his great big willie. As I was pleasantly daydreaming about sex, I suddenly realized Charles was looking at me and asking,:

"Is there anyone who can help me translate 'Most Favoured Nation' into Cantonese?"

I woke up from my sexual fantasy. Charles was giving me my cue to introduce myself to him. I stood up and said:

"I am Dr. Susan Wu Sui-Beng and I studied overseas in Canada. I believe that the Cantonese term you require is….."

So, every time a difficulty with a term arose, Charles would turn to me and ask Dr. Wu's Cantonese advice. When Charles had finished with the Colony's trade regulations, he came over and profusely thanked me for my help. Then he asked me if I would join him for tea with his colleagues. Well, I have never liked Darjeeling tea; it just doesn't compare to Chinese oolong. I endured the English concept of tea merely to carry through our charade and look as if we had never met before but I was being swept off my feet by Charles. The things I must do to get Charles into bed with me.

Furthermore, I found this whole situation, having tea and pretending that we had just met, quite awkward. Quite often when Charles would ask me something about myself, I had to stop myself from saying something like: "Charles, you idiot, we talked about that last month." Finally, Charles asked me, in front of all his friends, if I had any plans for Chinese New Year. Then he said that he would like to bring me to the Anglo-Chinese Friendship Society's New Year banquet. So, it was all over in an hour, our official meeting, introduction and chatting me up in front of others.

I had some business at the British Colonial Office a week before Chinese New Year and my first "date" with Charles. My youngest sister has decided that she doesn't want to follow in the medical footsteps of our family. Mei-Ling, my brother is a doctor, my father is a doctor, my grandfather was an acupuncturist, my great-grandfather was a herbalist, and I don't know how many generations our medical history goes back. Now, my youngest sister says she wants to study European art. Well, she always was a little bit rebellious. After she was accepted at Oxford, she came to me and asked my advice. She wanted to know what visas to get and how to find a place to stay in Oxford. I knew the ropes of studying abroad, so I took her to the Colonial offices and guided her through the paperwork.

My sister eventually signed all the proper papers and the clerk told her that her student visa would be sent in due course. Then she left to tell her heartbroken boyfriend that they would need to spend four years apart. I don't think they are sleeping together yet. My father has been keeping a tight leash on her since I came back to Hong Kong. Probably my one-nighters were not as discrete as I thought? Mei-Ling, it would serve my father right if my sister returned from England with a healthy appetite for men, especially the white variety of men. It occurred to me that, since she was now asking my advice, I should discuss with her important things like birth control and how to tell when a man is lying. For sure, our mother never discussed things like that with me. Why should I expect her to educate my young sister any differently?

After my sister left, I was alone in the Colonial Office with an hour to kill before my hospital rounds. I decided to wander up to the Commercial Section's floor and pay Charles a visit. I know that I was not dressed as glamorous as Charles might like but my patients seem to prefer their doctor to be unfashionable. The thicker the doctor's glasses, the better. In fact, I think I looked a fright in my hospital shoes and my hair tied in a bun that day.

I went to where I was directed and found Charles' office guarded by a severe-looking white woman. She was one of those pretty women whose good looks can't cover a bad attitude. She did her best to ignore me by averting her eyes and showing more interest in what was on her computer than the human being in her presence. I decided to make the best of my time and looked over her and her desk. The nameplate on this insolent woman's desk read Daphne Shagnasty. Other than that, her desk was empty, devoid of paper. For all I knew, she was playing a computer game or surfing the net on the computer that separated Miss Shagnasty from me. Goodness knows, there wasn't any evidence that she was doing real work. Finally, I had enough of being ignored. I decided to try and get her attention.

"Excuse me Miss Shagnasty?"

She looked up from her computer, gave me a cold stare and said, in the most condescending manner that only the English can master:

"It's pronounced 'Shaughnessy,' my dear. May I ask you what you're doing here?"

So that was her problem. She didn't think Chinese had any business visiting the Commercial Section. Well, I wasn't going to let any lazy secretary put down Wu Sui-Beng. So, I very confidently said:

"I wish to see Mr. Charles Burnhamthorpe. I was told that this is his office. Can you please tell him that Susan Wu would like to talk to him personally?"

"Mr. Burnhamthorpe is in a meeting and will not be available all morning. What is your business with Charlie?"

"I believe Mr. Burnhamthorpe prefers Charles from his friends or Mr. Burnhamthorpe from someone of your status. An employee such as you should treat Mr. Burnhamthorpe with the respect he deserves. As for my business, Mr. Burnhamthorpe has invited me to the New Year's party of the Anglo-Chinese Friendship Society. I merely wish to discuss the arrangements with him."

I thought that mentioning her shortcomings publicly would make her lose face completely and give me the upper hand. I didn't know that I had a very wily opponent in Miss Shagnasty.

"Oh, so you're Charlie's date for the party. I suppose he couldn't do any better than someone like you. Charlie has a problem getting it up, don't you know? Or I suppose you don't if you haven't tried to make it with him. You Chinese are so slow when it comes to sex."

That did it, Mei-Ling! I now had three reasons to dislike Charles' secretary. Not only was she a lazy and disrespectful employee, not only was she prejudiced against Chinese but she was one of those white bitches who had made sweet, gentle Charles so miserable through their sexual aggression. Quite obviously she had lured Charles into her filthy bed sometime in the past and tried to screw my dear Charles. No wonder Charles had psychological impotence. No thinking man would ever stick his willie into this evil white woman. Undoubtedly she was insulted when Charles couldn't get it up and told everyone who knew Charles that he has a soft willie. Miss Shagnasty made Charles lose face and she had no shame about the harm she had done to Charles' psyche and his reputation. I was face to face with the enemy.

Fortunately, she didn't know that she was dealing with Wu Sui-Beng, Doctor of Psychiatry. I decided not to retaliate immediately. After all, I hadn't done so well by trying to match barbs with this woman. No, Miss Shagnasty would receive my revenge in the slow tortuous manner for which we Chinese are famous. I would bring all my psychological skills to bring about the downfall of this white bitch. I would play with her mind as subtly and as relentlessly as Charles plays with my muffie.

"Can you just tell Mr. Burnhamthorpe that Susan Wu stopped by? Tell him that I will call him tonight"

As I left, I kowtowed in Ms. Shagnasty's direction. Obviously, she didn't know that today's Chinese hate kowtowing. I would use this fact that Ms. Shagnasty knew nothing about Chinese people to her disadvantage. A kowtowing Chinese appears to be the most harmless of beings but inside they are really plotting a sinister revenge.

I decided not to mention Ms. Shagnasty when Charles called that evening. We talked about our first public event and Charles mentioned that the dress code for the New Year's banquet was formal. As the social chairman, he had made arrangements to hold the banquet at the Royal Hong Kong Yacht Club, one of the most exclusive gathering places for rich businessmen, English and Chinese. We both counted the days until the New Year and then talked dirty to each other before hanging up.

After I hung up, I thought about how I would dress for the banquet. I resolved that I wouldn't go to the New Year's banquet dressed like nerdy Dr. Wu, as I had gone to the Colonial Office. I decided to dress in my cheongsam, traditional Chinese formal. I chose the cheongsam not just because I seduced Charles in this dress and I intended to seduce him again after the party. No, Charles thought that I never looked sexier than that first night I practiced my form of sex therapy on him. I had to look my sexiest at the party to erase the impression I had made when I visited Charles' office. I made an appointment with my hairdresser so that I would have the same hairstyle as Li Gong wore in Shanghai Triad. That hairstyle would show off my mother's antique jade earrings that I would ask to borrow. Of course, I would leave my glasses at home and wear my new contact lenses that evening. Charles' companion for the New Year banquet would be Wu Sui-Beng, Chinese femme fatale. I was sure that Ms. Shagnasty would attend, see me and be very jealous. Her jealousy would become the very subtle beginnings of her downfall.

On the night of the banquet, I was dressed and ready an hour before Charles was supposed to come. That's how excited I was and how important this evening was to me. I must look and act as glamorous as possible. I had to show everyone that Ms. Shagnasty had badmouthed Charles to that he was capable of winning a trophy girlfriend. I also wanted this evening to be the best sex of our short relationship. I was fantasizing how I would fuck Charles tonight when the object of my love, lust and desire knocked on the door. Charles looked so macho and confident, nothing like the depressed, timid man who had first come to me as a patient. When Dr. Wu cures a patient, they stay cured. Charles let out a low whistle.

"Susan. You're more beautiful than ever tonight. You're going to make every man at the banquet jealous of me."

Outside the apartment, Charles had a surprise for me. Charles had arranged for a chauffeur and a limousine to take us to the banquet. The limousine was the ugliest car I had ever seen but I thought the chauffeur was kind of cute for an older guy. He had a bit of gray hair, he was not quite so cute as Charles, of course, but he had a twinkle in his eye and a smile on his lips. He obviously shared Charles' opinion of how I was dressed.

"The Guv said 'e were picking up a China Doll but 'e didn't do you justice at all ma'am."

"Well, Syd, I didn't exaggerate, did I? Susan, this is Sydney Poole, the manager of our vehicle fleet. He got us the Daimler for the evening. He's consented to be our chauffeur and I have consented to introduce him to the manger of the Yacht Club in return."

"Pleased to meet you ma'am. Listen, Charles and I are both pulling a fiddle tonight. The Governor likes the Daimler for official occasions because 'e says: 'Syd, I wants a car just like 'Er Majesty.' Well, Charles 'ere wants the Daimler cuz 'e says 'I want me Susan to be treated like the Queen.' Well, these 'ere Daimlers are also queens, garage queens. The Governor 'ad to make do with the Rolls for New Year but Syd got the Daimler running by magic, just as the Governor's Rolls left the garage."

"And my fiddle is that, in exchange for his services and the Daimler, I will introduce Syd to Mrs. Lily Poon. I think that she's just the woman for Syd; she's single, she's about the same age as Syd and she's very lonely."

On the way to the banquet, Syd was full of praise for Charles. He was the only management bloke, in his words, who had befriended him. Most of his friends were the Chinese mechanics he supervised. Since he was very lonely, Charles had offered to introduce him to a single lady his age. I was oddly pleased that Charles was trying to set up Syd with a Chinese woman. He must think that oriental women are something special, and we are Mei-Ling. My happiness was because Charles wants that special something for his good friends.

Mei-Ling, all heads turned as I entered the ballroom on Charles' arm. We symbolized the very essence of Anglo-Chinese friendship with Charles in his elegant tuxedo and I in my cheongsam. Our table was at the far side of the hall so we had to pass almost every table to take our place. Every male head, white or yellow, turned in my direction. When we passed the table where my enemy, Ms. Shagnasty was sitting, I was so amused by her reaction. She was obviously startled that the nerdy Chinese woman she had been so disrespectful to a week earlier had transformed herself into the most beautiful woman in the Club that evening. Ms. Shagnasty's date for the evening couldn't take his eyes off me so, as we passed their table, I gave him a flash of my leg through the slit in my cheongsam. Ms. Shagnasty gave the old bugger an elbow to make him stop staring at me.

Although this was the annual banquet of the Anglo-Chinese Friendship Society, I could see little real Anglo-Chinese friendship as I looked around the ballroom. There were a few Chinese who sat at a table with mostly English and a few English brave enough to be the only couple at a Chinese table. For the most part, the English kept to themselves and the Chinese likewise. The few Chinese Communist officials arrayed themselves in their baggy suits around one table rather than mixing with either the foreign devils or their puppet capitalists. Definitely, we were the only Chinese/English couple in the whole club. Of all the people there, we were the only ones taking Anglo-Chinese friendship to the limit with a sexual relationship.

Charles was single-minded in his pursuit of friendship with the Chinese. He didn't mind when the Chinese at our table laughed at his very rudimentary Mandarin. He used his chopsticks like an expert and took his food from the common dishes like the Chinese rather than putting it on a plate and eating with a knife and fork like the English. Charles carefully cultivated the Chinese businessmen at our table, mixing personal details about their families with small talk about the current business climate.

When I realized that Charles was cultivating these people so that he could stay in Hong Kong with me, I started to talk with the wives about what a student of Chinese culture Charles was. Of course, I didn't say that we had been carrying on a clandestine sexual relationship for months and a Chinese woman would be too polite to ask if we had gotten into the sack already. Maybe the Chinese businessmen don't pay any attention to their wives' gossip but I had to ensure that nothing bad about Charles got back to them through that route.

During the aperitifs, Charles finally had a few minutes to talk to me. I decided that now was the time to ask about Ms. Shagnasty.

"Charles, isn't that woman at the far table your secretary, Ms. Shagnasty?"

"Yes, but I believe she pronounces it 'Shaughnessy,' my love. Actually it really doesn't matter how she pronounces her name because we all call her 'Daffy.' Her first name is Daphne, you know."

"Why does she act so miserably to other people. Can't you fire her?"

"Wish I could but she's screwing her way up the corporate ladder and she's already gone a few rungs higher than me. Had a go at me once but..…well, you already know what happened."

"Don't give it any thought Charles. You're with someone prettier and who knows what you want in a woman. Who did she come with tonight?"

"Oh, that's Richard Horner, the head of Commercial Section. That's what I meant by Daffy screwing a few rungs higher than mine. We call him Horny Dick, not to his face, of course. The fact is that he's put the make on every female in Commercial Section and a few in Excise as well. Wish I knew what the women saw in him. Of course, Daffy doesn't see anything in him except a way to fulfill her ambitions."

"Don't worry about what white women see in him, my lover. Can't you see that I'm the envy of all the Chinese women here? You appeal to oriental women and I will have to fight them all to keep you."

So the old fart with "Daffy" was Charles' boss. I started to study Horny Dick and he was definitely looking over the Chinese women in the hall. Had my arrival with Charles and the flash of leg I had given him awakened his interest in yellow women? I think I started to hatch my plan to get back at my enemy at this point. I must tell you, Mei-Ling, what it is after I pull it off.

For the evening's entertainment, the Chinese had a dragon dance and set off a few firecrackers, which sounded like an AK-47 in the hall. The Scots piped in a haggis, accompanied by bagpipes. The bagpipes sounded to me like the screams of the sheep they killed to make the haggis. It was quite an evening with sheep slaughtered by an AK-47. When it came to eating the haggis, I was thoroughly ashamed of the Chinese at our table, Mei-Ling. They refused to touch the haggis. Hadn't they just feasted on chicken feet a few minutes before during the banquet? Haggis is no more strange than some of the things we Chinese eat.

During the entertainment, Charles said that Lily Poon had less to supervise with the dishes cleared. He left and brought Syd into Lily's office and, presumably, saw that they were "properly introduced."

When the dancing began, Charles urged me to come out on the dance floor with him. I was reluctant because I thought I had forgotten the dance lessons my parents forced me to take when I was in high school. The last time I danced was when I was studying in Canada. I shouldn't have worried. Charles led beautifully and I eased into top form. We made such a beautiful couple as danced the waltz. We were the only couple to try a tango. Mei-Ling, the cheongsam is the ideal dress for the tango. At certain points, the woman's leg flashes out from the slit on the side of the dress and caresses the inside of the man's thigh. It was such a purely sexual sight that Horny Dick couldn't take his eyes off me. Finally, when there was some music that he could dance to, he came over to us.