Met His Old Lover

"You'll need some help; you can't leave the kids alone outside of the courtroom while you're in there. I'll go with you."

"I was hoping you would. Beth...I'm really sorry to have dragged you into the middle of this mess...I..."

Beth was silent for a moment, then turned and confronted him. "How can you be sure you really love me? I'm not a kid anymore...neither are you...fifteen years is a long time...people change...we've spent one night together in fifteen years. That's not much of a basis for..."

"A marriage...based on fifteen years of memories of the year or so we were together in college? It's crossed my mind just as it has yours. Fifteen years ago for that magic year or so we fit like a glove...we were connected...we were in love. Every woman I've met since we parted...even my ex-wife...I compared them to you. To some degree, you're correct. In my mind you became the perfect woman...the only woman I ever loved...could ever love again. Dammit, Beth, we were more than lovers! We were best friends. We might not have always agreed on everything but we saw the world through similar eyes...had the same concept of right and wrong...how people should be treated...what was important. My heart tells me it it's right...we belong together. I can't imagine not knowing...letting you slip away again if there's a chance that we found something unbelievably special fifteen years ago...something that is still there between us...a chance to be happy...deliriously happy."

"Jeff, right now we're two pretty beat up people...the expression, 'any port in a storm' comes to mind. I so desperately needed to be loved again...loved as a woman by a man that evening you followed me into the store...I haven't...not since the accident...and then there you were..."

"I didn't tell you but I have absolutely no responsibility for that part of the country...your part of the country. My counterpart who does had a heart attack...he's only forty. They asked me to cover for him...fly up, rent a car and drive a thousand miles over a week because there were things that would fall apart if they weren't attended to. I wasn't thinking about you when I chose the route...I literally could have driven half a dozen different ways. Thursday morning I called in and they asked me to make one more stop before I headed for Boston; it wasn't part of the original plan. I made no conscious decision that put me on that stretch of Interstate that afternoon....looking back it's not even the shortest route to Boston. I saw that exit and I still have no idea what made me turn off...but I did...it was as if you were calling to me as crazy as that sounds..."

Beth began to cry softly; she looked up and smiled. "I was calling to you. Jeff, I'm not trying to be melodramatic here; you know me better than that. That afternoon I was real close to throwing in the towel. Oh, I didn't have a plan or anything, nor did I have any good reason to keep on going. If you hadn't...Let's not go there. After you left, bluntly I started to lose it. My family was gone...I let you go...no, chased you away...anyway for the second time in my life I'd let you get away from me. Then you called and you needed me; for the first time in a long time I had a purpose for existing...someone I cared about needed my help. Thank you. My heart tells me I never stopped loving you but even if it didn't, I care about you...you were...are...a special friend. I'll stay as long as you need me to help."

"Things have happened pretty quickly over the past couple of weeks. Look, my ex-wife had turned into one shitty parent. I kept getting all the signs that things weren't right down there but I rationalized that a custody battle would just be more trauma for that little boy and girl in the those two bedrooms. Now I'm starting to realize that I probably should have acted sooner. But I wouldn't have...if it hadn't been for you. You made it pretty clear that if there was going to be anything between us it had to be real and that..."

"I wasn't willing to move? That's probably about the most bitchy, low down thing I could have done to you. I'm very sorry. I was pushing you away again...I was afraid...confused...I figured if I set conditions that you couldn't possibly live with...challenged you...you'd finally get over me...and I'd get over you...oh God, I'm so sorry!"

"But don't you get it? I wouldn't be doing what I'm doing right now if you hadn't kicked me in the butt! You gave me the shove I needed to act...I owe you big time for that!"

"I'm glad you can see it that way but I feel awful having in essence asked you to make a decision between those two adorable children of yours and me. That wasn't right...wasn't fair."

"Beth, if the custody issue didn't---doesn't---work out I didn't---don't---have a clearly outlined plan 'B'. If she wins this and gets to keep custody...I can't move...I can't be a thousand miles away from them. That part was always a roll of the dice. But even if it turns out that way, I'd sort of planned to fly up and park in front of your house every other weekend for the rest of my life until you said...yes. "

"Yes?"

"Yes, Jeffrey, there is a chance and yes I have feelings for you, very strong ones. Yes I still love you and yes I'm willing to give it a shot. Yes, I want to be your wife but only after we've both convinced ourselves that we're living in the here and now and not in a fifteen year old memory. If it means I have to move away from my home, yes, I'll even do that. I need to ask one deal breaking question. I'm still young enough to have children. I'm already falling for yours and I'd love to be able to think of them as ours but...I want...I need..."

"I was hoping, praying that you wanted more children..."

"Really?"

"Oh, yeah."

"That was too easy!"

"Well, I think we're probably going to invoke the same sleeping arrangements we had last night so what other issues are there that we need to discuss?"

"Okay, first, it wasn't fair of me to ask you to move and even if you did I wouldn't expect you to live in the same house. As a matter of fact I'm finally beginning to realize that it's probably not good for me to stay in that house so..."

Jeff jumped up, much to Beth's surprise and grabbed a map out of his briefcase. He spread it out on the kitchen counter. Without asking any questions, she joined him. There were two points marked on the map; she quickly realized that one of them was her home.

"Sweetheart, I know how important your family is to you. These two locations are about forty-five miles apart. I've never had a chance to explore that area...what the hell is there in this area?"

"It's still farmland...expensive farmland but farmland nevertheless."

"Well, today I all but accepted a job and my office will be there." Jeff said, stabbing the second marked point on the map. "You might remember that I was always a country boy at heart. I want some land...a few acres...no houses in sight but close to things that are important. What would you think about looking for something in that area? Worst case, or maybe best case, we buy some land and then build."

Beth threw her arms around him and cried softly on his shoulder. "If you're willing to turn your entire life upside down to accommodate my obsessive need to be close to my family, to my sisters...mom and dad... I'll even learn to slop hogs, milk cows or whatever it is you farmer types like to do. Wow..."

"Wow?"

"I had thought up to this very second that all I was hearing was your heart...your emotions...your obsession with what we once were to each other coming through. I was so afraid that you...no, both of us...were desperately grasping at those happy times when we were so young. I was afraid you were on a fantasy ride and to a greater degree than is probably healthy I desperately wanted to jump on that ride with you. I should have known better. Jeff, while you were---are—unquestionably the most unrepentant and incorrigible romantic I've ever known you also always had a logical, practical side. I fell head over heels in love with the romantic but always respected and admired the practical Jeff. I think it's why we clicked back then. Heart and head in balance...although right before we parted the heart part was pulling awfully hard and both of us were having trouble keeping our head in the game. You've got this planned out, don't you buddy? You haven't lost one iota of that strong goal orientation that always impressed me---inspired me."

"It's the most important goal I've ever set for myself...for us. Everything, heart and head, tells me that this is right Beth. Someone was nice enough to provide the signs and now we have to follow the trail and get there. Stay with me girl."

"I'm on board, hon, I'm on board."

The next morning Jeff, Beth and the two children sat in the hallway outside of the courtroom while the lawyers and official witnesses met with the judge. As forecasted by Lee, it took a little over an hour. Lee rejoined the family in the hallway.

"Jeff, the judge wants to meet with the children in his chambers." A kindly clerk led the two young ones to the judge's chambers.

"How'd it go?" Jeff inquired.

"It went well. This particularly judge takes this kind of job very seriously. While there are precedents, protocols and traditions, he also wants to be very sure that he is making the right decision for the parties involved---specifically the children---regardless of the law. It's a big step for a judge to revoke a mother's residential custody rights. Remember, in this kind of court there really is no appeal...he's God in that respect. Compared to some of the horrible abuse cases he sees, her behavior is, relatively speaking, not that serious, although the testimony from the experts and child welfare was quite damaging. On another note, her attorney has been just over the line of disrespectful---which isn't helping her case. He has already spoken to your ex-wife and I have a sense that he wasn't buying her act. You'll be next; he may want to chat with your friend...let her know."

"Why?"

"Possibly to get a sense of what kind of company you keep...look, Jeff...the one thing against you is...you're not married. It's not fair, single mothers get the kids and single fathers get screwed but it happens that way too often. Make sure he hears about your proposed job change and the fact that you won't be on the road as much. By the way, in terms of the young widow.... wow! What a stunning woman she is! I only had a few minutes to chat with her while you were talking to the kids earlier but I almost proposed twice...which my wife would find terribly disconcerting. I hope you're going to tell me that this goes beyond a platonic old friendship and you have every intention of a trip down the aisle with that delightful lady!"

"That is my intention. Look, Lee, we were once head over heels in love. We've spent one night together in the last fifteen years. We're both in very vulnerable situations. Both of our hearts say yes but neither of us wants to go through this kind of thing a second time."

"I hear you. That didn't take long...here come the kids...you're on."

...We drank a toast...

"I keep thing pretty informal back here, Jeff. I'll call you Jeff and you can call me judge or your honor...a little judicial humor there. Look, it's a big step for a judge to reverse a custody decision and place the children in residence with the father. I also see that you are requesting permission to move with them to another locale. Talk to me."

"Sir, I travel, sometimes four nights a week. I make a good living but there's a price to pay for that. I've been offered a promotion to an inside position which will actually mean a little less money but a drastic reduction in travel. Other than an occasional conference two or three times a year, I'll be home every night."

"You couldn't have done that in this state?"

"There's only one job at that level that I'd be qualified for and it's filled for at least two more years."

"Why that particular city?"

"The company always has a tough time filling jobs in northern cities so they make it very attractive. Additionally I chose that city because my friend who has been helping with the kids over the last couple of days lives there...she grew up there...her mom and dad live there...her siblings. Your honor, she and I saw each other for the first time in fifteen years a couple of weeks ago. We used to exchange holiday cards, pictures of our kids and such but haven't even done that in almost ten years. We were both married to other people for most of that time. For some inexplicable reason I pulled off the Interstate at her exit while traveling on business and looked her up. We were college sweethearts but life, a combat tour and other things got in the way. She is a widow; her husband and two children, the same ages as mine, were killed by a drunk driver two years ago."

"Where is this relationship going?" The judge asked bluntly.

"Fifteen years is a long time, you honor. If it was just a matter of hearts...I'd ask her to marry me...well, I sort of already did...but...we just want to be sure we're not just in love with who each of us was fifteen years ago...neither of us is interested in an affair...it's got to be all or nothing."

"Your kids like her a lot. They're sort of hoping she sticks around. I'm talking out of school, here. How's she going to take it if I don't agree to letting you leave the state?"

"We talked about it last night; she's committed to seeing it through...exploring our future together regardless."

"How did she end up coming down here?"

"When the kids came back home with me I suddenly realized that I had to go to my corporate headquarters for the interviews on Tuesday. My parents are elderly and don't travel well or quickly and I really had no one else I would have trusted to look after them. I called her and asked her to come down and baby sit; she caught the next flight out."

"That's a pretty special friend."

"She's a pretty special lady."

"I plan to chat with her. I think we're done here. I would be a lot more comfortable if your's was a two parent household. I know it's not fair that there is a double standard for men. You've at least given me a sense that the situation could change in the near future. I'm not intimating that you are a gambling man but what are the odds that this rekindled love story is going to have a happy, that is, marital ending?"

"We've both got our head in the game as of last night. We talked about issues you know, having more children..."

"And?"

"We both want them. We were best friends. We liked each other before we fell in love. We're both pretty sure that it's there...what needs to be there to make it work. I don't remotely understand odds, your honor but the darn woman melts my heart every time I look at her...just the way she did when she was eighteen. There are always obstacles but I believe we both want it to work so much that we'll overcome any issues."

"You are a refreshingly candid man, Jeff. Most guys in your situation would have fed me a line of bull. I respect the fact that you didn't. I need to meet this girl of yours."

... a toast to now...

"It's your turn babe. The judge is taking a quick potty break and then he wants to meet you."

"Pardon me?"

"The judge wants to meet you for a chat...I know you didn't sign on for this but..."

"Oh hells, bells, Jeff. When I got on that airplane I signed on for the whole shooting match. I did work for several years before I had children. I started again about six months ago albeit part time. Not that you would have known."

"What kind of work?"

"I have a Masters in Social Work...remember? I used to work with families with abused children and I often had to brief the judge on my observations. I'll be fine."

***

"First, Let me express my deep sorrow for your loss, ma'am. No words can possibly ease your pain. And now you've been thrown or pulled into another painful situation. I really just wanted to get to know you and understand your part or role in this family if there is one."

"You honor, the first man I ever loved stopped by to see me out of the blue a couple of weeks ago. I hadn't seen him in fifteen years. I didn't know about his situation nor did he know of my loss. We spent the night together, two lonely, tortured souls desperate for some comfort and a loving embrace. The next morning I chased him away; I wasn't looking for a lover or a fling and in addition to understanding his obligation to---and deep love for---his children I was pretty sure it was just two lonely people reconnecting with a once magical romance that had ended a decade and a half ago. I told him not to call...he did but only to ask for my help...he needed help...and...whatever he was or had been he was a very special, dear friend who needed help...and I hadn't felt very needed in over two years."

"Go on."

"Your honor, back in college we parted because we were getting too serious and we were too darned young! Life got in the way and we never found each other again...until two weeks ago. He showed up at my door at what was probably my most desperate hour; I had prayed...send me a sign...something...anything...that says, buck it up girl and get back in the game of life! I don't want to disturb anyone's religious sensitivities but..."

"I am a man of faith, my dear and I'm old enough to be your father or worse...go on..."

"God sent me an angel who just happened to look exactly like the man who just left your chambers. I put all kinds of road blocks in front of him...made things difficult...and with every word and action in the last two weeks he keeps bowling over those barriers and I am now convinced that he and I are meant to spend the rest of our lives together. That none of this has happened by accident. I haven't told him that yet in so many words...but I will do whatever he and those children that he so desperately loves need me to do to ensure that they have a happy future...any sacrifice...whatever I'm called upon to do. He is the same kind, thoughtful, caring, wonderful man I once knew. Those children are his life and I want to be part of that life...with him...with them. Judge, you can't miss it...the love in his eyes when he looks at his children...and this morning, sitting out in that corridor, he turned and looked at me...and it was the same...the same love...I can't lose him twice in one life time."

"Do you work Beth?"

"I worked full time until my children came along; then I quit. I never wanted to be a working mother and my husband...he was a very successful architect...we had that luxury. I worked part time, mostly volunteer work after the kids got a little older. I'm trying to get back into harness now...but..."

"What kind of work do you do?"

"I have a Masters in Social Work. I started out working in a female youth prison then worked with single mothers and families with abused children. I'm currently working part time---Jeff doesn't even know about this, we really haven't had time---as a court appointed guardian ad litem in...custody cases for a judge who does pretty much what you do."

"Oh my! Well, recognizing that you have a personal stake in all of this but in view of your extraordinary candor---you and Jeff seem to share that trait---what's your expert opinion?"

"Nothing like putting me between a rock and a hard place, eh judge?"

"That's my job."

"I've had less than 72 hours to get to know the kids but probably as much one on one time as I ever get in a court appointed case. They're really good, sweet kids; they're terribly confused and traumatized more by the games...they feel used. I've never met their mother---I'd never even seen her until this morning. They are very attached to their father. I sense that he has been at least equally if not more responsible for nurturing. I've not engaged in the typical interviewing of them that I would do in a court appointed case. The older child, the daughter, Bethany, has let slip some genuine anger about other men in her mother's life...the lack of stability...a sense that they are not primary. She's going to need some help. The little boy, Ben, just needs to be held and loved and see a normal, stable healthy home and he will be fine. They love their mother but the trust issues are growing. That's about as clinical as I can get your honor. Could I love those precious babies as if they were my own? Without a shadow of a doubt. Can their birth mother do so? I'm not qualified to answer that one. I will only say that I have a strong sense that raising those kids is not currently her primary focus. As such, she would need supervision and mandated changes in her living arrangements. If we were talking about the choice between foster care and the birth mother, probably not unlike you, sir, I'd go with the birth mother and a heavy dose of supervision. In this case, however, regardless of precedent...there is a loving parent ready, willing and able to give them a good home."