Might Have Been Ch. 04

Sacrificing one's own happiness for another was something I understood too well, and respected deeply, but Sidney put me to shame. I had sacrificed for Tasha, but had to admit my motives were selfish. Sacrifices kept Tasha happy, and they had once made her desire me. Sidney's sacrifice, in contrast, was beyond selfless. She was doing her own interests active harm, with the knife further twisted by having to watch and participate.

Sacrifices suck, Sidney had said yesterday.

Not if they have meaning, I thought.

I heard the fizz of an opened pop can, and turned to see Dave standing at the refrigerator, slamming one of my Cokes. His eyes were sunken and bleary. His hair was unkempt. I didn't think he had slept last night.

“You look like you need a man's drink,” I told him.

He held up the can. “A caffeinated beverage, by any other name, would taste as sweet.” His voice was raw, and he choked on his words. “I'm a single man, now.” He sat in the chair Amber had just vacated.

I studied the cash register, letting him recover his dignity. “You're a free man, you mean – once more at liberty to join the hunt! The girls in Madison won't know what hit them.”

“Hunt for what? The Exqui... The Ex-Girlfriend Sarah is... special. You know that.”

I said nothing, knowing Dave would not deem it a favor if I said what I thought of Sarah right now. The contrast between Sidney's actions, and Sarah's refusal of Dave's offer to move to New York, put the two women in sharp relief. Sarah's actions were cynical and petty in comparison.

Dave misunderstood my silence. “You love Sarah as much as I do.”

Huh? “Maybe once, but not for a long time, and never as much as you do.”

“But you loved her.” The statement threatened to be an accusation if I answered wrong.

“Not in the way I think you mean. She's been your girlfriend as long as I've really known her.”

“She isn't my girlfriend anymore.”

“What are you saying?” Was he giving me permission to go after Sarah? I recalled him coming to the pool after their breakup nine years ago, but I didn't remember this conversation. Yesterday, I had vented at him about his breakup, which I hadn't done before. Did that spark a different reaction today?

“I again offered to cancel my Madison plans and follow her to New York. She told me again she would dump me if I did. I don't think she loved me. This was just a convenient time to ditch me.” He looked miserable.

“Did you tell her that?”

“Yes, and I heard her mutter your name under her breath.”

I told him of Sarah’s visit to the pool yesterday. “She was furious at me, and based on her reaction, I think I was wrong. She loves you.”

“Then why is she no longer my girlfriend?”

I had no answer.

Dave offered his own. “You.”

“What?”

“You should hear her sell you to other girls, trying to get you off the market so she won't be tempted. 'The smartest guy in the school', 'rapier wit', 'swimmer shoulders', 'so self-confident it's a crime'. She threw Amy, Heather and Dani at you, and was spinning the same sales pitch to Sidney and Amber last week. I'm just the guy she settled on before she met my best friend, after which it would have been too awkward to switch.”

“You're selling yourself short.”

“I have reason to.”

“You have reason not to. She dated you for two years, not me. She sets me up with girls because she wants me? That doesn’t make any sense. I never, ever made a play for Sarah.”

“But you wanted to.”

The accusations brought out anger, which I tried to direct at the proper target. “You're hurting right now. I get that, but Sarah is the one treating you like shit, not me. Blame me when I actually do something wrong.” Like break off contact with you, because of my own psycho girlfriend.

“Well, I'm no longer in your way. Good luck.” He stood and moved toward the door, pausing for one last comment. “You will know I was right if she shows up to see you today.”

“Fat chance. You didn’t see how pissed she was yesterday.”

I watched Dave walk back to his car. His last statement didn't concern me much, as I remembered enough from this same day nine years ago to know that Sarah hadn't seen me before she left for New York. But I was saddened and angry just the same. I was angrier still at Sarah. If she didn't love him, she should have the decency to say it, and stop the torment. If she did love him, she should have accepted Dave's offer to move to New York to be with her. It was that simple. If there was one thing I had learned from Tasha, it was that Love was a jealous god, who required expensive sacrifices on his altar.

∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞

Sidney ducked out during the next swimmers' break as well, saying she had to fill her gas tank. It was a weak excuse.

Sitting on the stand for the previous half hour, I had time to think. I had an idea of how I could help Sidney and repay my debt to her, rewarding her sacrifice. I had a Cunning Plan, but I needed Amber's help.

Amber wanted an excuse to close the pool. We were required to close if we heard thunder or saw lightning. The storm was coming, but hadn't hit. Amber stared at the clouds, and shushed all the kids so she could hear the first rumble, but so far, no storm. I knew she wanted to continue our coaching session from yesterday. She hadn't said anything explicit, but the sexy bikini, the foot-job during the last break, some offhand comments, and the way she was staring at the sky, all screamed that she wanted to close the pool so we could consummate her sexual awakening.

It was fascinating and flattering to watch Amber’s sexualization. She was flaunting her bikini-clad body. She would drop things in front of me, bend over to retrieve them, and glance behind to see whether I was watching. Climbing down from the lifeguard chair, she had twice “tripped” and fallen into my arms, giggling. Every time I passed her, she made a point of touching me – adjusting the position of the whistle around my neck, or re-aligning a stray hair. When we sat on the chairs across from each other, she seemed to be staring at me, and I saw her rub baby oil on her breasts, legs and stomach far more often than was necessary, causing a case of priapism so severe I had to carry a towel for concealment.

I wanted the pool to close as much as she did. She had experienced her first orgasm yesterday at my hands, and if I were right that Sidney had been playing “follow the leader”, Amber would be screwing me within minutes of the pool being closed.

Bring on the storm.

“Amber, the way you're watching the skies, it’s almost like you want lightning to strike.”

She smiled, and blushed. “Maybe.”

“But if that happens, we have to kick the kids out, and then hang around here for at least an hour to see if the storm passes.”

Her smile grew bigger. “We would have to do something to pass the time.”

“How about solitaire?”

“I had enough of that yesterday.” Her cheeks turned scarlet.

Wow, Amber had just made a masturbation joke. Feeling like I was staring at a chess board, I saw an opportunity to steer the conversation, and took it. “Just once by my count,” I said.

Amber held up four fingers, staring at her feet.

“What? Last night?”

She nodded. “And once this morning.”

“And who were thinking of?”

“Guess.” She studied her toes.

“You were fantasizing about me?”

She looked up at me and smiled, before dropping her gaze again.

“What did you fantasize about?” I asked. “That I touched you again?”

“That's what I thought of the first time. The next two times, it was more.” She was slowly rubbing her legs together, and her hand had moved to lie across her chest.

“More?”

“You know...” Her hand was drawing little circles around the top of her right breast as she recalled her fantasies.

“No I don't. Tell me.”

“Uh, uh. Your turn. Sidney said what we did last night was every man's fantasy. Is that true? What do you have left to fantasize about?”

I told her. Knight to c3.

∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞

Sidney returned just as the first bolt of lightning flashed across the sky. Amber was on her feet, blowing the whistle, before the thunderclap even arrived. “Everyone out! The pool is closed!”

The kids knew the drill, but they didn't like it. Kids usually delayed their departure with hot showers, but Amber shut off the hot water valve to spur them on their way. We had them all outside the doors within five minutes.

As soon as the last kid was out of sight, Amber was in my arms, kissing my neck and lips. I eagerly returned her attentions, as her hands snaked around my back to grab my ass, and she pulled me close to press herself against me.

We were interrupted by Sidney's coughing. Sid had her gym bag in her hands, and was standing near the door. “Amber, give me the keys to your car, so I can go home. Call me if you need a ride, or if you re-open.”

“No, Sidney, you can't leave! We're going to get more 'coaching'!”

“Amber, it's okay. It's your turn now. You've been on the pill for a month, and you saw everything last night. You'll do fine.” There was sadness in her eyes as she reassured her friend with a wan smile.

“Wait, we wanted to ask you something,” Amber said.

Sidney's desire to leave was obvious, but for Amber, her patience appeared infinite. “What?”

“Lance and I were discussing fantasies during the last break, and he says there's a fantasy every guy has? And this is the perfect opportunity to do it? And since we're trying to get more experienced sexually, I agreed, and said I would talk to you.”

“You don't need me for his fantasies, Amber.”

“Um... we do for this one. His fantasy is to watch two women, you know, kissing and... stuff, before the guy joined in. I said I would try it, and that I would ask you. I mean, we do almost everything together already.”

Sidney dropped her gym bag, and closed her eyes.

Queen to f3. I would have given anything to read Sidney's mind. I saw a complex array of emotions play out across her face, with her fighting to suppress half of them. She took several deep breaths.

“Sidney?” Amber asked with concern. “You don't have to if you don't want. It sounded kind of fun, but we knew you might be uncomfortable, and it’s okay if you still want to leave.”

Sidney finally spoke, but still had her eyes closed. “Amber, step outside for a minute. I need to talk to Lance in private.”

“Um, okay.” Amber put her fingers to her mouth, as if she were biting her nails, and made a funny “oh shit” expression, before ducking out the front door.

Sidney opened her eyes, approached me – and slapped me across the face. Her lips were trembling in barely-suppressed rage and her red hair blazed like fire.

Her reaction killed the laughter that had been dancing in my eyes.“I thought you might take it better than that.”

“What the fuck are you doing?” she demanded.

I had considered this reaction possible, but unlikely. I knew Sidney was protective of Amber, and might not see this the way I did, but who would think twice about turning down a chance with Amber? “I'm returning the favor,” I answered.

Her eyes were threatening tears, but there was something else there – fear. “I can't believe I trusted you! You're fucking around with my emotions, and hers.”

“No more than you did yesterday.”

“That was different! You aren't looking out for her. You don't...” her voice trailed off.

“Love her?” I finished.

“Oh God.” She nodded.

“That makes the chance all the more important, Sidney. If you don't want it, you can say 'no', and walk to the car.”

“You know I want this – more than anything in the world.”

“Then say yes.”

“I don't want it as part of some guy's sex fantasy.”

“I'm not sure why a third person getting something out of it makes it worse.”

“Because it should be private! And she's doing it for you, not me!”

“Are you sure?”

“She'll think I'm a freak.”

There was the fear. “How do you know?”

“You saw how she lusted after you last night.” Her lips tightened in remembered resentment. “She was sucking your cock like cum was crack. She's into guys.”

“I'm not sure Amber knows what she wants. She seems into experimentation. She didn't hesitate when I suggested this.”

Sidney hugged herself protectively. “Oh God, really?” Her lower lip quivered again, this time with fear, not anger.

“I swear. Do you want to be remembering Amber ten years from now, wondering what would have happened if you had ever tried? This is your perfect chance. If Amber doesn't enjoy it, you can just pretend your enjoyment was all part of an act. I've got your back.”

“This isn't how it was supposed to be. I'd given up on her. I was trying to make it up to her for keeping her to myself all year.”

“You did make it up to her.”

The glare was back in her eyes. “You don't know how hard it was to bury my feelings the first time. You're dredging them all up again. I don't know if I can bury them again. What are you doing to me?” The almost-tears were back.

“Sidney, you're making this more complicated than it needs to be. It’s about choices. I'm willing. Amber is willing. What about you?”

Sidney closed her eyes, hesitated, and nodded. She opened them, and slapped me again.

“Ow! What was that for?”

“For screwing with my head, just so you can get your rocks off. You think you're so fucking clever, Lance, and you can talk circles around me, but this is all about you. You kept my secret this morning, and I trusted you, and now you're using me. Fuck you.”

That hurt. I didn't think what she said was true, but I hated the fact I wasn't certain.

Sidney composed her face into a blank mask and let Amber back in.

“So what were you guys talking about?” Amber asked upon entering.

Sidney had a ready answer. “I wanted to make sure Lance knew the consequences of telling anyone about this.”

“Lance knows how to keep a secret. That's partly why we asked him. Remember what Sarah said? She said all the Heather rumors were her fault, not Lance's, and that Lance never tells secrets even to his best friends.”

“Yeah, but I wanted to be sure,” Sidney said.

“But why couldn't I stay?”

Sidney didn't seem to have an answer there, so I stepped in. “She used words nice girls shouldn't hear, like 'castrate', 'disembowel', and 'defenestrate'.”

Amber frowned. “Defenestrate?”

“To throw out of a window.”

“Oh.” She gave the windows to the office the once over. “Let's go the locker room again. No windows there.”

During the rousting of the rugrats prior to closing the pool, Amber had thrown down another bed of towels on the floor. I loved a woman who knew how to prepare for sex.

Sidney took the initiative. “Lance, this is your fantasy, what's first?” I could see right through her. She badly wanted to get started, but needed it to appear my idea. I knew Sidney would gladly follow my sexual orders, if they gave her an excuse to do what she so desperately wanted. Amber was the real wild card. Her naivete seemed to leave her clueless about kink, but there was no telling where she would get uncomfortable, and suddenly draw a firm line.

I watched the two of them staring at each other. Both of them were nervous, but for different reasons. They were close friends, but this was going to be a new level of intimacy.

“Why don't you two start by touching each other?” I took a seat on the bench.

Amber turned to face Sidney, and gently poked her shoulder. Amber laughed.

When Amber turned to see if I thought it was funny, Sidney's eyes flashed a warning.

“I guess I need to be more clear. Amber, caress Sidney's cheek.”

Amber extended her hand, and gently ran her fingers down the length of Sidney's face. Sidney blanked her expression, keeping her emotions bottled up, as she had done last night. One of my goals today was to pop the cork on that bottle. “Sidney, the whole fantasy is better if you act like you're turned on when she touches you. If you need help, just imagine she's me.”

That earned a glare, but I saw amusement behind it. She was beginning to appreciate the absurdity of it all. Oh what a tangled web we weave...

“Amber, use both hands,” I commanded.

Amber held Sidney's face in her hands, and ran her fingers along Sidney's jawline and hair. Sidney closed her eyes, and leaned into Amber's touch.

“Much better Sidney. Now Amber, try kissing Sidney.”

Sidney opened her eyes. “Why are you giving Amber all the orders?” Sidney was acting defensive, but I suspected she was worried Amber would get suspicious if I played favorites.

“Because Amber won't bite my dick off when I tell her what to do.”

Amber nodded. “We practiced that yesterday. No teeth.”

Sidney laughed, another sign she was loosening up. “You can give me orders too. I won't bite you.” Clever girl – she had just made a “concession” that I could order her to do what she wanted to do, and make it appear my idea.

“Wonderful. Now shut up and let Amber kiss you.” I was discovering I liked being in control. Dance for me, my puppets!

Sidney closed her eyes and parted her lips. Amber was slightly taller than Sidney, so she bent over to give Sidney a chaste kiss on the lips.

“Cut!” I stood up. “Amber, I thought we practiced this yesterday, but you need a reminder. This is how you kiss.” I took Amber in my arms, placing one hand on her lower back, and the other around her shoulders, and slowly pulled her parting lips against mine. I let my tongue savor hers, then released her and sat down.

Amber laughed, and made a show of fanning herself, as if she were suddenly growing faint. Then she turned to Sidney.

“...And action!” I said.

Sidney stared at me with delicious terror in her eyes, as Amber embraced her. Amber wrapped her arms around Sidney the same way I did, but was even slower in bringing their lips together. The kiss was lighter than the one I had bestowed – their lips merely brushed together, but I was able to see Amber's tongue flicking out to taste Sidney's lips. Sidney's own tongue slowly extended to touch Amber's. I watched Sidney's knees buckle, and her own arms tentatively enveloped Amber for support. Sidney held Amber tighter and closer, until she had fully melted into the embrace of her friend, lost in a kiss she had never hoped to receive.

They continued their kiss for a full minute, until Amber finally withdrew. She appealed to me for approval, but Sidney only had eyes for Amber. They kept their arms wrapped around each other.

“Oh my,” was all I could say.

“I didn't know what to expect, but that was very nice,” Amber said. “You're a good kisser,” she said to her friend.

Sidney was crimson and quiet.

I intervened. “Well, Sidney's dated a few guys. She's had more practice.”

Sidney's eyes expressed a silent thank you for helping her maintain cover.

I gave my next command. “It's Sidney's turn now. Sidney, kiss Amber's neck and shoulders.”

Sidney didn't need to be told twice, and didn't need instruction on technique. She began underneath Amber's ear, and pursued Amber's neckline to the opposite shoulder. I saw her add little licks and love bites, and each of Amber's collarbones received a full bath from Sidney's tongue. Sidney's arousal was plain. She stood off-center, with her breasts nestled between Amber's. Her pelvis was dangerously close to grinding against Amber's thigh, which would be a dead giveaway. When Sidney finally retreated, her face was flush with desire.

I sought to distract attention from Sidney's obvious lust by remarking on Amber instead. “Amber, either you're really good at acting, or you're getting turned on by this.”

“I am, I know! Sidney is so good with her mouth and hands.”

Sidney gaped.

I hadn't expected that response from Amber, but it was good news. I was almost as relieved as Sidney that Amber was enjoying this. I thought Sidney would be less likely to give herself away if I kept things moving. “Amber your turn. Try touching Sidney's breasts.”