Misplaced Jealousy

He talked about our life together, the good times, the not so good times and the breakup. I had no idea he loved me so much and how I'd hurt him the last fourteen months. I never knew about his depression or about his plans for our retirement. I cried until my tear ducts were empty. I cursed myself as he wrote that he'd forgiven me but couldn't forget what I'd done.

By the end of the week, I went back to the house and returned his journals. I went down stairs to the den and powered up his computer. Shit, he hadn't even changed his password as I went into his AOL account and checked his e-mails. I deleted all the garbage and made a note to call his boss tomorrow. When I saw the e-mail I'd sent him all those months ago I started to cry all over again. He had saved it and when I opened up the picture I thought I was going to die. I had sent it for no other reason then to inflict as much pain as I could, and it looks like I did just that. I almost deleted it, but it wasn't my computer any more and I had no right to even be in the house much less Steve's computer.

Day by day I got better. The patch came off my left eye, and my nose would need surgery down the road to straighten it. My ribs were healing and also my legs, but they itched like a son of a gun under the casts. Luckily I only had a slight concussion and no brain swelling but I wasn't back to normal just yet. The doctor said the best thing for my body was being in the coma. It had time to heal on it's own without me moving around. My private nurse Debby waited on me hand and foot. I no longer needed around the clock care so she took care of my needs during my waking hours.

The only time I felt uncomfortable was when she gave me the sponge baths. When she started below the belt I always got a hard on, I guess I was getting better. Once I tried to apologize but she told me not to worry about it.

"If you couldn't get hard, then that would be something to worry about," she said with a wink and a smile.

I guess she was right.

Tammy came most days after work and so did Connie, the teacher I'd saved. She brought thank you notes from all the kids and said when I felt better; they were all coming to the hospital to see me. She was a single mom of about forty-one with a twelve-year-old girl. I told her she didn't have to come every day, but she insisted.

"You gave me and my daughter a second chance. It's the least I can do to make sure you're comfortable and your needs are being met."

Connie would come everyday at 4:00 and read to me for about an hour. For some reason with her there I felt calm and relaxed; and her being nice looking only made me anxious for her daily visits.

Tammy came about 6:30 and usually brought her dinner. I was stuck eating hospital food but every once in a while she'd sneak me in a Big Mac. I'd put on about eight pounds and it had all gone to my gut. We shot the shit and she usually left by 8:00. I never saw my kids or ex-wife, but Tammy said Ann came around every once in a while.

"What do you mean a cane?" I yelled out at the doctor. "Isn't there another operation you can do?" I asked.

"Your right leg was broken in two places and is healing well, but it's your left leg that was really messed up. You've got two pins holding everything together and we still have to go back in later to take out a bunch of bone chips. Steve, I'm just giving you the worst case senero, that's all," he explained to me.

"I'm sorry, I won't buy that. Doc. I'm a runner and have been all my life. I don't have much of a life outside this room anymore, and now you're telling me I won't be able to even do that anymore. I won't accept that," I told him.

What else could go wrong?

Work was great. The team stepped up and I told them more than once how much I appreciated it. Kathy kept me updated and between the two of us, everything got done and on time. My checks had been going into my savings account but none of my bills had been paid for the last couple of months. I guess I wasn't thinking straight, who else would be paying my bills but me.

When the bank sent out a foreclosure letter and said that my insurance company had dropped me, I was pissed. It took only one call to each to explain my dilemma.

"Do you really want to be known as the company who dropped me while I was in a coma after saving ten little kids?" I told the insurance company. I used the same line on the mortgage company and they even went so far as to drop all the late fees. However, it was time I made some decisions, especially when it came to the house. I contacted a realtor the next day and had it put on the market. Ann was going to get half, but it was time to cut my losses and move on with my life.

At ten weeks, I was sent home with an in-house nurse. Guess who? Because I had no one at home to care for me, Debbie was assigned the task. She set herself up in the guest room and only spent the nights when I was having problems.

Tammy and Connie still came over most nights even though I told them it wasn't necessary. Kenny called and Jimmy came to see me the day after I got home. They both apologized for not being there for me. I told them to forget about it, I had. I did tell them I'd put the house up for sale.

"You can't sell the house dad, where will you live?" they asked.

"I'll find an apartment close to work and in a couple of years, I'm moving south anyway."

"Have you talked to mom about it?" Kenny asked.

"I haven't talked to your mom since last year, why in the hell should I talk to her now?" I asked. "Please, just leave her ass out of it ok? I already know what she thinks of me anyway."

Friday night, Tammy, Connie and her daughter Rebecca put together a pajama party. We had pizza, beer and pecan pie. I wasn't suppose to drink beer, because of the painkillers, but I had two anyway. It wasn't until 10:30 that I found out the real reason for the sleep over. Tammy took Rebecca to the store to restock the refrigerator and Connie came into my room in an out fit that would raise the dead.

"I know it's been a while, and I know you can't do much, but tonight I need to do this for you."

"Connie you don't have to do this," I replied.

"I know that, I want to though," she said covering my mouth with hers.

It had been a long time. I shot off as soon as Connie wrapped her hand around my dick and stroked it once.

"A little horny were we?" she asked kissing me again. "I figure you must have at least three more in you after all this time," she said shoving her tongue down my throat as she opened her top.

"Damn casts," is all I could say to myself as I played tongue tag with her as my hands got to know her beautiful breasts on a personal level. Feeling them, kissing them and sucking on her nipples almost made the pain in my legs worthwhile. I pushed the envelope when I slid down on the bed and asked if she'd ever sixty nined.

"This way we'll both get something out of it. And don't worry, you won't crush me," I said with a smile. Connie's full bush rested on my chin as I partied her hair lips and feasted on her clit and honey pot.

The way she was moving and moaning brought a smile to my sticky face. "At least I can still eat pussy and get her off that way," I thought to myself as she deposited her fluid all over my face. I'd been trying to hold off for as long as I could, a man thing, but I now let loose with everything I had. She drained me before heading for the bathroom to spit.

"That was nice, that was really nice," Connie said wiping her mouth with a warm washcloth before cleaning off the dried coating on my face. "One of these days I'm going to get the nerve to swallow, I've just got a hang up with doing it," she said finishing up my face.

"Now if I just had an after sex cigarette, everything would be perfect," I told her.

"You smoke?"

"Nope. But since I don't, I'll take a nipple in place of it."

Round three was better than two. We had to stop when the rest of our guests showed back up.

When the casts came off, it was both a relief and burden. I was scheduled for physical therapy three days per week to start. I would take a cab to the clinic, let them make me cry, and then go home. My therapist was a large black woman who was unmerciful and took no prisoners. She pushed me to the breaking point and beyond.

"So you're the runner?" she asked. "How come you're such a wimp? Do you ever want to run again? Or are you going to be content with a pair of crutches?" she said mocking me.

As I said, I worked until I cried and then worked some more.

"I'll show that damn doctor," I kept saying to myself.

"Mom wants to see you," was all Kenny said on the phone.

"Why?"

"How the hell should I know?" he replied.

"Do you ever want to see me again?" I asked. "Because if you do, quit the damn games. You're not high on my list of favorite people right now, and if you bull shit me any more you'll be off the list completely. So let me ask the question one more time, what the hell does she want?"

"You. She's been watching you from a far, working with the doctors and therapists on your rehab. She's afraid to talk to you because of everything that went on just before and after the divorce, that's all. So, what do I tell her?"

"Have her come over Saturday morning after 10:00 and I'll talk to her. Hell, I might even be civil to her," I told my son.

Friday night Connie had something going on and Tammy stopped over on her way out on a date.

"Ann wants to see me," I told her.

"I know, I've been talking to her for the last couple of months," she replied.

"And you didn't tell me?"

"It was shortly after your accident and after I'd laid into your family that she stopped over. She apologized for the scene at the gym and we started talking after that. She kept tabs on you and wanted daily updates on your condition."

"Before or after fucking her current boyfriend."

"That's a question for the two of you. I suggested that she talk to you herself. That's why she's coming over tomorrow," Tammy told me. "I know you've got a lot of mixed feelings about her so you've got tonight to ask yourself all the tough questions. I'd love to stay but this is something you've got to do by yourself for yourself. So have a good evening, don't get too drunk and I'll see you tomorrow afternoon for a full update," she said kissing me on the cheek and running out.

I took Tammy's words to heart and I didn't get too drunk. Just drunk enough that I didn't have to re-feel the pain Ann had put me through. Just enough that all the anger that I'd held inside for so long didn't have a chance to fester again. Drunk enough not to carry my journals downstairs and burn them in the fireplace. Finally drunk enough that I fell asleep by 10:15 and got a full nights rest.

The pain in my leg woke me at 7:30 and two pain pills later I was making coffee and having breakfast. By 9:00 I was on the exercise machine I'd rented in the basement trying to make my leg work the way it was supposed to; and not having a hell of a lot of luck. When I heard the front door bell it took me almost five minutes to get out of the torture chamber and up the stairs.

"Come on in," I told Ann as I hobbled into the kitchen for a bottle of water. "Can I get you anything?" I asked.

"Not right now."

Grabbing a cold one out of the refrigerator, I made my way back to the kitchen table and flopped down on a chair wiping the sweat from my forehead with a hand towel.

"That's enough of a workout for this morning," I said slugging down about a third of the bottle. "Well Ann, it's your dime, what do you want to talk about."

"About us Steve," she started.

"Ann, there is no us, you threw that away a year ago, or have you forgotten?"

"I remember and have regretted my decision ever since then."

"You didn't look like you were regretting it too much when you were fucking Tom and decided to share your experiences with me. I hope he was worth all the trouble," I said sarcastically.

"I guess I deserved that. I was so mad at you for your little games that I think I went a little nuts for a while. I'm sorry about what I did."

"You don't have to tell me how sorry you are, or apologize for what you did, that's for someone who gives a shit and I don't any longer," I told a surprised Ann. "So if that's all you've got to say, it's been nice, but I've got a lot of things to do today and it now takes me now forever to do them."

"Can't you give me, us another chance? Don't you have any feelings left for me at all?" Ann asked.

"I did. I really did for a long while, even after your graphic e-mail. But when you kept piling it on and rubbing my nose in it every chance you got, you kind of killed it all."

"But I read your journals. All the things you wrote about us. The past and our future together, everything..." Ann was saying when I cut her of.

"You read my journals? How did you get your hands on them?" I asked.

"When you were in the hospital, I came into the house and found them. I didn't know what they were until I started to read them. I never knew you loved me so much and..." was all she got out.

"Get out, get the hell out of MY house. YOU don't live here any more, remember, YOU WALKED OUT ON ME!" I screamed at her. Go back to you boyfriend or boyfriends and stay the hell away from me," I screamed at her as I stood up and tried to walk out of the kitchen before my leg gave out and I crashed onto the floor.

"Let me help you," Ann said as she extended her hand as I lay on the ground.

"I don't need your damn help. Don't you think you've done just about enough to me?" I spit back at her as I struggled to stand before falling over again. This time however I felt a sharp pain in my leg as I rolled over.

"Please leave. Ann, leave me the hell alone." I said as I lay on my back like a turtle that couldn't upright himself.

I heard her start to cry as she ran from the kitchen. The front door slammed and I was alone again both inside and outside. I lay there for at least fifteen minutes before trying to get up again. I crawled on my belly and my one good knee over to the couch before dragging my broken ass up onto it. I was sweating like a pig when I either passed out from the pain or fell back into another coma.

When I opened my eyes I knew exactly where I was this time.

"You wouldn't listen to me would you?" the doctor told me as we moved towards the operating room. You broke one pin loose and screwed up your leg even worse than it was before," he told me. "Lucky for you, I was here when they brought you in. So relax, you know the drill and I'll see you later tonight."

I woke up in recovery to the same nurse I saw for the first time months ago.

"Couldn't stay away from me?" she asked.

"I missed the gourmet meals and sponge baths, that's all," I said trying to snap out of it.

"Relax, get some sleep, and I'll be there when you get to your room."

Tammy read me the riot act and ripped me up one side and down the other as soon as she walked through the door.

"I leave you alone for one damn minute and you put yourself back in the hospital. Don't you think I've got nothing better things to do than to baby-sit your ass in this place?" she yelled at me.

"Not really," I said with my best smile.

She laughed; I laughed which hurt like hell.

"I found you on the couch with a pin sticking out the side of your leg. You were bleeding like a stuck pig. You're just lucky I came by early to find out about your meeting with Ann. If I hadn't, you might have lost that damn leg, then who would run with me?" Tammy said as she punched me in the arm.

"Now that we got that shit out of the way, what happened with Ann that put you back in the hospital again?"

"Nothing really. She wanted to get back together and apologized for putting me through hell, that's all," I told her.

"And?"

"And what?" I replied.

"And what the hell did you tell her?" Tammy asked.

"What do you think I told her? I told her to leave me the hell alone. That's what I told her."

"What did you really tell her? You've been pining over her for the last year. I know you didn't blow it, you couldn't have been that stupid. Tell me you didn't blow it for the second time?" Tammy said with 'the look' on her face.

"Maybe I was a little rough with her, especially after she said she read my journals. Can you believe she read them?" I asked.

"Steve, I read your damn journals to. When I was taking care of your place, I found them and read them all one weekend. They were quite good actually."

"For Christ's sake, has anyone not read them? Maybe we should publish them in the newspaper. That way everyone can know my business," I said with an irritation in my voice.

"Well, if you didn't want anyone to read them, you should have put them away."

"They were in my friggin bedroom. On my night stand. I don't recall inviting you or Ann into my bedroom for a little light reading. Has Connie read them yet? Or are you planning on xeroxing her a copy?"

"Who put a burr under your saddle? Alright, I invaded your privacy. I'm sorry, get over it. How long are you going to be laid up this time?" she asked.

"Not a clue. My doctor will be in later tonight to let me know. I'm really getting tired of this place."

"Your fault this time. You need anything from home?" Tammy asked.

"Just my top journal if you don't mind. Unopened if you please," I said with a smile.

"Looks like I've got you for about two to three more weeks this time," the doctor told me looking at my x-rays. After that I'm going to let you go home if and only if, you sit yourself in a damn chair all day long. If not, I'll just keep you here until I tap out the limits on your health insurance."

"I'll be good, or at least good enough that you don't catch me," I said trying to add in a little humor.

"No joking around this time. One more stupid move like the last one, and you'll be on crutches for the rest of your life."

I heard that loud and clear. No more games and no more pushing it. The cost was just too high.

"Connie's got a new boyfriend, and she's afraid to tell you," Tammy said Friday night. "She was kind of falling for you but realized it was because you saved her life. After our little pajama party she realized you were just too much older and she felt guilty. She met a nice guy and they've been going out for the last month, that's why she hasn't been around that much. She told me she was going to tell you tonight. So don't be an asshole like you were with Ann, she feels bad enough already."

Connie came in about fifteen minutes later. "I need to see Steve alone for a minute," she told Tammy.

As we watched Tammy leave Connie got this solemn look on her face.

"Lighten up Connie, it's not that bad this time. I'll be out running the streets in a couple of weeks," I told her.

"Steve, there's something I need to tell you but I don't have a clue where to start," she said as her eyes started to well up.

"Connie, let me fill in the blanks. You've found someone special right?"

She nodded yes.

"And you feel bad because of what I did? Don't. I didn't set out to do what I did, and I don't expect you to be beholding to me for the rest of your life. You've been given a second chance, use it wisely but use it. Life is too short for you to waste another minute on an old duffer like myself. So get out of here and live. However, if you do tie the knot, I expect an invite," I said with a smile.

Connie kissed me and promised to stay in touch. As she walked by my bed, I did give her ass a swat.

"Tell your boyfriend from me, that if he doesn't treat you right, I'm going to come looking for him," I yelled as she walked out.

"You're a good man Steve," Tammy said as she came back into my room. "She walked out of here with a smile on her face and a bounce in her step."