Mormon Masturbation

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Megan masturbates after interview with her Bishop.
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Note: Mormonism is a conservative, orthodox religion with a cultural perspective and doctrine that some members view as sexually repressive. Mormons view masturbation as a sin that should be confessed to a Bishop. Likewise, Mormons view any sexual activity outside of marriage as a serious sin that also must be confessed. Confession involves the "sinner" meeting in private, face to face, in the Bishop's office. The Bishop is always male, typically older than 35. Although Bishops are instructed not to ask detailed sexual questions during interviews, they do ask questions about obedience to the "law of chastity" and many Mormons have reported being asked in-depth, probing details to detect sexual sin with the goal of determining the individual's personal worthiness. These worthiness interviews begin at age 12 for both males and females. Personal worthiness is woven into Mormon culture in many ways including the ability to participate in events and practices that have the highest importance in Mormon life.

*****

"What I mean is...have you touched yourself between your legs, on your genitals, to feel good? To feel good sexually?" Bishop Wharton asked, leaning forward on his desk that divided the space between them.

Megan felt as if her face were flaming hot and she shifted uncomfortably on the blue padded folding chair in front of Bishop Wharton's desk. She'd just turned eighteen years old and this was her last worthiness interview before leaving her home town to go to her freshman year of college. The best reply she could summon was, "Ummm, I...well..." She felt embarrassed and stupid.

"Megan, I'm sure this is hard. Let me assure you, I don't enjoy this either. But I want you to know, up front, that the Lord loves you dearly. Beyond that, I've known you many years and I respect you deeply." Bishop Wharton paused. He was a big man with a rounded chest and belly. His breathing always seemed labored and his face seemed to have a ruddy shine as though he'd just finished jogging. "This question, whether you are abiding by the law of chastity, is an important one, but I also want to let you know that many of the youth struggle with masturbation. It's completely understandable."

"Masturbation?" Megan asked, still feeling stupid.

"You're not familiar with the word?" Bishop Wharton asked.

"I, well, maybe..."

Bishop Wharton cut in, speaking quietly, "For boys, it involves stroking their penis until it gets hard and they ejaculate. For girls, it involves rubbing your genitals, either with your hands or rubbing them on something like a pillow, and sometimes inserting a finger into your vagina with the purpose of having an orgasm."

Megan sat back quickly, "I definitely haven't, um, inserted a finger."

"Have you touched your genitals...to feel good?"

Megan sighed, she glanced at her feet encased in her best Sunday shoes and her legs where they emerged beneath her Sunday dress. "I have touched myself...down there."

"I'm not talking about just after going to the bathroom or washing yourself in the shower, incidental things like that. I'm talking about intentionally touching yourself to make yourself feel good."

Megan was feeling a little frustrated now and she spoke up, "But when I'm taking a bath, I need to wash my whole body. I want to feel clean. What's wrong with it feeling good to wash down there? It feels good to wash my shoulders and neck too."

Bishop Wharton's face grew a little more red, "There's a difference between cleaning yourself and incidental feelings of pleasure, on one hand, and intentionally focusing on touching yourself to feel good. Have you ever had an orgasm? Do you know what that is?"

"Yes, I do know what it is and I've had them." Megan sighed again.

Bishop Wharton leaned slowly back in his chair and it squeaked as his weight shifted. There was a long, awkward silence as Megan waited, feeling more and more frustrated. She could hear the clock ticking on the wall. Finally, Bishop Wharton spoke again, "Have you had any issues with pornography?" His bushy eyebrows went up, and then, as if she was a child who needed further explanation, he tacked on, "Have you seen naked men?"

Megan felt her face cooling slightly and she tried to regulate her breathing, she hadn't done anything wrong and she felt uncomfortable with this interview, but she also wanted to be honest. "No and yes."

Bishop Wharton's eyes narrowed slightly and he leaned forward, "No and yes?"

"I haven't had any issues with pornography but I have seen naked men, or rather, one man naked." Megan tried to stay calm. She'd done nothing wrong.

"Goodness, Megan, can you explain a little? I assure you this is completely confidential."

"I could...explain further, but I don't see the point. I haven't done anything wrong. I obey the law of chastity."

"This man you saw, was it a picture online? Was he completely naked? Did you see his penis?"

Megan paused, then replied, "No. No. And yes."

Megan suppressed a smirk as the Bishop worked out the order of her answers in his mind. His eyebrows went up again. Megan was having a hard time not focusing on how bushy they were. "You mean you saw his penis in person? Do you know him?"

Before Megan thought it through, she burst out with, "Of course I do, he's in this ward." The moment those words crossed her hips she regretted them.

Bishop Wharton eased back in his chair again with a slow, loud squeak. He put his hands together, fingers spread and touching. He let out a low, "Hmmmm..."

Megan felt her face flushing again. She started to speak, "I, uh, it isn't what you're thinking. I..."

Bishop Wharton spoke, "Megan, I want to let you know that the Lord loves you. I love you. I'm terribly sorry but I have a meeting that I must attend. Will you please schedule a follow-up with Brother Jones, my executive secretary. I think we need to talk more. Masturbation violates the law of chastity but is something you can repent of. Sexual relations with a young man from this ward is a more serious matter, even if it's just so-called 'fooling around.' I think this is something we need to work through, together, and then you'll be able to feel at ease again. I can promise you that it won't be easy but it will be worth it." He opened one of his desk drawers and took out a pamphlet. "I'd like you to read this before our next appointment. Will you promise to come back and see me? I assure you we can get through this and you will feel much better."

Megan took the pamphlet but didn't even really focus on it enough to read the title on the cover. She felt awful inside. Part of the feeling was embarrassment, but part of it was also a tinge of anger. Why did this older man ask her these questions? What business was it of his? She stood up quickly and murmured, "Thank you, Bishop."

His chair creaked again as he hoisted himself up and walked around the desk. He held out his hand and firmly shook hers. He patted her on the shoulder in a friendly way and opened the door of his office. "See you soon." He said.

Without waiting for a response, he ushered her into the hallway and she walked briskly away, not wanting to look back.

She drove home feeling more and more angry every moment. Why would God give her a body that felt good and produced such amazing sensations if it was wrong to use that gift? Everything she read and learned in school said masturbation was normal. Even more, she'd read that repressing those feelings could lead to sexual problems later in life. Further more, why would God give Dan a body that looked so interesting and made her experience such feelings? It wasn't her fault that she saw his penis. In fact, it wasn't his fault either. It just happened... innocent, almost funny.

As she drove, her mind went back to just after she graduated, late in May.

-

Dan's family lived across the street. Megan had known him as long as she could remember. He was a year older than she was. They'd always been good friends but there had never been any romantic spark between them, partly because of how different their personalities were. She was outgoing. He was introverted and shy. She was in lots of activities, he wasn't so much.

Dan graduated from high school the year before and had been away to college for his freshman year. He came back home in May. She remembered seeing him for the first time after those several months when he was gone. She was standing at the mail box looking through the letters hoping for more information from the school she was planning to attend when she heard his door swing open from across the street.

He pounded down their front steps and looked up, noticing her. Time slowed down. He looked different, somehow. He seemed taller, more masculine, far more attractive than she'd remembered. Megan couldn't quite figure out what had changed. Then he smiled and waved to her. She felt her knees go slightly weak and felt embarrassed at her response. In all those years of knowing Dan, he rarely smiled, and now his quick, friendly smile made him look almost like a different person.

He walked down their front walk and across the street toward her. He was wearing loose athletic shorts and a T-shirt that seemed a little tight. Megan noticed his strong looking arms. The hair on his lower legs looked manly. She could see the bulge of his chest muscles as he moved. His chin was strong and his eyes were striking.

"Hey, Megan, long time since I've seen you. What's up?"

"Oh..." Megan tried to stop herself from staring at him, "Nothing, just getting the mail."

"Me too." Dan walked up to her and stopped a few feet away. "So, you're a high school graduate! Congratulations!"

"Yes." Megan smiled self-consciously, "Finally..." She paused, then spoke again quickly, "How was college?"

"Both great and horrible at the same time. It was a lot harder than I expected but it felt great getting out on my own a little and I made some good friends."

"That's cool." Megan said. His hair looked different too. She liked how it looked.

"Where are you going to school?"

"Up to state, that's all."

Dan replied, "State? That's awesome. I hear good things about it. Good job!"

Dan stepped closer and gave her a friendly pat on the shoulder. His touch felt like an electric shock and Megan stood still, looking up into his dark eyes, feeling a little dazzled by his broad, strange smile.

She realized she hadn't said anything and shook her head, "Yeah, thanks! So, how was college?" She cringed inside realizing that she'd already asked that. She felt her face warming up.

He didn't even blink, "Great. Really. I think you're going to love getting away. You'll do awesome, you always were good at everything you did."

"Gee, thanks." Megan smiled back.

Dan stared down at her for a moment and then smiled broadly again, "Well, hey, I gotta get going. We should catch up some time this summer, you know, maybe just go for a walk around the old neighborhood or something."

"Yeah, that'd be fun!" Megan replied, surprised at how interesting that sounded.

"Talk to you later then." Dan said. He turned and walked across the street towards their mail box.

Megan watched him move. Her eyes were drawn to his broad shoulders, down over his rounded bum to his muscular legs. "Wow!" She thought to herself, amazed at how different he seemed. He pulled the mail out of their mail box and Megan forced herself to turn and walk back toward their front door. She glanced back and glowed inwardly to see him looking at her. She waved. He waved back. She stepped through her front door and let it shut, leaning against the wall. She fanned her face and giggled at her response.

About a week later the doorbell rang one pleasant evening. Megan opened the door to find Dan standing there, smiling, disarming her with his beautiful face. She managed to say, "Hi."

"Sorry to just drop in unannounced, but I saw your car was out front and wondered if you'd like to go for a walk?"

Megan glanced back over her shoulder. She'd been helping her mom get dinner ready. "I, uh...can you hold on for a moment?"

"Sure. Hey, if this doesn't work, that's fine."

"No! No, I mean, I think it does. Just a sec." She turned away letting the screen door shut, then she turned back, realizing she should have invited him in. She pushed the door open, "Come in."

"Cool. Thanks." He said, stepping into the entry way.

She walked through the living room into the kitchen. "Who was at the door?" Her mom asked.

"Dan." She replied.

"From across the street, oh that's nice. How is he? I haven't seen him since he left for college."

"He wanted to know if I could go for a walk with him. Can you finish dinner?"

Megan's mom looked at her in surprise, "A walk?"

"You know, just to catch up..."

"I didn't know you two ever 'caught up' on anything."

Megan paused, "Well, he seems different...interesting..."

"Interesting?" Megan's mom smiled.

"Mom!"

Megan's mom laughed, "Oh, of course its fine. Say 'hi' to him for me."

"I will. Thanks!"

Megan and Dan walked for nearly two hours...way longer than she would have expected. Dan seemed so different, and yet, in a way, he was still the same. Somehow being away at college had given him enough confidence or experience to express himself and she found everything he said incredibly interesting. He listened to her feelings and commented. He asked her what she wanted to do, where she envisioned herself in a year, five years, ten years. The walk and talk was incredibly exciting and she knew she was feeling attracted to him beyond just the physical realm.

A couple of weeks later was when the real incident happened. It was a Saturday afternoon and Megan's family was going up to the hot springs. Megan's mom knew of her daughter's interest in Dan and asked Dan's family if they would like to come on the outing with them. Both families gathered together all the children, piled into the cars and headed up to the hot springs.

The area was large and well-developed with three different water slides and half a dozen pools of varying sizes and purposes. Before long, Megan and Dan had separated from their younger siblings and were spending the afternoon together. Dan looked amazing in his swim trunks. They seemed to ride low on his hips. His abdomen was smooth and curved inward making her wonder what was at the base of those interesting muscles. His chest bulged as he moved his arms. His shoulders were broad and the contours of his back muscles rippled delightfully as he moved. He was tall and lanky. His hair, wet and messed up, looked cute.

Megan noticed that Dan surreptitiously took glances at her body too. She was glad she'd worn her new swim suit. Instead of her usual one piece suit it was a cute pair of boy short bottoms and a tank top that covered her tummy. Over the years as she grew and developed she'd been aware of her curves and their effect on the boys. Her breasts were large and full and she had thick, feminine thighs and a wide, rounded bottom. The wet swim suit clung tightly to her body and sometimes, she noticed the shape of her aroused nipples through the material. Dan seemed to notice too. He kept adjusting the front of his trunks and it looked like the size and bulge of whatever was behind those trunks kept changing throughout the afternoon. She wondered if he was getting erections while looking at her.

Her question was answered as they came barreling down the water slide. He was ahead of her and seemed to be going very fast. She tried to keep up and as she shot out of the tube into the pool at the base of the slide, her legs flipped up and she went in at a different angle than usual. Water surged over her body and face, getting into her nose and eyes. She managed to gain her footing and stood up coughing, rubbing the water out of her eyes. Then she felt that her top fit different than normal. She rubbed her eyes again and looked down. Her top was twisted and the force of the water rushing over her body as she shot out of the tube had pushed it up. One of her breasts was completely exposed and the other was only partly covered. Her bare breast jiggled as she gasped and struggled to straighten the clingy, wet top. She got the top pulled down, covering her breasts and felt her face blushing as she looked around. Dan was the only one there, he was on the stairs, frozen, staring at her with his mouth open.

He quickly looked away. She felt her face going hot and kept trying to get her top adjusted right. She wading slowly through the pool toward the exit stairs. She had to say something, "Uh, sorry about that."

Dan shook his head, "No, I'm sorry...for, you know, staring..."

"It's so embarrassing."

"Don't be embarrassed. You couldn't help it. At least nobody else saw." He said.

"But you saw." She sighed.

"Well, better me than fifty random strangers, right?"

She laughed, "Yeah, better than fifty random strangers."

For the next several minutes Dan's big erection was quite obvious. He tried to keep his back to her but he clearly had a tent-like protrusion from the front of his shorts. It bobbed and swayed with his movement and his wet trunks clung to the shape of his penis in a most enticing manner.

-

Later that evening when the two families had arrived home Megan was transporting stuff from the car into the house. The front door to Dan's home opened and Dan walked out carrying a large box in his arms. He was still wearing his swim trunks and no shirt. She wondered if he knew how good he looked to her that way and if he was staying that way on purpose. The box was obviously heavy as he moved deliberately down the front walk and across the street. When he got close enough she asked, "What's in the box?"

"My mom had these canning jars that she said your mom was going to borrow. I'm supposed to bring them over."

"Heavy?" She asked.

"Very."

Megan hurried toward the front door. "Follow me."

She held the door open. He struggled into the living room and she followed him in.

"Where should I put them?" He asked.

Then a series of events happened that still seem a blur to Megan. Michael, Megan's little brother, was currently the only one in the living room besides Megan and Dan. Megan heard her parents upstairs, talking. The other children were playing in the back yard. Little Michael was just over a year old and was learning to walk. Michael liked Dan and smiled his cute little baby smile when he saw his big friend. Megan was trying to think of where the box should go when Michael toddled over to Dan. He reached up with his little hands. Dan looked over the box at Michael and smiled back, "Hi little guy!" Then it happened. Michael fell, as he often did, and as he went down, reached out and grabbed the bottom of Dan's trunks, stopping the fall. Hanging there he pulled, trying to get himself back upright and to Megan's shock, Dan's trunks came right down.

Michael was giggling in his little toddler voice. Megan's mouth dropped open as she stared at Dan's genitals dangling in the open. "Oh, gosh!" Dan cried out. He moved to one side but Michael was hanging onto his legs and his trunks. The glass jars in the heavy box rattled. Dan couldn't move without dragging Michael with him and he couldn't set the box down. It seemed to Megan like an eternity but was probably only a second or two while she stood frozen, staring at Dan's penis and balls. Megan had seen male genitalia in science class but she'd never seen them in person and definitely not on a man she was attracted to. She was amazed. Dan's penis was long and heavy looking, dangling straight down and swinging back and forth as he tried to decide what to do.

The tip of his penis was blunt and rounted with a soft looking ridge and a tiny slit. His balls were large and soft looking, colored slightly darker than the rest of his skin, and strangely pendulous. He had curly brown pubic hair. The muscles of his legs and abdomen were amazing. Megan had thought about Dan a lot since she first saw him after college. She thought about his face, his smile, his eyes, his arms, hands, muscles, but she hadn't thought about his penis. It just didn't occur in her normal thought process to think about that sexual appendage, what it might look like, how it would move. It seemed alien on him and yet she was attracted to it. Immediately she wondered what it would feel like in her hand. All of these thoughts raced through Megan's mind as she stared.

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