Moving On

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artisticbiguy
artisticbiguy
1,072 Followers

I felt his hand covering mine. I looked up and he studied my eyes. I hoped he could see past the confusion and fear. I hoped he could see what I couldn't say. What I saw in his eyes, beyond the pain and weariness, was understanding, acceptance and love. "I love you, Jack."

I closed my eyes and struggled against the sudden rush of emotion that hit me. My brain couldn't decide if I should laugh or cry. My tears definitely didn't stop. I felt him cup my face, and his thumbs smoothed away the tears. I leaned into his touch, aching for him. This time he met me half way. I whimpered as our lips touched and my hands lifted to grip into his hair. We slowly pressed back till I was against the cushions and he was over me, teasing my tongue with his own.

We lay there on the couch and kissed. It was slow; tear filled and so full of emotion that it took my breath away. I'd never thought I'd be feeling the need for another man that this kiss was generating. I don't think it was another man as much as it was Carlos. I realized that it no longer mattered to me if he was a guy or a woman, the love I felt was real. For the first time in my life, I wanted to know what it was like to be the receptive partner. I wanted to feel the need and desire he felt for me.

As we paused from kissing, I looked into his eyes. "I want you to make love to me." The look of disbelief in his eyes had me putting my hands astride his face and begging. "Please, Carlos, I need this."

He swallowed and nodded before pulling me into a deeper kiss. I let him have my mouth. Fifteen years of waiting was behind that kiss. I felt as if I was being drained of any resistance as I melted against him. I needed this. I needed to be needed, wanted and loved. Carlos ravaged my mouth before pulling us off the couch and taking my hand. He led me to the bedroom. Turning on the light on the nightstand, Carlos looked at me. "You sure?"

I nodded and he took me into his arms. He dropped his forehead against mine. "Jack. If we do this, I couldn't go back. I couldn't go back to just being friends."

I searched my feelings. I knew what I was asking for; I wanted it all. I looked into his eyes with all the conviction I could muster. "I don't want to go back. Our friendship died with Cheryl. I have to go forward or leave; I can't stay where we were."

He leaned in and I tasted his lips again. Each kiss was better than the last; it was like a layer of resistance was stripped away with every time. I unbuttoned his shirt without pulling back from his lips. It came open and I pressed my palms against his flesh. The warmth of him flowed down my arms and straight to my groin. I moaned.

Carlos shrugged off the shirt while he undid mine. As mine fell to the floor, his hands traced my chest softly; I shivered. All of it was new to me, but for Carlos it was like a long awaited treasure. His touch was almost reverent as his fingers slid down my chest and slipped around my back.

I felt self-conscious. Carlos had nearly the same, lean body he had in college. He still ran daily and did yoga. He and Cheryl did yoga together and had tried to get me to do it for years. I preferred weights and swimming. As I drank in his lean, dark body, I realized how different we were. I was average height but built like a tank. He was tall, lean and supple. His abs were a soft six pack; I had a banded keg. It was easy to see the things I found attractive in him. I wasn't so sure about what he saw in me. I wasn't the lean wrestler I had been, and emotionally I was a mess.

His voice brought me out of my doubts; it was as if he knew what I was thinking. "You're so beautiful, Jack." His hands finished their trek behind my back and our bodies pressed together. I hadn't felt so much warm flesh against me in so long that I trembled from it. Kissing my neck, his hands slid down to my belt. At that point, things got a little hazy.

I recovered my senses laying on the bed, naked, with Carlos over me. He was looking at me with a worried look on his face. "Are you sure you're okay with this?"

His rigid length was pressed beside mine as I bit my lower lip and slowly humped up against him. I needed him to stop asking and start doing. We could talk later. I brought my hands up to his face and drug him down to me. "Make love to me, Carlos. Please stop asking."

He nodded and began to grind with me. God that felt so good. Cheryl and I used to do that at times, just rub against each other till we were shaking with the need for release. I closed my eyes and pushed the thought aside. This wasn't Cheryl; this was Carlos. I wasn't going to use him as a substitute; he was too important for that. My hands traveled down his back and squeezed his ass as he flexed against me.

He moaned. I sighed. We touched everyplace we could reach while still kissing. Finally, he began kissing his way down my neck and to my pecs. I had eraser-sized nipples and I loved having them played with. I groaned as he pulled one with his teeth and began to chew it while twisting my other to a sensitive nub. God I loved that. Cheryl had always licked, kissed and sucked them tenderly; Carlos was devouring them and that sent spasms through me.

He looked up at me after a particularly loud groan and licked his lips. I had to laugh. "If you're hunting for milk, you're out of luck."

His eyes flashed with heat and his lips turned up into a wicked grin. "I've got my meal right here." With that, he slid down me and lapped at my throbbing cock. I almost screamed. It had been so long since someone else had touched me that I was writhing on the bed as his lips encircled me and I felt his tongue swirl around my tortured head.

I tried to warn him. "Carlos… uuuughh." My abs clenched and my hips thrust off the bed as I blasted my hot cum down his throat. He didn't even flinch. He just sucked me till I was too sensitive and begged him to stop. I'd deflated a little but was nowhere near soft.

He climbed back up me while I trembled through the afterglow. I tasted myself on his lips and for a second I pulled back. The momentary hurt that flashed across his eyes had me regretting my knee-jerk reaction. I slid my hand into his hair and pulled his lips back to mine. I purposefully teased him open with my tongue and explored inside. It was salty, a little sharp but not revolting. I decided it was no worse than the first time I'd tasted Cheryl's flavor.

After a few minutes of slow, deep kissing, I could still feel the need at the base of my gut. I pulled back and looked into his eyes. "Are you going to make me beg?"

"No," he answered breathlessly as he reached to the nightstand and pulled out some KY from the drawer and then retrieved a foil pack.

I looked at the pack and at him. I hated condoms; no, I despised condoms. I could never feel connected with Cheryl the few times we used them, and I didn't want to feel like I was having a piece of plastic shoved in me. I took the packet and tossed it back on the nightstand.

Carlos frowned. "Jack, it's not safe."

I met his eyes. "You clean?" He nodded. "I've only been with Cheryl, Carlos. I don't want to use them, ever."

He bit his lip and looked at me. "Okay."

I was nervous. I honestly had no idea what to do next. Fortunately, Carlos did. His fingers stroked the inside of my thigh and I spread my legs instinctively. With such incredible patience he warmed the lube and rubbed it against me. I closed my eyes and tried to keep from tensing as his finger pressed in. Cheryl had done it to me a few times, hunting for my ever-elusive prostate; we'd never found it. I relaxed as his second and then third fingers pressed in. It didn't hurt.

Carlos positioned himself with my legs pressed to my chest. His eyes studied mine as he pressed against my opening. I knew this was it. Carlos was a bit bigger than three fingers, especially that bulbous head of his, but my body opened to him. I gasped, my eyes going wide as he popped past my ring. He paused. "You okay?"

I bit my lip and nodded. It didn't hurt. What I was feeling really had very little to do with what my ass was experiencing. As he rocked into me, each thrust deeper seemed to push through another of my barriers or fears. Fears of vulnerability; fears of identity; fears of belonging; fears of being alone all gave way to his slow, persistent plunge into my soul.

He sighed as he settled fully into me. It was a sound I recognized; he felt home. I had made that sound my first night with Cheryl. I think the fact that I was that to him blew through my resistance. How many people can claim to find home twice in one lifetime? I gave myself to him as he found his rhythm and started taking me places I'd never been. Each stroke had me shuddering out another inhibition. With each release I could experience more of it. This wasn't fucking; this wasn't wrong; this was making love.

I opened to him more and more as he found ways to fill me I had never imagined. His moans and gasps as I flexed against him made me marvel. Each drop of sweat, held breath and tear was a key to someplace deeper. I realized, as I saw past the pretenses and protections, into the depth of the love in his eyes, that I would never have to let go of Cheryl to be with him. She had been the woman we loved; it was a bond only we could share. It was safe to accept everything because nothing would be lost.

I let go. I clawed at his back as I cried out my surrender and exploded between us. I shook, gasping for breath as he dove into me with abandon. It was maybe ten more thrusts before I heard him gasp my name and fill me. I was still in the bliss of recovery as he sank against me, murmuring soft promises of love as he slid into sleep. I held my best friend and cried. The tears weren't of pain, but of thanks. I held Carlos close as I sent my thanks to Cheryl for loving us enough to make me promise.

*****

I woke to the site of Carlos, propped up on his elbow, studying me as I slept. If his eyes hadn't been so sad I would have been filled with such a sense of appreciation. His eyes looked at me with a fearful longing that I remembered from the first time we'd kissed. This time, however, the fear was much stronger. I touched his cheek and felt the dampness from tears.

I slid forward and brushed his lips with mine. He shuddered. "I love you, Carlos; I'm not going anywhere unless you ask me to."

He choked back a sob and I pulled him to me. For the first time in fifteen years, I held him through the pain. He'd been the strong one for both Cheryl and me. He'd had no shoulder to cry on throughout the whole ordeal. I held him and let years of silent suffering unwind from his heart.

We spent the day together, remembering our lives with Cheryl. There were a lot of tears but also a lot of laughs. What was evident was the total devotion and love we shared for Cheryl and how difficult it would be to move on without her. I had to reassure Carlos again and again that I loved him. That night, I made love to him as he had done to me. Like me, he was crying afterwards; they were cleansing tears.

I'm not gay; I'm not straight. I have loved only two people in my life. The first is gone; the second is my best friend and partner. I don't like the labels. If I have learned anything, as I lay here holding my love in my arms, it is that love shouldn't be put into boxes and labeled. It is time for us to accept it as a gift without boundaries; it's time for us to move on.

artisticbiguy
artisticbiguy
1,072 Followers
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37 Comments
joeoggijoeoggi7 months ago

Well done. Beautiful love story.

AnonymousAnonymous12 months ago

Stunning. The masterly use of language to convey powerful emotions and to extract equally powerful emotions in the reader is awe inspiring.

Thank you for creating and sharing such a wonderful story.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 1 year ago

I loved this story. It is filled with so much loving between all three of them. Thank you. You are a gifted writer.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 2 years ago

So very touching! Loved it, thank you!

mlroedermlroederover 2 years ago

How many people can claim to find home twice in one lifetime?

That line is everything.

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